All Roads Lead Here
by Teenage.Anomaly
Summary: No one knows what'll happen if an unstable element is added to an equally unstable environment, and this kid is as unstable as the island. Now it's up to her to change what she's seen lost on a TV screen...if she can change herself. No one can fight fate.
1. Every Saga Has a Beginning

**_All Roads Lead Here_ by Teenage Anomaly**

**A/N: New and improved! Previously Called Seen Your Face, and I MAY change this name. I'm not really happy with it, but.... eh. Yes, that's right, I'm re-doing it. If you've wondered where I've been, well, now you know! Even if you read the previous version (which I'm going to leave up for a while, but not forever) you'll need to reread all the chapters I'm going to post, because I've changed A LOT about this story. Also, I'm gonna tell you now that there will be discrepancies and variances from the show. It's part of the story. However, I changed Katty's back story and a lot of the dialog, and even the plot a little bit. I hope you enjoy this new, improved _SEEN YOUR FACE_!**

**Summary: When a teenage girl is thrown into the mix, things begin to change. Small changes, almost imperceptible, but they're there. And a girl who's fighting to survive while fighting to keep things the same is having a hell of a time keeping her heart in order, too. Can she save the lives she's seen lost on a television screen, or is she destined to simply watch the cards fall where they may? Boone/OC/Sawyer, Jack/Kate/Sawyer, Sayid/Shannon, Claire/Charlie and later (MUCH later) Claire/Locke. Yes, you read right. :) Boone, Sayid, Sawyer, Jack, Kate, Claire, Hurley, Locke and later Benry centric.**

**Rating: T for violence, language, and sexual content.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own LOST or any of the characters or the songs featured at the beginning of each chapter. I own Katty, Elliot, any characters and the plot that are not connected to the show. THIS IS THE DISCLAIMER FOR ALL FOLLOWING CHAPTERS.**

* * *

_If you're looking for a new world  
Just open up your eyes  
Because it's  
Not Quite Paradise  
But it sure feels like home  
Not quite paradise  
We can rent to own  
It'll be all right  
No it's not quite paradise_

_Tomorrow's an illusion  
Yesterday's a dream  
Today is a solution  
But you've got to let it be  
And if you're looking for the answer  
It's right before your eyes_

* * *

**Chapter One: Every Saga has a Beginning**

"There's no need to be frightened, you know."

I looked up, bangs falling into my eyes, and saw a kindly looking- and frighteningly familiar- Arab man across the aisle smile at me. I forced myself to smile back at him, even though my teeth were clattering nervously. The light from the window next to him hit the side of his head and sent half of his face into shadow.

It was frighteningly ominous, foreshadowing that was all too real.

I could hardly think, I was so paralyzed with fear. Nerves made my stomach clench and unclench, and even though the cabin of the plane was comfortably warm, I was covered in goose-bumps.

But it was important- vitally- that he didn't know that.

So I clutched the plastic armrests so hard my hands hurt and gritted my teeth.

"I know," I lied, faking a smile. "I'm just uncomfortable with heights."

He looked like he didn't believe me, but nodded anyway and went back to staring out the window.

I stuck my hand out at him before I could loose my nerve. "I'm, um, I'm Katty. Katty Sherman."

He smiled at me again and reached over to shake my hand. His hand was long, brown, warm and unexplainably, inexplicably real.

Coincidentally, I'm an artist. I notice things like the way fingers bend and how a wrist-bone sticks out. I've always found hands and fore-arms attractive, and his were no expection.

"Sayid Jarrah."

It was only confirming what I already knew, but my stomach still jolted and I had to keep many different conflicting emotions out of my eyes. On one hand, I was super excited. And on the other, I was about to start hyperventilating, and one look in Sayid's eyes said that my emotions shone too clearly on my face.

"Cool name."

He laughed.

"You as well."

"So, what are ya goin' t' the States for?"

A strange look entered his eyes.

"I'm looking for an old friend."

"Girlfriend?"

He smiled, but not at me. Like he was remembering a better time. "Once. Maybe again, someday."

"That's the spirit," I said, trying to sound relaxed and not like the plane was going to go crashing down at any moment. Hard to do, when you know that the plane is, in fact, going to crash at any moment and that you MIGHT NOT LIVE. "What's her name?"

"Nadia," he said, and pulled a picture out of his shirt pocket. "Here."

I took the picture. Nadia, like Sayid, looked different from her TV counterpart. Her nose was straighter, the shadows under her eyes more pronounced, and with fuller lips.

Of course, none of them looked exactly the same either.

My name is Katty Sherman, and I was somehow part of a TV show.

---

I used to love the show _Lost_, when I was about fifteen. Thought it was great. Of course, I still like it, but I don't watch it religiously anymore. I used to know all the episodes, line for line, scene by scene.

Now I was sitting on a plane, Sayid next to me, Boone and Shannon in front of me, and Kate and the marshal two seats behind me. A year ago, I'd have thought that this was the coolest thing in the world. Now I was just scared. Why was I scared, you ask. Well, duh. Because I don't like heights. And I knew the plane was about to crash.

I'd had my carry-on in my lap as soon as I'd realized what was going on, and now I was just waiting, my leg twitching nervously. We hit the first patch of turbulence and the 'fasten seatbelts sign' switched on. It took me several tries to do it; my hands were shaking so badly. I didn't understand how the other people in the light-filled cabin could be so nonchalant, so comfortable, sleeping or reading or just not panicking, in general. I stared at them incredulously and got a few impudent stares back. One lady, in particular, oldish and ugly, glared at me. But then, she'd been glaring at me the whole trip. Probably because she was old and wrinkly and I was young and boisterous, aka, loud.

_Do I tell him?_

Sayid eyed me. "You looked terrified."

"It's cause I am, hombre."

He raised an eyebrow and seemed to be fighting off a laugh as he angled his body towards me. "Why would that be, Miss Sherman?"

I forced a smile. "Yeah, um, would you believe me if I said that the plane's gonna crash in like, two minutes?"

_And there, but for the grace of God go I…_

Sayid's warm expression faded and suddenly his face was guarded and a little suspicious.

_Shit_, I thought.

"No, I would not," he said. "But I would be curious as to why _you_ thought so."

I laughed. "Dude, trust me. You _don'_t wanna know."

"I thought _I_ was supposed to be the terrorist?"

"I'm not a terrorist, I just _know_ things-"

We hit the second, stronger patch of turbulence. By this point, I was so terrified, I could feel my body getting colder, and I could barely hear anything for my heart pounding so loudly.

Sayid raised his other eyebrow. I could see in his face that I wasn't fooling him, not one bit. "Why do you think that?" He insisted.

"If I live through this, I'll tell you on the island."

And at that moment, there was a jolt, and the world stopped, hung in suspended motion, and my eyes met Sayid's, and then my worst nightmare came true. We were plummeting toward Earth faster than I would have believed possible, and as I tugged on my gas mask, fingers fumbling, I could hear the screams. Air rushed past me and made it hard for me to see. Everything was a blur of blue and white.

It made crystal clear sense, though. I knew what was happening every second, and the real tragedy was that I couldn't do anything about it. I twisted around in time to see the tail section of the plane wrench away, saw people fly out the back, and the scream of the others were all around me, but I couldn't scream. My throat was locked shut. All I could do was tightly grip my arm rests and stare in front of me. I wanted to scream, but the wind took the sound out of my throat. Wind was rushing in, forcing its way around all of us, howling and screeching like a living thing. I looked over and saw Sayid staring at me in disbelief. He reached across the aisle and grabbed my hand and I squeezed his hand as hard as I could. I saw a man who looked like Jack fly out the back of the plane and braced myself, knowing that the crash was coming.

It did come. Loud, squealing and popping, the middle of the plane drove into the sand, skidding and sliding for about fifty feet before shuddering to a halt. My head banged into the seat in front of me and the world went fuzzy.

For a moment, there was silence. Then the screaming began again.

I was thinking clearly, but I couldn't move. It felt like I was pinned down by something, and my vision had gone fuzzy. I could see bright light shining into the cabin, a splash of blue sky, black smoke, swirling everywhere, the seats, people stumbling around-

Half unconscious, I felt someone undo my seatbelt and drag me out of the fuselage. I saw dark skin and recognized Sayid as he carried me. His skin was warm and I felt a strange, disembodied comfort at human contact. I was delirious, one thought going through my mind-

_I can't wait to tell mom about this._

I didn't- couldn't- relinquish the hold on my bag. I was vaguely aware of being set down in the sand. I was still dazed.

I lay there in the baking sun, feeling the heat of the fires on my skin, hearing the screams from far away, and argued with myself.

_Get up, you useless coward, and help them._

I can't move.

_Yes you can, idiot, it's all in your head. You're lucky you aren't dead, and you're just gonna lay here? _

I dragged myself to my feet and ran back into the chaos.

The first person I saw was Sawyer, face down in the sand, and apparently not breathing. I dropped to my knees next to him and flipped him over. He wasn't breathing. I had no idea how to do CPR, not really, but I'd seen enough TV to get the basic idea and, anyway, it was Sawyer. He couldn't die. I wouldn't let him. Panic threatened to overwhelm me for a moment, but I fought it back. I angled his head back and slid my mouth over his, trying to ignore the fact that I was basically making out with him, trying to ignore the way he tasted, the way his lips felt, the fact that it was Sawyer, as I blew air into him as forcefully as I could before drawing back and pushing on his chest with all the strength I had in me. Nothing. I repeated it, rewarded when Sawyer drew in a deep, gasping breath, his eyes snapping open. My heart skipped a beat.

"_Crash_," he mumbled. A surge of warm relief washed over me, and it felt like the breath of life. Okay. I could do this. My head was clear again. I sighed and heaved his arm over my shoulder and slid my arm around his waist, doing my best to drag him away from the crash. He was heavier than I anticipated, but adrenaline and fear gave me strength.

Panting, I dumped him in a sand dune, as far away from the fumes of the plane as I could get. He groaned as he fell against the ground, but didn't open his eyes, and I ran back to the plane.

Before I'd gotten very far, though, I tripped over something and face-planted into the sand.

I lay there for a minute, listening to the mayhem all around me, before heaving myself to my feet and turning to see that I'd tripped over Edward Mars.

I'm not proud of what I did next.

Without even thinking about it, I scrambled over to him and, mumbling apologizes, pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled the key out of it.

Then I was up and running again, shoving the key into my bra, where I would forget about it for a while.

Instantly I was surrounded by smoke and confusion and screaming once again. I tried to make sense of the babble and was nearly knocked to the ground when a man in a suit barreled past me. He turned to help me, then dragged me after him. It was Jack.

"Pull him out!" he shouted, pointing to a man whose leg was pinned under a piece of debris. I looped my arms under the man's, and pulled as hard as I could once Jack, Locke, and a man I didn't know lifted the piece of metal. I gagged upon seeing the bloody gash on the man's calf. Jack beckoned to me again and I stumbled to him. He ripped a piece of my shirt off and tied it around the man's leg, making a tourniquet and also baring half of my stomach. He then ran off to Boone and Rose, and I darted to Claire, who was screaming in fear and pain. I put a hand on her back, trying to steady her.

"Hey! What's wrong?"

"I- I'm having contractions!" she shouted, her face contorting.

"Hey, you!" I turned and grabbed the back of Hurley's shirt. "Get her away from the fumes and time her contractions. If they get any worse, call out for Jack, okay?"

She nodded and Hurley grabbed her by the arm.

I stood still, taking a breather, watching the scene around me. It was so surreal, I was still wondering if maybe, maybe I was dreaming.

But then a man was sucked into a jet and I knew I wasn't.

The thing exploded with the force of a bomb, sending fire into the air and knocking over a wing. I saw Jack running at Hurley and Claire, gesturing wildly for them to move. A piece of metal flew my way and I knew I wouldn't have time to get out of the way, even if I _could_ move-

A heavy weight hit me, crushing the wind out of me and pinning me to the ground some ten feet away from where I had been standing. Except this weight was warm, had arms, and hair, and breath-

"Sawyer," I gasped, still breathless. I tried to sit up, coughing.

"You got a death wish, kid? You almost died just then," panted Sawyer, rolling off me. I looked at him, still dazed.

"You okay?"

He levered himself up on his elbows and stared at me. "Shouldn't I be askin' _you_ that?"

"Well, you stopped breathing earlier and you were unconscious… I thought you were dead."

"So that was you, then, givin' me the kiss of life?"

"Yeah, lucky for you I'm not picky."

We had landed where Sayid had originally dropped me and I grabbed my bag, pulling the strap over my shoulder and standing up. I felt weak and shaky, but I knew that I was in one piece, with only minor bruises, and I had to help the people in worse shape than I.

"Katty!" I turned to see Sayid running towards me.

"Sayid!" He put his hands on my shoulders, his eyes searching my face.

"Thank God you are all right."

"Yeah." I pulled away from him. "I'm okay, amazingly. Got some pretty impressive bruises, but that's whatever. What about you?"

"Still a little on edge, thanks for askin'," said Sawyer, stepping up to my shoulder. Sayid looked at him warily.

"Sawyer, this is Sayid-"

"I don't recall tellin' you my name, sweetheart."

I paled.

Things were beginning to calm down. With the jet out of the picture, the beach was less dangerous, despite the old fires still burning. The screaming had died down, too, to muted whimperings. I looked to the fuselage and grabbed both Sawyer and Sayid.

"There might still be people in there! C'mon!"

We ran to the fuselage, tripping and sliding over the sand. I got there first and slammed into the metal wall before twisting around and falling on my hands, inside. Sayid and Sawyer reached me, the latter chuckling. I looked at him.

"Nothing about this situation strikes me as funny."

He shook his head. "Maybe not, but that landing of yours sure was great. Nice shirt, by the way."

Sayid shook his head and pushed past us, but I grinned at Sawyer before following the dark-skinned man.

The inside of the fuselage looked like something out of a horror movie. Bodies and blood were everywhere.

My stomach twisted and clenched and I made a face.

"Is anyone alive in here?" I called, and heard a low groan from the back. Sayid and I looked at each other before rushing back there, Sawyer right behind us.

"Where are you?" asked Sayid and a little boy, no more than three years old, stumbled out from beneath a body, rubbing his eyes. He looked at us, tears on his face.

"Mommy?"

Sayid moved towards him, but I stopped him and took a step forward.

"Is your mommy in here, love?"

The boy nodded and pointed at the body he had been hiding under. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"Your mommy's gone, love."

He shook his head, tottering forwards, and threw his arms around me. I was frozen for a moment, but then I wrapped my arms around the kid and picked him up easily- he was light as a feather. I looked at both Sawyer and Sayid.

"Can you guys go through the luggage and see if you can find anything that might be useful- especially medicine? I'm gonna take care of this kid."

The boy had buried his face in my shoulders, his little arms around my neck. I carried him out of the plane, trying to keep him from seeing any of the carnage. I could hear Sayid and Sawyer shouting at each other and sighed.

"What's your name, sweetheart?" I asked the boy.

"Elliot," he mumbled.

It was like bad deja vu.

"Well, Elliot, my name's Katty. I'm gonna take care of you, okay?"

I sat down next to my bag, the kid still clinging to my shoulders like a spider monkey. "Elliot, let go of me for a minute, okay?"

He did, sitting back in the sand, regarding the scene around him with a solemn face.

"Did the plane fall out of the sky?"

I laughed, leaning back on my elbows.

"Something like that."

---

"I've brought food," said Sayid, dropping an aluminum-wrapped package in my lap. I looked up at him.

"Thanks."

"How is he?" he asked, nodded at Elliot, who was sleeping, covered in a flimsy airplane blanket I had found. I shrugged, unwrapping the aluminum and taking a hungry bite out of the sandwich.

"As good as can be expected. Geez Louise, this is good!"

Sayid laughed. I squinted at him.

"Wrot?" I asked, mouth full.

Night had fallen on the beach. Sayid and I were sitting with Charlie, Hurley and Elliot, and none of us were talking, just feeling the heat from the fire and trying to take it all in. I dug into the ham sandwich, closing my eyes in ecstasy.

"I've been so hungry."

"You aren't the only one, believe me," said Charlie, nodded. Hurley shook his head.

"Dude, you're tellin' me."

I was scared out of my mind, but I felt peaceful, at the same time. Like I'd been away from home for a long time and had finally come back.

That scared me more than anything, that feeling of belonging.

"You owe me an explanation," said Sayid quietly. I choked and he patted me on the back.

"Yeah, I suppose I do."

_Now what the hell do I do?_

**TBC...

* * *

**"Not Quite Paradise" by Bliss


	2. Climb Ev'ry Mountain, Kill Ev'ry Bear

_**All Roads Lead Here **_**by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**

_Justify, your secrecies that surmise your cries  
I see the way you look around the bend  
Is it going to end, when?_

Visions that I've seen have left me torn  
Between the resurrection and the prophecy unborn  
I think that I will document the fall  
And, see, I hate to say it  
But I told you all...

**Chapter Two: Climb Ev'ry Mountain, Kill Ev'ry Bear**

Once Katty finished telling Sayid exactly how she knew everything that was going to happen, nervously, not making eye contact, staring at her entwined hands in her lap, with Charlie and Hurley listening in, she sat stock still, waiting for one of them to say something. To say anything, really. She had, perhaps stupidly, told them everything. The TV show, how she'd loved it, how she and her family used to watch it together, _everything_. Her heart was beating hard, and she felt like her throat was constricting. It was warm, on that strange, mysterious island that already felt like home, but she felt cold.

Charlie spoke first. "Cool."

Katty felt a wave of relief wash through her and she looked up at him quickly. He wasn't looking at her, but nodding his head and staring at the sand as though he was thinking very hard.

"Dude," Hurley agreed. Sayid didn't say anything, and she glanced at him nervously. He was just staring down at her with a flat look on his face, like she was puzzle that he was trying to unravel only because he was bored.

"Do ya think I'm insane yet?"

He shook his head. "No. I think you've had a very trying day, and you're very tired-"

"Wait wait wait. Are you telling me you think I'm like… _hallucinating_, or something?"

Sayid didn't say anything and her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Okay, how about this then. I know that tomorrow, Jack, Kate and Charlie are gonna go out and look for the cockpit, and, while they're gone, you and Sawyer are gonna get inta it."

"Wait, me?" Charlie pointed at himself, surprised, and Katty nodded.

"Yeah, Charlie, you."

"Why would I do that?"

"I dunno. Maybe ya got bored or somethin'."

Sayid was looking at Katty with an unreadable expression and she shook her head.

"Hey, look man, I'm telling the truth. We've all just gone through hell and are stranded in a jungle of mystery, and this is the most honest I've ever been in like, forever. I _know_ what's gonna happen. And I know it sounds unbelievable, but…" she shook her head in frustration at her inability to say what she was thinking. "Just… if I ever tell you to do something, do it. It'll probably save a lot of lives."

Sayid didn't say anything for a moment, then nodded. "Very well."

Katty nodded, putting a hand on the sleeping Elliot's back.

"Is that your kid?" asked Charlie curiously. Katty looked up at him, startled.

"Dude, I'm sixteen. Why in the world would I have a kid? Sayid and I found him in the fuselage. His name's Elliot."

"He's cute," said Hurley. Katty laughed, looking down at the little boy.

"Yeah, he is."

She looked up to see Sayid staring her with an odd expression.

"You okay?" she asked.

His lips twitched, but the expression didn't leave his eyes. "I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about."

"Still think I'm crazy, right?"

"Partly. But I'm more interested in the way you seem to be waiting for something."

Katty hesitated, stroking Elliot's blond hair. Charlie and Hurley looked on, regarding the exchange with curiosity.

"I am."

"What?"

As if on cue, the metallic clanking and roaring came from the jungle, and every head turned. Katty stood up slowly, not taking her eyes off the jungle.

"That."

Sayid stood too, and Charlie came next to Katty.

"Did anybody see that?" Claire asked nervously as several trees were moved and sprang back.

"Yeah," said Hurley slowly. The clanking and roaring continued, and Katty nudged Sayid with her elbow.

"There's your proof."

---

"You should sleep," said Sayid quietly. Charlie and Hurley were dozing off, but Sayid was wide awake and Katty, though tired, felt no urge to go to sleep. Shannon, Boone and Claire and a few others had joined their group. It made sense, seeing as they had the biggest fire going and, despite how baking hot it had been during the day, it was cold now. They were close to the fuselage, leaning on a piece of the wing. They had been nearer to the jungle, but had moved after the monster made its appearance.

Katty smiled slowly, her eyes on the fire, the flames reflecting in their blue depths. "I don't think anyone will sleep tonight, Sayid."

Sayid chuckled. "Tell them that." He nodded at Hurley and Charlie, both of whom were snoring loudly. Katty laughed at the sight and Shannon sent her an annoyed look. Claire was rubbing her stomach, looking worried. Elliot was still asleep, and Katty had to pee.

It wasn't comfortable.

She stood up, brushing sand off the back of her thighs, and turned to look at the frightening jungle with a sigh. Sayid looked up at her.

"What are you doing?"

She grinned, sheepishly. "Have to pee, man."

Sayid moved to stand up. "You can't go by yourself."

Her stomach jumped.

"Well, you sure as hell aren't coming with me, bucko."

"I'll go," said Claire, climbing awkwardly to her feet, her hands on her over-large belly. Katty grinned at her thankfully as Sayid sat back down. Shannon stood up too.

"I'll go too."

"Sweet, let's make a party of it!"

The three women made their way to the jungle, tripping over the sand and luggage and bodies.

"Oh my god I have to pee," groaned Katty, running into a thicket.

"Me too," agreed Claire. "You know, everyone says you always have to pee when you're pregnant, but this is much worse than I ever expected."

They both looked to Shannon, who shrugged. "I… drank too much on the plane?"

Katty laughed. "That's the spirit."

They did their business and headed back to the fire.

"This is seriously unreal," said Katty quietly, partly to end the awkward silence between the three of them. Shannon and Claire looked at her.

"What do you mean?" asked Claire.

"I mean, we should have died, y'all. The crash… the plane was, like, torn apart, and we fell so far, but…I mean, like, half the injuries we all have aren't even that bad, and some people don't even have anything! It's just kinda weird, innit?"

"It's just a coincidence," said Shannon, shrugging. They had reached the fire by then, and Katty sat back down next to Sayid, who looked at her curiously.

"I don't believe in coincidence."

---

"Katty, wake up. Katty, come on."

"What is it?"

It was still dark, and the fire was dying. Sayid's brown eyes glowed above me as I levered myself up onto my elbows.

"What's goin' on?"

The warm expression on his face faded, and his eyes turned black.

"It's your fault we're here."

"What?" I whispered. His jaw clenched and he grabbed my throat. Blood began dripping from his eyes and mouth and his face transformed into one with blonde hair and green eyes, one that was frighteningly familiar- and dead.

"They wanted you, and so they killed all of us!"

---

Katty woke up screaming.

"What's going on?" asked Claire groggily. Sayid grabbed Katty's shoulders, shaking her.

"Katty! What's wrong?"

At the sight of his brown eyes she stopped screaming, but tried frantically to move backwards. Sayid saw her eyes widen, half mad with fear. His grip on her shoulders was relentless.

"Katty! You were dreaming!"

The crowd was getting larger, all of them staring at the blonde girl that was lying in the sand with confusion and curiosity. Katty looked around at them all, panicky and nearly hyperventilating, catching scattered murmurs.

"What happened?"

"Is that girl okay?"

"Can't even get a bloody night's sleep around here-'

Katty scrambled to her feet and ran, pushing her way through the crowd.

---

The ocean was dark in the night, black almost, reflecting the stars and the full moon.

Katty was sitting at the edge of the lapping waves, knees pulled up to her chest and her arms around them. The gentle breeze blew her short blonde hair around her face as she thought back on her dream and the reason she knew she'd had it.

"Well well well. One of us's already gone loopy."

Katty craned her neck up to see Sawyer, looking down at her with a smirk on his face. He was carrying some pillows and blankets, and Katty's heart leapt.

"Hey Sawyer."

"Hey yourself," said the older man, sitting in the sand next to her.

"Had a nightmare about our very own terrorist, didja?"

Katty hadn't looked at him, and it made him a bit frustrated.

"What makes you think that?" she asked, her tone quiet and disinterested. Too disinterested.

"Cause you were screamin' like the devil was chasin' ya, but when you saw- what's his name? Say-eed?- you looked like he'd caughtcha."

"Some great observational skills ya got there, dude," she said, a crooked half grin spreading across her face.

"Here," Sawyer threw a pillow and airplane blanket at her. She glanced up for the first time, and he moved to stand.

"Thought you'd be bunkin' down here for the rest of the night. Wouldn't like some company, wouldja?" He gave her a cocky smile.

She smiled, regarding the blanket. "Are you hittin' on me, gramps?"

He smiled, his dimples looking very at odds the sharp planes of his face, and sat back down. "Only if you think I am."

She shook her head, still smiling. "I'm sixteen, dude."

"Well, damn, shrimpy. Butcha look twenty. And, believe me, midget, I ain't the only one who's noticed." He lay back in the sand, magically procuring a pillow of his own. Katty copied him, covering herself with the flimsy blanket.

"What d' you mean?'

"What, you think Abdul over there's being nice to ya cause yer young?"

"My sparkling personality might have something to do with it, too."

Sawyer laughed. "Sweetheart, I don't know where you've gotten your notions about men, but none of us are that honorable."

"Yeah, okay."

He scoffed. "Who are you gonna believe? An actual man? Or some romance novel bullshit?"

Katty smirked. "I don't read romance. To sappy. I like violence." Her smirk broadened into an easy going but challenging grin.

"Well, dang, girl, there goes my whole damn argument."

"Well, duh."

Sawyer turned his head to look at her. "You're pretty weird, you know that?"

"Well, I try. Why'd you come over here, anyway?"

"Us southerners gotta stick together, right?"

Katty turned to look at him and, despite herself, she noticed that there was barely an inch between their bodies. Her stomach tingled.

"I though no man is that honorable? To watch out for someone else?" she whispered, an eyebrow raising and sharpening the look on her face that had almost been vulnerable. Sawyer smiled softly, reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of her eyes. She closed her eyes, exhaustion taking hold of her once again.

"I saw you on the plane," he said finally, his voice little more than a low, gravelly murmur, as rocky as the sand they were lying on, and Katty's eyes opened again.

"What?"

"You were crying."

Sawyer watched as something happened to those extraordinary blue eyes, like a wall was dropped behind them. But not before a flash of something showed through.

She sighed, and then the smirk was back. Sawyer felt deja vu, but couldn't for the life of him think who this girl reminded him of.

"Did you want something, Sawyer? Or did ya just want to thank me for saving your life?"

"If I remember right, shrimpy, right after you gave me the kiss o' life, I repaid you back in kind." It was his turn to smirk, and her eyes crinkled up as she laughed.

"Touché. Don't call me shrimpy."

He just looked at her. Sawyer liked easy women, he liked challenging women, and he liked women who just didn't give a damn. He wasn't sure which category she fell under yet, but he was sure of one thing: she sure as hell wasn't a woman yet. She was just a kid, no matter how much she didn't act like it.

And hell, he figured it would be fun to see what it took to make this chick crack. So he smirked, then asked, "Why were you crying?"

She hesitated, smile fading before broadening again, her eyes flashing from his eyes to his lips and back again. "That's my business."

"Well then, sweetheart, I'm not gonna tell why I opened my kind heart to you."

"I've never met a conman with a nice heart."

Sawyer sat up slowly, eyes widening. She just flipped over onto her back and laid there in the white sand, hands behind her head, eyebrows raised, lips pursed.

Okay, he'd decided. She was challenging. And she was good at it. She knew that she was good looking, and she enhanced it. She used it, but it was obvious she didn't understand the power she had. She was one of the girls that made people fall for her without even trying, and then, when she found out what she had done, she would run. She really _was_ just a kid.

The term "bitch" crossed his mind.

"How did you-"

"Know? I know a lot of things. How? Maybe I'll tell you tomorrow."

Sawyer stared at her and she patted the ground beside her with a half defiant smile. "Still gonna sleep with me?"

His smirk was back in place. "Darlin', I'd be glad to."

"Not what I meant, you perv."

---

**Day One**

Dawn found Sawyer sound asleep on the beach, with Katty sitting upright beside him, her shaggy hair messy, staring into the brilliant colors of the sunrise. Sawyer groaned and looked at the girl sitting next to him, confused. The colors of the sunrise cast bright colors on her hard, pretty face and threw her violently blue eyes into vibrant light. She looked like a painting. A short, sarcastic, tired painting.

"Did we have sex?"

She laughed loudly. "You wish, dude."

He groaned and flopped back on the beach. "Then what the hell am I doin' over here?'

"Well, actually, I was hopin' you could tell _me_."

She looked down at him, an eyebrow quirked in what Sawyer was beginning to realize was on of her signature expressions. Memories of the previous day began leaking back into Sawyer's hazy mind, and his eyebrows rose, then slammed together.

"Wait… you owe me an explanation," he grunted as he levered himself up on his elbows.

She got to her feet, stumbling slightly. But not before he saw something like panic flash across her face. "I'm going back to Sayid. See ya, Sawyer."

"Wait just one goddamned second, will ya?"

He scrambled to his feet, swearing, and followed her. "How did you know I'm a- how did you know what I am?"

She stopped, several feet in front of him, and he saw the muscles in her back go taught through the tight fabric of her shirt. He could feel the desperation and panic radiating off of her and knew that she was very close to breaking.

He expected her to yell at him, to cry, maybe hit him, to do all the things that women normally did when confronted with something they didn't want to think about or explain.

In fact, he expected anything but a mostly calm, mostly rational answer. And that was what he got.

Mostly.

She turned around to look at him, and he couldn't help but noticed her lithe, young body as it twisted around. Her face was confused, a little bewildered, and deeply thoughtful. She was very pretty, no doubt about it. Not beautiful, but there was something. Something in her face that made you think.

She bit her lip, and then she spoke.

"Just… trust me, Sawyer, okay? You'll know, sometime, I guess. I mean, God, you'll have to know."

She ran her small hands through her messy, dirty hair, her face drained and her eyes bright. "I mean, it's not like you would believe me, anyway. Jeez Louise, I wouldn't believe me!"

Sawyer stood stock still as her eyes dared him to laugh. He didn't really know what to say, so he said the first thing that popped into his head.

"Look, sweetheart, calm down. You've had a hard day-"

"Whatever!"

In two strides she was right in front of him, poking him in the chest. "I'm not imagining this, Sawyer." Her voice softened.

"Unfortunately for all of us, it's really happening."

And then, for some inexplicable reason, a grin spread across her face, making her look like a completely different person, and she said excitedly, "This freaking rocks!"

Sawyer raised an eyebrow. "And you want me to believe you?"

She laughed loudly, drawing stares and grumbling. Sawyer scowled at all the starers.

"Wait," Katty stopped and put a hand out to stop Sawyer. He rolled his eyes.

"What the hell is it now, Midge?"

"Midge?" she asked, her eyes flashing up to his and a grin twisting her face. Sawyer scoffed.

"Yeah, _midge_, midget. Whater we stoppin' for?"

She pointed to where Sayid was sitting in the white sand, surrounded by people, as Jack and Kate came by, presumably telling the group that they were going to look for the cockpit. Charlie left with them, after looking back at Katty, and Sayid's eyes flashed to hers, then hardened when he saw Sawyer. The southern man gave Sayid a sarcastic smile and cocked his head.

"Oh yeah, Mohammad is definitely looking after ya cause of the kindness in 'is heart-"

"Jealous, Sawyer?"

"What, of Iraqer over there? Think not, chica. See ya."

He left her then, walking in the opposite direction, feeling her eyes bore into his back. He could almost see the smile spreading over her face, making those eyes shine.

Damn kid.

---

Katty hugged her knees to her chest and looked out at the pouring rain from under a piece of wing. People where rushing up and down the beach, trying to get their scarce belongings and themselves out of the torrential rain that was beginning to wash sand and belongings and smallish people down the beach.

Everything felt surreal. She knew it was happening (how could it not be?) but it still felt like that twilight place between awake and asleep. She was very excited, too, probably more than she should have been. In the back of her strange little mind, she knew that, eventually, she would have to worry about everything she had seen, everything she knew. But for now, as the rain poured down and she leant her sore, stinging back against the cold metal of a wing, she was just glad to be alive and to be in a place that she had thought was only fantasy.

She looked toward the beach and saw Locke sitting there in the sand, a dopey grin on his face, arms outstretched. She felt a dopey grin of her own spread across her face and she squealed quietly.

"I wondered where you'd gone off to."

Sayid slid under the fuselage with a smile and Katty's heart leapt as she looked over at him.

"S'up. Yeah, I've been under here all day."

"Then you haven't heard the latest news?" he asked with a sarcastic smile. Katty shook her head, though she had an idea of what it might be.

"Apparently, a man found handcuffs in the jungle."

Katty nodded in a vague manner, pursing her lips and raising her eyebrows. Sayid stared at her, his tired eyes intense.

_C'mon, ask me 'bout it, you know you want to-_

"You know who it is," said Sayid, not taking his eyes off her face. It wasn't a question, so Katty gave no answer, just fought to get the satisfied smirk off her face and looked at Sayid.

"Didja sleep well?"

"I did, before you woke up the entire camp," he was smirking now, too.

"Sorry bout that, hombre. I'll try to keep it down next time."

"I hope there isn't a next time."

"So do I," she laughed. "So do I, Sayid."

He didn't ask her why she had awoken screaming, and she was glad for it. That dream- and what she thought it meant- wasn't something she wanted to explain.

They sat in- well, not silence, but as much silence as there could be with rain pouring down like it was the end of the world. It was horribly humid, and the water was running under the lean-to, much to Katty's annoyance. She kept moving back to try and escape the wet sand. Sayid noticed this with amusement.

"What are you doing?"

She looked up at him and grinned. "I don't want to get wet. I haven't found my luggage, so these clothes might have to last a very long time."

"What does your bag look like?"

"Kinda like a duffel, but bigger, an' it's light blue, with words written all over it. Oh, an' it's got my name on the strap in white out."

He raised an eyebrow and she elbowed him playfully.

"I get bored, dude."

"What's that, then?" he asked, chuckling, gesturing to the bag she was now holding. Unconsciously, she clenched her hand.

"My carry-on."

"Ah."

And as quickly as the rain had started, it was over. Katty and Sayid crawled out from under the lean-to, looking at the sky. It was still a stormy grey, but the blackest clouds were moving away, showing a bright blue sky miles in the other direction.

"Let's go find that bag of yours," said Sayid, heading toward the fuselage. Katty heaved her carry-on over her shoulder and followed him, grinning.

---

"You too, huh?"

Katty gasped and grabbed Sayid's arm as Sawyer came around the fuselage, a bag thrown over his shoulder. Katty's eyes narrowed as she recognized the handwriting covering it.

"Dude! That's mine!"

"Really? An' here I was, thinkin' yer name was Katty. This here belongs to some girl name _Kathryn_." He looked up at Katty with a smirk, and those dimples killed her.

"Real classy name, innit?"

Sayid stepped forward. "Give her her bag."

Sawyer stepped forward too and Katty's eyebrows slammed together.

_Dude, there's no freakin' __**way**__ this fight got started over __**me**__-_

"Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna do if I don't, hoss? Blow me up?"

"Look, Sawyer, will you just give me the friggin' bag?"

He smiled and tossed it to her. "Hell, I don' care. Take it, midge. Yer gonna need it."

He winked at her and stalked off. Katty clutched the bag, blood draining from her face. She dropped the bag tenderly into a sand dune and chased after Sawyer.

"Katty!" Sayid called after her, scolding as any parent.

"Sawyer!"

He turned around and she stopped running, sliding in the sand.

"What do you mean, I'll need it?"

_Did he look in it?_

She had several things she never wanted him to see, like her sketchbook, not to mention some risqué underclothes.

Oh, and her gun.

Her face convulsed, and several people thought she'd looked like she'd seen a ghost.

He turned to face her all the way, looking confused and she could see in his gorgeous face that he had noticed she was bright red. "What?"

Katty let out a relieved sigh. "Never mind. See ya, Sawyer."

"Hey, wait!"

But she was gone. Sawyer cussed, kicking the sand.

"_Damm_it!"

-

"What was that about?" demanded Sayid, striding up to Sawyer. The conman looked around slowly and down at the Arab.

"Don't know watcha mean, Abdul."

"Katty. You did something that terrified. I want to know what?"

"This just you satisfyin' yer own curiosity, or do ya actually care about the girl?"

Sayid's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"

Sawyer smirked at him. "What, older man like yerself, and a pretty liI' thing like her… hell, I'd be waiting to tap that too."

Sayid didn't reply to this, and instead repeated "What did you do to her?

"I could be askin' you the same thing, after last night," drawled Sawyer, dropping a cigarette and crushing it underneath his shoe. Sayid's face hardened.

"Fine. Have it your way. But stay away from her."

Sawyer smirked slowly. "What, you her father now?"

Sayid merely raised his eyebrow and turned to walk away, but then Sawyer's hand was on his shoulder and all traces of amusement were gone from the conman's face, replaced by an angry stare.

"So, buddy, just why are you so interested in 'er?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but she was next to me on the plane."

"Oh, o' course. So you feel guilty now, that it?"

"And why on Earth would I feel guilty?"

"Well, gee, I don't know. Maybe cause it's yer fault we're all here in the first place!"

People where beginning to crowd around the two by now.

Sayid's eyes turned to steel. "Excuse me-?"

"Oh, don't play innocent, you _damn terrorist_-"

And then Sayid attacked him.

Katty looked up from where she was putting her bags, under a piece of the wing, to see Sayid and Sawyer fighting a hundred feet away. She rolled her eyes, clambering to her feet and rubbing her hands together to get the access sand off of them.

"You have got to be kidding me."

She took off at a run toward the crowd, her bare feet slipping and sliding in the still wet sand.

"Hey, guys! C'mon, man, _hey_!"

"Hey, break it up-"

"That's it-"

"It's _over_!"

Just as Michael stepped in and pulled Sayid back, Katty dived in the middle and grabbed the back of Sawyer's shirt.

"_Not_ cool, dude!"

"Let _go_, shrimpy! Son of a_ bitch_!"

"I'm sick of this redneck!" spat Sayid, eyes flashing.

Sawyer made to lunge at him, but Katty tightened her hold on him, snaking her arms around his waist and grasping her wrists. She was strong, very strong, but he was stronger and she found that her bare feet were dragging through the sand.

"You want s'more of me, boy?!"

"Tell everyone what you told me! Tell them that I made the plane crash! Go on!"

"The shoe fits, buddy!" shouted Sawyer. Katty punched him in the back.

"What is going on?" shouted Jack, stepping out of the ring of people. Katty rolled her eyes again, not sure whether she should be scared or laugh. The intensity of Sawyer's anger scared her, a little bit.

"These idiots-" she began, but was drowned out by Sayid swearing loudly in Arabic gesturing at Sawyer.

Michael stepped forward, holding out the handcuffs. Katty's eyes flashed to Kate, whom she saw had gone pale.

"My kid found these in the jungle-"

"And this guy was sitting in the back row of business class, the whole flight, never got up. Hands folded underneath the blanket!"

Sayid scoffed.

"An', fer some reason- just pointin' this out- the guy next to him didn't make it!"

"Thank you so much for observing my behavior," said Sayid sarcastically.

"You don't think I saw them pull you out of line before we boarded-?"

Katty, without really thinking about it, swung herself so she was in between Sawyer and Sayid, and put a hand on the chests of both men as they both lunged forward.

"Come on, bring it!" shouted Sawyer, trying to get around Katty.

"STOP!"

All eyes swiveled to Kate. She looked exasperated, exhausted, and frustrated.

"Look, we found the transceiver, but it's not working. Can anyone help?"

Sayid hesitated, then nodded with a sigh. "Yes. I might be able to."

Sawyer scoffed, throwing his hands into the air. "Oh, great. Perfect! Let's trust this guy!"

Katty gave him a warning glare, still thoroughly frightened and amused.

"Hey, we're all in this together, man. Treat each other with a little respect!" called Hurley. Sawyer whirled on him, eyes flashing.

"Shut up, lardo!"

Katty punched him in the arm and when he glared at her, his anger was real. So real it made her feel like she was shrinking in on herself. "_Don't_ need your input on this, midge."

"Hey! Give it a break!" interrupted Jack. Sawyer scoffed, turning away.

"Whatever you say, doc. You're the hero."

The crowd had begun dispersing, including Sawyer, but both Boone and Katty stepped towards Sayid, Jack and Kate.

"You found the cockpit?" asked Boone. "Where there any survivors?"

Jack and Kate avoided each other's eyes. "No."

Katty's left eyebrow rose so high that it disappeared under her blonde bangs.

Sayid, who had been examining the transceiver, looked up and said, "It's dual band, military spec. Chances are, the battery is good, but - the radio is dead."

Katty wouldn't have understood a word of that had she not seen the show enough to know what was going on. She just squinted at the beautiful green mountains, knowing what was coming, and then snapped her eyes to Sayid.

"Can you say that again? But in, like, English?"

Sayid and Kate ignored her, but Boone laughed and glanced at her, giving her the appreciative glance that most guys gave her when they noticed she was there for the first time. Katty's ego swelled a little bit and she grinned at him. If she'd been a bird, she'd have puffed out her chest.

"Can you fix it?" asked Kate. Sayid hesitated, his eyes flickering to Katty.

"I need some time."

---

"So tell me. Does it work?"

"Aw, dude, don't ask me that. See, I can't tell you, cause that might screw something up."

Sayid looked up from the transceiver. Katty was leaning against the bumpy log he was sitting on, legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles in front of her. She was absentmindedly playing in the sand with one hand, and tracing the contours of the dark log with the other.

"And that's bad?"

Katty laughed a laugh that for once had no humor in it. "It, like, _defines_ bad."

Hurley lumbered over and sat down cross-legged in the sand next to Katty.

"Chain smoking jack-ass," he said, referring to Sawyer. Katty laughed and Hurley met her eye.

The corner of Sayid's mouth twitched. "Some people have problems."

"Like everyone on this beach," Katty muttered. Hurley nodded vehemently.

"Some people have problems. Us! Him!"

He was quiet for a minute, then looked back up at Sayid and Katty.

"You two're okay. I like you."

He stuck his hand out to Katty and she shook it, introducing herself.

"Hurley," he replied in answer, then stuck out his hand to Sayid. Seeing that Sayid's hands were otherwise occupied, he dropped his hand. "Uh, just…"

Smiling, Sayid set down the transceiver and reached over Katty to shake Hurley's hand.

"Sayid."

"How do you know how to do that?" asked Hurley, referring to the transceiver.

"I was a military communications officer."

"Yeah? You ever see battle?"

"I fought in the Gulf War."

"No way! I got a buddy who fought over there. He was in the 104th airborne. What were you - Air Force… Army?"

Katty snorted loudly and Hurley gave her an alarmed look.

Sayid just looked over at him. "The Republican Guard."

Hurley didn't say anything, just looked around kind of nervously before Katty almost saw the light bulb go off over his head.

Katty snorted.

"So, what's the deal with you two?"

"What d' you mean?" asked Katty, fighting off a grin.

"Are you like, a couple, or what?"

Katty laughed a laugh that sounded more like a bark, clutching her ribs, and Hurley scooted away from her a few inches.

"Um, that sort of answers my question," he said, raising to his feet. "Well, I'll leave you to it."

---

"Yes!" Sayid said, setting the transceiver down in front of him. Katty, who had been dozing, sat up, started.

"Is it working?"

"Yes," he sighed, "but the battery's almost dead."

He sat still for a moment, thinking, then turned to Katty. "That woman, this morning, who stopped the fight-"

"Oh, yeah. Her name's Katty and, funny, she's sitting right here."

Sayid smiled and chuckled. "The other woman."

"It's always the other woman," sighed Katty, rising to her feet. "Yeah, I know, Kate. I'll go get 'er. Sure, make the short blonde do all the work…"

She was still muttering to herself as she walked away and Sayid laughed.

---

"Is it working?" asked Kate, towel drying her hair. Katty looked at the taller, older woman, biting her lip. She, Katty, was standing next to Sayid, completely unaware of the way she was angling her body towards his, though everyone else on the beach noticed, including Sayid. It's not that Katty was trying to be sexy, or tempting, that's just the way she was. If she was attracted to someone, she angled herself around them and stood way too close. She didn't even realize she was doing it, not really. Or, at least, that's what she told herself.

"Seems to be. Except we're not getting a signal."

"Why do we need a signal? I thought we were trying to send one."

"You need bars," explained Katty, pointing at the tiny screen. Kate's eyes flashed to her, surprised. It seemed that she hadn't even noticed the blonde girl standing there. That didn't surprise her. She, Katty, knew that girls like her were never on the radar of girls like Kate.

Well, not until she opened her mouth. Then she was on everyone's radar, excepting the very, very deaf.

"The bars would show that the radio is getting reception," finished Sayid. Kate nodded slowly.

"We need the bars."

"I kill you for a Klondike bar…s," joked Katty. Sayid and Kate both turned to look at her and she turned bright red.

"Ignore me."

Sayid smiled slightly, a dark smile that didn't really reach his eyes, and they both looked back at the transceiver. Kate looked slightly irritated.

"We could broadcast blind, hope that someone- maybe a ship- picks up our distress call. But that would be a waste of the battery, which might not last long. There is one thing we could try…"

"What?"

"Getting the signal from high ground."

Kate's eyebrows furrowed. "How high?"

Sayid turned and nodded at the mountain behind them. Katty looked too, fear boiling in her stomach.

"Oh, great. Mountains."

---

"You don't have to come," said Sayid, leaning against a tree as Katty pulled various items, like extra socks that were bright orange, out of her bags and stuffed them into a backpack she had found. Sayid smirked at the socks.

"Hike into the heart o' darkness, an' you think you can leave me behind?" She rose to her feet and grinned at Sayid, swinging her backpack over her shoulders and grabbing the other two bags.

"I thought you knew me better than that, Sayid."

She walked over to where Claire was sitting on seats from the plane.

"Claire?"

The blonde girl looked up with a smile. "Katty, right?"

"Yeah. Hey, I'm goin' wiv Sayid and Kate and some others on a weird hikey thingy, and I was wonderin' if you could watch my bags, please? I don't want anyone takin' em' or goin' through 'em, y'know?"

"Yeah, sure," said Claire, still smiling. Katty gave her a wave and walked back to Sayid, reaching him at the same time as Kate did. The older woman gave Katty a hard, but not necessarily unkind, look. It was a curious look, one that asked very plainly, _what the hell's her story?_

"You guys ready?" asked Kate, eyes flickering between the two of them.

_What a weird pair_, she thought. The pretty, teenager with the perpetually bewildered look on her face, and the hardened, tough looking Arab that had the sadness of ages in his eyes. But then again, who was she to question relationships?

They nodded.

"I'm going with you!"

They turned to see Shannon angrily stumbling up the beach, Boone on her heels.

"She's not going. She doesn't want to go," said Boone angrily.

_Wow, he's really pretty_, thought Katty.

"The hell I'm not!" spat Shannon, equally angrily. Boone glared at her and Katty forced herself to remember that he was in love with her.

"This is what she does. She postures-"

"You don't know what the hell I do-"

"Makes really stupid decisions to upset her family which, at the moment, is me!"

"Shut up and stop trying to be charming." She turned to Kate, Sayid and Katty. "I'm coming with you."

Kate hesitated. "I'm not sure if that's such a good idea-"

"What are you, two years older than me? Please." She turned to the newly arrived Charlie. "You're going, aren't you?"

"Yep, are you?"

"Yeah."

Shannon turned to give both Kate and her brother snide looks, raising Katty's figurative hackles in the process.

"Hey, that's totally out of line," said Katty, stepping forward and speaking to Shannon, her eyebrows furrowing. "Kate's just looking out for you, okay? It's gonna be, like, super dangerous-"

"You're what, eighteen?" spat Shannon at Katty, who narrowed her eyes. "So don't try to tell me what to do-"

"Okay, whatever the hell your problem is, you need to deal with it and not take it out on other people. You have no idea what the hell you're messing with. You do not want to screw around with the freaking polar bears, okay?"

She stalked off and was joined by the group moments later.

"What was that about bears?" murmured Sayid when he reached her. Katty, irritation draining, grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry. Slipped out."

They entered the jungle and Katty sighed, pushing greenery out of her eyes as she eyed the mountain warily, much like she would eye a human foe.

"I really freaking hate heights."

"So, you decided to join us."

Sawyer was tromping through the jungle, overtaking Katty and Sayid, who were in the front of the group.

"I'm a complex guy, sweetheart," he said loudly. Katty elbowed him and he pushed her. She fell back and hooked her foot around his ankle, causing him to stumble. She cackled with laughter and Sawyer glared at her. "Very funny, midge."

"You really need to think up a new nickname for me," she said, still chuckling. "Midge makes me think of some fat old lady with loads of cats."

He cocked his head, and those dimples were back. "Exactly."

"Oh, ha ha. Very funny, Sawyer. You're a comic genius, alright."

They were walking together in the front. Sayid had fallen back with Kate, and was now regarding the flirting, joking pair with a glare.

"He's showing an unnatural interest in a girl young enough to be his daughter," he murmured to her. Kate eyed the pair.

"His daughter? She looks about twenty-"

"She's sixteen."

"No way."

They had begun climbing a steep hill, and Katty was sweating bullets.

"I. Hate. Humidity."

"Me too, tiger."

She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes in amusement and grasped his offered hand to climb over a rock as big as she was.

"How the hell do you come up with this stuff, Sawyer?"

"Talent, babe."

"Yeah, well, what you call talent I call Vegas tricks- shit."

They had reached the base of the mountain and Katty stopped short, looking up it. Sawyer looked down at her with a grin.

"Don't like heights, shrimpy?"

"Hate them. Let's go."

They started climbing, the rest of the group behind them.

"So, kid, what's your story?" asked Sawyer as they began the trek up the mountain. Katty shrugged.

"Don't really have one. Okay, that's a lie, I do but I don't really feel like talking about it." She softened the words with a smile and brushed at her sweaty face with a dirty hand, leaving a trail of brown across her forehead.

He grinned at her. "Well, damn. Got me curious now."

---

For Katty, the next hour was hell. Though the view was undoubtedly beautiful, she had looked down once and almost thrown up. Her fear of heights was severe.

They were now climbing up the sheer side of the mountain, using roots and weeds to lever themselves onto level ground. Katty remembered that in the show, this scene had been blue screened and hated it.

"Freaking JJ Abrams," she spat, her blistered, sore and red hands grasping at the tough roots. Her feet were sliding in the dirt and she could swear there was a bug down her shirt. Sawyer grabbed her hand and pulled her up. She stumbled up and collapsed on the ground, panting.

"Freaking survived high school… a plane crash….and I can't climb a freaking mountain." She pulled herself to her feet but made the mistake of looking down and her eyes widened.

Sawyer stayed behind, helping everyone over the ledge as Katty blessed the level ground.

They were now in a strikingly serene and beautiful palm tree grove, and Katty realized with a jolt what was coming next.

"Okay! Wide open space. You should check the radio, see if we're good," called Sawyer.

"We're not going to have any reception here."

"Just try it," said Sawyer, exasperated.

"I don't want to waste the batteries."

"I'm not askin' you to keep it on all day."

"We're still blocked by the mountain-"

"Just _check_ the damn radio!"

Katty sighed as Kate reached her. "They will never let up."

Sayid's shout was interrupted by the sound of the bear, and everyone froze.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed Shannon. Sawyer stepped forward so he was in front of Katty.

"Run, kid," he told her. She shook her head.

"Sawyer!"

"Leave him!"

"Katty!"

She heard Boone call her name but ignored it, facing the tall grasses, heart pounding.

Sawyer pointed the gun into the rushes and looked down at Katty.

"Kid-"

But she just shook her head, eyes wide and stood a little behind him, peering around him into the tall grasses. The bear lurched out and Katty shied back out of instinct as Sawyer swung his body around, through out an arm in front of Katty, and fired several times. But then, to his surprise, he heard gunshots echoing his and he looked down and there she was, white faced but steady, gripping the gun like her life depended on it, shooting into the rushes.

The bear charged out with a roar, and they fired together one last time, and then it collapsed.

"What the hell are you playin' at, kid?" he snarled, his eyes flashing as he whirled on her.

"Sawyer, listen, please don't tell anyone. I'll explain as much as I can tonight, I promise."

He didn't look happy about it, but nodded. The others came back slowly, forming a half circle around the dead bear.

"That's a big bear," said Shannon, looking down at it.

"Do you think that's what killed the pilot?" asked Boone, looking at Charlie. Charlie shook his head.

"No… that's a tiny, teensy version compared to that."

"Guys… this isn't just a _bear_." Kate hesitated, her eyes glued to the bear's face. "It's a polar bear."

"Agreed," said Katty, crouching down and feeling the bear's fur. The gun had disappeared back into her bag, and Sawyer was the only one who stared at the grey stains on her hands. "It's a pretty dang _big_ sucker, too!"

"That can't be a polar bear-"

"It's a polar bear," said Sayid and Kate at the same time.

"Wait," said Shannon, looking around. "Polar bears don't usually live in the jungle."

Katty rolled her eyes and rose back to her full height as Charlie said, "Spot-on."

Sayid was shaking his head. "Polar bears don't live _near_ this far south-"

"This one does," said Katty and Boone together.

"_Did_," interjected Sawyer. "It did."

Kate turned to Sawyer, her eyes hardening.

"Where did that come from?"

"Probably bear village. How the hell do I know?"

Katty laughed.

"Not the bear, the gun."

The tension in the air reached exploding point and Katty froze, afraid to look at Sawyer. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Sawyer tense up, readying himself for a fight.

"I got it off one of the bodies," he growled, staring Kate down.

"One of the bodies," said Sayid skeptically.

"Yeah, one of the bodies."

"People don't carry guns on planes-" interjected Shannon. Sawyer turned to her, waving the gun.

"They do if they're a US Marshal, sweet cheeks. There was one on the plane."

"How do you know that?" asked Kate and, maybe it was just because Katty knew everything, but she thought Kate sounded panicky.

"I saw a guy lying there with an ankle holster, so I took the gun. I thought it might come in handy. Guess what? I just _shot_ a _bear_!"

"How did you know he's a Marshal?"

Sawyer sighed. "Because he had a clip-on badge." He fished it out of his pocket and held it up for everyone to see, a sarcastic look on his intense face. "Nicked that too. Thought it looked cool."

Katty was smirking at this point, watching the entire crew make fools of themselves.

Sayid stepped forward, eyes hard. "I know who you are," he said quietly. "You're the prisoner."

Sawyer froze. "I'm the what?"

"You found a gun on a US Marshal. Yes, I believe you did. You knew where it was, because you were the one he was bringing back to the States. Those handcuffs were on you! That's how you knew there was a gun!"

"Piss off!"

Katty stepped forward, ready to intervene in case of another fight.

"That's who you are, you son of a bitch!" hissed Sayid.

"Fine! I'm the criminal. You're the terrorist. We can all play a part." He looked down at Katty. "What do you wanna be, kid?"

He turned to move away, but in a flash, Kate pulled the gun out of his pants. By the time Sawyer had whirled around, the gun was trained on him.

"How do I use a gun?" she asked, voice shaking. Charlie squinted.

"I think you just pull the trigger, actually."

"Don't use the gun," said Sayid, calm again. Kate sighed.

"I want to take it apart."

Katty, disinterested, began moving away. She didn't feel like watching Sawyer hit on Kate.

To her surprise, the fugitive caught up with her moments later.

"Here."

She was holding out the gun. Katty froze.

"What?"

"Take it," she insisted. Katty did reluctantly, her hand folding hesitantly around the alien piece of metal. She could feel Kate's eyes boring into hers.

"Do you know how to use it?"

In answer, Katty ejected the empty magazine, slotted it back in, and slid it into her jeans. She looked up into Kate's surprised eyes.

"Yeah. I know how to use it."

---

"Does anyone speak French?"

The transceiver was working. Katty leant over Sayid's shoulder, blocking out the words she already knew. The island was overwhelming and she felt eyes on her.

"They're dead… it… it killed them all." Shannon lowered the transceiver and Sayid looked up.

"Sixteen years," said Katty before he could open his mouth. She was staring at the grass, wondering where she'd fit into all this; if she'd even survive. She was a lot more scared then she wanted to admit.

"What?"

"Sixteen years… and five months. That's the count," said Sayid, his eyes fixed on Katty's face. She looked back at him, trying to say with her eyes what she was scared to say aloud.

"What the hell are you talking about, man?" asked Boone angrily.

"The message has been playing on a loop, guys," said Katty. "That's what 'iteration' means. And it's been playing for sixteen years."

"Someone else was stranded here?" asked Boone in disbelief, his eyes searching Katty's. She nodded, her stomach tingling as she looked back at him.

"Yeah."

"Maybe- maybe someone came for them," said Kate, but Sawyer shook his head, jaw clenched, for once having nothing smart or sarcastic to say.

"If someone came, why is it still playing?"

Katty felt the hairs rise on the back of her neck and turned slowly to look at the jungle. She swore she saw a human shaped shadow disappear between the trees, but she couldn't be sure.

"Guys… where are we?"

"We should… probably head back," said Katty slowly. All eyes turned to her, especially Sayid's and Sawyer, and she could see a plea for information in them.

"Y'know, down the mountain? I want to eat dinner, not_ be_ it, if it's the same to y'all."

Not waiting for a reply, she headed down the mountain.

Sawyer was next to her before she knew it.

"You know."

"Course I do."

"Then tell me what the hell is goin' on."

"I can't, Sawyer."

"Why the hell not?"

He grabbed her arm and stopped moving, yanking her back. Her stomach flipped over as his intense, angry eyes drilled into her.

"I _can't_, okay?"

"No, blondie, it's not okay." His eyes bore into hers and she felt like she was shrinking. "Not even damn close."

Katty looked up at him, and then back down at the boots she'd pulled off a body. They were a half size off, but what did it matter?

"Sorry I can't spout information like you wish I could, Sawyer, but I'm not taking any chances-"

"Any chances with what, exactly? What do you got to hide, kid? What are you keeping' from all of us? What's so goddamn important you gotta keep lyin' to me about-"

"If I was lying, Sawyer, the thought that I may be lying wouldn't even cross your mind," snarled Katty, her eyes darting up to his, and there was no joking, no pretense in her face now. She was being one-hundred percent serious. Sawyer raised an eyebrow.

"Are you tryin' to impress me or somethin'? And, Midge, you fergot to tell me somethin'."

She just lifted an eyebrow and he sighed, his eyes boring into hers.

"That hunk o' metal you been hiding.... the one you seemed pretty damn comfortable with."

Katty felt cold, and her hands began shaking as she stared into his intense blue eyes.

"I'd love to explain, Sawyer, and I know I said I would, but...."

She took a deep breath and patted him on the shoulder.

"If I told you the truth, _James_…" her eyes searched his.

"You'd kill me."

**LOST**

**To be continued....

* * *

**

"Justify" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, first verse: Sawyer, second: Katty

A/N: Repost of chapter two. I changed somethings, like the bear shooting scene, to set up more for later chapters. SONGS! Since this story is told mostly from Katty's point of view, I choose the songs mainly based on how they relate to her feelings and problems. However, every now and then there will be a whole song or even a few lines or a verse that relate to someone else entirely, and when that happens, I'll specify who down at the bottom, next to the title and artist. See above for an example.

PLEASE REVIEW!

Love,

Sarah


	3. A Gun Makes A Girl A God

_**All Roads Lead Here **_**by Teenage Anomaly**

**A/N: I'm baaaacccck. This chapter is veryveryvery important, for reasons you'll discover later. Not terrible long, but important. _PLEASE REVIEW._  
**

* * *

_She's not a girl who misses much  
She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand  
Like a lizard on a window pane_

I need a fix 'cause I'm going down  
Down to the bits that I left uptown  
I need a fix cause I'm going down  
Mother Superior jump the gun  
Mother Superior jump the gun

Happiness is a warm gun  
Happiness is a warm gun, momma  
When I hold you in my arms  
And when I feel my finger on your trigger  
I know nobody can do me no harm  
Because happiness is a warm gun, momma

* * *

**Chapter Three: A Gun Makes a Girl a God**

They set up their camp around sunset, though they all doubted they would get much sleep. Katty was sitting in between Sayid and Charlie, playing absentmindedly with the grass, and every now and then she looked up to see Sawyer staring with an intense, unreadable expression at her from over the fire. His expression didn't change whenever she caught him staring, and she quickly learned not to look.

She had unnerved him, she knew. She unnerved most people.

But the gun sticking out of her denims was a consolation, if an empty one, seeing as Sawyer had the clip.

Sayid dropped a rock on the ground and pulled a stick from the fire.

"This is Australia," he said, indicating the rock, "and this is us."

"Nice _stick_," said Sawyer sarcastically. Sayid ignored him.

"Two days ago we take off from Sydney. We fly along the same northeast route every commercial airliner bound for Los Angeles does. Now the pilot, he said he lost communication with the ground, correct?"

"Six hours in," answered Kate. Katty lay down on her stomach, drowning out the conversation she'd already heard, staring at the fire. Her thoughts were consumed with worry, fear, and memories of the past month, the month that, really, had defined who she was. And now she was here, and it seemed, in one fell blow, to be the beginning, but it was the end of something, too.

Funny how often those two things coincide.

"… how long was it, freckles?"

"Sixteen years."

"Right. Let's talk about _that_."

"We have to tell the others when we get back-" began Boone, but he was cut off.

"Tell them _what_, exactly?" spat his sister.

"What we heard-"

"You didn't hear anything. I'm not a stupid _translator_-"

"What do you think would happen if we told them, Boone?" said Katty suddenly, staring into the fire. All heads swiveled to look at her. "They'd _panic_. You tell them that, you take away _any_ hope they have of getting off the island."

"And hope is a _very_ dangerous thing to loose," finished Sayid.

"So we lie."

Katty looked up at Kate, who was staring into the fire with an unhappy look on her face, and a twisted smile formed on her own pale, sunburned features.

"No. We _omit_."

Kate shook her head. "It's the same thing."

"Well, what would you rather do? Tell them _that_, now, right after we just got here? Take away all their hopes an' dreams of ever seeing their families and the people they love again? We all know that not all of us are gonna make it off, Kate, but they don't need to know that." Katty shook her head. "Not yet."

There was a very pregnant pause before Boone said, "You seem to know an awful lot-"

Katty laughed, and it was a cold, humorless sound that chilled them all. "Holmes, I know an awful lot _more_ than you _think_ I know. G'night."

With that, she pulled the flimsy airplane blanket over her shoulders and closed her eyes.

She was snoring lightly within minutes.

---

Katty awoke with a gasp and sat bolt upright, banging her head against Boone's. She swore loudly, falling back into the grass and clutching her forehead.

"What the _hell_ was that?" she hissed, eyes welling with tears of pain. Boone's face was shocked and apologetic, his beautiful eyes wide.

Sayid sat up with a gasp. "What are you doing?" he snarled at Boone.

"Standing guard! You heard what they said's out there!"

"You take my clip _off_ me, _boy_?" growled Sawyer. Katty reached her hand around to her back, where she'd stuck the empty gun- but all she felt was her goose-bump covered skin and the rough fabric of her jeans. She looked quickly at Boone to see him gingerly holding the clip and gun in separate hands. He held them like he obviously wasn't comfortable with them, his big hands folding awkwardly around them. Katty was now more than a little irritated, and she also felt a bit violated, seeing as the gun had been stuck in the back of her pants.

"Please, you've never even _held_ a gun-"

"Give it to me," snapped Sayid. Sawyer rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, give it to _Al Jeezera_, he'll protect us."

"Al Jeezera is a network," said Charlie blearily, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"I'll keep the damn gun-"

"Give it to _her_."

Kate was looking right at Katty as she said this. Katty, who never wanted to see a gun again, much less hold one, furrowed her eyebrows.

Shannon seemed to be thinking along the same lines. "_Her_? She's just a kid-!"

"_Give 'er the damn gun_!" snapped Sawyer, stepping up to Boone, who stared at him, shocked. "Believe me, she knows how to use it."

"Yeah, give it to Katty," agreed Charlie. "She's the most innocent of all of us." He winked at her, and she grinned at him.

"Sure about that?" she asked cheekily and he raised his eyebrows suggestively. She laughed.

Boone shrugged and handed her the clip and gun, and she injected the clip without looking at the piece of metal, then stuck it back in her jeans. The cool metal made a fresh wave of goose-bumps break out and she shivered.

"I want to go to sleep," she told them, and lay with her back to the rest of them.

---

**Day Two**

It didn't take Sayid very long to catch Katty the next morning, as the group continued the hike down the mountain.

She was in the middle of the group, not talking to anyone. She was in a haze brought on by shock and mental exhaustion and emotion pain. She wasn't really thinking of anything, and when Sayid reached her, one look at her told him that she was lost in another world, or perhaps a memory.

"Katty?"

She started, coming out of the haze and looked at him.

"What is it?"

"Are you alright?"

He was concerned for her. She was only a child, despite her physical appearance. She nodded, a slight smile curving her lips.

"Yeah. It's just been a long month."

Sayid laughed. "Yes, I can understand how that might be."

She laughed too, making a tired, resigned movement with her head.

"It's hard t' believe this is all _happening_," she said quietly, looking at the jungle floor in front of her. Sayid said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

"I mean, I know it's weird for everyone else too, and this is gonna sound so selfish, but it's worse for me. I know what's gonna happen, who's gonna die, who's gonna hook up, and I'm scared to change things. It's a kind of damned if you do, damned if you don't thing, you know?"

She glanced up at him finally, and there was fear in her eyes, but also resignation and determination. Sayid had never seen eyes like hers.

"I'm scared, Sayid."

He stopped walking and grasped her by the chin, forcing her to raise her eyes to his.

"But you are _not_ alone," he said softly. She smiled, reveling in the feel of skin on skin contact.

"Misery does love company."

---

"You not interested in hearin' Cap'n Sayid tell 'bout our epic journey then?" asked Sawyer, leaning against a palm tree as Katty struggled to haul over a piece of the plane that was bigger than her. She looked up at him, brushing a sweaty piece of hair out of her eyes with a grin. She'd pulled it back into a half ponytail, and she looked like she could use a shower.

"I wouldn't really call it epic."

She propped up the two pieces of metal she had pulled over against the tree, then pulled the tarp over them and tied it down. Sawyer frowned.

"This looks awful _permanent_ t' me, tiger."

She looked up at him again, but didn't say anything. He sighed.

"Hell, d'ya need help, kid?"

She smiled at him. "Help would be nice, yeah."

---

An hour later they sat in Katty's new home- Sawyer called it Midgettown. When Katty heard him call it that the first time, they were sticking wooden poles in the sand for structure, she had laughed for five minutes straight, lying in the sand and clutching her sides.

She glanced at him now, leaning against an airplane seat she had stuck inside. She couldn't believe he was actually taking an interest in her- after all, she was sixteen, and while not ugly, didn't have the unearthly beauty that Kate or any one of Sawyer's love interests did. Plus she was… well, Katty. Apart from being stuck in a TV show, she wasn't all that interesting.

Sawyer sighed and stood up. "I'll be right back, midge."

She nodded and took advantage of his absence by sitting in the airplane seats. He returned a few minutes later with two mini alcohol bottles in his hands and glared at her as he sat down by her feet.

"Stole my _seat_," he grumbled, handing her a bottle. She took it.

"It's _my_ house," she reminded him. He turned to stare at her.

"Yeah, that I helped _build_!"

She shrugged. "Didn't ask fer yer help."

He took a swig of the alcohol, then looked at her. "You ever drunk before, kid?"

She hesitated. "Once or twice."

"Al_riight_. Got me a virgin." He turned to her with a grin. "Wanna play 'I never'?"

"Sure."

He scoffed. "You even know what it is?"

She pointed the bottle at him. "I'll start."

He raised an eyebrow as she pulled the cork out of the bottle and tapped it against her chin, then shook her head.

"Never mind. I can't think of anything. You start."

He smirked. "I never flirted wiv an Arab so I'd be sure to be in on all the action."

She glowered at him, then took a sip of the alcohol. Sawyer was surprised to hear her cough, eyes watering as she looked at the bottle through red-rimmed eyes.

"_Whiskey_?" she gasped, eyes still watering.

Sawyer chuckled. "Can ya hold it down, kid?"

"_You bet_."

She took a deep breath. "Hmm. I never flirted with _a sixteen year old_ because I thought she could protect me."

She smirked at him, and he saw a flash of something in her face, a flash of something mysterious… and dangerous.

Sawyer sighed and drank. The whiskey felt good, numbing as it burned its way down his throat. He looked at the bottle for a minute, then looked back up at the girl sitting before him, smirking a little. She raised her eyebrows at him and he thought again how young she looked. It was weird that the only thing close to a friend he had in the world was a teenager he'd met not three days ago. A weird, female teenager.

"I never fell in love."

She drank without hesitation and he furrowed his eyebrows. "Yer too _young_ to fall in love!"

"Tell that to someone else, Sawyer, cause I know better. Now, let me think…" She tapped the bottle against her chin.

"I never wore pink."

_So I got it from Kate, so what?_

He glowered at her, only to get her answering smirk. He rolled his eyes and drank at the same time she did. He smirked.

"I never kissed a man."

Katty shrugged and took a swig, then smirked, looking at the ground.

"I never played 'I never' with someone to get them drunk so I could get some answers."

Her eyes snapped up to his, and a crooked smile slid across her pretty, sun burned face. Sawyer was stunned. Okay, so he'd never been very subtle, but he thought he was better at being sneaky than that. He was a conman, after all.

But this girl was too damned smart for her own good.

Sawyer shook his head and took a drink.

And, unsmiling, looking him straight in the eyes, so did she.

"Well," she said, after setting the bottle on the ground. "I guess we got somethin' in common after all."

---

After Sawyer fell asleep, I watched him for a few minutes, head buzzing pleasantly. I felt greasy and dirty, and wanted a new bra. I heaved myself to my feet with a sigh and pulled another bra out of my suitcase. While I was digging around in the over-packed duffel bag, my hand brushed something cold and metallic- and my heart stopped. I tried to pretend I didn't know what it was. I tried to pretend it wasn't mine. And I tried to pretend that I didn't know what it had done.

As I slid out of the bra I had been wearing, I noticed something that was stuck to my breast- the Marshal's key. I looked at it, head spinning. I knew that, tonight, one way or the other, the Marshal was gonna die.

After putting my shirt back on, I stuck the key back in the new bra and strode out of the tent and into the jungle, stomach tingling like it always did when I was about to do something stupid.

It didn't take me very long to find the pond. I recognized the waterfall and stripped down to my underclothes quickly and then stood at the edge of the water, switching my weight from one foot to the other, delaying actually getting in. I stood there, feeling the harsh heat of the sun on my skin, biting my lips, wringing my hands and staring at the tranquil looking water. Horror stories of alligators and water monsters ran through my head, and I was scared. I was too good at scaring myself, and the alcohol couldn't have helped. I took a deep breath.

"Okay, Katty, pull yourself together. You'll be fine. Just jump in. Just jump in. Oh, _crap_…"

I almost turned around and left then, but before I could, I made myself wade in up to my waist- the water was surprisingly cool- before diving in.

The water felt amazing, and my irrational fears, though still present, faded as I enjoyed myself. I saw a few fish and a water snake as I swam through the cool water, looking for the case.

It didn't take me very long to find it, and after I did, I swam to the surface and pulled the suitcase behind me as I perched on a rock and opened it.

I only took a box of ammo. I had a gun of my own, and I'd given Kate the gun back this morning, on the way back from the beach, to make sure things would happen the way they were supposed to.

I hid the ammo under a bush and dove back into the water with the suitcase.

---

It was sunset.

The sky was a stunning mural of orange and pink, and the colors of the blood-red sun and sky reflected off the deep blue water.

Katty stood on the beach, her gun sticking out of her jeans, arms crossed, staring at the ocean.

She could hear the Marshal coughing in the distance, and winced.

The cold metal of the gun that was pressed against her back seemed to be laughing at her. She wondered, _why the hell did I get this is the first place?_

Now she just had to work up the courage to put a dying man out of misery.

---

The rain was pouring down, and Jack and Kate were arguing.

"Will it be _quick_?" she asked him finally. Katty stood off in the distance, out of sight, listening hard. Her stomach was tingling and her heart was pounding.

Jack shook his head. "No, it _won't_ be _quick_. Three, maybe four days."

"And he'll feel it?"

"_Yeah_, he'll feel it."

Katty walked away, rainwater dripping down her face. Her clothes were soaking wet.

She pushed back the flap of her 'home' to see Sawyer sprawled across her makeshift bed, snoring loudly, sound asleep.

Katty smiled and knelt next to him, just looking at him for a minute. He looked exhausted. She pulled the blanket over him.

Rising to her feet, she walked over to where she had stashed her bag and pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a tank top. Glancing at Sawyer one last time to make sure he was asleep, she cast off her damp clothing and pulled on the dry set. The gun fell to the ground and she turned to pick it up, meeting Sawyer's now open eyes. She froze.

"What happened to your back, kid?" He asked quietly, his eyes searching hers. She didn't say anything, just grabbed the gun and stuck it in her pants.

"None of your business, Sawyer."

"Nah," he said, sitting up. "I s'pose it isn't. See ya, kid."

With a wave and a smile, he left the tent, leaving Katty standing stock still, staring at the place where he had been lying.

---

She heard the yelling, heard the gunshot. She was pacing in front of her tent, and when she saw Sawyer emerge from the Marshal's tent, she made up her mind in a second.

She ran towards them as Jack began yelling at Sawyer.

"What did you _do_?!"

"What you couldn't. Look, I _get_ where you're coming from being a _doctor_ and all, but he _wanted_ it. Hell, he _asked_ me. So, I don't like it any more than you do, but _something_ had to be done."

Katty skidded next to Jack, sliding on the sand. She grasped the doctor's bicep to keep from falling and he looked down at her quizzically.

"Who the _hell_ are _you_?"

"Katty," she said. "Excuse me."

She walked into the tent. The Marshal's eyes were open, and they sought her out feverishly. He smiled deliriously.

Her heart was pounding.

"Goodbye, Edward," she said, as Jack and Sawyer ran into the tent. She pointed the gun at his head.

"NO-"

Her finger closed around the trigger before Jack could stop her, and the kick vibrated up her arm. The deafening 'bang' echoed across the beach, and the Marshal ceased moving.

Katty stood over him, a pang in her over-paced heart. She was shaking, an ugly grimace on her bone white face, and it felt like something was crawling up her arms.

"Kid…"

Sawyer stood next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. She turned to him, eyes wide and dry, and took a deep breath, head bowed, trying to regain control. Her head was an inch from Sawyer's chest and he hugged her to him after a moment's hesitation as Jack knelt over the Marshal and closed his eyes.

The girl's arms lung limply to her sides as Sawyer held her, her right hand still clenched tightly around the gun.

_**-Flashback-**_

_Katty was lost. She was in Venice and had been separated from the group she was with. People pushed all around her, chattering in languages she didn't understand, and she was about to start crying. She didn't know anyone, she didn't know what to do or who to turn to for help, and she was scared out of her mind. Frantically she pulled a map of the city and began scrutinizing it._

"_Are you lost, kid?"_

_She looked up sharply to see a man in his late twenties smiling down at her. She nodded, embarrassed._

"_Yeah."_

"_Here. Let me help you. Were do you need to go?"_

"_I'm trying to get back to the Marriot."_

_He laughed. "A fellow American, huh? I live around the Marriot. I'll take ya. C'mon, kid."_

_He led her through the crowds and she, ignoring all of her instincts, which were screaming at her to run, followed him._

**TBC...

* * *

**"Happiness is a Warm Gun" by the Beatles


	4. When In Rome

**_All Roads Lead Here_ by  
**

**A/N: Hopefully this chapter will answer some questions. :). The person you're going to meet... he's big. Very big. I mean, like, Annie big. But you'll see. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! It really means a lot to me and I'm trying my best to return the favor. Thanks!

* * *

**_A moment in your arms became the reason why  
And you're still the only light that fills the emptiness  
The only one I need until my dying breath  
And I would give you everything just to  
Feel your open arms  
And I'm not sure I believe anything I feel_

_And now, now that you're near  
There's nothing more without you  
Without you here_

_And I'm trying to believe  
In things that I don't know  
The turning of the world  
The color of your soul  
That love could kill the pain  
Truth is never vain  
It turns strangers into lovers  
And enemies to brothers  
Just say you understand  
I never had this planned_

* * *

**Chapter Four: When in Rome**

"It's _Katty_, right?"

"…yeah."

Jack stood next to the much shorter girl in front of the grave they had just dug. They hadn't said a word while digging it.

"Grab his feet."

She grabbed the late Edward Mars' feet as Jack grabbed him under the armpits and they lowered him carefully into the grave.

They both straightened up, looking down. He looked peaceful, untroubled. Katty couldn't describe how she felt, looking at him. When Jack hadn't been looking, she'd quickly stuffed the key back into the Marshal's wallet.

"So, Katty," panted Jack, leaning on his makeshift shovel. He nodded at the gun stuck in her waistband. "You wanna tell me how you came by _that_?"

She glanced up at him, then back down in the grave.

"Not really."

He chuckled humorlessly, shaking his head. "Okay, let me rephrase that."

He dropped the shovel and turned so he was facing her fully.

"How did you get the _gun_, Katty?"

"It's _mine_."

"Yours. Okay. How … and, _why_, does a _teenager_ have a _gun_ on a _plane_?"

She looked him full in the eyes. "How the hell does anyone have a gun on the plane? I checked it."

_-__**Flashback**__-_

"_So, uh, what brings you to Venice?"_

"_I'm in a student ambassador program."_

"_Seriously?"_

"_Yeah." Katty laughed. "It's weird, cause I'd be the one to, like, piss the other country off."_

_The man laughed. "Yeah, I could see that."_

_She smiled at him, then frowned at her feet. "I don't know your name."_

"_I'm Elliot," he smiled at her, sticking out a big hand. "Elliot Chase."_

"_I'm Katty," she said with a grin, shaking his hand. "Now, can you tell me why you're leading me in the opposite direction from the Marriot?"_

--

"You _have a gun_."

He was _following_ me, dammit.

"Yes, _Jack_, I _have a gun_," I growled, finally whirling around and facing him. He stopped short, caught an inch away from my face. I glared up at him, still out of breath from digging a grave and still an emotional wreck for being the _reason_ for digging a grave. "And _yes_, I know how to _use_ it. _Yes_, I've used it _before_, no, _he_," I pointed back at the grave, "was _not_ the first man I've _killed_!"

_-__**Flashback**__-_

_He laughed. "Well, you're pretty sharp. Guess I can see why you're in the student ambassador program."_

_She stopped walking and crossed her arms, all traces of friendliness erased from her eyes. Elliot had led her down an alley and he stopped too. Laughter was still in his eyes._

"_Kathryn Sherman, I know who you are."_

_Katty was getting seriously creeped out._

"_Get the fuck away from me, dude-"_

"_No, no, listen. I'm not your enemy here. But there are people, people in this city, that want to hurt you. They're coming after you, Katty, now."_

_She took a step back, goose-bumps crawling over her skin._

"_You're freaking me out."_

_He took a step closer to her._

"_One way or another, Katty…you're not getting home."_

--

"Hello."

Sayid stood at the entrance to my tent, arms crossed. I looked up at him.

"Hey."

He sat down next to me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I looked up at him. "I dunno. What the hell should I _say_? What do you wanna hear? I mean, what the hell does someone say after 'assisted suicide'?" I made violent quote gestures with my fingers, my voice dropping to a deep parody of some nameless official. I glanced up at Sayid, who was looking at me with something like pity in his face, and I felt all the fight and defiance go out of me.

"Did I do the right thing?" I asked quietly, my eyes stinging. I rubbed the back of my hand across them brusquely, too proud to cry.

"That's not for me to say, Katty," he said softly. I looked at the sandy floor and nodded, and then a sarcastic, sardonic grin spread over my face.

"Would make things a hellova lot easier if you could, though."

_-__**Flashback**__-_

"_This is my apartment."_

"_I don't care," she snapped. "I want to know what the hell is going on."_

_He nodded. "Fair enough. Please, sit down."_

_She sat on his couch warily, her body tense. He sat next to her and sighed heavily. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye._

"_Okay. Out with it."_

_He looked up at her. "What would you say if I told you that everything you know is about to change?"_

_Her heart was beating out of control and her instincts were still screaming at her to run, but there was something in his eyes that made her stay._

"_Why me?" was all she said. He smiled._

"_Because you're special."_

--

In the end, Sayid didn't have to say much. The too short story of who I was, and how I got to be that way, came pouring out of me before I had a chance to think about the repercussions. I didn't look at Sayid. He looked at me, though. And he never said a word.

I had never been more grateful in my life than I was when he didn't ask questions, just let me stare at the sand and unfold as my life came out through my lips.

And when I needed it, he reached over and grabbed my shoulder in a reassuring way. The heat of his hand sent warmth through my body, and I looked at him for the first time. There was no pity or sympathy in his eyes, only empathy and understanding.

In that heartbeat, I felt like I could love Sayid Jarrah.

_**-Flashback-**_

"_Special? Special how?"_

_He looked down at his clasped hands and chuckled, then looked back up at her. "You want some coffee?"_

_She stared at him. "Are you gonna poison it?"_

_He laughed. "Even if I did, you wouldn't die."_

_A few minutes later, he came back with two mugs of coffee and handed her one. She sniffed it suspiciously, then took a small sip. It tasted normal._

_Elliot's hands were clenched tightly around his own mug, though his body was relaxed. Katty watched him out of the corner of her eye and he suddenly looked up at her._

"_Has something ever happened, just because you wanted it too? Have you ever guessed something way too close to what someone's feeling for it to be coincidence?"_

"_Yeah, Hagrid, but stuff like that just happens sometime. Are you gonna tell me I'm a wizard, Harry-"_

"_Not to people like you, it doesn't."_

_He walked over to a filing cabinet and pulled out a gun. Katty stiffened as he walked over to her and held the gun out to her. She took it gingerly. His face was intense._

"_I'm going to teach you how to use this."_

--

Sayid stayed with me for several hours. We talked some, but mostly we just sat there until I began dozing off. He made to leave when I began to fall asleep, but I asked him to stay. And he did. He left for a few minutes, to get a blanket and pillow, and then came back. I wasn't used to people coming back, just for me. But he did. A man I'd known three days, and he came back.

"Anyway," he said, settling down next to me. "Where did you leave off?"

I took a deep breath, fighting off sleep, and began.

_**-Flashback-**_

"_Can we have some of that?' asked Katty, gesturing with her gun to a bottle of Glen Livet whiskey that was perched on a messy shelf over a window. Elliot looked at it, then back to her, laughing._

"_Aren't you a little young?"_

"_Dude, in the past two hours, you've told me that I'm basically magical, that I'm 'special or some BS like that', that people in the city are trying to kill me, and that I'm not going to get home for, like, four months." She stared at him. "Get the damn whiskey."_

_He rose, chortling. "Yes, ma'am."_

_She watched him as he walked across his apartment. He was attractive, no doubt about it. In fact, normally she would be flirting the life out of him._

_There was something so familiar about how he looked and moved too, but she couldn't quite place it._

_He got the whiskey and some shot glasses and came back to sit on the couch. He poured a glass for her, and then one for himself. He raised his glass to her._

"_Your health."_

"_Amen."_

_She clinked his glass and drowned it in one gulp. He raised an eyebrow, looking impressed that she didn't gag or even get watery eyes._

"_Hey, wanna play I Never?" she asked, her face brightening. He laughed._

"_You are one weird kid. Okay, um…. I never had a one night stand."_

_She just raised an eyebrow and he sighed and drank._

"_Perv," she muttered. He shrugged, grinning. "Hey, kiddo, you wanted to play. Your turn."_

"_Um, I never led a girl through the streets of Venice to my apartment." She grinned at him, a shark's grin, and he sighed and drank again._

_Things continued in this vein for a while, until they were both laughing, collapsed against each other._

"_Whoo, this is fun," giggled Katty._

"_Got that right," agreed Elliot. "I didn't think you'd be this cool, when they told me to come and get you…."_

_Katty's eyes flashed. "When who told you to come get me?"_

_Elliot sighed sadly and took a swig straight from the bottle. "Just these… people I know."_

_He turned to stare at her, his inebriated eyes intense. "These… __**people**__…. The ones I work for…. They're your friends, Katty. They want to help you with this…." He made a very Jack Sparrow-like movement with his hand, "this gift you have. You hafta trust 'em, kiddo. They're the only ones who can help you, now."_

"_What are you talking about?" asked Katty, stunned. _

"_There's somethin'… something' I gotta tell you…."_

_She just stared at him as his eyes dropped shut, and then he fell forward onto her and began snoring lightly._

"_Elliot?" She whispered, her heart pounding. Her hands traveled up to his blonde head and her short fingers entangled themselves in his silky hair._

"_Elliot…"_

_He murmured into her collarbone, something she couldn't hear, and then he turned his head so that he was kissing her neck. She sucked in a breath from between her clenched teeth, surprised both at his action and at the shock it sent through her body._

_He pulled back drunkenly, blearily, and stared, intoxicated, into her dark eyes._

"_You ain't a baby no more," he murmured, and then he kissed her._

-

"I wasn't drunk," I said, in response to Sayid's raised eyebrow. "He fell for it, hook, line and sinker. And I don't know if what he said, he said cause he was drunk, or cause it's true. It's just… it's so weird." I ran my hands through my hair.

"What happened to him?" asked Sayid. My stomach clenched as I saw Elliot's laughing, grinning face in my mind. His green eyes were crinkled in happiness and his silky blonde hair was disheveled.

"He died."

_**-Flashback-**_

_A few hours later, just after dawn, they were walking down an alley, and the gun in Katty's bag seemed to weigh her down. Elliot was in front of her, holding a gun of his own._

"_What are you doing?" hissed Katty. He held a finger to his smirking lips, then beckoned for her to follow him. _

"_I'm getting' you outta this city alive. Follow me."_

_She did, her hand on the gun he'd given her. She didn't know why she trusted him. All of her instincts said she shouldn't, but she did._

_And his intoxicated actions of the night before lingered on her lips._

_And then a strange, accented voice shouted, "Get down! Now!"_

_Elliot smiled at her, even though her heart was beating so hard she could feel it in her fingers. They were very close now, and, ignoring the shouts of the men in hockey masks, he slid something into her pocket._

_Before Katty knew exactly what was happening, her ears were ringing and she was being splattered by something, and then Elliot's bullet ridden body was falling to the ground and she stood very still, in shock, as she silently lost her sanity and innocence in a heartbeat._

-

He was lying on the ground next to me, reminiscent of Sawyer and I two nights ago. I still found it strange that two (incredibly gorgeous) older men were taking an interest in me, though in Sayid's case the interest seemed more father/brotherly. But I didn't feel very sister-ly at the moment, as his curly dark hair fell into those unbelievably smoldering eyes.

And I really didn't feel sisterly when he looked at me like he could see right through me.

I had a crush. Dammit.

_**-Flashback-**_

_They were talking in a foreign language, ignoring Katty as she stood there, staring down at the man who had, for several hours, been her life and more. His eyes were open; the secretive smile that seemed plastered to his face was still present._

_But he was gone._

_Katty had never seen a dead body before, and now she was covered in this man's blood._

_She didn't even think about what she did next._

_She pulled out the gun and, whirling on the men who had killed Elliot, shot all of them. As she pumped the trigger, a mixture of two wildly conflicting emotions coursed through her. She felt power and victory, and at the same time, she was completely repulsed._

_And then the bomb went off and what she felt didn't matter anymore._

_-_

"I'm so sorry, Katty."

"I'm still here, ain't I?"

_**-Flashback-**_

_She got back to the Marriot finally, an hour or so later. The city was in a state of panic after the bomb had gone off. In the confusion, Katty had gotten away, unscathed except for several open, gaping slashes across her back. She didn't know it then, but she should have been dead. _

_She slipped up to her room without anyone noticing, and then slipped the gun that had taken three lives into her backpack without a second thought._

"_A gun makes a girl a god," she whispered to herself. And then, very quietly, she began to laugh._

-

"What happened next?"

"The leaders of the ambassador program took me to the hospital so I could get my back stitched up. I was just another survivor, then, just another statistic. I haven't read whatever it is Elliot gave me 'cause I'm scared too. I don't know what I'll find."

"How did you end up in Australia?"

"I was gonna meet my fam in London, so I flew to Sydney, and then was gonna fly from there to London. Unfortunately, all flights to London were cancelled, so I was slapped wiv' y'all."

Sayid laughed. "And I thought I had bad luck."

I laughed, too. "Not compared to me, Sayid. Not compared to me."

**TBC...

* * *

**"Without You Here" by the GooGoo Dolls


	5. Murder And The Paranormal

**_All Roads Lead Here_ by **

**A/N: Updating sooner than usual since this chapter is a filler. A fun and important filler, but it's short, and there's no lost tonight (the horror) so I figuered, ah, what the heck. So here you are! PLEASE REVIEW AND I'LL RETURN THE FAVOR!

* * *

**_There's gotta be something more  
Gotta be more than this  
I need a little less hard time  
I need a little more bliss  
I'm gonna take my chances  
Taking a chance I might  
Find what I'm looking for  
There's gotta be something more_

Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate  
I believe that happiness is something we create  
You best believe that I'm not gonna wait  
'Cause there's gotta be something more

* * *

**Chapter Five: Murder and the Paranormal**

**Day Four**

I woke up the next morning slowly and groggily, squinting against the blue light that filled the tent. It wasn't like in a story, when it would take me a few minutes to come to my senses and remember what had happened; it was right there, at the front of my brain, leaving me no escape. Still, though, I'd become pretty good at locking those things away in the back of my mind.

I looked around and down to see Sayid asleep on the sand, a dark and slightly hairy forearm thrown across his eyes and the navy blue airplane blanket wrapped haphazardly around his waist. I laughed. He jolted awake, sitting bolt upright and looking around wildly, his curly hair flopping every which way. I laughed again, and his black eyes snapped onto mine.

"Katty? What am I doing here?"

Wow, déjà vu much.

"You stayed last night, remember? I asked you to."

I reached into my carry-on and pulled out a bright pink glasses case. I opened it, holding my breath.

"Yes," I breathed upon seeing the intact, chunky black frames. I unfolded them and placed them on my face, and looked over at Sayid. I'd taken my contacts out last night after mine and Sayid's 'talk', finally. They'd been in for four days and were now getting a much-needed soak. Frankly, I was amazed that my eyes hadn't been infected or worse from sleeping in my contacts, but then again, we were on an island that brought dead men back to life and made cripples walk. Maybe it wasn't so amazing that my contacts were long lasting.

I could be four-eyes for a while. His, Sayid's, jaw dropped and I smirked. I was old enough and knew enough about the world to know the power I had over men, with my big eyes and full lips. And, sometimes, I enjoyed using that power. Times like now, when I was most vulnerable.

"Ya like 'em?"

"You look like a completely _different_ person." He said, still staring at me.

I smirked and pulled them off and passed them to him. "That's _kinda_ the point. Try 'em on."

He did cautiously, then frowned. "You are the most blind person I've ever met," he said, handing them back to me. I laughed and nodded as I began to clean the plastic lenses.

"Yep. But my contacts were drying out, so I needed to switch."

It had taken about an entire bottle of solution to make them last as long as they did.

I stood up with a grin and pulled my toiletry case out of my bag, along with a bottle of shampoo and conditioner.

"I'm gonna _try_ and make myself look human. See ya later, Sayid."

I left the tent with a wave, squinting as I emerged into the bright sunlight. The frantic pace of the previous four days had calmed slightly, leaving an air of resignation and strained hope on the beach, and all eyes turned periodically to the horizon, praying for a speck to appear on the impossibly blue ocean, for a plane, for anything. With a sharp jolt, I realized that they were still clinging to the idea of rescue. And I was the only one who knew that most of them would be clinging to that idea for a long time to come.

"Hey."

I turned to see Claire waddling up to me, a hand under her belly. I smiled at her.

"What's up?"

"Oh, you know, just… surviving, I guess." Her brow furrowed when she saw what was in my hands. "What are you doing?"

I hefted the shampoo with one hand and grinned at her.

"I'm gonna go get clean. Wanna come?"

---

We found a bowl and filled it with saltwater, then walked into a clearing about ten feet into the jungle, where we were close enough to camp to run or scream for help if anything happened, but also sheltered enough we didn't have to worry about being seen. We both stripped to our underwear and bras, and Claire gasped when she saw my back.

"What happened?"

I smiled at her reassuringly. "Bike accident a few years ago. Flipped over my handlebars and skidded about twenty feet. I had over fifty stitches."

She winced and I laughed. "I know right?"

I poured a little of the salt water over my head and rubbed in the shampoo. The familiar smell of cinnamon and fruit washed over me, giving at least the illusion of normalcy. Once my hair was sufficiently lathered, I squeezed the shampoo out of it, using it as soap and washing my body, trying my best to avoid my bra. The underwear I didn't care about, as I had about five other pairs, but I'd only brought one other bra, and I doubted anyone here was my size.

I used some more water to rinse my hair and body, then slathered in some Pantene conditioner. It smelled like a mix between vanilla and coconuts. Yum.

I was amazed, as always, when I saw my flat, muscular stomach. It had taken me close to six months to loose the bit of extra weight I'd been wanting to loose for several years, but it was totally worth it. At the risk of sounding a bit full of myself, I'd gotten pretty damn hot. I wasn't a super model or anything, though- not even close. I was too short and too curvy, with boobs too big to be proportionate and wide hips. I was too much leg and not enough torso.

But my stomach was flat, so I was happy.

"Here, let me help you," I said to Claire, who was struggling to reach her back. I stepped over to her and rubbed the shampoo into her back.

"How is he? The baby?"

"Oh, he's great. Kicking hard, movin' around a lot. I just hope we're rescued before my due date…" she trailed off. I didn't say anything.

"You… you don't think they're coming." It wasn't a question, but I answered anyway.

"They're not, Claire. And I'm not gonna tell you to not worry, cause it won't help, but you'll have a healthy adorable baby, and it won't be as bad as you think."

"But it'll hurt, right?"

"Course it will. But it'll also be over, in time."

---

I returned to my tent, in fresh underwear and clothes, with clean hair.

It felt nicer than I could believe.

Sayid had left, probably to start some other plan to get away from here. I didn't have the heart to tell him that anything he did would be futile- at least, for a while.

Because Sayid, at least, made it off. But would_ I_?

I laid down on the seats and covered myself with a thick blanket I had found while walking on the beach.

I was too tired to think.

Funny. It was nine in the morning, and I was going to bed.

---

When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was that my hair was dry. Dry, and bushy. And also curly.

Something about this island was weird. Not only did it have monsters, and hatches, but it made my pin-straight hair curly. And not just curly, either- my hair fell around my face in almost perfect blonde ringlets, tousled, and gorgeous.

I wasn't complaining when I sat up and ran my fingers through it, and a grin spread over my face.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. I mean, I had curly hair. What could go wrong?

I had to say it.

I stepped out of my tent, and was immediately knocked to the ground by Boone. I landed on my butt with a squeak, then looked up at him, shocked and surprised. His blue-green eyes were wide, his face puzzled. He was way more gorgeous than he had any right to be.

"Dude, you've _really_ gotta stop running into me," I flirted, grinned up at him. He smiled.

"Where were you goin', anyway?" I asked as I grabbed his offered hand and pulled myself to my feet, adjusting the glasses on my nose.

He looked back toward the fuselage, which had begun to smell in the past few days. "Food from the plane's running out. Figured I'd go a mile or so inland, see if there's any fruit I can find."

That made sense. I nodded. "I'll go with you."

"Nah, I'm fine-"

"Boone, it's dangerous in there, okay? Buddy system." I grinned up at him. "I'm going with you."

He shrugged. "Okay. Can you keep up?"

My answer was a grin.

---

"Nice mangoes, four eyes."

"Hey, Sawyer."

Boone and I emerged from the jungle a few hours later, arms full of fruit. Sawyer raised an eyebrow. "What were you two _doin'_ in there?"

Boone looked pointedly down at the armful of mangoes. "What the hell does it_ look_ like we were doing, Sawyer?"

"If you say, 'each other', I will _punch_ you into tomorrow," I threatened as Sawyer opened his mouth, having seen the mischievous light in his eyes. He closed his mouth disappointedly.

"Guess someone can see _right_ through me," he said, with a cocky smile and dark eyes. Before I had a chance to respond, Boone cut in.

"Katty, Jack's over by the fuselage- let's take this stuff over there."

" 'Kay."

We headed over to the plane, and I looked back at Sawyer. He was staring at me with an intense, unreadable expression, eyebrows furrowed. I felt a nervous shock as our eyes met and quickly averted my eyes back to the fruit in my arms.

"You okay?" Boone asked. I looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah. Why?"

He looked away from me. "I heard about what happened last night. Heard that Sawyer was there. I thought… thought that seein' him mighta shook you up."

"Takes a lot more than a cocky southerner to shake me up, Danny," I grinned at him. We'd reached Jack, and he turned, seeing the fruit in our arms, and nodded.

"Thanks. We're running out of food."

"This won't last very long, not with this number of people," I informed him. "But we really need to worry about water, and not food. I know Sayid had some tarps set up, but the water's running low. If it doesn't rain in a few days, we'll need to go into the jungle to look for some waterfalls or streams or something."

"And where do you suggest we look?" asked Jack in a calm, patronizing voice that irritated me a little. Did he think I was a kid, or something? Oh, wait. I _was_ a kid. Damn.

"Dude, anything would be better than sitting around. Cause, y'know, we both know that rescue ain't coming. Not for a long time. Ain't all of us gonna make it off."

He stared at me and I took a deep breath, turning to Boone.

"Can you give us a minute?"

He nodded, eyes fixed on Jack's face. As soon as he was out of earshot, Jack took a step towards me.

"What do you _mean_, not all of us'll make it off?"

"I mean exactly what I said, Jack Shepard. Only six of the survivors will make it off, along with a few people you ain't met yet."

"And how do you know that?"

"That's my business, dude."

"Really. Well, 'your business' has so far covered everything from murder to the _paranormal_. So, Katty Sherman, you're going to tell me exactly what you know, and _how_ you know it."

I looked up at him and shrugged. "You ain't gonna like what ya hear, Holmes."

**TBC...

* * *

**"Something More" by Sugarland.


	6. The Sober Man and the Drunk Girl

_**All Roads Lead Here**_

**A/N: So many updates, so little time. Here's chapter six! It's a fun one! PLEASE REVIEW!

* * *

**_Forgotten freedom burns  
Has the Shepard led his lambs astray  
to the bigot and the gun_

Must it take a life for hateful eyes  
To glisten once again  
Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess  
Singin' drunken lullabies

Ah, but maybe it`s the way you were taught  
Or maybe it`s the way we fought  
But a smile never grins without tears to begin  
For each kiss is a cry we all lost  
Though there is nothing left to gain  
But for the banshee that stole the grave  
Cause we find ourselves in the same old mess  
Singin' drunken lullabies

I sit in and dwell on faces past  
Like memories seem to fade  
No colour left but black and white  
And soon will all turn grey  
But may these shadows rise to walk again  
With lessons truly learnt  
When the blossom flowers in each our hearts  
Shall beat a new found flame

* * *

**Chapter Six: Drunk Man's Actions, Sober Man's Thoughts**

**Day Five**

I heard shouting, outside my tent. I heard Sawyer's voice, and Locke's, and, surprise surprise, Jack's.

Oh, Jack. I groaned, pulling the thick, soft blanket over my head. He hadn't taken what I had to say well. In fact, he'd blown up at me. Not that I blamed him. I'd probably blow up on me, too.

But he'd believed me, after a while. All because I told him about the boar.

_**-Flashback-**_

"_You want proof, Jack? I'll give you your freaking proof. Tonight, there's gonna be a boar, in the fuselage. Charlie'll get scraped on the side. Something will have to be done about the fuselage, and you'll give an idea that no one likes. And when that happens, you can find me and apologize."_

--

He'd glared at me, called me some choice names and walked away. But after what I had predicted had become actuality, he'd looked at me different. His blue-gray eyes had flashed up to mine, in shock, and a bit of grudging respect. And, of course, fear.

I was used to that particular emotion whenever I was around.

I could hear Locke now, giving his fancy speech about hunting. A part of me wanted to get up and go with them, but I figured if I stayed, I'd be able to hang out with Sayid and Boone.

Thinking about Sawyer made me feel cold and queasy. Despite what I'd told Boone, I was nervous about talking to him again. I wasn't used to people seeing the weaker side of me, and killing the Marshal had brought it out. Because that's what it was- murder. Though courts would call it 'assisted suicide', (if they were in a forgiving mood) I knew what it was. I knew what _I_ was, and that scared the hell out of me. I was scared Sawyer would make one of his smart comments that cut you to the bone in a flash. So instead of going out there and defending Locke, I simply rolled over and let myself drift off into sleep again.

---

When I woke up, it was evening, and someone was in my tent, sleeping. Snoring, actually, and I guessed that it was that what had awoken me.

Three guesses who.

Sawyer was lying on his back in the sand, hair spread out, his mouth open and a hand on his chest. I blinked, blearily, my sleepy mind trying to make sense of what I was seeing.

Sawyer snorted and moved his head a little, eyes still closed. I smiled sleepily, my hand flopping down from my "bed" and unconsciously brushed his hair away from his face.

"G'night, Elliot…"

"Who the hell is _Elliot_?" mumbled Sawyer. I woke up suddenly, my eyes snapping open as Sawyer sat up with a yawn. I stared at him as he yawned, shaking his head, sandy blonde hair going everywhere before he looked at me. For a second, in that twilight place between awake and asleep, Sawyer's intense face had morphed into a gentler one, a kinder one, with lighter hair and green eyes, Elliot's face, a face that had been so familiar… but why?

_Dark hair_, I thought suddenly. _Put dark hair on him. Think, Katty, who does- did- he look like?_

"Enough wiv the secrets, midge. Who's Elliot?"

"Doesn't matter. And you know more about me than anyone in this place, so don't try the secrets card."

"Oh yeah?" he asked sullenly. "Even Abdul and the pretty boy?"

I stared at him. His question had been posed as a sarcastic joke, but…

"Are you _jealous_, Sawyer?"

"_Hell_, no, kid. I ain't ever _jealous_. Just wondering if there's any truth behind anythin' you've told me."

"Yeah, okay. And… well, 'Abdul' does know a _bit_ more than you," I said, grinning. He glared at me.

"What are you smiling for?"

I shook my head. "Nuthin', Sawyer."

He kept glaring until someone pushed back the flap to my tent. It was Kate.

"Katty? Have you seen… hey, Sawyer."

He looked around at her. "You need somethin', freckles?" He was back to his snarky, sarcastic self, and it gave me a thrill to realize that, at least at the moment, he was closer to me than Kate.

And, in spite of myself, I hoped it stayed that way.

She shrugged. "We're about to burn the fuselage. I just thought… you two might like to be there." Her eyes flashed to me, curious and a bit challenging. I grinned at her, fully aware of how the situation looked to an outsider. After all, I was in bed, and Sawyer was lying very close to me. I still felt out of it from my nap.

He sighed, pulling himself to his feet. "_Yeah_, I'm comin'. Midge?" He turned and offered a hand to me. I grasped it with a smirk, meeting Kate's eyes as Sawyer pulled me to my feet.

I never said I was mature.

Sawyer and I left the tent together, Kate walking a ways in front of us. I kept my eyes on her back.

"I think she _likes_ you, dude," I told Sawyer. He smirked.

"_Course_ she does."

"Oh, you're _full_ of it."

He grinned down at me cheekily. "Full of _what_, exactly?"

"-first off, you bust into my _house_-"

He sighed, shaking his head. "Again with that 'your house' thing, midge. I helped _build_ it-"

"I didn't _ask_ you to! You offered!" I protested, laughing. We'd reached the fuselage and grabbed some sticks to through on the plane. Jack, armed with a match book, was trying to get the fire started on the other side. My stomach felt cold when I saw him.

"- and so it's half _mine_," continued Sawyer. I shook my head, grinning.

"C'mon, midge. Doncha wanna play house?"

I looked up at him, him and his dimples. "Would you be the dad or the _husband_?"

Just like every conversation we had, it went from harmless flirting to something… different. Darker. And, as I said my last sentence, Sawyer's eyes darkened too. His smile was still in place, but something behind his eyes shifted. Something dark and dangerous and very, _very _sexual.

"Well, midge, I guess that depends on the _mood_ I'm in. An' whether or not you're wearin' those sexy glasses of yours."

I was glad I was wearing the glasses.

"Okay, that's kinda creepy," I joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit. I don't like intense, especially with a guy I've just met- if it even _counts_ that way with Sawyer and I, since I know pretty much everything about him.

He smiled and looked away, but the tension didn't lift.

It was dark now, and Jack and Sayid had finally succeeded in getting a flame. We stood back with everyone else while Claire, Hurley and Boone stood at the front as Claire read off of… well, whatever she could find, really.

The mood was somber, and a few people were crying. Most of us, though, just stood there, staring at the ground or the orange flames, expressionless, wondering what would happen next.

I looked up to see Sayid standing alone, near the front, gripping his arms across his chest. I looked up at Sawyer, who was staring at Kate, who looked quite pretty with a sad expression on her face, her big green eyes reflecting the orange of the firelight. With a twinge of jealousy, I realized he wouldn't even notice if I disappeared.

My bare feet dug into the sand as I walked over to Sayid, avoiding rocks and embers in the sand. I put my hand on Sayid's arm to announce my presence and he looked down at me, surprised. I didn't smile, just looked at him. We both looked back to the fire as Claire read off names and seats and whatever else she had, feeling a deep, echoing sadness for everyone who hadn't survived, for their families, and for ourselves. Because we couldn't help but wonder- who were the lucky ones?

---

Once the names had all been read, and the smell of burning flesh had faded but the fire was still going strong, we brought out the boar. Locke and Jin skinned and gutted it, with me and pretty much every other female turning away in revulsion. I had to gag back bile, and I saw poor Claire retching into some tall grass. I walked over to her and put a hand on her back. She looked up at me, hand over her mouth, eyes red from tears and puking.

She nodded at me, taking some shuddering breaths and straightening up. I eyed her warily, in case she started barfing again. I could take a life in a heartbeat, but I couldn't deal with vomit.

"I'm okay."

I nodded and began to walk away.

"Katty-"

I turned around. There were tear-tracks on her pretty face. "Thank you."

We headed back to the group together. The somber mood of earlier had been replaced by one of reckless fun and wildness. I saw Sawyer down an entire bottle of whiskey (granted, a mini one) in one shot and shook my head, grinning.

"He's gonna be sick tomorrow," I told Claire and she smiled.

"So… are you two together?" she asked, curiously. I laughed.

"Me and _Sawyer_?"

"Sure are, mamacita," smirked Sawyer, appearing out of nowhere and sliding an arm around my shoulders. I shook my head at Claire, smiling. She looked like she was trying not to laugh as Sawyer gave me a jokingly wounded look.

"You mean… you _lied_ to me?"

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing and Sawyer withdrew his arm, chuckling. Claire giggled too.

We three headed back over to the fire, where Locke was now cooking the boar. It actually smelled pretty good too. The mangoes that Boone and I had picked were all lined up, and people were eating them as they needed to.

I sat down, facing the burning fuselage. Sawyer sat down with a groan on my left, Claire on my right. Before long, Charlie came to sit next to Claire, and Hurley next to him, and then Kate was plopping herself down next to Sawyer, and the circle was closing in on itself when Jack sat next to her, directly across from me. He glanced at me and I gave him a polite smile. He nodded in a resigned sort of way.

Boone and Sayid came over too, along with Shannon, and the couple I recognized as Nikki and Paulo. Looking around the semi-completed circle, I realized with a jolt that I knew the fates of all these people.

A few minutes later, Locke broke out the boar, and we were all laughing and eating boar and mangoes and drinking Oceanic water.

I felt dazed as Sawyer laughed, nudging me with his shoulder. I felt my face laughing, but I couldn't remember why. I looked up to see Sayid's intense eyes regarding me and I waved at him before taking a sip of the whiskey I'd snuck from Sawyer's already forming stash. He noticed with a frown and attempted to take it from me, but I evaded him, laughing and took another sip. Claire laughed at our antics as he pinned me sideways to the ground, reaching for the bottle. I kept it barely out of his reach, still laughing as he pulled a low move and began tickling me in the side. I spazzed and laughed even harder, bringing the whiskey to my lips and downing it in one go. I looked up at Sawyer, lips closed around the burning drink, and he glared at me, though he was fighting back a smile. I gave him the now empty bottle and he shook his head, grinning, and wrapped an arm around my neck, giving me a noogie. I flicked him in the side and squealed delightedly when he shied away.

The night continued in reckless fun and hurried ambitions, our way of mourning those who hadn't made it through.

We never saw the pair of green-blue eyes from the jungle, regarding us all. We never saw the eyes that seemed glued to Sawyer and I.

--

I was, I'm ashamed to say, stone drunk. I'd had several drinks in the course of night, including two mini bottles of whiskey and a regular sized mojito. Sawyer was snoring in my tent, but I was hyper and couldn't sleep. I wandered out of the tent and onto the beach, where the inky sky was beginning to lighten. The ocean was a deep blue and it contrasted softly with the light sky. There was a gentle breeze that spread the humidity and that also felt really damn good. I stepped over several sleeping forms and moved to the beach, where there was one other person.

I sat down next to Boone with a sigh and a giggle, then grasped his arm and nuzzled his shoulder. He looked down at me.

"Katty…"

"You're so _pretty_," I giggled, my words slurring. I hadn't drunk that much, not really, but apparently it was enough, combined with sleep deprivation and shock.

"Seeeriously, Danny _Boooone_. You've got pretty eyes… and red spots on your cheeks…" I reached up drunkenly to brush his cheeks with a hand; completely unaware of the way he was regarding me. He was looking at me from under his eyelashes, eyes intense, lips slightly parted. My wandering hand traced the soft form of his lips and then traveled up to his forehead, pushing his thick brown hair off his face.

"Katty…"

"You gotta stop sayin' my _name_, Danny. I _know_ what it is. E'cept My middle name's Ivey. I's pretty fittin'. Cause ivey's _poisonous_, an' even when it's not, it grows over _ev'rthing_, an' it _kills_ stuff."

"It's pretty, though."

"D' you think _I'm_ pretty, Boone?" I asked him, intoxicated enough that I wasn't flirting. I really wanted to know, though had I been sober, the look on his face would have been all the confirmation I needed.

"Yes, Katty, but you're so young…"

I pouted. "I ain't _young_, dipstick. Well, maybe a _little_, but I don' act young. An' _murder_ definitely ain' young, an' I dun _that_ too."

I leaned up to kiss him, and he tilted his head down to me before turning away at the last minute with a sad smile.

"Katty, you're drunk."

"Whatever," I said, offended.

Boone smirked.

"Yes you are."

"I am no' alchafluenced by _incahol_, you shilly _sit_," I said confidently, leaning forward again. I kissed him full on the lips for about two seconds before Sawyer came striding out of the tent, glaring and shirtless, and pulled me away from Boone before punching the poor guy in the face. It was a move that would have made any protective father with a teenage daughter proud. I could only imagine what mine would have said, because Sawyer's motives weren't purely platonic in this instance. Even I, in my 'incahol alchafluenced' state, could notice that.

"Sawyer!" I complained as he dragged into the tent. My feet scrambled over the sand as I tried desperately to regain my footing and not fall. His hand was really tight, and really heavy. "_Shtoppit_, you retard, that _hurts_."

"What the hell were you_ thinkin'_?" he asked, releasing me and turning on me, the full fury of his intense face unleashed. I just looked up at him.

"I ain't thinkin' _anythin_', Sawyer. I'm _drunk_."

I said the last part so proudly that Sawyer's angry face broke and he smiled, shaking his sandy head.

"Well, at least you know it. But, _c'mon_, midge, _pretty boy_? He's _almost_ as bad as Abdul! Now, if you go 'round tryin' to kiss the _Iraqer_, then things are _really_ gonna get ugly-"

He stopped, surprised, because I had just slid my arms around his waist and pressed my face into his bare chest.

"You _are_ jealous," I murmured happily. "Wait till Mom an' Dad hear 'bout _this_…"

Sawyer hesitantly wrapped his arms around me, one hand tangling itself in my choppy blonde hair, and we just stood there for a moment, basking in each other's body heat. For being so far south, it sure got cold at night. And gosh, was Sawyer _warm_. His skin was soft, despite the muscles beneath it, soft and warm, and he smelt musky and woodsy under his cologne. I smiled, too drunk and sleepy to wonder if I smelt as good as he did.

I don't know what happened after that, but when I woke up, Sawyer and I were both lying in the sand, my head on his chest, and one of his arms wrapped around me.

It might not have been so bad if freaking Nikki wasn't the one to find us. The blonde-blabber mouth spread the story around the camp, of course omitting the fact that we were both fully clothed.

And dang, did Sayid have words in store for me.

---

**Day Six**

When I woke up on the morning of day six, I had a headache, which wasn't entirely unexpected. It wasn't as bad as I would have thought, though. In fact, as far as my normal headaches went, I knew that this one would be a breeze. I had notoriously bad headaches.

I also remembered what had happened the previous night and groaned, burying my face in Sawyer's chest. I'd have to apologize to Boone, even though I'd meant what I said.

"_A drunk man's actions are a sober man's thoughts." _I'd heard that once, and now realized that, to an extent, it was right. But I still needed to find Boone and set things right. But dang, had he tasted good. He was the only the second guy I'd ever kissed.

I could hear the yelling and shouting outside, and knew instinctively that a woman was drowning. My reflexes took over. I lept up, accidentally waking Sawyer.

"Wha-"

But I was gone, racing out across the sand, into the bright light. I saw Jack ripping his shirt of and diving into the water and I followed suit, yanking off my baggy blue shorts, and thanking god that I had on black underwear. My feet kicked up sand, which I could feel hitting the back of my thighs.

The water started off shallow, and I waded in as fast as I could, ignoring Sayid and Sawyer both yelling for me. The water stung at my various cuts as I swam to catch up to Jack. It felt good, though. Nice and cool. Very refreshing.

I was scared shitless.

"Jack!" I shouted, water sloshing into my mouth. I spat it out. He didn't turn, just dived under to Boone. I didn't have time to wait for him. The woman- I used to know her name, but I'd forgotten now- was being pulled farther out. So, gasping for breath in the deep water, and terrified out of my mind, I dived under, swimming as fast as I could, squinting against the stinging saltwater.

What I saw made my blood turn cold.

She may have been drowning, but that wasn't what killed her.

No, what killed her was the fifteen-foot great white shark pulling her under.

I was about fifty feet away, and the shark was so focused he didn't see me, but _she_ did.

Bubbles escaped from her mouth as her spent lungs gave up, and blood clouded around her. I saw her eyes go glassy, and, with my own lungs straining, I turned and swam to shore as fast as I could.

My legs couldn't move fast enough. I was going too slow, any second the shark would finish her and come for me, it had all been for nothing, I was going to die-

And then I was up on my feet and running in the shallow waters, tripping over my own feet, and I collapsed onto the sand, my tears mingling with salt water as I tried to push myself to my feet but tripped again, so I just sat up in the sand and stared out at the water where she'd been pulled under.

There was no trace of her, nor the shark, nor any red.

Jack ran over to me. "Katty? Where is she? What happened?"

I was hyperventilating for real this time, and it felt like my heart was going to pound its way out of my chest. I thanked God for the water on my face, and the excuse of the salt for my red eyes.

"She- Jack- I tried to- but there was a shark- it was huge- I was scared."

I looked up at him, still in shock. "Jack, I was scared."

I took a deep breath, trying to pull myself together. "I got out real deep, and I went underwater to try and find her. Jack, she didn't die cause she drowned, she died cause there was a fifteen-foot great white pulling her down. I saw her die- and, I mean, she was dead 'fore I could get to her."

Jack shook his head and looked down at the sea before sitting down next to me. A crowd had gathered by now, and I avoided Sayid's eyes.

"Katty… you hadn't expected that," Jack's voice was quiet, so only I could hear him. I shook my head and looked up at him.

"No… she was supposed to drown, to be caught in the riptide. Jack…"

I looked down at the ground. "She was going to die anyway, whether I'd jumped in or not. You wouldn't have been able to save her. I'm starting to wonder…" I took a deep breath, avoiding his eyes, and I looked up at the circle of people, all of whom were crowding in on us and frowned. "Um, _private_ conversation here, guys. Clear the _fuck _off."

I don't normally like swearing, and the fact that I dropped the f-bomb tells you how badly shaken I was.

They did as I had told, some giving me curious looks, some glaring at me, and some, like Sayid and Sawyer, were staring at me with expressions I couldn't –and didn't want to- make out.

Once they had gone, I turned back to Jack. His face was pale, his eyes red rimmed from the salt water and exhaustion.

"I know everyone who dies, Jack. And I want to change things, but now I'm thinking… no matter what I do, it'll correct itself. And that scares the shit outta me."

---

I stayed sitting there on the beach, in my underwear and wet shirt, for a while. I was still sitting there when Jack left to chase his dad, I was there when Claire collapsed, and I was there when the water got stolen.

After Sayid, Kate and Locke decided that Locke would go and look for some water, Sayid came and sat down next to me. I looked up at him warily.

"Are you gonna tell me off about Sawyer?"

A smile pulled at his lips. "I was. But after this morning, I thought I'd give a you a break."

I smiled. "Nothing _happened_, Sayid, if you were wondering. I was drunk, and Sawyer got…. _overprotective_-"

"Now, what would he need to feel overprotective about?" asked Sayid, turning to me. I grinned nervously.

"Um, I was flirting with a tree?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"Um, a tree named _Boone_?"

The other eyebrow rose and I sighed, flushing. "Dude, I was _drunk_. And I kinda- kissed him-'

Sayid's eyebrows disappeared under his curly hair and I looked away, beet red. "Sorry."

He put a hand on my shoulder and I looked back up at him. His eyes were kind.

"I am not your father, Katty. I'm your friend. But, if it came to a _choice_…"

His eyebrows furrowed. "I would rather see you with Boone than… _Sawyer_." He said his name distastefully.

"He's not as bad when you get to know him," I chastised him softly. "He's just… his jerky-yness is a self-defense mechanism. He's not good with people. Plus he doesn't see me like that. I'm like a… very strange little sister."

"He's nearly twice your age. He seems fine with _you_."

I grinned at him cheekily. "Yeah, but I'm a charming, _adorable _teenager. Who _wouldn't_ be fine with me?"

Sayid tried to fight back a smile, but it broke through and he laughed, looking out to sea briefly before turning back to me.

"You are aware you're in your _underwear_, aren't you?"

"Again with the '_adorable_' bit."

"And you're aware that every male in the vicinity and possibly some of the animals in the jungle are salivating right now?"

I grinned cheekily again. "Why do you think I haven't put my shorts back on?"

He shook his had, chuckling. "You're hopeless."

I leant my head on his arm. "That's why you love me."

"Katty!"

I straightened up and whirled around at hearing the child's voice. Little Elliot came tottering over the sand dunes to me, and collapsed next to me.

"Hey, Elliot!" I said, ruffling his hair. "Where've you been?"

He situated himself on my lap and looked up at me accusingly. I heard Sayid laugh and nudged him, still looking down at the adorable little boy in my lap.

"You _left_ me," he complained. I smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, Elliot."

"Don't do it again," he commanded, turning to look out at the ocean. I nodded sharply.

"Yes sir."

Sayid chuckled and I glared up at him. "What is so funny?"

"Do you have siblings?"

"Yeah, three. Why?"

He just shook his head, still chuckling, and looked out at the sun. It was getting late in the afternoon, and the sun hung low in the sky, reflecting on the bright blue of the ocean.

With Elliot in my lap, I leant my head back on Sayid's shoulder, and he draped an arm across my shoulders. Little Elliot leant his head back so that his blonde curls were tickling my collarbone.

What an adorable, screwed up family we made.

**TBC...

* * *

**"Drunken Lullabies" by Flogging Molly. Sawyer and Katty.


	7. Man Of Science, Girl Of Faith

_**All Roads Lead Here**_

**A/N: Hello wonderful people! I've very, very fond of this chapter. Time wise, it's very brief, spanning only a few hours, but big scheme wise, it's very important, in an underhanded sort of subtle way. There are quite a few themes in this chapter that will be re-occurring. And man, what was UP iwht LOST last night? I can't stand Kate. anymore. I mean, it's been building up for a while, but that episode just cinched it. I want to hit her. So bad.

* * *

**_I'm not sober all the time  
You bring me down at least you try  
Until we see this eye to eye  
I don't want you_

It took so long to see  
You walked away from me  
When I need you  
Wake up I'm pounding on the door  
I'm not the man I was before  
Where the hell are you  
When I need you  
Wake up I'm pounding on the door  
I won't hurt you anymore  
Where the hell are you  
When I need you

-

_ Feels like the weight of the world,  
Like God in heaven gave me a turn.  
Don't cling to me, I swear I can't fix you.  
Still in the dark, can you fix me?_

Feels like the weight of the world,  
Like all my screaming has gone unheard.  
And oh, I know you don't believe in me.  
Safe in the dark, how can you see?

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Man Of Science, Girl Of Faith**

I found out from Elliot that he'd been with Rose the past few days. He said he'd rather be with me though. Sayid had snorted when the adorable little boy said that.

"Why?" I had asked, flattered but incredulous. Elliot just nestled closer to me.

"You're funny and you smell pretty."

"Aww," I had said, unable to keep from smiling. The kid just pulled on my heartsrings, and not only because his name was Elliot.

Of course, I didn't really want a three year old tagging after me all the time, but what could I do, tell him no? He'd just lost his mom, for Pete's sake. I warned him that I wasn't a very good guardian, that more than likely I'd be all over the place, and I wouldn't have time for him. Plus, if he stayed with me, he'd also be staying with Sawyer, since I couldn't find a way to get the southern pest out of my tent- and didn't really want to, anyway. But Elliot didn't care, even though Sayid had given me a weird look when I brought that up.

"What?" I asked him quietly, after Elliot had fallen asleep. We were still on the beach, and I was still in my underwear. Sayid started and looked around at me.

"What?"

"What was that look? When I mentioned that Sawyer was with me too?"

Sayid's eyes darkened. "Simply the way you phrased it… made it sound like you _wanted_ to be alone with him."

"Well, I kinda _do_."

Sayid frowned at me and I sighed, raking my fingers through my hair. "Okay, look at it from _my_ side. I'm this teenage chick, stuck on an island, where I know who pairs up and who dies off and everything _in between_. And then, for _some_ weird reason, two really amazingly hott guys start talkin' me, an' it's freaking weird, cause even though _I _know _them_, _they_ don't know anythin' about _me_. I mean, like, nothing One of 'em seems be sorta platonic, but the other is full on _flirtin_' wiv' me. And, I mean, like I said, I'm a teenager who has had like, no _normalities_ in my life, an' he's, um, a _hunk_." I glanced up at him.

"So yeah, I'm flirting with Sawyer. But _not_ because I feel some kinda deep emotional connection to him or anything- it's just what I _do_. I flirt, and I charm people. Try to, at least. It's a reflex, and it's saved my life a few times."

Sayid just raised his eyebrows and I flushed. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

"Did you just call me _hott_?" he asked, smirking. I flushed even deeper, but grinned.

"Is that the _only_ part of that that you heard?"

Still smiling, he nodded. I reached up with the hand that wasn't supporting Elliot and flicked him in the head.

He hadn't been expecting that.

I saw the look in his eyes and figured that how I felt at that moment must have been somewhat similar to the way Nadia felt as he circled her in that dark, dank room. My stomach jumped.

"Um, Sayid, hey, dude-"

Very gently, he lifted the sleeping Elliot off my lap and placed him on the sand. My eyes widened and I started scrambling back.

And then he tackled me.

I don't know if any of y'all have had a heavy, sweaty Arab man tackle you, but let me tell you- if you have, it's not an experience you'd be able to forget. Especially if the man was as hott as Sayid.

He grabbed both of my wrists with one big hand and pinned me down onto the sand. His body was pressing me down, and I could feel his six-pack against my stomach. One of my legs was basically in between his, my hips were pressing upwards, and, to put it mildly, nothing was left to the imagination- for either of us. Bear in mind, I was still only in my underwear and a tank top.

"So where do we go from here?" he asked softly.

It was about then that I turned into a fangirly puddle of mush and my Inner Katty began salivating fiercely. You gotta know that, before this all happened, even though Sawyer was the one I crushed on and Ben was the one I was in love with, Sayid was the one who turned me on.

And now we were here. Funny how things work out, innit?

Sayid's eyes were dark and intense under his black eyebrows and his curly hair (still relatively short) was falling into his face.

He began leaning forward then, eyes flickering between my lips (which were parted and pouting, on effort on my behalf) and my eyes. I'm petty enough that I hoped Boone (and, yes, Sawyer) was watching.

But it didn't matter. Because just at that moment, when Sayid's lips were less than an inch away from mine, he reached up with his free hand and thwacked me in the side of my head.

"Ow!" I shouted, eyes watering. He had very strong fingers.

Dude, that could be taken in _such_ the wrong context.

Sayid smirked, and about then I started struggling.

I was wiggling around, trying to use my hips to get him off me. He had me pretty firmly pinned, though, and it wasn't working. His left hand still had a firm hold on my wrists, and his other hand had gone to my right hip, trying to get me to stop wriggling. An ordinary girl probably would have conceded defeat, and flirted heavily with Sayid. Not me. This had turned into almost a contest, and I hated losing.

Elliot didn't call me special cause I'm pretty.

I brought my left leg up and slid it over his back, then used the momentum to flip myself over so that I was on top. I jerked my wrists free and sat up on Sayid's chest, panting and grinning. He looked a little surprised.

"Whatcha gonna do know, huh?" I said, grinning my shark's grin.

"Do you two _mind_?"

I looked up and Sayid tilted his head back to see a glaring, disgruntled Sawyer disappearing into my tent, but not before muttering.

"In fronta the _kid_, too. _Sheesh_."

And just like that, the tension that was building between Sayid and I dissipated. He began laughing.

I couldn't help it. I laughed so hard that I fell off of Sayid and woke up Elliot.

---

"PMSing, Sawyer?" I giggled as Elliot and I went inside the tent later. Sawyer, who had made another makeshift bed next to mine, glared up at me over the top of his book.

"What the hell you talkin' bout, midge?"

Laughing, I shook my head. "Nothin', Sawyer. C'mere, Elliot."

"Whoa, whoa, what's the kid doin' in here? You didn't take that playin' house thing seriously, did you?"

I gave him a withering look. "Sawyer, this is Elliot. Elliot, this is Sawyer. He's an idiot. Don't talk to him."

The little boy clutched my hand and nodded solemnly.

"Okay, let's get you a bed."

I used several airplane blankets and pillows to make him a bunk on the left side of my own make-shift bed. Sawyer watched the whole thing sullenly over the top of _Watership Down_.

As soon as I was done, little Elliot curled up and was out like a light.

"Elliot," Sawyer said finally. I looked around at him, and he was staring at little Elliot, realization dawning on his face. I knew what he was thinking.

"He's not the Elliot you're thinking of," I said, and his eyes flashed onto me and he set the book down.

"C'mon, midge. Enough wiv' the enigmatic thing. Who is he?"

"Why does it matter?"

"It _doesn't_. I only wanna know why he means so _damn_ much to _you_."

"He might not mean anything."

Sawyer snorted. "Kid, I've been around enough women to know when someone means somethin' to them, and Elliot, whoever he is, means the world to you." His eyes softened.

"He was on the plane, wasn't he?"

I settled back on my heels and looked up at Sawyer frankly. "No. He wasn't."

Sawyer sighed and leant forward, placing his book on the ground. "Kid, listen-"

"Don't '_kid_' me, _Sawyer_, cos I ain't a kid, an' I ain' bin one fer a long time," I snapped, my heart pounding. I hated confrontations. He frowned at me.

"This is cause I split up you an' Boone last night, isn't it?"

I sighed, looking down at my whitish-gray pillow. I felt my face slipping behind the mask of indifference, the expression I wore when I was angry, or scared, or sad, or just wanted to be left alone. I felt a bit of all four at the moment.

My stomach jumped at the thought of Boone, beautiful Boone-dying Boone.

"No, Sawyer. I'm glad you did something', cause I don' like to think how it woulda ended up, what with me bein' drunk out of my mind. This is about me not wanting to talk about _him_, okay?"

I looked back up at him, and felt a jolt of surprise when he was really _there_, shirtless and looking at me intensely.

James 'Sawyer' Ford was _real_. And he was in my tent, on an island, and he was _worried_ about _me_.

It was too much.

I took a few deep breaths, not letting the panic get to me. Something in Sawyer's eyes, something in the intense planes of his face had made me realize; _this is really happening_. And while I'd known it was happening, it had felt like a dream. The shark this morning, combined with the stress I felt now, trying to avoid Sawyer's questions, made me, for lack of a better word…

_Wake up._

---

Katty was mumbling something about Chinese food in her sleep and Elliot was sleeping, but Sawyer was wide awake.

The girl had freaked out on him earlier. She had started hyperventilating and had gone real pale, those eyes of hers wide as could be. At first, Sawyer had thought she was just angry, but then he saw those eyes- and they were scared. He hadn't known her for very long, but fear didn't seem to fit her.

And then she started crying.

Sawyer didn't do well with weepy women.

He placed his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling of the tent, avoiding looking at her. Her eyes had still been red rimmed when she had finally calmed down enough to sleep, and he didn't want to see her pale face at the moment.

She was pretty when she cried.

He didn't know what it was about her. She was pretty, sure, but he'd known much more beautiful women. And she was funny, but he'd never gone for girls with smart mouths. They pissed him off too easily, and Katty was getting on his nerves almost continually.

She was too much like him. There was a kind of darkness to her, a rough side that he saw in the moments between moments, when her face slipped out of laughter, or when she was just thinking. He could see it, because the same darkness- the same rough edges- were in him too. And it scared the hell out of him to see a kid so much like him. That's what she was- just a kid.

But he stayed. Because when she laughed, or joked around, or when she had that adorable bewildered look on her face, or when she smiled her crooked smile- he felt the insane urge to hug her and protect her, even though he knew she really didn't need protecting.

But she was only a kid, even though she didn't like to think of herself that way. But Sawyer couldn't forget it. And last night, when he'd seen her with Boone, he'd felt a surge of protective jealousy. He told himself it was more protective than jealous, but he saw in Katty's eyes that she could read him like an open book.

And that drove him nuts, that knowing look she got sometimes.

And then there was the fact that she knew everything that was going to happen. Sawyer still didn't know how to feel about that. She definitely knew things she shouldn't have. That wasn't possible.

In a lot of ways, she was the little sister he'd never had. And in a lot of ways, she was nothing close to family.

Grudgingly, he glanced at the sleeping girl next to him. Her dirty hair was falling in her face, which was smushed against the pillow, her mouth slightly open. His gaze softened. She looked like a kid when she was asleep, carefree, with no worries in the world-

She snorted and shifted slightly in her sleep, smacking her lips. She stretched, still sleeping, and flipped onto her back before settling back down, a hand hanging off her bunk. Sawyer carefully placed it back next to her on the bed.

She woke up, opening her eyes blearily. "Whaddya want?"

Sawyer raised an eyebrow. "Go back to sleep, kid."

She nodded. "Mmkay."

She rolled over so her back was facing him. He could see the planes of her shoulder blades and the muscles in her back and the slightly raised scars from whatever the hell happened to her through her red tank top. He had to force himself to look away.

He'd always found backs _extremely_ attractive.

But at that moment she sat straight up, staring at the tent door.

"What?"

With a grin, she slid out of the bed.

"C'mon!" she said gleefully, pulling at his arm. He rose to his feet as she dragged him out the door, her little, clumsy hand still gripping his bicep.

It struck him, for what had to be the hundredth time, how little she was.

"Slow down there, cowgirl!" he said as she dragged him across the sand, to where the pregnant blonde girl- Claire, that was her name- was sleeping in Jack's 'infirmary'.

"Kid!"

She turned back to him, grinning gleefully, like a kid at Christmas.

"Drama!"

He looked back up to see the figure of a man crouching over Claire and frowned, stepping forward, ready to go help her- but Katty put her hand on his chest. Sawyer looked down at her, but she was looking at the tent. She was so much shorter than him, all he could see was the top of her head.

"Kid-"

"Just shut up and watch, Sawyer," she said, moving a bit closer. He saw another figure, who decked the first one, and then they moved out of the tent, shouting. Sawyer sidestepped Katty to join the group surrounding them, but, to his surprise, she was right beside him, her eyes fixed on the first figure. Sawyer focused on that one, too.

It was Boone.

Michael stepped forward, glaring at him. "Where'd he hide it?"

Sawyer looked down at Katty, smirking. "And they thought it was me."

"-this wanker had three bottles of it! Why'd you do it, pretty boy, eh?"

Sawyer wanted to join in with Charlie, but the look on Katty's face stopped him. She was staring at Boone in a wistful, sad sorta way that made him stop. Boone looked frustrated.

"It was just sittin' in the tent, and Jack just- took off-"

"Claire could have died!" spat Charlie. Katty stepped forward, tensing slightly. Sawyer recognized fighting posture when he saw it.

His attention was diverted, however, when the woman named Kate stepped forward, hair tousled, eyes sleepy.

"What is going on?" she asked, in a commanding tone of voice. Sawyer smirked. The woman was too gorgeous for her own good.

"Someone had to take responsibility for it, it never would lasted-"

Charlie's face contorted and he pushed Boone in the chest. Both Katty and her Arab friend stepped in at the same time, but Katty's head was swiveling towards the jungle seconds before Jack's voice echoed-

"Leave him alone!"

All gazes swung to him, but Sawyer stared at Katty, transfixed.

She'd known where he was going to be. Everything that had happened that night, even in the morning, when she dashed into the water, she'd known what was going to happen.

Hell, she'd known.

---

Jack looked like crap.

He was standing at the edge of the jungle, chest heaving with pants, pale, red eyed, and exhausted.

I wondered how much of that was my fault.

He stepped forward, swaggering a bit out of exhaustion.

"It's been six days and we're all still waiting. Waiting for someone to come. But _what if_ they don't? We have to _stop_ waiting. We need to start figuring things out! A woman died this morning just going for a swim and he was the first one in the water, and now you're about to _crucify_ him? We can't do this. Every man for himself is not going to work. It's time to start organizing. We need to figure out _how_ we're going to survive here. Now, I found water. Fresh water, up in the valley. I'll take a group in at first light. If you don't want to go then _find_ another way to contribute! Last week most of us were strangers, but we're all here now. And god knows how long we're going to be here! But if we can't live together…." His eyes searched around through all of us, making sure his words sunk in. I stared at him, not even trying to fight the grin spreading across my face. "We're going to die alone."

No one said anything as his words sunk in. I crossed my arms over my chest and stuck out a hip as Jack approached me.

_That's my boy._

"Katty."

He stopped in front of me. He looked even worse close up, eyes red and face white. I looked up at him.

"Come with me."

He grabbed my elbow and we walked away from the rest of the camp. I had to fight the urge to look back at Sawyer and Sayid, but, knowing that they were probably staring after Jack and I, I made sure to walk… sexy.

Yes, I'm a tease. Get over it.

Once we were a ways away, he let go of my elbow.

"Don't stop walking," he told me. I nodded.

"You okay, Jack?"

He glanced at me. "I saw my dead father. How would _you_ feel?"

I glanced up at him. "Like shit."

He stared at me. "What happens next?"

I hesitated, not quite sure how to respond to him- or the question he'd asked. "Um, dude, I already told you-"

"Yeah, I know, you can't change anything. But, seriously, Katty," he stepped forward and I took a step back out of reflex.

"Jack-"

"What happens next?"

"Look, it doesn't work like that. I don't remember everything, okay?"

Jack didn't say anything for a minute, then stepped forward. "If anyone else dies, because of _you_, Katty-"

SMACK.

Jack stopped, stunned, a red handprint visible on his face. My hand was smarting and I knew I had an incredulous look on my face.

"My fault?" I said, my voice low but loud. "A woman died and I swam after her only to face one a friggin' shark and it was _my fault_?"

I was shouting now, my heart hammering, adrenaline coursing through me. I hated confrontations… but I'll be damned if I wasn't good at them.

I reached up to hit him again, my hand curling into a fist, but he caught my wrist, eyebrows furrowed.

"Don't," he spat, "_touch_ me."

I twisted my hand out of his grasp and glared at him. "Don't _blame_ me, Jack!"

"Is everything all right?"

We both turned to see Sayid standing about ten feet away, his hands shoved in his pockets, face blank, voice deceptively mild.

Jack turned to face him fully, face twisting. "We're talking here, Sayid, if you could give us a few minutes-"

"No point, Jack. He knows."

Jack turned back to me. "How many other people know, Katty?"

I took a step back out of reflex, as his anger was real, raw, and very frightening. "Charlie and Hurley. And Sawyer."

He took a step forward. "_Four_ other people know? What the hell were you thinking-"

"Ex_cuse_ me? I don't report to you," I snapped, drawing myself up to my full height. "I'll tell who I want, when I want, Jack. You aren't in charge of me."

Inwardly I cringed at the childish words, but Jack didn't seem to notice. My eyes flicked to Sayid, who was tensed, ready to step in if things got out of hand.

I wondered if he'd be protecting me or Jack.

"From now on, tell me before you tell anyone else-"

"Um, I'm sorry, did you not hear what I just said? I know a hellova lot more than you do right now, so don't try to tell me what to do. I'm not going to change anything, and yes, people are going to die." I stepped forward, seething.

I was truly angry now, and it took a lot to get me really angry. I did care about everyone else… but I was drained. Though I'd done a great job of not letting it show, the past year had been incredibly difficult, and the past several months had been the figurative icing on the cake.

I was drained. Everything I felt was… a shadow. An echo of how I used to feel, like I was only halfway there.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and swallowed my pride. "I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean that. But I don't know if I can change anything. We'll just have to see, okay?" I opened my eyes and looked at him. He stared down at me a minute before nodding.

"Okay. But Katty…"

I had begun to walk off with Sayid but turned back now. Jack was staring at me intently. "I need you with me on this. I want to get everyone off this island, safe. No more lies."

I just looked at him, trying to think of something to say. I settled for a nod.

---

I walked down to the beach to see Sawyer smirking at Boone. I sat down heavily next to the younger man and Sawyer's smirk grew.

"It's the woman of the hour 'erself. What happens next, princess?"

"Bugger off," I said quietly, my eyes flicking to him briefly. He raised his eyebrows and sauntered off, smirk fully in place. I sighed, deflating next to Boone. Tension was rolling off him and I looked up at him to see his jaw clench and unclench.

"You're here to tell me off too, huh?"

I stared at him. "What's the point? It's not like you can go back in time and stop yourself or anything."

He looked down at me quickly, then back at the ocean. He had the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen.

"I was just trying to help," he said quietly.

"I know. Hey, don't worry about it. It was a mistake. We all make 'em."

He glanced at me and I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

"Like last night?"

I winced, flushing, and his lips twitched. "Like last night. And… I wanted to apologize for that. I was totally out of line. Sorry." I was beet red, but kind of hoping he would kiss me.

"Katty, it's okay. You were drunk." His voice was soothing, and inwardly I deflated again while outwardly I turned an even more vibrant shade of red. He was talking to me like I was kid. Which, technically, I guess I was. But still…

We looked back out at the ocean for a moment as I summoned my courage.

_Should I say it?_

"I meant it, though," I said, quietly, before my brain had a chance to stop me. Boone looked down at me.

"What?"

"What I said last night. All of it. A drunk man's actions are a sober man's thoughts, right?"

I couldn't look at him. I'd never been good at stuff like this.

"Just wanted to… y'know, let you know."

I began to stand up, face burning. I turned around, seeing my tent illuminated from the inside, and Sawyer's silhouette.

"Katty…"

I looked back down at him. He was flushing too. My heart leapt again. Maybe…

"Look, I don't really know how to say this… I do… like you, but you're so young. I… it wouldn't feel right."

My heart twisted and I collapsed next to him on my knees, my fingers digging into the sand.

"We're on an island."

He raised an eyebrow, lips twitched. "Really."

"We're on a supposedly deserted island, we've been here however many _freaking_ days, and we could all die in a day, a week, an _hour_. Everything changes, Boone. This isn't civilization anymore. You have one chance, and I'm telling you, you don't wanna let it slip away."

I stood up, brushing the sand off my legs, heart pounding, He stared up at me, slightly shocked.

"See you tomorrow, Boone."

---

Sawyer was asleep by the time I got to the tent. I'd walked a while on the beach, trying to make myself tired, trying to avoid thinking.

There was something I had to do.

As quietly as I could, I stepped over Sawyer and knelt down next to my duffel bag. I unzipped it, reached in, and pulled out my laptop. There was one small dent on the top, but other than that, it looked okay. I supposed that the amount of clothes surrounding it had been the only thing that saved it.

I lowered myself unto my bed, opening the laptop with a click, and pressed the power button. Relief and triumph flowed throw me when the whirring and clicking began, and the screen turned a light blue.

Once everything had loaded, I clicked on firefox. It didn't connect. I hadn't expected it to, but I still felt disappointed.

Then I opened Microsoft, a blank document, and began typing. When I was done, after describing the past six days, I held my breath and clicked the print button.

---

Thousands of miles away, in a gray brick house in Tennessee, a printer came to life.

**TBC...

* * *

**"wAKE uP" BY THREE dAYS gRACE (sAWYER) and "Weight of the World" by Evanescence. (Katty)


	8. Letters From Nowhere

**A/N: Hey guys! This one is also very, ver short, but phenomenally important. Also, I've been waiting for this chapter to make an announcement: One of my reviews shares the same name as the heroine of this story, Katty Sherman. No, it wasn't planned, just a coincidence. But both of us have decided to use this coincidence to our advantage. She's given me permission to use some of her actual life (her friends, family, past, etc) as plot devices and characters in this story. I'm telling you all this, now, since this chapter feature's Katty's family. So let's all give a round of applause for the REAL Katty! (crickets chirp). Anyway.... this chapter has some things that may make you say, "wtf", and all I can do is ask you to stick with it. Everything that seems unbelievable in COMPLETELY explainable, and it WILL be explained. As always, PLEASE REVIEW!

* * *

**_Will you recognise me?  
Call my name or walk on by  
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling  
Down, down, down, down_

_Don't you try to pretend  
It's my feeling we'll win in the end  
I won't harm you or touch your defenses  
Vanity and security_

_Don't you forget about me  
I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby  
Going to take you apart  
I'll put us back together at heart, baby_

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Letters from Nowhere**

Ever since her daughter's plane had crashed somewhere in the Atlantic, Karen Sherman had begun finding out everything there was to know about the television series called_ Lost_- a series that had mysteriously disappeared at the same time as her daughter did. In fact, only her family remembered it. Kathryn had been the one to get them all hooked on it two summers ago.

They'd all flown home from London as soon as they heard about the crash, ready to make arrangement's, trying to accept that she was gone- until they heard the number of the flight.

Karen was very grateful they'd kept the boxed seasons. She had seen the correlations as soon as she heard about the crash, and while a normal mother would be grieving, Karen Sherman was only about as normal as her daughter. She knew that, somewhere, Kathryn was alive. And wreaking havoc for the other characters on the island, if she knew her daughter.

Now, if she could only find where she put those damn boxes.

---

"Ted!" she shrieked half an hour later, running down the stairs. "Ted, I found them!"

When she got into the living room, her husband had the TV clicked on. Karen pulled out the first disc of season one and slid it in, hands trembling.

Neither of them knew, exactly, what they were hoping to see. At the very least, they could refresh their memories as to what, exactly, their daughter was going through.

"How long has it been?" asked Ted as they settled down onto the couch.

"Six days," answered his wife.

The opening sequence of the pilot began to play, and the couple watched for a few seconds without interest. Then-

They both leaned forward, eyes wide. "That wasn't there before the crash," said Karen, stunned.

"Katie," whispered Ted in a strained whisper as they watched a short blonde girl dart across the screen and drag an unconscious Sawyer from the wreckage. They watched their daughter with pride.

And then she lowered her mouth to his and her father exploded.

"What the hell is she _thinking_! He's almost as old as I am and a damn _conman_!"

"Shut up, honey," said Karen. Ted didn't answer, but continued to glare at the screen.

Katie was back a few seconds later with Claire. Her parents watched in fascination as she helped people, then stood in fear as a piece of wreckage was hurled at her. Karen relaxed when Sawyer saved her, but Ted tensed up even more.

"Get your hands off my daughter-"

"Honey!"

It was more than they could have ever hoped for, but was made all the more infuriating by the scenes in which their daughter- their Katie- was absent.

They were relieved to see that she was alive, and reasonably well. They laughed when they saw how well she hit it off with Sayid, knowing that he had always been one of her favorite characters. For her sake, neither of them wanted her to come to love Boone.

They watched two disks in one sitting, eight episodes, about ten days.

When Ted had had enough, he clicked the TV off. The two just stood and stared at each other for a moment, then collapsed against each other in tears of relief.

They didn't know how it was happening. It was strange enough that their daughter was somehow part of a TV show, and even stranger that- somehow- she was in the original show. They didn't know how, but they didn't care. They could see their daughter. She was safe.

Then, coming from the study, they heard a normal but unexpected sound: the printer began printing. They both turned and headed into the study as page after page poured out of the printer.

_Mom, Dad, Sid, Namers, Seraphim-_

_I don't know if this'll work, but if it does, we need to get one thing straight- you can't come for me. You guys have to let it play out as planned, and it is so hard to say that, cause I wanna come home so bad. I'm sure you've figured out what's going on by now. I don't know how, but I'm in Lost. And I'm totally crushing on Sayid, he's freaking awesome, but whatever. At the moment I'm sharing a tent with Sawyer (don't freak out, dad, it's purely platonic) cause he helped me build it. Also, Jack is extremely hot. I mean, wow. Even though he's a bit of a jerk and thinks I'm an annoying kid. Which I guess I am, haha. Claire rocks, too. I'm really good friends with her. Kate and I… acknowledge each other. She thinks I'm competing with her for Sawyer or something, but I'm not. I mean, I would have expected to be majorly crushing on him, but, I dunno. Now that I've met him, not my type._

_Boone is, though. I've kissed him (sorry, dad) even though I was drunk._

_The past six days have been… crazy. Like I said, I've gotten to know a lot of people, but I'm scared to try and change anything. This morning that woman died. Joanna, remember? Well, I went in after her, only to see a great freaking white. And I'm telling you, there's a reason why humans are instinctively wary of the ocean- because it's dangerous._

_Oh, there's also a little boy named Elliot whose adopted me. He's adorable, but it hurts to see him, sometimes._

_Speaking of Elliot's, I met a man named Elliot in Venice. He told me some seriously weird stuff. He said that some people were after me and that I was special. He got killed and I got my back blown up._

_Don't tell anyone about this, okay? If you even get it. Ugh, it seems so retarded! How will this even work? What the freaking POINT?_

_If you get this, sorry about that, and I'll write again as soon as I get the chance._

_I love you all so, so much. But Naomi, stay out of my room. I'll be back. I promise._

_Love,_

_Katie_

That was the first letter.

There were more to come.

**LOST**


	9. Dead Man Walking

**_All Roads Lead Here_ by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**_An angel's smile is what you sell  
You promised me heaven, then put me through hell  
Chains of love got a hold on me  
When passion's a prison, you can't break free_

_You're a loaded gun  
There's nowhere to run  
No one can save me  
The damage is done_

_Shot through the heart  
And you're to blame  
You give love a bad name  
I play my part and you play your game  
You give love a bad name_

_Paint your smile on your lips  
Blood red nails on your fingertips_

_A school boy's dream, you act so shy_

_Your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye_

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Dead Man Walking**

**Day Seven**

I woke up with a start the next morning, alert and clear headed. I moaned and stretched, then just lay on my makeshift bed for a few minutes, staring at the top of the tent. The bed was surprisingly comfortable. The sand was soft and cool underneath the airplane blanket, and the thicker light blue blanket I had found was fantastic, because it got surprisingly cold here at night.

After a bit, I rolled out of the bed and shoved my glasses onto my face, then grabbed a pair of jeans and a bra and got dressed, my back to Sawyer. It didn't escape my notice that this whole set up –especially with the sleeping Elliot- felt very… domestic. It made me feel giddy and uncomfortable at the same time.

Once I was dressed, I leant over to Elliot to wake him up. It's not that I didn't trust Sawyer with him, but I didn't think Sawyer would even notice he was there and I wanted someone to have an eye on him at all times.

"Elliot?" I whispered, shaking his little shoulder. "C'mon, Elliot honey, wake up."

I heard Sun screaming from outside the tent and straightened up.

Guess it's that day.

Forgetting Elliot (so much for responsibility- first sign of trouble and I'm headed to it), I grabbed the gun and stuck it in the back of my pants as I ran out of the tent. Sawyer had woken up and said blearily, " What the hell-"

"C'mon, Sawyer. Elliot, stay here," I said, darting out into the bright sunlight. Michael and Jin were in the water and a crowd had started to form. People were shouting, especially Walt and Sun. Sawyer sped past me, and he and Sayid both ran into the water. Sayid got Jin off Michael with a spectacular flying tackle, and Sawyer dragged Michael out of the water. I ran over and grabbed Michael, leaving Sawyer free to grab Jin with Sayid.

"The handcuffs from the sky marshal!" shouted Sayid, who was sitting on Jin to keep him from fighting. "Now!"

Sawyer pulled them out of one of his pockets and handed them to Sayid. I had to let go of Michael and help drag Jin over to a bar from the fuselage. He was still fighting and ended up accidentally punching me across the face.

My eyebrows shot up and my jaw dropped and I stared at him with a look that can probably be best described as, "Oh, no you didn't."

The beach got quiet as Jin stared angrily at me, chest heaving. My right hand tightened into a fist and I punched him in the temple, effectively knocking him out cold.

---

"Look, I'm getting tired of saying this! I was just walking the beach with my son, and all of the sudden this dude is all up on me. I didn't _do_ anything!"

My hand and my face hurt. I had a pretty spectacular bruise forming across my left cheekbone and my lip was split. Jin had come round and hadn't been happy to find himself handcuffed to a bar from the fuselage. He was already sweating profusely in the baking sun, and I felt a little sorry for him. A little. Unfortunately, Sun wasn't speaking English yet, so Sayid had decided to probe Michael for answers. A big mistake.

"Surely there must be something you're not telling us," said Sayid. I winced, seeing Michael's face tighten. I didn't remember exactly what happened, but I knew this wasn't going to be pretty. Stepping forward a bit, I tried to address Sayid.

"Um, dude-"

"Surely? Where you from, man?" said Michael angrily, cutting me off.

"Tikrit."

Blank looks all around. Sayid sighed. "Iraq."

"Well, I don' know how it is in Iraq, but in the United States of America, where I'm from, Korean people don't like black people!"

Jin said something shortly to Michael in Korean that I'm pretty sure was rude. To be safe, I flipped him off, and Sayid gave me a look that reminded me of my dad.

"So maybe you oughtta talk to him!" he shouted, pointing at Jin.

Sun pointed at her watch and said something in Korean. Sayid, misunderstanding her, said, "The cuffs stay on."

She looked at me imploringly, since she knew I knew what was going on. Yay for the coconut telegram. I shrugged and nodded my head at Michael, who wasn't paying attention to us. She nodded.

"A little louder, Omar, maybe then she'll understand you-"

"That's not helping, Sawyer," I said, rolling my eyes at him. He smiled at me.

"Wasn't meant to, freckles."

With that word, it all came crashing down.

I felt cold at the use of the familiar nickname. Instead of being flattered, I was scared. I realized, for the first time, what a slippery slope I was on, with the whole Kate/Sawyer deal. Their relationship was a central element to LOST, and if they didn't get together, a lot would change.

And as much as it killed me, that meant I had to back out.

"Don't call me that," I snapped at Sawyer, who looked taken aback. I turned back to Sayid, muttering loud enough that Sawyer would hear me, "I don't even have any damn freckles."

---

"What the _hell_ is your problem, midge?"

I ignored Sawyer and began walking faster, hitching my bag up on my back.

"Katty! C'mon, kid, what's wrong?"

He'd caught up to me and grabbed my arm.

I had decided to try and meet up with Kate, Jack, Locke and Charlie by the caves. Locke had left strips of cloth on trees, making it easy to find them.

It was humid and hot, not to mention dangerous, but I'd rather be with them then at the beach now.

I felt like crying. I knew I was overreacting, with the whole Sawyer and Kate deal, but it'd hit me hard. And I cared about Sawyer. It was like how in school you really like a guy, and then your best friend tells you she likes him too. So you back off, even though it breaks your heart, because she's your best friend. Except in this case, Kate wasn't my best friend. And it wasn't because of her that I was "backing off". It's cause I'm a coward. Maybe if I was braver, better, then I wouldn't worry about changing things. But I wasn't brave. And I wasn't "good".

So I locked my heart away and threw out the key.

"Dude, don't touch me," I said, and jerked my arm out of his grasp. The momentum propelled me forwards and I almost hit a tree, but stuck my hands out at the last second and caught myself on the wet, mossy, green tree. The moss squished up between my fingers and it felt disgusting. Also, there was a hole right next to the tree and I'd fallen in it up to my knee and was now stuck.

"For _real_?" I snapped.

"Here, kid," said Sawyer, and then his big hands were under my arms and he practically lifted me out. It was one of the weirdest sensations of my life.

Then he set me down and I stumbled back, falling against him. He laughed.

"Watch it there, midge."

"Shut up," I said, turning around and coming face to face with his chest. Gosh, he was tall. And he smelt really good.

The tension that was always present between us reached exploding point and as I looked up into his intense face, all the reasons for avoiding him packed their bags and set off for Texas. His face was unreadable, like always, but his eyes and the set of his lips were concerned.

"What is it, kid?"

And then, just as quickly, with his low, gravelly voice, they came rushing back and I broke out of a trance.

I shook my head slightly.

"Nothin', Sawyer."

I stepped around him, brushing his arm barely. I kept my eyes on the ferns on the ground, and I got about ten feet from him before-

"I'm _done_, kid."

I could almost see him throw his arms up in the air and I stopped dead in my tacks. I was silent for a minute, my heart hammering. The wind blew through the trees, making all kinds of weird, creepy sounds. Apart from that, though, the jungle was silent. Eerily so.

"Done with what?" I asked stiffly.

"Done with _you_, Katty. I'm done tryin' to piece together all the shit signals you been sendin'. I don' know what the hell happened to you to make you so damn cold, and I don't know how the hell you know what you do, but I'm done tryin' to figure it out. We ain't got the time for puzzles, in case you hadn't noticed. Wake up, kid. I'm though."

We stood in silence for a moment. I felt my eyes welling up and turned around. Sawyer's face was angry, his eyebrows almost meeting in the middle of his forehead. His long, lanky body was positioned slightly defensively. He was beautiful. This was what I'd known, in the back of my mind since I'd met him, would have to happen. But it hurt worse than I'd ever expected.

He had no idea who I was, what I'd been through, or what I'd done.

"You wanna know what happened to me, Sawyer?"

He didn't say anything. I was shaking now, feeling a mixture of anxiety, anger, and hurt. I ripped off my shirt and he leant his head back, eyes narrowing even more. I turned around, showing him my scarred back. Those scars were less than a month old, and had healed faster than anyone would believe possible. Even so, they were still pink, and very new looking, and sometimes they hurt if I twisted my back the wrong way.

I hated those scars, because apart from being ugly, they set me aside, marked me as a killer. And as someone who, by all rights, should be dead.

"You wanna know how _this_ happened, Sawyer?"

"Put your shirt back on, kid," he said, and then turned and walked away.

He just walked away, without a second thought.

I stood there, in the middle of the jungle, feeling like my heart was gonna collapse in on itself. I felt tears in my throat, but they never quite made it to my eyes. I felt cold, and I knew I was shaking.

Everything was happening too fast, and now I'd lost Sawyer.

"Katty?"

I whirled around to see Ethan stepping out of the clump of trees that Sawyer had just disappeared into. He stepped towards me, looking concerned. My skin started crawling.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I snapped, then brushed past him and into the jungle, pulling my shirt back on as I went.

---

I got back to the beach before Sawyer did. I didn't know where he went, or what he did, but I was walking with Sayid when he got back. Our finders were interlaced, his big hand enveloping mine, more for comfort than romance. Sayid had taken one look at me and known something was wrong, but he didn't pry.

I loved him for that.

Sawyer emerged from the jungle, his face dark, and I stopped, cold flooding my body. Sayid stopped too, and looked down at me, concerned.

"Katty? What's going on?"

"Nothing," I mumbled. "Let's go cut up some wood or something."

We went one way, and Sawyer, after sending us a dark look, went the other.

---

That night, after some people had left for the caves, the ones of us who stayed were sitting in a circle. It was dark and the smoke made intricate shapes in the night sky as it floated away. I was emotionally drained and exhausted from earlier, and seeing Sawyer sitting with Kate directly across from me didn't help any. But I felt drained, and way too tired to cry.

We were all quiet, and the mood was very different from how it had been the last time we all sat around a fire.

I was the first one to leave. I stood up with a sigh and touched Sayid's shoulder. He looked up at me and I nodded toward my tent.

"I'm goin' to bed," I mumbled. "C'mon, Elliot."

The little boy stumbled to his feet and followed me, grabbing my hand. I turned back and caught Sawyer's eye before leaving. His eyes were red too.

---

"Kid."

The little boy named Elliot was sleeping, his little body curled beneath the sheets. Katty was stretched out on her cot, one leg tucked under the other, which was outstretched, and her small hand was closed around a mini whiskey bottle. Her face was pale and drawn and her eyes were flat beneath her square-rimmed glasses. She had the look on her face that thrilled him and worried him at the same time- the blank slate, with fire burning behind her eyes. The look he imagined she would be wearing when he kissed her-

He had to stop.

"Kid, I-"

" 'S okay," she said quietly, in her smoky voice, not meeting Sawyer's eyes. He wanted to grab her chin and make her look at him.

"Look, what I said earlier, I didn't mean it-"

"It's whatever, Sawyer," she said, still not meeting his eyes. She took a sip of the whiskey and Sawyer watched her throat bob as she swallowed it. He sighed and crouched in front of her.

"Katty, ya just- you just don't get it, do ya?"

She met his eyes for the first time. "Don't get what?"

He couldn't find a way to put it into words, what he was trying to say. He wanted to tell her she didn't need the mystery, she didn't need the cryptic one-liners and dark looks. She didn't need the sarcasm and defensive posture and piercing eyes. All she needed was- her.

But he couldn't say that. He couldn't tell her that he wanted to laugh with her, to protect her forever. He couldn't tell her that she meant more to him than almost any girl ever had, and in a completely different way. He couldn't tell her she was a mixture of a sister and a best friend. He couldn't tell her she made a better comedian than a superhero.

So he just reached out and grabbed her shoulder. She looked a little shocked.

"Sawyer-"

He pulled her to him and crushed her to his chest, hugging her as tight as he could. He felt, as much as heard, the breath hitch in her throat. He felt her relax, and when she did, he couldn't help but feel like a broken off piece of his heart, something that had been detached since before she was born, rejoined the whole. It didn't have anything to do with her, not really.

_She was dangerous, not because of what she had done or what she could do, but because of what she made you feel. She made you want to protect her, even though she didn't need protecting. She made you want to love her, even though you wondered if she could love at all._

But she stiffened, suddenly, like she could hear the train of half formed thoughts running through his mind.

"What the hell, Sawyer?"

She pushed at his shoulders and, reluctantly, he let her go. He pulled back to see her expressionless face, blank except for the regret in her eyes, and he felt anger begin to bubble inside of him, again.

She didn't get it.

"What the crap was that?" she asked. He glared at her, and was gratified to see some shock in that emotionless face.

"That was one last shot, kid." He rose to his full height. There was pain in her face now, no denying it. He felt the urge to stay, take all the pain out of her face, but he couldn't. He wasn't gonna get sucked into her game, not again.

He didn't trust her. He didn't know what she was playing at, what she wanted. He had no idea that she was scared and confused, and while she wasn't exactly pure, she had no intention of harm, physical or otherwise.

But Sawyer didn't know that, and he'd seen enough that he wasn't gonna wait around to find out.

He grabbed his bag, and looked over his shoulder one last time right before leaving the tent. Her eyes were definitely shining more brightly than normal. Something twisted in Sawyer's stomach, and he made himself leave before he could think about it again.

Maybe he was fooling himself.

She wasn't a sister to him at all.

---

I trudged down to the beach and plopped down in the sand at the water's edge with a sigh. It was windy and cool and the water lapping at my feel felt amazing. My toes dug into the sand.

"This seat taken?"

I looked up to see Ethan and my stomach dropped out of my body. I fought the urge to tell him to screw off, and nodded.

"Sure."

He smiled and sat down next to me. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye.

"It's Katty, right?"

"Yep."

He laughed. "Unusual name. Is there a story behind it?"

"Kind of."

He waited, and after a minute I sighed. "My full name's Kathryn, but there's a lot of Kathryn's, and even more Katie's and Kate's, but I've never met another Katty." I shrugged. "I like to be different. Plus it suits me."

Ethan laughed. "Funny how that happens, right?"

I smiled at my toes. "Yeah, funny."

There were a few moments of slightly awkward silence, and then I said, "I thought you were at the caves?"

He shook his head slowly. "Nah. It's nice up there, but…"

"You want to get home," I said softly, clenching my hands. I thought, rather violently, _son of a bitch._

It was weirder talking to Ethan than it was talking to Boone or Charlie. Maybe because he would be the first one to die. I didn't know, but whenever I saw him, I got shivers. It was like talking to a dead man.

A dead man walking.

"So, uh… what were you on the plane for?"

"I was going to fly to London, but the flight was cancelled."

"So you got on a flight to LA? How does that help you get to London?"

I actually laughed, because I'd wondered the same thing. Who'da thought. Get in a fight with Sawyer, ending laughing at the absurdity of airports with Ethan freaking Rom. "I said the exact same thing, dude. I was so pissed. Like, you have no idea."

"Some idiots run airports."

I laughed again and looked at Ethan. He was smiling too, his eyes crinkly. "Got that right, hombre."

He laughed and nodded, then stuck his hand out to me.

"I'm Ethan."

"I know," I said, shaking his hand. Something shifted behind his eyes, and I worried.

"I'm good at names," I added, and it wasn't lie. Ethan nodded, but his eyes were still a bit curious. I bobbed my head a little, biting my lip, then stood up.

"Well. I'm gonna go 'head and turn in, you know…"

"Oh, sure," he said, nodding. The moonlight made him look ethereal, and not in a good way. The man was seriously freaky. "I'm gonna stay out here a while."

I walked back to my tent, turning and waving to Ethan before slipping inside.

---

Ethan watched her disappear inside the tent, and the glow from the fire behind the tent illuminated her form as she laid down and pulled a blanket over her.

Ethan turned back to the ocean, a smirk on his face.

Ben had been right. The girl was interesting.

He'd be keeping a closer eye on her.

**TBC...

* * *

****A/N: Hey guys! I'm down here! I'm thinking about downs my A'Ns down here, so that the beginning of the story isn't marred by my rambling (lol) and so that I can discuss the chapter without giving anything away. Speaking of chapters! I, personally, LOVE this chapter. I've re-written it at least twice, and revised it I don't know how many times. I'm sure most of you saw the Katty/Sawyer fight coming, but there was also a confession! Go back... look VERY closely.... the point is, I'm excitied about this chapter. I think it shows a more whiny, over dramatic side of Katty, and while I hate people like that, I think it makes her more rounded and a little less mysterious. Really, she's just pitching a BF. Also, the plot is going to start becoming much more clear and things are probably going to start happening a lot more quickly. These last few chapters have mostly been setting the scene, getting the characters acquainted with each other and the island and all those details. Now that that's mainly DONE, however, things are going to start picking up speed. PLEASE REVIEW!**

You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi, Sawyer.


	10. Got a Heart to Break?

_**All Roads Lead Here **_**by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**

_There is a problem here with our society  
The absence of my tears is my sobriety  
I have a growing fear and you're not helping me  
Am I the only one who realizes it's true?_

You're persecuting me, showing hypocrisy  
I have a remedy for your insecurity  
It's all the same, sadly, nobody works for free  
Am I the only one who realizes it's true

Beat but I'm not broken  
Guide me through with your hand  
Lead with your words spoken  
Show me how to listen

Let your light shine through me  
Take this hate I can't release  
Help me make the blind see  
Misery loves its company

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Got a Heart to Break?**

_I didn't dream very often._

_So I was surprised when that damn girl popped into my head._

_I wasn't sure what was going on, cause we were still on this island, but it was just the two of us, and she was wearing some kinda dress that made her look older than she already did. I was wearin' some kinda vest thing, but even though I knew it, I didn't care. I couldn't take my eyes off her._

_She looked real pretty._

_There were dark smudges under her eyes, like she'd been crying, and her hair was flying around her face. Her lips were blood red._

_She smiled and walked closer to me. I smirked down at her. This was the side of her I'd been waiting to see- the side of her that was just like me._

_She smiled wider, then her hands were going around my neck, pulling me down to her level. I was only too happy to do what she wanted._

_She kissed my neck, and then, before I knew what was happening, she was sucking my blood._

---

**Day Eight**

Sawyer awoke suddenly, and sat up straight. He looked around his new "home", wondering groggily where Katty was.

His stomach felt weird when he thought of her, and he put a hand to his throat. He was half expecting to feel bite marks, but there was only sweaty skin.

He flopped back down and stared at the tarp that served as his ceiling, heart thumping and mind turning. If he tilted his head, just a little, he'd be able to see her tent. Maybe be able to see her.

He had to work to not turn his head. She was like a drug.

And he'd know.

She was young. That was high on the list of things stopping him. And she was dangerous. That was also high.

Hell, it wasn't like the women he was normally with were angels. But she was something different, something not on the regular planes of good and bad. She was dangerous, pure and simple.

And he liked that more than he should.

"Son of a bitch," he said vehemently, turning over and trying to fall back to sleep. But the image of her face, with her full lips and dark eyes, refused to leave his head.

---

He was sitting outside of his tent, reading, when he saw her emerge, and his stomach turned over. Unbidden, an image of the girl in his dream sprang to the front of his mind, and now that he was here, he saw a great resemblance between the Katty he dreamt of and the reality.

The wind blew her shoulder length hair around her face and she reached a hand up to brush it out of her eyes. She wasn't wearing her glasses.

In the colors of the dawn, she looked like a painting.

Her eyes suddenly snapped onto his.

He held her gaze for a minute, then shook his head and stood up, heading for the forest.

"Dammit," he muttered to himself under his breath.

---

"Had it comin'," Sawyer muttered to himself as he washed Boone's blood off his hands in the ocean. Stung like hell, but he didn't care.

He looked up to see Katty standing a ways away, staring at him, that unreadable look on her face. Sawyer rolled his eyes and stood up. He could feel her piercing blue eyes on him as he went back to his tent.

Just like always, when he had nothing to do, or when he felt like torturing himself, he reached in his pocket and pulled out the letter.

It was better than thinking about her.

And then, out of nowhere, Jack was going through his stuff. Sawyer folded up the letter, pissed and a little curious.

"Hey, doc, long time no see-"

Code for: _you better have a damn good reason fer what you're doing._

"Where is it?" snapped Jack, straitening up and looking at him.

_Jeez, what's up his ass? Oh yeah, his head._

"Where's what?" asked Sawyer, a little amused.

"The girl's asthma medicine."

_Huh?_

"Shannon- her inhalers."

Well, that explained Boone this morning. Sawyer nodded, playing along. It would be fun to see exactly how much he could piss Jack off.

"Oh, that."

It worked. Jack's eyes flashed and he took a step forward. "You beat up a kid who was trying to help his sick sister."

_Guess again, doc._

It was more about the only thing he and Boone had in common- an unexplainable interest in the blonde, bespectacled, infuriating girl named Katty.

"No, I whooped a thief who was going through my stuff."

Of course, he couldn't exactly tell Jack that, could he? Stick-up-ass would probably have a heart attack at the thought of Sawyer and her. Would be funny to watch, though.

Course, he might not have to say anything. He could almost see Jack's blood pressure shooting through the roof- or tarp, as the case may be.

"Yours? What makes it yours? You think you can take something out of a suitcase and that makes it yours?"

"-Which I had to move because everybody just wants to help themselves. Look, I don't know what kind of commie share-fest you're running over in cave town, but down here possession's 9/10ths. And a man's got a right to protect his property," Sawyer finished, glaring at Jack. Jack just stared back at him for a minute, and Sawyer gave him points for not flinching.

"Get up," spat Jack. Sawyer rolled his eyes.

"Why, you wanna see who's taller?"

"Get up!"

Sawyer didn't move, but narrowed his eyes.

He wasn't really looking for a fight, but if he got one…

"You sure you wanna make this your problem, doc?"

"Oh yeah," spat Jack. "I'm sure."

_Suit yourself_, thought Sawyer, and he rose to his feet just as Kate walked into the tent. Sawyer couldn't hold back a smirk when he saw her.

"Hey, what's going on?" she asked, her pretty eyes flickering between the two men. Sawyer just smiled, and Jack stormed off. After giving Sawyer a scathing, _what the hell did you do now_ look, Kate followed him. Sawyer watched her retreating back for a few seconds, then collapsed onto his chair.

It didn't take long for him to feel restless again. He swore and, swinging himself off the chair, headed off to find the axe.

A few minutes later- or maybe a few hours, he wasn't keeping track of the time- he heard footsteps. He slowed, thinking that it was Katty. But instead of hearing her smoky voice, he heard a different one- silk instead of velvet.

"What do you want, Sawyer?"

A number of different things ran through his mind, and he smirked at the log he was cutting and didn't turn.

"Freckles, I got so many answers to that question, I don't know where to start-"

He'd called Katty freckles, too. That was when she started acting like a bitch. Well, more of a bitch.

And the pieces began to fall into place.

He could almost hear Kate roll her eyes and he raised his to the impossibly blue ocean.

"What do you want for the inhalers?"

Hell, he didn't even know why they thought he had those inhalers to begin with. But if it got him what he was thinking of…

Hell, he could take some more resentment.

"Ah, good question. What do I want? Hang on a tick."

Smirking, he dropped the axe and turned to look at her. She looked like something from sports illustrated.

"A kiss outta do it."

He saw her expression change from blank to shocked and quickly back again. Sawyer had to fight a grin. She wasn't very good at hiding her emotions.

"What?"

"A kiss, from you, right now," he said, grinning, knowing she wouldn't do anything.

In the end, she didn't kiss him. And he scared her off with the letter, like he knew would happen.

But he knew that this thing with the inhalers wasn't over.

He looked over to see Katty standing by the water's edge, about forty feet away. She looked up at him seconds after he set eyes on her.

She was always there.

Like a stalker, he thought wryly.

Or like a guardian angel, said the deepest part of him.

She raised an eyebrow and walked away.

---

"I know she got some in here," he muttered violently around the flashlight in his teeth. He was digging through Katty's bag.

He knew he'd seen some band-aids in there before…

But he didn't see them now. He saw some interesting bras, underwear, some shirts, jeans… and a gun.

Sawyer pulled it out slowly, his eyes widening. He'd been there when she killed the Marshal, but he thought she'd given the gun to Jack, or someone.

How the hell did she get it in the first place? He had the gun that he'd lifted off the Marshal originally, which meant that she'd taken one from his too, or she'd had it on the plane.

He dropped the gun on the ground.

What else was she hiding?

He found a sketchbook and pulled it out, then sat back on his heels and began flicking through it, aiming the flashlight in his teeth at the papers.

She was good. Most of the sketches made no sense to him, but they were good.

And then he turned another page and his heart stopped.

The picture was him, no doubt about it. It looked almost exactly like him- the sketch's face was shorter, his lips thinner, but that was it.

Almost panicking, Sawyer looked at the date at the bottom.

7/26/08.

It was in the end of September now, and a year later.

She'd drawn this before she'd met him.

With a jolt, he realized that the gun was gone and he looked up to see Katty standing over him, the gun stuck in the waistband of her pants. Her arms were crossed over her voluptuous chest, her hair was messy, and her eyes were very angry.

"Nice picture," he spat around the flashlight, nodding at the sketch. Her eyes tightened even more.

"You better have a damn good excuse for this," she said softly, steel in every syllable. Sawyer rose, dropping the sketch book. He shrugged as he took the flashlight out of his mouth.

"I was lookin' for some band aids, an' I got side tracked. But seriously, Midge, can ya blame me?"

He stepped forward, pointing down at the sketchbook, which was still open to the picture of him. "You drew that a year ago, and it could be my twin. All I wanna know is _how_?"

She looked up at him. "How doesn't matter, Sawyer."

She knelt down and then tossed something up at him. It was a box of band aids. His mouth tightened and he looked at her. She was still crouching, and looked up at him blankly.

"Thanks, kid," he said, dully, and then tossed them back down at her.

He'd just use a shirt.

Damn Jack.

---

After trying -and failing- to stop the bleeding on his lip, Sawyer threw the now dirty shirt on the ground and swore loudly. A woman who was walking by cast him an alarmed look and walked more quickly. Sawyer stared bitterly after her as he heaved himself into an airplane seat.

He should have taken the freaking band-aids, he thought ruefully, as he gingerly felt his swollen lip and winced.

---

**Day Nine**

Pain.

Shock.

Water.

And then blinding light.

I opened one eye cautiously to see that damn Arab of Katty's staring down at me. My head was aching, and I was guessing I had this lovely individual to thank for it.

"Well, ain't you the brave one," I snarled at him, squinting against the bright, painful light. "Jumping a guy while he's napping."

I saw Jack. He looked guilty, and I knew something bad was coming. The doc had the lousiest poker face I'd ever seen.

"Uh-oh. I'm in trouble now, ain't I?"

"Sawyer, I'm giving you the chance to do the right thing. All we want is the girl's asthma medicine. Just tell us where the inhalers are and we'll stop."

I glared at him. They were gonna torture me, were they?

Well, wouldn't be the first time.

"Stop what, Chico?"

I heard a scratching and looked over to see Abdul shaving something. Looked like a piece of bamboo.

I'd heard something about that…

"It doesn't have to be this way."

Jack's voice floated in from far away. I turned my head slowly to glare at him.

Oh yeah. Definitely feeling guilty.

"Yeah, it _does_."

I heard our very own terrorist take a breath and turned to look at him. I didn't even have to think of something to say that would hurt him, make him think twice. It just came to me.

"She know what you're gonna do to me, Osama?"

"She does not care what I do to you anymore," he answered evenly, not even looking at me, the bastard.

A spike of pain went through me. Well, that one backfired, I thought.

Sayid walked closer to me, examining the few wooden spikes he had in his hands. My fingers started tingling.

This wasn't going to be pleasant, I could see it in his face.

"We do not have bamboo in Iraq, though we do have something similar- reeds. The effect is the same, however, when the chutes are inserted beneath the finger nails."

Ouch.

"You know what I think, Ali? I think you've never tortured anyone in your entire life."

Something flashed in his black eyes and I knew I was wrong. I kept up the glare though.

"Unfortunately for the both of us," he said quietly, and for the life of me I couldn't see what he was thinking, "you're wrong."

He walked around to the back of the tree where I was tied. I looked at Jack now, who was pale. I winced as something sharp was stuck under my fingernails. It hurt like hell, but it wasn't as bad as I expected.

"That all you got?" I spat out from behind my clenched teeth. Why the hell was that damned sun so bright? "Splinters? No wonder we kicked your ass in the Gulf-"

Apparently, I picked the wrong thing to say.

He shoved the "splinters" harder under my finger nails, and pain shot up my arm. I yelled, writhing in pain, trying to escape the burning clawing up my arms.

Even though it felt like he was pulling out my fingernails, he shoved the splinters in harder. I yelled again.

"Sayid."

Jack's voice broke through the pain.

"Sayid!"

Abruptly the pain stopped and I opened my eyes. I hadn't realized that I'd been screwing them shut. The pain left me shaky and I glared at Jack.

"No, don't stop now," I panted. "I think my sinuses are clearing."

I saw the guilt on his face change to incredulity as he took a step forward, branches crackling under his stupid feet.

"What the hell is wrong with you-"

In a flash, Sayid was kneeling next to me, and there was a knife to my face. Sayid's eyes were blank.

"Perhaps loosing an eye will loosen your tongue-" he hissed dangerously.

"Okay!" I growled. "Okay!"

Sayid waited a moment, his black eyes searching mine. I glared unflinchingly back at him, still breathing heavily.

"Where is it?" he asked finally.

My mind immediately Katty. She would know, already, that I didn't have those damn inhalers.

Maybe some good could come from this, after all. I fixed my eyes onto Sayid, making sure he would know exactly what I was saying.

"The only person I'll tell," I said quietly, not breaking eye contact, "is her."

His eyes flashed and he tensed minusculely and I knew he knew exactly who I was referring to.

Jack's mind was on someone very different. He stepped forward, confusion in his eyes.

"Kate?"

My eyes flickered between him and Sayid, who had straightened and was now staring down at me. There was a name written in his eyes, and it wasn't the name Jack had just whispered like a prayer.

She wasn't the girl I was thinking of, but she was good enough.

"That's the deal," I whispered.

The two of them left the clearing, talking quietly. I glared after them, and two faces flashed through my mind.

The first was Kate's. She was beautiful, and I couldn't deny I felt a connection to her. She wasn't exactly the kind of girl a man looked away from. The second face was Katty's, and she was smirking at me in that infuriating way she had, her bright blue eyes flashing at me. My stomach flipped, just seeing her face.

Only a few days, and I regarded a girl half my age as my (and I couldn't believe the words runnin' through my head) best friend.

Shit. 'Best friends' made you think of little girls makin' daisy chains and doin' each other's hair and talkin' about crushes and what they were gonna wear to their weddin'.

Oh, yeah, I can see me an' Katty skippin' through a field 'a daisies right now.

I heard footsteps and looked up to see Kate's pretty form weaving between the trees. There was an odd look on her face, a mix between apprehension and pity.

"So I'm here," she said finally, her eyebrows drawing up. "Where is it?"

"Happy to tell ya," I said tiredly, "soon as I get that kiss."

I saw shock flash behind her eyes.

"What? Are you serious?"

For someone so dangerous, she was awful innocent.

"Baby, I am tied to a tree in a jungle of mystery, and I just got tortured by a damn spinal surgeon and a genuine Iraqi."

My eyes searched her face for a minute, then I added, "Of course I'm serious."

Her face still didn't change, so I sighed and shook my head. "You're just not seeing the big picture here, Freckles. You really going to let that girl suffocate because you can't bring yourself to give me one little kiss? Hell, it's only first base. Lucky for you I ain't greedy."

Oh, how lucky she was. Lucky for me, too, she couldn't see what I was thinking, as my eyes roamed over her body.

"Okay," she said softly.

"Okay," I breathed. She knelt awkwardly in front of me, and I was disarmed by the genuine apprehension and vulnerability in her wide green eyes.

Her lips met mine and an electric pulse shot through me. Without thinking about it, I leant my head into the kiss, and I felt her respond to me, when suddenly, she pulled away. Her eyes were downcast as she bit her lower lip.

For the first time, I felt ashamed.

"I don't have it," I whispered. Her mouth fell open and her eyes shot up to mine.

"What?"

"The girl's medicine. I never had it."

"The book," she said dangerously, her eyes flashing. "They said you found it in their luggage."

I was shaking my head before she finished the sentence. "Book washed up on shore. Went in the drink with the rest of the-"

SMACK.

Shit.

That went well.

I knew Sayid wouldn't believe me. I began struggling, trying to get my hands free. It felt like the knots were getting looser.

I worked at it frantically, knowing at any second an upset Arab could come storming in.

And, just like that, I saw him running in, and a flash in his hand let me know he had a knife.

"Sayid!"

I pulled my hands out just in time, and jumped at him. I punched him once, and then we were on the ground. There was a damned stick poking me in the back, and then there was a sharp burn in my arm and I yelled.

Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw a pale blur run in, and then the weight on my chest was gone, and I heard Katty's voice.

"What the fuck is your problem?"

She was yelling at Sayid, not me, and that made my chest swell.

Jack's face loomed over me and I glared at him, until I saw Katty's angry blue eyes. She was wearing those glasses, and she looked too adorable for words.

Daisies, James.

"You are such a retard," she snapped, and I felt her cold fingers close around my arm as Jack yanked out the knife.

"You hit an artery," Jack growled at Sayid. "Keep still, dammit."

"Do it, you frigging idiot," snarled Katty.

"Sayid, I need my stuff from the caves- my leather backpack- go."

I heard footsteps, and then Sayid was gone.

"Can you make it stop?" I heard Kate's voice ask. I saw Katty's eyes flick up and her jaw tightened in a mix of jealousy and anger.

"Jealous, kid?" I whispered with all the force I could get behind my voice. Her eyes flicked down to mine and for a second, before the shutter behind them fell, I saw my answer in her eyes.

---

When I came too, I was in my tent, and I was sore all over. Kate was there, sitting across from me, holding that damned letter in her hands.

"You're lucky to be alive."

I sat up. "Where's Katty?"

Her eyes clouded with the same emotion I had seen in Katty's before I passed out.

"Saying goodbye."

---

"You don't have to go," I whispered, looking down at Sayid's brown hand entwined around my white one. I could hear the smile in his voice when he answered.

"Yes, I do."

"It wasn't your fault," I protesting, meeting his eyes. He was smiling, and there was a mixture of compassion and affection on his face. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see some people on the white beach watching us, but I didn't care. I could barely hear my thoughts over the pounding of my heart and the pounding of the waves.

"It was. I tortured a man today- a friend of yours. You can't tell me you don't have a problem with that."

He was right. I squinted against the bright light and pushed my hair out of my eyes. It was a useless gesture, as the wind simply blew it back again. Sayid's eyes crinkled, and he pushed it behind my ears for me. I leant into his hand, my stomach tingling.

"I mean, I knew that it was gonna happen when I became friends with you…"

He laughed. "And I can't tell you how glad I am that you sat next to me on that plane."

He held me by my shoulders and looked at me, smiling, like an artist looks at a masterpiece they've just finished. I laughed too.

"Definitely made your life more interesting."

"If nothing else." His smile faded and his eyes darkened. "Be careful, Katty."

I raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't I be telling you that?"

He held my gaze for a second, and then crushed me to his chest. I stood there, pressed against his warm body, shocked. And then, rearranging my arms awkwardly, I hugged him as tight as I could. My face was pressed against his chest and my eyes were open and I knew people were staring, but I didn't care. I knew that he should be okay, but, unintentionally, I'd already begun changing things. How would things change for him, my protector, my dark angel?

---

I don't know how long I stayed on that beach, looking off into the horizon, in the direction Sayid had walked. I didn't notice time passing. I just stood and, when my feet got tired, I sat in the white sand and played with it absentmindedly as I stared off into the distance, praying I would see his dark figure against the blue sky.

But I didn't see him. He was gone, for now, at least.

Eventually, I stood and stretched, looking around me. The sun was just beginning to set, giving the island an orange hue. With my stomach clenching, I headed back towards the encampment and the conversation I knew I had to face sometime.

People stared at me as I walked by, but I looked resolutely ahead. I was used to being stared at, and though I didn't like it, like I said, I was used to it.

Sawyer's eyes were fixed to me long before I got to his tent.

I sat down next to him and looked at him from under my bangs. There was an unreadable look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I blurted. He sighed.

"What for?"

"I was a bitch yesterday, or the day before that, or whenever it was. Sorry for that. I was scared…. I mean- oh, shoot." I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, then looked up and met his blue eyes, shocking in his tan face. His eyebrows were pulling up in the middle, and for a second, the only thing I could do was stare at his beautiful face, and then I started word-vomiting. "I know what I want to say, but none of this is coming out right, you know? I mean, I like you, you're completely awesome, and I was so rude even though all you've done is help me, and I was just afraid, cause I'm a wimp, and I don't want to change anything, and I don't know what to do, and I'm really not making any sense, am I?"

He stared at me. "Can you say that again, but in English, princess?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

My eyes snapped open and I met his gorgeous blue ones, and though my voice was shaking, I knew I was no where near tears.

Maybe it would be good for Sawyer to see that I wasn't carved out of ice.

"I'm so, so sorry," I muttered, looking down at my hands, clenching the loose green fabric of my shorts. "I didn't know what to do, and I'm so scared of changing something, and it's too much."

I took a step closer to him. "It's too much."

He stood up in a fluid moment and pressed my face to his bare chest. I curled into his chest, all the fear and pain and homesickness I'd been feeling for nine days pouring out through my very pores. For the first time, my eyes welled up with tears. I held him as tightly as I could, trying to forget my own name, trying to forget what I knew, trying to forget everything.

Sawyer was moving now, his arms still around me. Together, we sat on the airplane chair, me in his lap, like a baby. His arms were still around me. I was still clinging to him like a baby monkey, and I realized that I must look extremely unattractive.

I felt Sawyer's chest rumble as he took a breath.

"I'm not your dad, kid," he murmured, his low voice quiet. I didn't say anything. "Hell, I'm not even your brother."

"What are you saying?" I sniffed, craning my neck to look into his face, brushing a hand across my eyes. He tilted his head a bit before his eyes flicked back down to mine.

"I'm saying that, technically, legally, we got no ties to each other. Nothing. Nada."

"Don't think laws come this far south," I mumbled, tracing lines on his stomach softly with my index finger, and he laughed a little.

"What I trying to say is, I can't tell ya what to do. I can't be your dad or your brother, because I-"

He stopped, and a look of frustration crossed his face.

"Because…" I prompted.

"Doesn't matter," he said, shaking his shaggy head. "Kid, I … care about you. Maybe that makes me some sicko-pervo, but hey, it is what it is. And, since I care about you, I might get a little…. Over protective. Know what I'm saying?"

"Yeah," I said, a grin spreading across my face. His eyebrows slammed together.

"You seem a little too happy about this."

"I care about you too." My eyes searched his for emotion, any emotion at all, but all I saw was naked shock and regret.

"Kid… I ain't your type."

My stomach fell out. Second rejection in what, three days? This one stung more, though.

"But you just said…"

"I know what I said, midge. But… that don't mean I have to act on it." He took a deep breath. "I don't mean it like that, anyway. Yer a friend to me…. that's all."

I stared at him for a second, then buried my head in his chest. He was lying. I knew he was. I wasn't an idiot, and I knew that friends didn't stare at friends the way I'd caught Sawyer- James- staring at me more than once.

"Guys are idiots," I mumbled.

He chuckled and rubbed my shoulders. "Now, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounded like!" I snapped, raising my head to glare at him. "Guys are idiots! I just bared my soul to you and you said you care about me, but just as a friend?" I pushed his chest. "Bull!"

I half climbed, half fell of his lap and turned to face him, fully intending on yelling at him some more, but before I could, he was standing too, and then he had grabbed my wrist and pulled me so I was pressed up against him, and then his face was coming closer and closer, until he was less then a centimeter away. I was speechless, just staring at him, waiting-

And then, just like that, he was gone. I was left shivering in the breeze as I walked him stalk away. He ran a hand through his hair frustratedly and looked back at me, but he didn't stop till he was at the edge of the water, where he waded in about ten feet, and then dived under.

As emotion welled inside of my stomach like a bubble, a wide grin spread over my face. I squealed and fell back onto the chair where we had been sitting and clutched his pillow to my chest, laughed exuberantly.

"Someone's having a good day," said Jack as he entered Sawyer's tent. I saw him glance out to the ocean, where Sawyer was standing, facing away from us. Jack was pretty hott, too.

I love everybody.

"You have no idea," I giggled, my voice high pitched. Jack raised an eyebrow and his mouth twitched.

"I love my life," I sighed. Jack laughed and shook his head as he bent over and began rifling through Sawyer's bag. I heard pills clatter as he sorted through bottles.

"I hope this has nothing to do with everyone's favorite hillbilly having one hell of a crush on you," he said, straightening up and examining the two bottles in his hand. My stomach jumped and I sat up a little straighter.

"Say what now?"

"Katty, I know you probably don't want my advice, but I'm gonna give it to you anyway." He came over and crouched in front of me, and looked at me in the way he looked at his patients.

"You're younger than you remember, or than anyone else does, for that matter. He's too old for you. Way too old for you. Now, if this is just a crush, well, I say let it ride its course. But Sawyer's dangerous. And you're just a kid." He stood up, ruffled my hair, and said, "Think about it."

Then he walked out and I stared after him, drop jawed.

Jack was a lot smarter than I gave him credit for.

---

I was walking along the beach later that afternoon when Kate came up to me.

"Hey," she said, falling into step beside me. I glanced at her. She was disgustingly pretty.

"What's up?"

"Look, I'm just gonna ask you. What's going on with you and Sawyer?" She stopped walking and angled her body so she was a little in front of me. I stopped and stared into her unreadable face as I felt my own flushing.

"That's really not any of your business-"

"Because, in my opinion, you're way too young for him." One of her eyebrows cocked and I stared at her incredulously for a moment, then kept walking. Within seconds, she was next to me again.

"Guess it's good I don't care about your opinion," I snapped at her. She just raised an eyebrow.

"Who you spend your time with is none of my concern."

"Then why are we having this conversation?"

"Because Sawyer doesn't need you messing with his head." She stopped again, and this time put a hand on my shoulder. I fought the urge to shake it off and just rolled my eyes, turning my back to the ocean so that I was facing her, and crossed my arms.

"I know how easy it is to make an older guy like you," she said, eyes narrowing. "And I can see, from the way you've got both Sawyer and Sayid going, that you're pretty good at it too."

I felt flattered.

"But you should stop, alright?"

I just stared at her, then shook my head. "Kate, seriously, you have issues. It's not like I'm trying to… ensnare these guys or anything. They're friends. That's it. I guess I can see how you'd think differently, but that's it. I swear."

She opened her mouth to snap at me again, but I just shook my head and threw my hands up.

"Dude, I'm done. You gotta problem with me and Sawyer bein' friends, take it up with someone else."

She closed her mouth and raised her eyebrows. "Fine. I'm sure Sawyer will listen to me."

I shook my head, laughing. "I'm sure he will. Night, Kate."

Still laughing, I made my way back over the white sand and towards the encampment.

**TBC...

* * *

**"Misery Loves Company," by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Sawyer.

--

A/N: YAY! A chapter written almost completely from Sawyer's point of view. It was so much fun to write him. Actually, this chapter in general was fun to write. I love un-necessary angst, and thankfully, LOST is full of it. Thank you, writers. As always, please review, and check out the Ana Lucia/Sayid one-shot I wrote. I love Ana. She's definitely one of my favorites.

Ciao,

Sarah.


	11. An Ode to the Bra

**_All Roads Lead Here_ by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**

_ This innocence is brilliant  
I hope that it will stay  
This moment is perfect  
Please don't go away  
I need you now  
And I'll hold on to it  
Don't you let it pass you by_

_I found a place so safe, not a single tear  
The first time in my life and now it's so clear  
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here  
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere  
I wouldn't change a thing about it  
This is the best feeling_

**Chapter Eleven: An Ode to the Bra**

Katty spent the afternoon with Elliot, a stupid grin on her face. Despite being stranded on an island, she was still, for all intents and purposes, an ordinary, boy-crazy teenage girl, and an older man (a GORGEOUS older man) who she had a fairly sizable crush on had basically told her he liked her, (not told her, exactly, but the look he'd had on his face when he pulled her in close to him had told the giggling teenager everything she needed to know) but, despite being a conman, there was a speck of honor in him that prevented him doing anything, because of the age difference, and, she thought, because of some misplaced belief that she was too good for him.

And that made her like and respect him even more.

So she was on cloud nine and had no intentions of coming down.

However, there were a few unwanted but not entirely unexpected thoughts that kept popping into her strange little mind that threatened this euphoria.

The first, and the least troublesome, was her "talk" with Kate. Though she had no intentions of staying away from Sawyer, like Kate wanted her to, the talk had scraped up all the doubts that had already been lurking in the back of the girl's head, not only about Sawyer, but also about Sayid.

Kate was right about one thing. She was too young for Sawyer. And the more she thought about it, the more it upset her.

She was only sixteen. And though most of the time she didn't act it and she definitely didn't look it, her age was something that she couldn't change and that other people couldn't forget. And so Kate had achieved her purpose- she had planted the seeds of doubt in the teenager's mind about the two men she considered her best friends.

The next thought was simply that Sayid was gone. She hadn't thought it would affect her that much, but she was quickly learning she depended on the dark skinned man much more than she thought she ever would. She missed him, a lot.

And the final thought was one that had been lodged quite firmly in the back of her mind since Elliot, and Venice. It was the distressing and invigorating thought that she was a murderer. That she had the ice in her soul to take another human's life.

And the fact that she found this invigorating worried her more than the fact itself.

---

"Hey, Boone? You got a minute?"

Boone looked up from the coconut he was trying to split to see Katty standing over him. It was almost evening now, and Boone couldn't really think of anything she had planned that could be too dangerous or embarrassing. And she just looked a little too adorable, staring down at him with wide eyes and a toothy grin.

"Sure. What's going on?" He asked, standing and brushing his dirty hands over his equally dirty jeans. Katty noticed and smirked, her left eyebrow raising and disappearing into her messy hair. He laughed.

"Guess I need a bath."

"Sure do," she said, grinning. "I could smell ya ten feet away."

They both laughed, and then Boone said, "So, what did you need me for?"

Her eyes sparkled as she grabbed his hand and began leading him to the ominous, green forest. He stopped.

"Whoa. What are you doing?"

"C'mon!" she said, bouncing on the balls of her feet and leaving deep impressions in the sand. "There's something I want to show you!"

So he followed her, a little reluctantly, into the jungle that gave him the creeps. Katty, however, seemed completely at home, almost skipping over tree branches and rocks and moss covered trees.

"Where are you taking me?" laughed Boone as she tripped and lay sprawled on her back in the dirt, a bewildered look on her face. She sat up and looked around, a hand going to brush the dirt and sticks out of her hair.

"How did that happen?" she asked as Boone extended a hand and pulled her up.

"No idea," he said. "Call it a hunch, but I don't think you're the most graceful of people." The words were softened with a smile and Katty made a face at him before heading on. Boone followed her with a sigh.

"Katty , it'll be dark in an hour. Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see!" she sing songed, and, sure enough, a few minutes later, they came through a thick clump of trees to see a water fall, falling down about ten feet into a crystal clear pond about ten feet deep. They were at the top of the fall now, and Boone looked up in time to see Katty's torso stretching as she pulled off her shirt.

If he had been in a cartoon, his jaw would have fallen to the floor and someone would have had to crank it back up with a crane. Katty's shirt fell to the soft ground with a hardly audible sound, and she kicked off her shoes and pulled off her socks before turning to look at him, an eyebrow raised, a knowing grin on her face. Boone couldn't look away. She was beautiful.

She was sexy.

"Still think I'm just a kid?" she said, before taking a step to the right and disappearing down the waterfall. He heard her whoop and ran to the side.

"Katty!"

But she was in the pond, treading water, and laughing.

"C'mon!" she called up to him. "It feels great!" She dove under and began swimming around, looking more like a fish than a girl. Boone laughed and pulled off his shirt, then followed her.

She hadn't been lying. He splashed into the clear pool and the water seemed to wake up a part of him that had died in the crash. He resurfaced to see Katty, treading water a few feet away from him, laughing happily. He swam over to her.

"How did you find this place?" He asked over the sound of the waterfall, water dripping into his mouth. She shrugged.

"No idea. I was just wandering around, y'know, and I sort of fell in."

Boone laughed. It seemed just like the kind of thing she would do. She made a face at him and he threw an arm around her shoulders and ruffled her soaking wet hair.

"I'm just kidding, Katty."

She pushed him off and slid away easily, eyes laughing. "That was mean," she said, but she couldn't keep a straight face, and besides, Boone knew she wasn't the kind of girl to care.

He swam over to her again and felt his heart beat pick up. Here, in the sparkling water, she looked almost inhuman. The blue of the water and the green of the forest reflected off her pale, sun burnt skin, and her big, childlike eyes- the only part of her face that was at all childlike- were illuminated.

It was quiet, in that glade on the mysterious island they were beginning to call home, even if they didn't want to admit it. And when Boone put a hand beside her ear and traced his thumb along her jaw, thinking hard, the silence seemed almost to be a protecting cloak that shielded both of them from anything that conspired against them. And when she clenched her jaw instead of fluttering her eyelashes, raised her eyebrows instead of looking innocent and sweet, that same silence became a weapon.

And then Boone forgot everything and just kissed her.

---

Katty was sitting in her tent, alone, writing in her diary on her computer that, for some reason, still had full power. Katty chalked it up to the island and forgot about it. She had more important things to think about, like what she'd be eating for dinner tonight.

Her hair was still damp and her lips were swollen and her bra was hanging on a stick so that it would dry faster. She sincerely hoped no males came into her tent.

After Boone had kissed her, he had apologized repeatedly before Katty punched him, greatly offended. She was tired of being treated like a kid. It never once entered her mind, when she was telling Boone off, that he was right and that she was a kid.

But it didn't matter. Because it was Boone's turn to shut her up, but he did it in a much more pleasant way. And then, hostility forgotten, they returned to the beach, hand in hand, both of them knowing it could never last but not really giving a damn, because they had it now and that was all that mattered.

For now.

Katty dug her socked toes into the airplane blanket underneath her with a sigh and traced her swollen lips.

It had been a month since anyone had kissed her like that, and she'd forgotten how much she missed it.

Night was settling in on the beach. Elliot was with Rose or Claire, Katty wasn't sure. She felt a twinge of guilt for not keeping a closer eye on him, but then again, no one really expected her to. After all, she was only sixteen, and though capable and independent, she was also lazy and a little scatterbrained. So no one really expected her to take care of a kid.

"Hey, kid, you gotta- damn."

Katty shrieked and closed her computer with a snap before scrambling to her feet and sending sand everywhere. Sawyer was standing shirtless at the opening of her tent, laughing harder then Katty had ever seen him laugh, in person or on TV. He was doubled over, entire body shaking, one hairy arm across his stomach and the other slapping his denim-covered knee. He had seen her bra.

And, of course, it couldn't have been the conservative bra she was wearing now. No, it was the hot pink bra with black lace that she had worn to impress Boone at the pond.

Of course it was. Of course.

She glared at Sawyer till he stopped laughing and he swaggered a little closer to her, grinning widely and chuckling gleefully.

"Whoo boy, mangoes, that's quite a piece o' lingerie ya got there."

She tried to look nonchalant and dignified, for about two seconds, but her comedic, completely non-dignified side won over. Her stony look collapsed into a grin at his smiling face and she said, "You should see the bottom half."

"That a promise?"

She pushed against his chest with her socked foot, grinning. "No, perv."

"Hey, I wasn't talking bout on you!" Quick as a flash, he snatched the bra from its stick and held it to his chest. "Think it's my color, don't you?"

Katty just stared at the sniggering conman for a moment, completely at a loss for words. Then she reached into her bag and pulled out a digital camera as quickly as Sawyer had whipped the bra away and snapped a picture, capturing forever the bra pressed against Sawyer's chest as he contorted his face in a fair imitation of Katty, pursing his lips and quirking an eyebrow like she always did.

And then she collapsed into gales of uncontrolled, hysterical, roll-on-the floor laughter. Sawyer tried to get the camera away from her so he could delete the picture, but to no avail. She clutched it close to her chest and then, once her laughter began to subside; she took one look at it and began cackling again.

This carried on for quite a while.

---

"I love you," giggled Katty. Sawyer just grunted, a little confused at his inability to get the camera away from her.

"So," he said after a little, looking at the girl who was lying sprawled on the ground, the digital camera resting on the flat plane of her stomach. "What happened with you and Boone today? Saw y'all go into the forest and come out an hour later, soakin' wet…."

Immediately a silly, blissful smile came over her face and she turned bright red. Sawyer sat up, curiosity picking at his heart. Thankfully, he was good at hiding it.

"Oh, you gotta tell me now, lingerie," he said, cocking an eyebrow. She flipped onto her side and stared up at him, wrinkling the blue airplane blanket she had been lying on in the process.

"Never underestimate the power of cleavage," she said, cackling. Sawyer raised an eyebrow.

"Well. Believe me, girl, I never do." He poked her in the side and she squeaked and shied away from him. He grinned at her. "But, for real, kid. Tell me."

"Hmmm… no."

He sighed, annoyance flickering through his veins. "You really wanna play this game, Katty?"

"What game?" she asked, eyebrow rising. Sawyer rolled his eyes and smirked, looking around the tent to stall for time, keeping her in suspense. Kid kept the place organized, he'd give her that.

His eyes snapped back to hers. "The game where you pretend to be a normal girl, and the game where I pretend to be a normal guy." He leaned forward, watching the surprise flit across her pretty, sun burnt face. "The game where we pretend we ain't stranded on an island, the game where I ain't old enough to be your daddy. That game.

"You don't wanna tell me, hell, that's your business." His eyebrows narrowed. "But let's get one thing straight, kid, here and now. Do not fuck around with me."

Her eyes widened, shocked and a little angry, and she began to turn her head. Without thinking about what he was doing, Sawyer grabbed her chin and traced the smooth skin next to her mouth with a brown thumb, leaving a trail of dirt.

"Got it, midge?" He asked, a dangerously playful smile on his face. There was something in her face, in her posture, that he found vaguely familiar.

He realized, in the back of his mind, that he was scaring her.

"I got it," she snapped, and he expected her to jerk away, but she didn't. He had been around enough females to be able to read the invitation in her eyes as well as the signs on her lips that marked her as someone else's.

He grinned at her, a sad grin that didn't reach his eyes. "What, one kiss today not enough for ya?"

Now she did jerk away indignantly, and rose awkwardly to her full height, which was still very short.

"How the hell-"

"I been around enough women to be able to read the signs, kid," he said, rising to his feet also. He sunk a few inches into the sand and the airplane chair creaked at the loss of weight. "And you're full of signs."

For a minute she glared up at him defiantly, and then she seemed to wilt, almost, and clutched at her arm. Her eyes flickered around the tent before meeting his again.

"Are you mad?" she said, her voice quieter than normal but still low and sharp, her eyebrows pulling together at the top of her forehead. A few strands of wet blonde hair fell into her eyes and Sawyer had to fight to keep from pushing her hair behind her ears. So, she did have a side that wasn't egotistical and… loud.

"Like, I said, kid, I ain't your dad. But he's a lot older than you. Be careful, alright? Wouldn't want Doctor Giggles to freak cause I killed him for hurting you."

He wasn't joking, but he smiled, and she laughed, cheeks rounded and dimples showing. Then she punched him in the stomach. She hadn't put much force behind it, but it hurt a bit. Sawyer stared at her, a little surprised.

"Thanks, Sawyer," she said.

"For what?"

She kicked some sand at him. "For being generally awesome."

He grinned and cocked an eyebrow. "It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it."

She laughed and pushed him. "Oh, you're not full of yourself at all."

"Only as much as you are, midge."

"Loser."

"Shrimp."

"Freak o' nature."

"Midget."

"Can you only think of cracks about my height?"

"Well, I'd get hit for saying the other ones I can think of-"

She crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him.

---

That night, all of the 815 survivors who had elected to not go to the caves were circled around a fire, finishing off what was left of the boar, with some mangoes and water from the caves.

Sawyer was sitting with Katty, but she seemed preoccupied, staring at Boone and the chick with the hot legs he was always with, and so Sawyer found his thoughts and his eyes straying across the fire to Kate.

She was gorgeous and sure of herself in a way that the awkward Katty could never be. Katty was captivating because of her bad jokes and her infectious laugh and her mysterious eyes and dark smirks. Kate, though, was as purely beautiful and as clear and fresh and the spring running through the caves.

The two women were completely different, and completely the same.

From beside him, he heard Katty sigh and watched as she slouched, something that he was beginning to realize she only did when she was very tired or emotionally drained. Normally she tried to fight the slouch, but after looking across the fire and seeing the way Boone was staring at his "sister", Sawyer didn't blame her.

"You okay, kid? You ain't touched your boar."

"Not hungry, padre," she said quietly, and her head tilted and fell against his shoulder.

Sawyer stiffened reflexively, then relaxed and put an arm around her thin shoulders. He looked up to see Boone glaring at him from across the fire, and he did nothing but narrow his eyes at the boy and then look pointedly at Shannon, eyebrow raised. The message was clear.

Don't mess with her head.

Katty was almost asleep a few minutes later, and Sawyer half-carried her across the snow-white sand to her tent. She collapsed onto her pallet and was instantly snoring. Her cheek was smushed up against the pillow and Sawyer couldn't bring himself to leave, but he felt like a pervy old man staying. He ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled loudly.

"Get a grip on yourself, James," he said quietly, not taking his eyes of the sleeping girl. "She's too young, old man. Way too young."

He was still muttering to himself when he left her tent.

---

Day Ten

The next morning, Katty was awoken sharply by someone shaking her shoulder. She mumbled and rubbed her face deeper into the pillow, at the same time pulling the blanket over her shoulders.

The shaking intensified.

"Wake up, Katty!" said a high-pitched, childish voice. Katty's eyes snapped open to see Elliot's adorable face perched next to hers. She sighed and he put his tiny, pudgy hands on her face and squished her cheeks.

"What is it, Elliot?"

"Saw-yeer," he said clearly, his huge green eyes widening. "Sa-wer needs you."

"What for?' She asked sleepily. He squished her cheeks harder.

"Now, Ka-yee!"

"Ok, ok, I'm coming," she said, throwing the covers off of her and pulling on the basketball shorts next to her bed. Almost reflexively, she grabbed the gun lying next to her pillow and shoved it in the waistband of her shorts. She followed Elliot out of the tent, not realizing she had forgotten her glasses.

She didn't realize it because her vision was as clear as the morning around them.

"Where are you taking me, Elliot?" she asked as the little boy dragged her along with surprising strength, almost stumbling over the sand.

"To Sa-wer!"

"Okay," she conceded, and they stopped a few minutes later in front of Sawyer's tent. Katty was still half asleep, but she half walked, half- stumbled into Sawyer's tent after Elliot and promptly tripped over pair of jeans. Sawyer, who had been kneeling in the corner, straightened up with a curse, one end of the gauze tied around his arm in his mouth and the other in his right hand. Katty just stared at him for a moment, then sleepily quirked an eyebrow.

"Looking good, dude," she said. He scowled and walked over to her.

"Help me with this, hero."

She did, without really thinking. Her hands brushed his soft, warm skin several times, and each time, a bolt of electricity shot through both of them. She tied the final knot and admired her work. The gauze was shockingly white against his dark skin. Sawyer smirked down at her and flicked his sandy brown hair out of his eyes.

"Thanks. Keep this up an' you'll be giving el Jacko a run fer his money on the whole…. Doctor thing."

"Yeah, right," laughed she, running a hand through her own hair. She felt a tug on her shorts and looked down at Elliot, pulling her shorts up at the same time since Elliot had pulled them out of place.

He stretched his tiny fat arms up to her and she picked him up, her heart warming that there was a kid that actually liked her.

"What is it, sweetie?" she asked him. He looked at her very seriously.

"I'm hungwy."

"Are you?!" she asked, feigning surprise. "Well, let's go find you some food, then!"

She turned back to see Sawyer regarding her with a very strange expression on his face and raised an eyebrow as she bounced Elliot a little in her arms.

"You comin'?"

He smirked and averted his eyes briefly.

"Pasedena, midge. Think I'll go see how long it takes to piss off Frogurt."

"Say what?"

"You know, Neal?"

She just raised an eyebrow and he sighed and flapped a hand at her.

"Never you mind, midge."

He brushed past her, out of the tent, and held the flap open for her. She walked back out into the sunlight and grinned at him.

"Aw, Sawyer's a gentleman. Who'da thunk it?" she teased him. He pursed his lips at her and ruffled her hair playfully.

"Watch it there, snappy, or one day you'll actually offend me."

She laughed very loudly and tried not to stare as he walked away, loping like a big cat with his sloping shoulders and lanky grace.

She walked in the opposite direction, toward the jungle, with a child on her hip and the idea in her head of finding him some mangoes.

When she came back, she knew how beautiful and terrible this place really was.

**LOST**

* * *

"Innocence" by Avril Lavigne.

A/N: Aw, how sweet. I love cheesy, fluffy romance, and this was the first time I got to write some! Yay! I feel like Boone's just thrown in there for angst and romance purposes, so this chapter is the beginning of me trying to flesh him out a little, building the boy behind the gorgeous face. Must admit, though, I loved the part where Sawyer steals the bra. Pure gold, if I do say so myself.

In the next chapter, things start happening very, very quickly. I'm not gonna give anything away, but it is a CRITICALLY important chapter! I'll probably have it up on Friday or Saturday, so be watching for it! Go check out the story _BACK AND FORTH_ by I-Like-Bunnies. It's an amazing story! Especially if you like Sayid, you're gonna love this!

READ AND REVIEW!

Sarah.


	12. She's Your Me

**_All Roads Lead Here_ by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

Chapter Twelve: She's Your Me  
**

When he clapped eyes on her, the man hiding behind some vines and tall green ferns in the outskirts of the jungle didn't see what was so special about this short girl standing not ten feet in front of him, although he knew, without a doubt, that she was special. She looked like a very ordinary teenage girl, if a pretty one. In fact, the only things he found mildly interesting about her were the gun sticking out of the waistband of her shorts and the fact that she was barefoot. She was so different than she was- or would be.

Silently, he looked around at the camouflaged faces of his people and, with two fingers, motioned to take the boy.

---

They had only been in the thick, green jungle for a few minutes before Katty realized that Elliot wasn't with her. She stopped dead in her tracks and, heart hammering, looked around the green clearing, holding back a scream. Her eyes took in vines, trees, over-hanging ferns, so much beauty that it hurt- but no Elliot.

She freaked out.

She whirled around, ignoring the pain in her bare feet, eyes frantically searching for the little blonde boy.

She felt sick to her stomach, a kind of cold nausea. This kid had trusted her, loved her, adopted her, and she had lost him.

"Elliot!" she screamed as loud as she could, which was very loud. Birds took off with screeches, but Katty paid no heed. She began running in a random direction, pushing past green branches, tripping over roots, screaming the name of the little boy.

"Katty, stop."

As soon as she heard the man's voice, she did. She couldn't help herself. She half skidded to a stop, her bare feet sliding in the slippery mixture of moss and mud. She recognized the voice, and for a wild second she thought it was Elliot, her Elliot. She whirled around to face Richard, who put his hands up.

"I'm just here to talk," he said calmly. Katty was boiling with fear and anger and she closed the space between them in two strides.

"Where. Is. He." She said. Richard just quirked an eyebrow. In the green light from the jungle, he didn't look entirely real.

"You mean the boy? He's with us now. Don't worry. He's in good hands."

"Where the hell is he?" she screamed, clutching her fists at her side. Richard just quirked his eyebrows again, supremely unimpressed, and took a step forward. He looked like he'd stepped out of a magazine, not a jungle, but he had the comfortable air of a man in his own home.

And that terrified Katty. Before he could get any closer, she reached around and ripped the gun out of her shorts, barely feeling pain as it scraped her sometimes-tender back. She pointed it shakily at Richard, who was unfazed.

"I know you're immortal," she hissed, and was gratified to see some shock in his endless black eyes, "but if you don't give me the freaking kid, Alpert, I'm gonna hafta test that."

He shrugged and took another step forward. "Go ahead. Try."

Katty didn't lower the gun. He was much too close for her comfort, close enough that she could smell him, and under the manly scent he smelt like old books, but she didn't want to back away. She didn't want to show this man- if he even was a man- that she was scared of him.

"Where is he?"

"Like I said, he's safe. He's where he belongs. Look, I just came to talk."

It was Katty's turn to step forward. "Dude, I don't wanna talk."

Richard gave her a look that said, quite plainly, you asked for it.

"He died because of you."

Katty's jaw dropped and she stared at him. He had a blank look on his face that she recognized. Her stomach began tingling and the eerie silence of the green jungle pressed down on her.

"What do you mean-"

"Elliot. The man in Venice who was saving your life. If it weren't for you, Katty, he would be here now." Katty didn't think the very slight accusatory note in his deep voice was all in her imagination, and she knew that the tightening of those endless eyes definitely wasn't.

"How do you know about that?" she asked slowly, brushing a vine out of the way as she closed the distance between them. Richard just looked at her.

"Because he was sent to you on my orders."

Katty's eyes widened and her heart began beating faster.

"Elliot was an Other?"

Richard nodded and Katty gave a frustrated grunt, making a careless, exasperated gesture with her gun.

"Why couldn't he have told me that instead of being all retarded and cryptic?"

"Would you have believed him?"

Katty thought about it for a moment, staring at a tree behind Richard without seeing it, then answered, "At first, no. But after a bit, probably." She was silent for a moment, staring past Richard, and then she murmured: "And the plot thickens."

"Have you read the letter he gave you?" asked Richard, and for the first time his eyes were intent. Katty shook her head and he grabbed her arms with surprising strength.

"Kathryn, I need you to listen to me very carefully. We know that you know everything that's going to happen, and we also know that you are a catalyst. Katty, this is very important: no one can know what you know. Do you understand?"

"They already do," she said, eyes widening. Richard just stared at her, then his hands fell limply from her arms.

"You really need to read that letter," he said.

"What?"

"Katty, I didn't mean that you know what's going to happen, somehow. I mean something entirely different…." He trailed off, and his eyebrows furrowed. "Didn't Elliot tell you?"

"Tell me what? He kind of died, in case you didn't hear-"

"KATTYYYYY!"

At once Katty's gun was back up, against Richard's chest, and cocked.

She wasn't messing around anymore. She gave him a shark's smile, winked, and then disappeared into the jungle like she'd lived there her whole life. Richard stared after her as Tom appeared at his elbow and said, "This is the kid we're trusting our lives too?"

They both listened as gunshots, a scream, and then a child's frightened voice emerged from the dark jungle. Tom and Richard looked at each other.

"God help us all."

---

_Just talk yourself up_

_And tear yourself down_

_You've hit your one wall_

_Now find a way around_

_Well what's the problem?_

_You've got a lot of nerve_

---

"Jack! Jack!"

Katty ran as fast as she could through the jungle, ignoring the pain in her feet as she flew over stick and rocks and thorns. Elliot was clinging to her back, too scared to scream. Katty was clutching at him as she ran, leaping over tree roots and finally stumbling onto the beach.

"JACK!" she screamed as she raced through the camp, kicking up sand behind her. Jack and Kate emerged from Kate's tent and Katty collapsed to her knees in the sand, swearing and shaking. Elliot was still clinging to her shoulders. Jack dropped down next to her as Kate tried to get rid of the people who had begun to circle around the panicked teenager and terrified toddler.

"What happened?" asked Jack as Katty pried Elliot off her shoulders as rocked him in her lap. She looked up at him, some wild emotion in her eyes. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as her hand moved to the back of Elliot's curly blonde head. When she opened her eyes, she was composed and calm.

"I was going into the jungle with Elliot, to get some fruit or something. A few minutes later, I realized he was gone." She squeezed him tighter. "And then a man... a man who wasn't on the plane, he just came out of the jungle…. And then… we talked and then I heard Elliot and I ran, and some of the man's people, some others, were trying to take him back to where they lived. I got Elliot back and I ran." She took a deep breath.

"There are other people on this island, Jack." Her eyes flickered from Jack to Kate, who for once had no animosity on her face. Now her pretty face was scared and sympathetic.

"Kid!"

Katty looked up to see Sawyer standing right above her and she scrambled to her feet before giving a hiss of pain and grabbing onto Sawyer's gray shirt. He grabbed her right above her elbows, searching her eyes.

"Shrimpy, what's wrong?"

"For future reference, y'all," she glanced around the circle of scared, disbelieving and sun-burnt faces with a smile that was half a grimace, "traipsin' 'round in the jungle without shoes ain't the best idea."

"Give the kid to Sawyer," Jack said, putting a hand on Katty's shoulder, "and let me take a look at those feet of yours."

"Okay," she said, and handed the still shaking Elliot to Sawyer, who looked at her with a bewildered look. "What should I do with him?"

Almost immediately, Elliot began crying and extended his little, fat arms to Katty. She shushed him affectionately, ruffling his feather soft blonde curls.

"Stay with Sawyer, okay sweetie?" she said, fighting to not show any pain. He nodded as a few tears fell down his face. Katty half collapsed into the sand with a sigh of relief. The crowd, growing bored, dispersed, leaving Jack, Kate, Katty, Sawyer and Elliot, Hurley, and Boone. Katty grinned up at Boone as Jack knelt near her feet.

"S'up," she said to him and he grinned, shaking his head. "Only you, Katty. Only you."

"And what's that supposed to- FREAKING OW!"

She glared at Jack, who was holding a small and bloody stick in his hand. Katty watched as blood stained the sand around her feet and made a disgusted face. He raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "You said it yourself, Katty. Traipsing around the jungle without shoes isn't the greatest idea."

"Dude," said Hurley.

Jack grabbed a small bottle of whiskey and Katty's eyes widened. He sighed as he regarded her bruised and bleeding feet.

"This isn't going to be fun."

---

"I can still walk," said Katty with a grin as Jack set her down in her tent. Her bandaged feet were still sore and stinging, but Jack had wrapped them so tightly that they were beginning to feel numb, too.

Jack just shook his head with a laugh. "You're one of a kind, you know that?"

She propped herself up on her elbows in the sand and grinned at him. "It's been mentioned."

He laughed. "Keep off those feet for at least a day or two. I'll check on you tomorrow, change the bandage. Get Sawyer or Boone to help you if you need to go anywhere."

She made an expression of mock offense. "What, you don't wanna help me around?"

He chuckled. "Caught me."

He let the tent flap fall as he left and Katty, exhausted, fell back against her pillow and stared at the dark blue tarp that served as her ceiling. Her conversation with Richard was at the front of her mind, and despite his saying she needed to read Elliot's letter, she couldn't bring herself to roll over and pull out the faded jeans that had the paper in their pocket. She was scared of what she would read. So she just sighed and put her hands behind her head and stared at the ceiling.

"Freaking others."

"What was that?"

The tent flap lifted and Boone ducked to enter. He was smiling.

"How're your feet?"

"Ugh, don't ask," she said, levering herself up on her elbows. "Hurts like a mo fo."

Boon laughed. "Well, no one can say you aren't articulate."

She raised her eyebrows suggestively at him. "One of my many talents."

He laid down in the sand next to her as she fell back, his elbow brushing hers. She turned her head to look at him.

He was beautiful. Too beautiful, too heartbreakingly beautiful.

And he was going to die.

A spike of pain shot through her whole body as the image of his broken and bloody body flashed through her mind.

He turned to look at her, breaking the illusion.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You don't wanna know," she said, forcing a joking tone. He smiled, and then shifted his long body so that his head was resting on her flat stomach. She froze as tingles shot through her body and then slowly, very slowly, moved one of her hands to play with his hair.

---

Elliot was driving Sawyer crazy.

"Just sit down an'…. Read a book," he snapped at the little boy. Elliot glared at him, reminiscent of Katty, and plopped down in the sand, crossing his fat little arms.

"That's better," said Sawyer, and went back to his book.

"I want Ka-ee," pouted Elliot. Sawyer sighed and glared at the little boy who had his lower lips stuck out so far he looked a little bit like a piranha.

"So do I, kid, but we all gotta go without some things. So just… buckle down, will ya?"

"Having trouble?" asked Kate, grinning, poking her head around the flap of Sawyer's tent. Sawyer set down the book, smirking.

"Well well, look who it is. You ain't still mad at me over that inhaler thing, are ya?"

"Obviously not, or I wouldn't be here," she said, entering his tent and sitting in the sand with an ironic smile. Seemed like Kate's smiles were always ironic. Elliot regarded her with the same unhappy glare that he had turned on Sawyer. She looked over at him and smiled, and he reluctantly smiled back.

"So what brings you to this neck of the woods?" asked Sawyer. Kate's smile melted off her face, and she averted her eyes momentarily.

"I actually wanted to talk to you."

"I'm listenin'."

"About Katty," she clarified. Sawyer nodded.

"You mean about what she heard today?"

"Kind of."

"Well, shoot."

She seemed almost nervous. Sawyer sighed and set his book in the sand.

"C'mon, freckles, what is it?"

"Do you believe her? Katty?"

He sighed and shook his head. "I don't really know what to believe when it comes to her. She definitely knows things she shouldn't, but… some o' the stuff she says is just…"

"Unbelievable?" said Kate, raising her eyebrows. Sawyer nodded.

"Yeah."

"But you wanna believe her."

He narrowed his eyes at her for the first time. "Course I do."

She nodded, chewing on her bottom lip. Elliot was staring at the two of them, fascinated by the conversation he couldn't understand.

"What are you really doin' here, Kate?"

Her eyes flashed back up to his.

"I just wanted to make sure you knew that she's using you. The same way she's using Sayid, the same way she's using Boone."

-

Sawyer didn't want to believe her. He tried as hard as he could to not believe her, but when she left, when he was alone with a toddler and his thoughts, he realized that she just put into words what he'd been half-wondering all along.

Usin' him for what, though?

He didn't want to think about that.

"C'mon, kid," he said, raising to his feet and grabbing Elliot's hand. "I'm gonna take ya back to Katty."

They walked the short distance from his tent to hers, and he, in a sad semblance of knocking, pulled on the blue tarp a few times.

"Kid? Can I come in? Gotta special delivery-"

The tarp was yanked aside and he saw Boone, sitting in an airplane chair, a grin on his face, and then he looked down to see Katty, sprawled in the sand, holding a corner of the tarp. She grinned up at him.

"S'up."

He raised an eyebrow. "Bit big to be playin' in the sand, ain'tcha?"

"Never, dude. Hey, Elliot!"

"Ka-ee!" He charged into the tent, ripping himself out of Sawyer's hand, and toppled over onto Katty. She caught him with an "oomf" and began to laugh.

"Hey, shrimpy."

He pulled a lock of her hair. "Sawyer's meeean."

"Oh, honey, I know," she said, giving Sawyer a laughing look. "You learn to live with it," she whispered to the little boy conspiratorially. Sawyer just shook his head.

"Well, I'll leave you to it then."

-

"Dammit, dammit, dammit-"

"Having trouble, then?"

Sawyer looked up from the fire he was trying, and failing, to build and saw the one and only Charlie Pace, looking less than healthy, standing about ten feet in front of him.

"Obviously," he snarled, but Charlie was undaunted and walked over to him.

"Here." He took the two rocks that Sawyer was holding, and, with a few deft strokes, there was smoke and then, flames. Sawyer stared at Charlie, who looked up at him with a grin.

"There. Nothing to it."

"Nothing to it? I spent a whole damn hour tryin' to do that and you just saunter over, and bam!" Sawyer stared at him, speechless.

"How the hell'd you do that?"

Charlie shrugged. "You pick up some odd skills, livin' on the road."

Sawyer grunted in agreement and lent back on an elbow in the sand. "Got that right, rockstar."

"Hey, is that the alcohol cart?"

Sawyer smirked as he turned to admire the row of drinks lined up inside his tent. "Part of it."

Charlie grinned at him. "Can I have some?"

"Why the hell not?"

Sawyer stretched and grabbed two bottles, popped the cork off one of them and threw the other to Charlie.

"Cheers, mate."

"Hell yeah."

It was twilight on the beach, and Sawyer had to admit that he was starting to like this place. It was calm, relaxing, and a hell of a lot better than anything he had back at "home". A certain two females didn't hurt, either.

"So, you got your eye on anyone here?" asked Charlie, almost like he'd hear what Sawyer was thinking. Sawyer dragged his eyes off the ocean and looked back at him with a smirk.

"Maybe. Why? You got yer eye on someone already?"

"Maybe," said Charlie, avoiding Sawyer's eyes and looking out at the ocean. Sawyer sat up.

"Okay, how bout this. I'll tell you if you tell me."

Charlie thought about it for a minute, then said, "Claire."

"What, the pregnant chick?"

He nodded. Sawyer made a low whistling sound. "Well, you got some tastes there, bucko."

"Oh, right, like you can talk," said Charlie, annoyed. Sawyer just laughed and took a swig of his drink.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you obviously go for the young ones."

Sawyer just raised an eyebrow. "She ain't that young. Twenty-five, youngest."

Charlie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Wait, you don't fancy Katty?"

"Hell, no," Sawyer lied. "I like mine experienced, if ya know what I mean."

"Kate then."

"Hell yeah. You see those legs on her? Whoo boy."

"You could definitely do worse," said Charlie, throwing back his bottle. The two men just sat there for a while, staring at the sunset, lost in various thoughts of women, comfortable beds, and better drinks.

"So, did Sayid really torture you?"

"No, my artery collapsed in on itself." Sawyer turned a withering glare on Charlie. "Course he did."

Charlie nodded. "You must have really pissed him off."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Think it's got something to do with Katty?"

Sawyer turned, slowly, to stare at the smaller man. Charlie was looking back at him unabashed.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"Well, you two are always with her, so I just thought-"

"Don't think, then. It don't have nothing to do with the kid. She's just…. She's just there."

"Doesn't seem like that."

"What the hell do you mean, has-been?"

Charlie's eyes narrowed slightly and he tilted his head. "I mean that you're awfully protective of her. And you look at her like she's more than 'just there'."

Sawyer shook his head loosely as he rose to his feet and looked down at Charlie.

"She don't mean nothin' to me. I'm just puttin' up with her cause no one else will. I mean, no one really wants some teenage girl taggin' after them, but someone's gotta look after her."

He was lying through his teeth now, but he did that for a living, and he was protecting Katty as much as himself, now. People loved her, and if they knew how close the two of them were, especially with the age difference, she'd be shunned too. And he couldn't do that to her.

And he really didn't want to deal with Jack's lecture about the evils of pedophidilia.

Charlie nodded, pursing his lips. He stood up and clapped Sawyer on the shoulder. "Keep tellin' yourself that, mate. Thanks for the drink." Then his eyes darted around Sawyer, and a smirk spread across his face.

"Hi, Katty."

His eyes flashed up to Sawyer, who suddenly felt cold. He, Sawyer, turned slowly, and, sure enough, there was Katty.

The look on her face was enough to break anyone's heart. She was standing, less than twenty feet away, and he could see the pain and shock and betrayal in her eyes like he was looking into a mirror. She was bone white, from pain from standing on her injured feet, and from pain from what she had heard. There was no anger in her face, and that hurt even more.

"Katty-" he began, striding to her. But she took a step back, jaw clenched, her eyes shining but no tears on her face. Sawyer felt his heart breaking.

"Katty, I was lyin' to him-"

"Asshole," she spat suddenly, venom splashing into her eyes.

She turned and ran, and she left a trail of blood.

---

"What did you do?"

"What the hell you talking bout now, doc?" asked Sawyer, folding the letter and putting it tenderly into his pocket. Jack was livid, pacing around Sawyer's tent before whirling to face him.

"Katty. She's gone."

Sawyer stood up and stared down at Jack, heart hammering. "What the hell do you mean, she's gone?"

Jack brandished a piece of paper at him. "I mean that I went into her tent to check on her, and she and the kid were gone, and this was sitting on her pillow." Jack's eyes were almost wild.

"Read it, Sawyer. Read it, and then tell me what exactly you did to her."

Sawyer unfolded the letter slowly, hands shaking slightly. Katty's writing was messy, and there were some scribbles where she'd marked things out, and smears that looked like water.

_Sawyer_

_Yeah, I know I'm being over dramatic and causing everyone a lot of un-needed stress. Yeah, I know you 'didn't mean it'. You know what, I'm sick of people not meaning it. So I'm out of here. Don't know where I'll go. It's a big damn island, I'm sure I'll find somewhere. If I find Sayid, I'll come back with him. If I don't, well, then this is goodbye._

"She didn't even sign her name," murmured Sawyer. Jack tried to grab the letter back, but Sawyer moved it out of his reach, staring at her hand writing, at the drops of what he was sure were tears. Jack grabbed Sawyer's arm.

"What the hell did you do to her?"

Sawyer raised his eyes, slowly, to Jack's.

"I broke her heart."

---

_So what did you think I would say?_

_No you can't run away, no you can't run away_

_So what did you think I would say?_

_No you can't run away, no you can't run away_

_You wouldn't..._

---

"God, way to overreact!" huffed Shannon as she sat down next to Boone on the beach. Boone looked over to her, an eyebrow raised.

"What are you going on about now, Shannon?"

"Apparently your little girlfriend pitched a fit because that redneck said something about her, and she ran away."

Boone could have sworn his heart fell out of his body as he stared at Shannon. "She did what?"

"Are you deaf? She ran away."

"She wouldn't do that," said Boone confidently, shaking his head and looking away from Shannon. "She's smarter than that."

"Obviously not, dumbass," spat Shannon, gesturing with her head over her shoulder. "Because Jack and Sawyer and the A-Team are going in after her."

Boone looked in the direction she had gestured and, in spite of the low light; he saw figures at the tree line. As he watched, several torches were lit, illuminating the faces of about five people. Boone scrambled to his feet and ran to them, ignoring Shannon's shouts.

"I'm going with you," he panted, skidding to a stop in the sand when he reached the group. Sawyer looked over at him, and Boone felt a surge of anger as he turned to face Jack.

"What the hell is he doin' here? He's the reason she's gone!" he shouted, pointing at Sawyer.

"Why the hell do you think I'm goin', Danny?" asked Sawyer gruffly. Boone glanced over at him angrily, pissed at Sawyer for chasing her off and for using her nickname for him, but Sawyer's bloodshot eyes in the half-light from the torches unnerved him. Jack shook his head and interrupted.

"Look, everyone can come. But we have to move now- she's fast and she's smart."

"Then why don't you just let her go?" spat a venomous female voice, and all heads swiveled to see Shannon, standing a few feet away, arms crossed. Boone was right in front of her in two strides.

"We're not going to just let her go-"

"Why not?" she asked, glaring around at all of them challengingly. "You 'just let' the Arab go-"

"Sayid's an adult. That was his choice," interrupted Jack. Kate glanced at him. She seemed to be on Shannon's side, and she put a hand on Jack's arm.

"Jack, what if she comes back while we're out looking for her? She may just be doing this to make Sawyer feel bad, there's no need for-"

"She ain't that type, freckles," interjected Sawyer. "When she does somethin', she don't mess around. If we don't go get her, she's gone."

"You all seem to be forgetting something," said Locke, a thoughtful look on his face as he scratched his head. He looked around at all of them. "Katty saw… others here. What if they came for her?"

There was silence for a few seconds as the group took that in, then-

"Why would they do that, John-"

"-listen, she wrote this, baldy, it was her-"

"-how do we even know she's telling the truth about them-"

"-she's a little attention hogging bitch, the others didn't take her, she just ran-"

"I was just throwing a suggestion out there," said Locke, raising his hands in defeat as five people glared at him. "But, kidnapped or no, over dramatic or no, we need to leave now."

"Will you have enough light to track with?" asked Kate. Locke glanced at the torches.

"Probably. She's not graceful and she's in a hurry. Two things that make for a great trail." He smiled around at all the blank, heartbroken and angry faces.

"Everyone who's going, let's go."

---

_I never wanted to say this_

_You never wanted to stay_

_I put my faith in you, so much faith_

_And then you just threw it away_

_You threw it away..._

---

"Can I ask you a question, John?"

Locke looked over his shoulder to see Jack, his face partly illuminated by the light from the torches. Locke nodded.

"Of course."

"Do you really think she might have been kidnapped?"

Locke looked back in front if him, to the trail, to the ferns and grasses on the wet jungle ground. He waited a moment, planning his words, before he finally turned back to Jack.

"I don't know her that well, Jack. In fact, I hardly know her at all. But she doesn't… she doesn't seem the type to run off, just for attention. So, yes. I think it's a possibility."

"And you believe her? You believe that there are… others here?"

"Like I told you before, Jack…. This island is special. Different." Locke's eyes searched Jack's in the red light. "I do believe there are others here."

"What are you two talkin' about?" asked Kate, panting slightly, as she caught up with them. Locke smiled down at her, then nodded at Jack.

"We were just talking about our young runaway."

The warm expression melted off of Kate's face as she glanced back at Sawyer, who seemed to be in another world. Locke noticed all of this, and after his eyes flicked from Sawyer to Kate and back again, he said, "You don't like Katty, do you?"

Kate smiled. "Is it that obvious?"

Locke chuckled. "Yeah. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why don't you like her? She hasn't done anything to you."

_Because she's your me_, thought Kate, her jaw clenching. _Because I've looked at her, looked at her eyes, and seen the same damn things I see in a mirror every damn day… regret, and a hell of a lot of pain. All in a kid no older than eighteen._

But she couldn't exactly say that out loud.

Kate's eyes flashed back to Sawyer again. "She doesn't have to. She did this… causing all these problems for everyone… just because she got a little upset." Kate shook her head. "Hard to like a person like that."

Locke nodded. "Yeah, I guess it is."

---

_So what did you think I would say?_

_No you can't run away, no you can't run away_

_So what did you think I would say?_

_No you can't run away, no you can't run away_

_You wouldn't..._

---

They had been hiking, all through the night, and it was almost three in the morning when John Locke stopped, and crouched down on the ground. His companions were exhausted and dead on their feet, out looking for a girl that half of them barely knew.

"What's goin' on?" called Sawyer. Locke spun around quickly, a finger to his lips.

"John, what is it?" whispered Jack, kneeling down next to him. Locke just shook his head and began moving forward, very slowly.

They all heard it. First there was a gunshot, a yell that sounded like it came from a man, followed by a girl's scream. Then there were whispers, surrounding them, oppressing them, and then they heard someone crashing through the jungle. John stood in front of the rest of them, a knife held out in front of him. Sawyer was standing directly behind him, holding the gun they'd found in Katty's tent.

The person, whoever it was, was getting closer, and so were the whispers.

And then Katty crashed through the ferns.

She looked more than a little worse for wear, with a bloody gash on the right side of her nose, covered in dirt, pale and bright eyed. She tensed when she saw them, then slouched over from exhaustion.

"Oh. It's you guys."

They heard voices coming from behind her, and she whirled around briefly before turning to face them and shouting, "Run!"

They did run. They ran as fast as they could, trying to escape the whispers and the people that were following them. Katty was bringing up the rear, and shot behind her with the gun she'd taken off one of the Others when he'd gotten a little too comfortable around her.

They didn't know how long they ran, but eventually they crashed into the campsite at the caves. Kate doubled over, panting, hands on her knees, and Katty tossed her a bottle of water, also panting. Kate's green eyes met Katty's blue ones, and a resigned truce passed between the two women, both of them thinking the same thing:

_She's your me._

Jack immediately got into Katty's face. "What the hell were you thinking, taking off like that?"

She glared at him, panting and sweating, then collapsed onto the floor of the caves. Locke told the people that were beginning to crowd around them to go back to bed.

Katty's feet were bleeding again, the bandages almost gone from the abuse they had endured. Katty's face was white from pain.

"I don't take off just cause I'm pissed at someone, Jack," she said, her eyes flicking to Sawyer and back again. "They came for Elliot, and they thought he'd be in my tent. But he wasn't, I'd made him go with Rose so I wouldn't- so I could get some time to myself. They knocked me out. When I woke up, I was in the jungle. One of them shoved a pen and some paper at me and told me to spin a pretty little lie, or they'd kill Elliot. Since y'all seem to think I ran away, apparently I did a good job." Her eyes flashed around at all of them.

"Who's with Elliot now?"

"Rose, still," panted Kate. Katty nodded, and began to rise to her feet, but Jack stopped her.

"How did you get away, Katty?"

She just stared at him. "What?"

"How did you fight them off?"

"Lifted a gun of one of 'em and I shot one of them," she said flatly, lifting her gun. "One threw a knife at me-" she pointed to the gash on her face that was spilling blood over her pale skin, "- and then I ran."

She stood up, eyes hardening as she took a step towards Jack, who didn't back down although she looked very frightening, death in her eyes and blood covering her face. "What, you don't believe me?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Why should I believe you, Katty? You haven't given any of us any reason to-"

"Actually, doc, she's given us plenty o' reasons," murmured Sawyer. "We've just been too blind to see 'em." He looked at Katty and strode towards her.

"Kid, I-"

She stood up and smacked him, hard, across the face. Jack tensed, Kate gasped, Locke raised an eyebrow, and Boone laughed. Sawyer exhaled, then turned his head to look at her. She was glaring up at him, her jaw clenched.

"Now that you got that out of your system, will you just listen to me-"

She hit him again. And then she hugged him, as tight as she could.

Locke just shook his head.

---

_You were finished long before_

_We had even seen the start_

_Why don't you stand up, be a man about it_

_Fight with your bare hands about it now_

---

"You've really managed to shake things up, Katty," said Jack as he bandaged her feet again. She laughed as she leant back on the cool rocks of the caves. There were scrapes all up and down her legs and her elbows were bleeding.

"It's what I'm good for."

"We're going to have to look after you and Elliot pretty good."

"Jack, look, no offense," she said, hefting the gun with a grin (Sawyer had given her back Elliot's and she'd given him the one she'd stolen), "but I got it covered."

He smiled and shook his head before flicking one of her toes. "Katty, you're sixteen. You can barely look after yourself, let alone a toddler."

"Dude, I have three younger siblings. I got this."

Jack rose to his feet and ruffled her dirty hair. She wrinkled her nose and flapped a hand at him and he departed, laughing.

---

_I never wanted to say this_

_You never wanted to stay, well did you_

_I put my faith in you, so much faith_

_And then you just threw it away_

---

"Looks like things with you and Sawyer are okay now," said Boone, a little bitterly, as he handed Katty a water bottle and sat next to her in the cave she was sleeping in. She was lying on her back, a blanket under her and one over her, her dirty hair splayed across the pillow. She turned her head to look at him, her eyes unfocused and bleary from exhaustion.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "I hate fightin' with people."

He shook his head and clenched his jaw. "Why do you put up with him, Katty?"

She rolled her head over, her eyes drained from exhaustion and her face deathly pale. "What'd ya mean?"

"He's twice your age, he's an asshole, and he hurt you today. Bad. So why did you just forget it like that?"

"I don' forget, I fergive," she mumbled, turning over and nestling her face into the pillow. "An' I fergive cos my pride isn't worth loosing friends for."

She sighed. "I've killed… four people, Danny. Maybe five. Killin' friendships, too… fer somethin' as stupid as m' own pride… just ain't worth it."

Her eyes sought him out one last time, and then she said, "G'night, Danny Boone."

And then she was asleep, her soft, even breathing echoing in the cave.

--

Boone emerged from the cave, rubbing sleep from his eyes. Jack was in a corner between several caves, setting up medicinal supplies. The sky was pitch black right above them, but had begun to lighten on the horizon, and Boone hadn't slept at all. There wasn't much point now, so he went over to Jack and sat down clumsily next to the doctor. Jack glanced at him.

"How's your face?" he asked. Boone reached up and gingerly felt his swollen cheek and the gash just over his eye from when Sawyer had punched him a day previously. Two days, now. Or was it three?

"Fine," he said, and Jack nodded. Both of them were too tired to talk much, but Boone nodded to the sleeping figure of Katty in the distance, little more than a blue mound with a shock of blonde hair.

"How is she?"

"I couldn't stitch up that cut on her face because it was right over one of her sinuses, so it's going to leave a pretty noticeable scar." Jack shook his head. "And if she doesn't stay off her feet, they're going to get infected. She'll have to stay here for at least two or three days, because at this point, it's dangerous for her to even put weight on them."

"Shouldn't we try to carry her down to the beach, where it's drier?" asked Boone, tightening his eyebrows. Jack shrugged.

"It's an idea."

"Is everyone else okay?"

"They're fine. People are stressed out, freaking out, imagining things, thanks to her," he nodded in the direction of Katty, "but mostly, everyone's just scared."

Boone scoffed once, looking out at the lightening sky through the patches in the trees. "Yeah."

They watched the sunrise together.

* * *

TBC..."For a Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic" by Paramore. Sawyer and Katty, obviously.

A/N: Formatted a little differently this time, lol. I'm not going to do the song like this often, but with this chapter, the lyrics seemed to fit very specific parts and I wanted to capture that, y'know? So I decided to try something new, and if it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. Seriously, this song is just so perfect for these two in this chapter.... they're both very stupid and very stubborn.

Like I said, this chapter is exponentially important to the entire plot of this story. A) we find out big!Elliot was an Other, b) we find out that the Others want little!Elliot, c) we find out that Richard ordered big!Elliot to find Katty. So yeah, very important.

Please review!

Sarah.


	13. It Was Fated

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**_Playground school bell rings again  
Rain clouds come to play again  
Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to  
Hello_

If I smile and don't believe  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream  
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken  
Hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide  
Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping  
Hello I'm still here  
All that's left of yesterday

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: It Was Fated**

That was the first night I dreamt about Benjamin Linus.

---

_Boone was dead. His beautiful eyes were glassy and unseeing, staring straight past me. It felt like a nightmare, except I knew it wasn't. A drop of water splashed onto his face, and I realized it had come from my eyes. Cold fingers wrapped around my colder wrist and the light green shirt attached to the fingers brushed against my skin. Lips brushed my ear and I heard that sharp, cool, analytical, logical, beautiful voice whisper, "It was fated. He was a sacrifice the island demanded."_

_This made sense, somewhere in my numb brain, and I nodded._

_But it also didn't make sense. This was Boone, not a sacrifice. Boone, with hopes and dreams. Boone, who loved me._

"_It was fated," Ben whispered again, and then he wrapped me in his arms as we stared at the dead body of the boy I loved._

_-_

_We were on the beach now, and it was grey but not yet raining. The calm before the storm. There were bodies around us, bodies with no blood or wounds of any kind on them. It was like they (whatever in them had made the real and beautiful and wonderful) were just gone._

_I saw Jack, staring sightlessly into Kate's blind eyes from where they had curled around each other. There was Hurley, flat on his back with an expression that would have been comical._

_Juliet._

_Charlie._

_Shannon._

_Michael._

_Sun and Jin._

_Walt._

_Libby._

_Ana Lucia._

_And then, slightly away from all the rest, was where Ben and I stopped. And there they were. Sayid and Sawyer, lying next to each other, their arms crossed across their chests, eyes staring straight ahead, sightless and beautiful._

"_It was fated," Ben whispered. The wind blew past us in a gush. I could almost hear Sawyer's laugh in that wind, could almost feel Sayid's touch, Boone's kiss, all three of them, embracing me. I stepped away from Ben for a second, and the picture wavered. Their eyes cleared, there was color in their faces, and I could swear Sawyer's mouth twitched-_

_And then Ben's arms were around me again and they were dead again. His turned his head and kissed my cheek as he whispered those words-_

"_It was fated."_

**TBC...

* * *

**

"Hello" by Evanescence.

A/N: First off, I want to apologize that it's taken me so long to get this up, and also that it's as short as it is. I'm going to try my hardest to get the next chapter uploaded tomorrow, and that one's pretty long.

Secondly, I want to beg and plead you to review. I make it a point to TRY to review every chapter of every story I read, and I would like to request that you give me the same courtesy. Thank you so very, very much for the faves and alerts, but to be honest, I would like a review telling me what you think of the story. Not trying to whine or be a bitch or anything, but please, guys.

THIRDLY. I AM going to try to have the next chapter up tomorrow, because I realize this isn't really a nice thing to leave you hanging on by. Like I said, the next chapter is pretty long and pretty versatile, and I think you guys will like it.

Love,

Sarah.


	14. The Life and Death of Charlie Pace

_**All Roads Lead Here **_**by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**_There's a smell of stale fear that's reeking from our skins.  
The drinking never stops because the drinks absolve our sins  
We sit and grow our roots into the floor  
But what are we waiting for? __  
__  
So give me something to believe  
Cause I am living just to breathe  
And I need something more  
To keep on breathing for  
So give me something to believe_

_I am hiding from some beast  
But the beast was always here  
Watching without eyes  
Because the beast is just my fear  
That I am just nothing  
Now its just what I've become  
What am I waiting for  
Its already done_

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Course Correcting Or Coincidence?**

**Day Eleven**

Someone was screaming, and someone was shaking me.

Why did my throat hurt?

Oh. I was screaming.

My eyes snapped open as the scream died away, and I saw disgruntled faces all around me. Sawyer and Boone were right above me, worry in their eyes. Both of them helped me sit up, animosity forgotten. Their hands were warm and steadying on my cold, shaking arms. Sawyer's face looked regretful and a little guilty. _He's trying to make up for what he did,_ said Ben's voice in my head. _He feels like he needs to…_(I could almost see Ben's non-committable half shrug in my head) _compensate for something. _Their faces were beautiful and bright, but my mind was clouded by analytical eyes and thin lips and manipulative men.

"Katty, what's wrong-

"You okay, midge?"

They glared at each other, and I ran a hand through my greasy hair.

"Yeah. Nightmare, I guess."

"Some nightmare," said Jack, crouching next to me. I raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"Who's Ben?" he asked flatly. My heart stopped as I stared into his steely eyes.

"Say what now?"

---

Jack gave me the "very mild sedative" that he would also give Claire, later. I'd protested weakly, but when he said that this was the second time I'd woken up screaming in the middle of the night, I needed sleep, and everyone else did, too, I didn't really have much choice. So I took a handful of the pills and put them into my pockets. He told me to take one, about half an hour before I went to bed. I nodded at him.

When Jack left, I was sitting in my little corner alone. I missed the beach. It was too dark here; the only light was green, and there was something odd about it. Like it was tainted.

My mind kept jumping back to the dream, and I automatically glanced up to see Boone, who trying to communicate with Sun. They were both laughing.

He was going to die.

"Now, what are you doing in my caves?" I heard a cheerfully British voice ask, and I glanced up to see Charlie and Claire. Good ole Charlie.

He was going to die, too.

"Don't see your name on them," I said, forcefully cheery. I waved at Claire, who was standing a little behind Charlie, who, I realized, was pulling a wheelchair. I laughed.

"Is that for me?"

"Yep," he said, swinging it around so that it landed with a "clank" on the ground, and grinned at me. "Heard you're a cripple now, so I thought I'd bring you this."

"That's sweet," I said, and gingerly crawled into it, propelling myself forwards and back, before tilting my head backwards to grin up at Charlie.

"Wanna push me around?"

He turned to Claire. "You wanna come?"

She smiled, but shook her head. "Nah, I think I'm going to lie down."

"You okay?" Charlie and I asked in concern. She laughed and nodded, waving us on. Charlie looked down at me with a mischievous grin and I felt my eyes widen.

"Don't even think abo- CHARLIIIEEEEE!"

He began running at full speed through the caves, and I saw angry and bewildered faces turn to glare at us. I couldn't tell if I was screaming or laughing. I did know that I was clutching the armrests with all my might as he sped into the jungle.

"CHARILE, KNOCK IT OFF-" I sounded like an insane sheep, my voice shaking and bouncing as we barreled over roots and the uneven ground of the jungle.

He started spinning around in circles then, laughing his head off as I screamed.

Then he drove the chair right into a protruding root, and I was dumped unceremonially out of the chair as he went flying over it and landed right on top of me. We lay there, panting, for a minute, just looking at each other. And then we both began cackling madly.

"You should have seen your face!" I howled, rolling off the root and into the dirt, clutching my ribs. Charlie gasped for breath and then said, "I thought you were gonna have a heart attack!"

We turned to look at each other, still laughing, and at the sight of each other's red faces, we were so completely overcome that breathing was out of the question, let alone speaking.

---

Charlie pushed me back to camp a few minutes later, still chortling, as I imitated his accent.

"God, your face," he kept repeating.

"God, your face," I mimicked, and he glared down at me, pretending to be angry. I grinned cheekily up at him, and he couldn't help smiling.

Jack was waiting for me when we reached the camp. He shook his head, smiling, and approached us, carrying some fresh bandages and hydrogen peroxide. I made a face at the little brown bottle as Charlie clapped me on the shoulder.

"Glad I'm not you, troublemaker."

"Oh, go drink some tea, ya hobbit," I shouted at him as he sauntered away. He looked back over his shoulder and grinned cheekily at me. I laughed and shook my head at Jack, who was now kneeling by my feet.

"I love that guy."

Jack laughed. "Looked like the two of you were having fun with that wheelchair."

"Oh, you know it."

"So, Katty, I've been thinking about last night," he said as he began peeling the bandage off my foot. My stomach clenched and I leant forward, wheelchair creaking, and stared at the top of Jack's fuzzy head.

"Yeah?"

"I think we should just tell people you got lost in the jungle." He looked up at me with a grin. "It does sound like something you would do."

I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed. I said, "Do you not want to scare people, or do you not believe me?"

He hesitated for a moment before pouring the peroxide onto my foot. I hissed in pain as he said, "I'm not sure what I believe, Katty. But I don't want to scare people, no."

He looked up at me, poker face in place. "Are you… cool with that?"

I studied his face for a moment, the five o'clock shadow, the haunted eyes, his somewhat pointy nose- features that were so familiar to me they might have mine.

"Yeah," I said quietly, finally. "I'm cool with that."

---

Life at the caves was much more boring than life at the beach. I didn't have Sawyer to joke with, Boone to tease, or Sayid to just sit with.

Here, I had…. Hurley.

"Dude, you suck," he chortled, laughing as I swore. The stupid dice refused to give me a three. I glared at Hurley, who was still laughing.

"You think it's funny?"

"Hell, yes," he said. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Just wait till my feet get better. I will take you down, boy."

"How do your feet make you suck at rolling dice?"

"They just do, okay?"

"Okay, dude. Whatever." He got up and walked away, still laughing. I frowned. There really was nothing to do here. I couldn't explore, being a temporary cripple, and I wasn't really friends with any one here except for Jack, who was busy, and Charlie and Claire, who seemed to be having a private discussion.

So I was alone with my thoughts. And Vincent. And the memory of my unsettling dream.

Just thinking about it gave me the chills. Just thinking about Ben gave me the chills… though not the ones he should be giving me.

I shivered as the memory of his voice ran through my mind, smooth as silk.

God, it was going to be a long few days.

---

**Day Thirteen**

"Well, you sure are a fast healer," said Jack, slightly disbelieving, as he unwrapped my feet. I'd graduated to crutches, now, and was sitting on an uneven rock as Jack knelt in front of me. It had been about two and a half days since I'd been taken, and about three days that Sayid had been gone. We'd been on the island for almost two weeks now.

I was getting very tan.

"I think about two more days, kiddo, and you'll be good to go, foot wise. Far as your face goes..."

"Watch it, wise guy," I warned. Jack smiled. "You're going to have a pretty noticeable scar there, but it's healing too. We should be able to take the bandage off that one tomorrow, but the fact that you've recovered so quickly…"

Jack stood up, sounding frankly incredulous as he stared at my feet and shook his fuzzy head. "Those should not be healing that fast."

"You should see my back," I said with a grin, heaving myself to my feet with the help of my crutches. Jack frowned at me.

"What's wrong with your back?"

"Long story, doc. Maybe another time." I saluted him with my crutch and we both laughed. "See ya 'round, Jack."

Two nights later, Claire would wake up screaming

---

**Day Fifteen**

I awoke to screaming that, for once, was not my own. I sat bolt upright with a gasp, ignoring my sore back, and looked around at the camp that was now in slight chaos. Claire was standing in the middle of the camp, red faced but pale at the same time, hands dripping and bloody, screaming her head off.

I felt a surge of sympathy, since I knew what it was like to wake up to your own screams, but it was quickly pushed away by exhaustion and a dull ache in my back.

After straining my neck to look up and see what was going on, I let my head fall back onto my pillow with a dull 'thud' and was soon asleep once again.

---

_I don't know why I'm still writing in this thing. There's not much point, really. Mom and dad, I hope the printer is stocked on ink._

_Sayid's been gone six days today. If I remember right, he's only gone seven, which means he should get back some time in the ballpark of tomorrow. I hope so. I miss him. Things are pretty boring at the caves, specially since I can't, y'know, WALK. But Jack says that I should be able to walk without the crutches tomorrow, thanks to the Magical Healing Power of the Island TM. I hope he's right._

_Claire woke up screaming last night. If I remember right, that happens twice, and then she's gone. And Sayid's back._

_I miss you guys. I love you._

_Pray for me._

---

I hung out with me, myself, and I that day. Claire, who I normally hung with, was being questioned by Jack, plus she didn't really look like she was in a talking mood, anyway. And Charlie, my fall-back guy, was acting like a complete loon, just staring off after Claire and muttering to himself. If I hadn't known better I would say that, somehow, he knew what was going to happen to the two of them.

I sure did, and it was eating me up inside. But there wasn't really anything I could do, so I just stayed far away from Ethan and slept a lot and ate a lot. Not really much else to do, in the caves, when you can't go exploring, which was what I really wanted to do.

Except, I was almost healed, wasn't I?

I glanced down at my feet, wrapped in make-shift bandages. There were some discarded sandals, over by the water fall- and I had my crutches.

I looked around, stomach tingling. No one was paying me any attention, and I'd mastered the art of not looking like I was up to something.

I snatched the sandals, and I was out of there.

-

It was really a gorgeous day. It was windy, and I guessed about eighty degrees, but being under the thick canopy of trees made it quite a bit cooler.

I'd always loved the tropics. Jungles, and all, and this place was beautiful. I was speechless, walking around with my mouth hanging open, just trying to take it all in. The sheer amount of green was overwhelming. I wished very deeply that I'd brought my camera with me, to try to capture all this beauty.

I wandered around for a while, careful to landmark places in my mind. Being an artist had a practical use- it gave you something very close to photographic memory. And so, by staying close to the camp and paying attention, I wasn't all that worried about getting lost.

No pun intended.

Eventually, I wandered into a clearing type place that had a steep hill covered in trees on one side. This hill was also covered in what looked to be wreckage from the plane.

I hobbled over to it on my crutches, resisting the urge to sarcastically ask the air for some vicodin, and examined the treasures.

What interested me the most were a set of amps and a bag of cords. I held the cords in my hands and grinned at them.

-

I was slightly surprised to realize that no one was freaking out over my absence when I got back to the caves. I suppose I had Claire and the new drama she had presented to thank for that. She was nowhere in sight and my stomach jolted on reflex, though I knew that, if I was remembering correctly, she had till tomorrow.

And I had some very pressing issues of my own to deal with.

I needed to find Kate.

-

"Why are you coming to me with this?" she asked as she bent over the clear stream, filling up a water bottle. I leant heavily on one of my crutches, ignoring the pain in my armpit.

"I mean, it's not exactly the sort of thing I'd go to Jack or any of them with, y'know? It's more of a… chick orientated thing."

She smiled a little, and I felt a flash of camaraderie. I hated fighting, and though Kate and I weren't exactly fond of each other, I didn't want to waste time and energy fighting with her.

"No, I guess it's not."

She stood up and I eyed her apprehensively. I always felt ugly around Kate, but then again, it was hard not to. She was stunning, pure and simple.

"Well?" I asked. She sighed and met my eyes.

"I think that, if it works, you have a pretty good idea. Take me out there tomorrow and we'll see, okay?"

I sucked in breath through my teeth. Tomorrow. Oh, tomorrow. "How about the next day?"

She laughed, for the first time. "You got something on your schedule?"

I laughed too, a forced sound that had no humor in it. "Kate, you have no idea."

-

_My pillow seemed to be breathing, but for some reason, I didn't find this odd._

_My pillow also seemed to have fine, soft chest hair, but this also seemed perfectly normal._

_And then I realized that my pillow had a name, too, and that I was in a bed with him (jeez, I'd already forgotten what a bed felt like) and some part of me knew that all this was an everyday thing._

_My hands began wandering all over the chest, touching him, mapping every part of him into my head, when my fingers came across a tight, smooth patch of skin on the left side of his chest, right over his heart. I paused, my eyes opening. The room I was in was painted white, and sunlight was filtering in through the window. The man's eyes were closed and he was sleeping, breathing softly, one arm wrapped around my waist. I was curled up next to him, one hand still resting on his chest._

_And still, all of this seemed…. right._

"_I love you," he murmured, very softly, in his half-sleep. I smiled and buried my head in his chest, ignoring the bullet wound that also rested there._

"_I love you too, Ben."_

-

**Day Sixteen**

"HE WAS TRYING TO HURT MY BABY!"

I was once again jolted back into reality by the sound of a scream that wasn't mine. My eyes flew open as the scene of white and peace and restfulness disappeared, and I was again on the cold, hard floor of the caves. Ben's face flashed through my mind and I felt a pull, deep in my stomach. A pull towards him, a man I knew through dreams and a TV show.

I had issues.

But there were more important ones to deal with now.

I threw the covers off of myself, running on adrenaline, jumped to my feet, and ran over to Claire. The torchlight only made the scene more eerie. I shoved Jack out of the way and put an arm around her shoulders, comforting her as best I could.

"Claire, listen to me," I said calmly. Her wild, terrified eyes sought mine. "Breathe, okay? Let's sit down, and then tell me what happened."

Jack, and Hurley cleared everyone away while Charlie organized a search party, and Claire clung to me and cried.

-

"How is she?" asked Jack, several hours later. I was rubbing Claire's back and reading while she slept. I looked up at my friend. His eyes were red and his skin was pale, and he looked as tired as I felt. I smiled softly at him. "She'll be okay. She needs a lot of rest."

He sat down heavily next to me. "I'm amazed you got her to sleep at all."

I grinned at him blearily. "It's a girl thing. Mothering instinct, donchaknow."

Jack laughed, staring at the ground. "Mothering or miracle, thanks."

He stood up and clapped me on the shoulder and began to walk away.

"Jack," I called after him, and he turned back to look at me. I smiled at him sympathetically. I couldn't tell him what was going to happen, but I could do the next best thing.

"Get some sleep, Jack. It's going to be a long day."

I was relived that he didn't question me, just nodded and went to his make-shift bunk.

My eyes wandered, unfocused, around the camp for a few seconds. My gaze finally landed on Ethan, partially hidden by the night. His face was wearing the same expression that Claire would see, in only a few hours, right before he kidnapped her. It was an intense gaze, a glare almost, ridden with desire and longing and a little bit of distaste.

And it was directed at me.

-

"So, I know your name," said Hurley, concentrating intently as he scribbled something on the most ghetto notebook pad I had ever seen. I laughed as I wrung the water out of the clothes I was washing.

"Hurley, when you got to the beach, if you wanna get a better notebook, there's one in my pack. Take the small one, though."

"Thanks, dude. Um… how old are you?"

"I'm turning seventeen in just over month."

"Crap, you're young. Uh… reason for traveling?"

I smiled and shook my head. "I love you, Hurley. I was part of a student ambassador program."

"Cool. Where did you live before, y'know, this?"

"Murfreesboro, Tennessee."

"And ya got any family on the island?"

"No. Well, I'm sort of playing mom to Elliot." I met his eye with a grin. "Does that count?"

He grinned back at me. "Might. Oh, if you need any help with the laundry, I can help you with it later." He lumbered to his feet and pushed half of his thick hair behind one ear, and grinned at me.

"Later, kiddo."

"See ya, Hurley!" I called after his disappearing back, and he turned back to wave at me.

A few minutes later, and all the clothes were dry. I piled all the soaking wet shirts, pants and various undergarments into my arms, severely soaking myself, and headed back to the camp, limping a little.

The cave camp was relatively calm after this morning. I was actually quite enjoying myself, singing quietly as I threw the clothes over some twine that Michael had hung between two caves. All in all, I felt very responsible and domestic, even though several pairs of my more colorful underwear were now flapping in the wind. I took comfort in that Jack's boxers were right next to mine, and then I stifled a snicker.

I flopped down on the rocks with a sigh. My mom, back at home, had nagged at me for not pitching in around the house enough. I felt the urge to laugh at what she would do if she could see me now. She'd probably jokingly put a hand on my forehead, like she was checking for a temperature, then ask what I had done with the real Kathryn, the lazy Kathryn.

I let my head fall back against the wall of the caves and, not even bothering to take my shoes off, I drifted into a light sleep, a name on my lips.

_Sayid…_

--

When I woke up, not long later, Claire and I were the only two people at the caves. With a jolt, I realized Sayid was coming back today. I checked the clothes, hanging in a patch of sunlight- most of them were dry.

I did the only thing I could think to do in that position. I needed to calm my nerves, and I wanted to look good when Sayid came back.

So I took a bath.

And then I went back to sleep.

I really, really have issues.

I awoke this time to raised voices, and I saw Sayid stumbling into the caves. Suddenly, I was completely awoke, all traces of drowsiness gone. He was shouting, mixtures of my name and Jack's, and then Jack was next to him, shouting at Kate to bring him some water. I was on my feet instantly, and I half ran/half flew over the rocky floors of the cave to Sayid. His exhausted, slightly delirious eyes sought me out.

"Dude, long time no see," was the first thing I said. He stared past me, to Jack.

"Listen to me- I found her, the french woman-"

Jack handed him the cup of water and Sayid drank greedily for a moment before shaking his head. His eyes met mine once again and he clenched my wrist with almost surprising strength.

"I had to come back," he gasped. "I had to."

He grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled himself up, cutting off my breathing in the process. One of his big hands wrapped around my throat while the other grappled with the front of my shirt. I gasped for breath, the tension in my head building. My vision was swimming, but I could still see him. His eyes were feverish.

"We're not alone."

And, just to make the moment more perfect, Hurley came crashing through the ferns just as Sayid let go of me and fell back against the rocks. I rubbed my throat, breathing deeply. Jack shoved me aside and lifted up Sayid's eyelids, doing some doctor-ish thing. I tried to breathe again.

"We've got a problem. The manifest, Jack, the census, the names of everyone who survived, all 46 of us. I interviewed everyone!" Hurley was panting for breath, eyes scared. "Here, at the beach, got their names. One them, one of them isn't -- Jack! One of them isn't in the manifest. He wasn't on the plane."

All of us froze at the same moment and looked at each other. Jack's gaze quivered on Hurley, then snapped onto me. I stared back into his steely eyes, and I didn't have to feign the shock and naked fear I knew he was seeing on my face. Kate was the first to speak, to break the chaotic silence.

"Who wasn't on the plane?"

"Ethan, the Canadian guy! He wasn't on the manifest!" Hurley was on his feet now, waving his arms, his hair growing crazier in a way that reminded me of Gene Wilder.

I closed my eyes and tried to keep breathing as chaos swirled around me.

Claire and Charlie- two of my best friends. People who'd trusted me, people who I'd let be kidnapped.

"Where's Charlie?!" Jack's voice was more of a shout than a question, and I knew it was aimed at me. I squeezed my eyes tighter, wishing I was anywhere but here on this freaking island-

What the hell had I done?

"… he went after Claire." Locke's voice, calm and innately soothing even now, broke through the barrage of self-deprecating thoughts I was now launching at myself.

My eyes snapped open in time to see Jack take off along the path, Locke hot on his heels. Kate and I exchanged a glance and she stepped closer to me. Her eyes were almost dangerous.

"Did you know about this?"

I felt cold. "Yes," I whispered, and then I ran back to my bunk. I grabbed the gun from where I'd hidden it, buried under some grass next to my bed, and shoved it in the back of my pants. Then I yanked off my shoes and sat heavily on the ground.

"Toss me the bandages," I shouted to Hurley. He did so without a moment's hesitation. I began clumsily wrapping my feet, pulled my shoes back on, and then I crawled over to the unconscious Sayid. I yanked open the hole in his jeans around the wound in his leg.

"Can someone hand me some peroxide?" I asked, surprisingly calm. The wound wasn't pretty, and I had no medical training, but I wasn't going to leave him like this. Someone placed the bottle in my hand and I poured a liberal amount over the wound, hissing through my teeth as I did so. A train of half formed thoughts ran through my mind, most of them variations of, "what would they do if they could see me now?" They, of course, being the friends and family I'd had in what felt like another life.

The wound fizzed and bubbled, and when it had calmed, I began wrapping it, my hands shaking only a little. I felt very helpful and accomplished.

"What are you doing?" came Kate's voice from above me. I looked over and up into her pretty green eyes.

"He's my best friend. I'm not just going to leave him here like this."

When Locke came back, I was ready.

"You let him go alone?" Kate wasn't happy, but Locke didn't seem to care. I was tightening the laces on my shoes, thinking deeply.

_If I stopped Boone from coming, if I took his place…_

But those thoughts were deadly, and I didn't let myself finish.

"I'm coming with you," snapped Kate as they stopped right next to me. I straightened up and looked at the two of them. Locke nodded, his eyes flickering between Kate and I.

"I am too," I announced, and to my surprise, neither of them tried to stop me. Locke just nodded, handed a knife to Kate, and said to me, "You still got that gun?"

I nodded, not really trusting myself to speak.

"Let's go."

Boone caught up with us, moments later, and Locke didn't question his presence. He slipped up next to me, put a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you sure you want to be out here?" he asked, his beautiful eyes concerned. I nodded.

"I have to be."

It only took us a few minutes to find Jack, and then we were off again, tramping through the woods. I was less nervous, less worried, now that I was doing something. I already knew, when the groups spilt, that I was going to go with Jack and Kate. And I knew that by doing that, I was killing this boy that I was dangerously close to loving.

I wiped tears off my face and followed Jack's back.

I was in a haze, brought on by lack of sleep and shock. Everything was happening so fast….

And the next thing I knew, we were stopping.

"It's 4:25. And yes, I'm taking a break."

Kate interrupted, fixing Jack with an intense glare. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

They stepped away from the rest of us. I looked away from them, back down to the water bottle Boone had handed me, and whispered lowly.

"Glad I'm not him."

Boone laughed. "Me too."

I looked up at him, and we grinned at each other.

Our time was running out.

Locke's eyes narrowed, and then he was on his knees next to some tall grass. Boone and I set aside our water bottles and moved to him.

"What is it?" asked Boone. Locke held up on of the strips of tape that had been wrapped around Charlie's fingers, and we all exchanged a shocked glance.

"Jack!" Locke and I yelled in unison, and Kate and Jack came running back. Kate fell to her knees next to Locke, her eyes glued to the piece of tape he was holding up.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It was Charlie's," I panted. Locke met my eyes silently and nodded. Jack, however, walked several feet past us, just as Locke began following something only he could see in the opposite direction. Jack knelt down next to a plant and held up another wrapping of tape.

"They went this way," he called.

"I'm not so sure," said John said quietly, looking up from the green ground. "There's another trail here."

"What do you mean, another-"

"There are footprints. Someone moved off this way," Locke spoke calmly, as if to a small child, and both Kate and I realized that this was a bad idea.

"Charlie's leaving those for us, he wants us to go that way-"

"Unless Charlie isn't the one leaving them. If Ethan knows that we're behind him, he could be setting up a dummy trail. Take off in one direction, double-back his own footprints," interrupted Kate. Everyone except for me stared at her in something very similar to disbelief.

I was waiting, very impatiently.

"So now you're a tracker, too?" asked Boone, his tone disbelieving but a little impressed. I met his eyes, and he shrugged a little, as if to say, "who knew?"

I did. Duh.

"Be careful," said Locke, his eyes on me. I nodded, then followed Kate's back, resisting the urge to run after Boone and hold him close.

He was going to die, and it was going to be my fault.

"And so it begins," I whispered, not bothering to wipe the tears off my face this time.

I was bringing up the rear of our rag-tag group, and trying- and failing- to keep pace with Kate and Jack. Apart from being much more fit than I, they also had much longer legs.

I jogged, panting, trying to keep up with them. I slowed back to a very fast walk once I caught up with Kate, and to my surprise, she was sharing my problem.

"Jack, please slow down!"

"You said they went this way."

"I think they went this way! I'm not as good at this as Locke is!" She and I both stumbled slightly over a significant dip in the land. It was humid and hot, we were all sweating profusely, and the sweat my body produced was dripping down my face and onto the gash next to my nose, which stung quite nicely. Jack turned to face us, a look of desperation and frustration on his face. He stared at Kate for a minute, then said, "So, where'd you pick up the tracking skills, Kate?"

I snapped. I threw my hands up in the air, ignoring the shocked look on Kate's face and the angry one on Jack's and began shouting. "Are you serious?"

I took a few steps away, stumbling over the tall grass, and turned on both of them. "Claire and Charlie could be dying, who knows? Do you really think, Jack freaking Shepard, that this is the best time to have an uber-man argument cause she," I stabbed my thumb in Kate's direction, still livid, "might have a few things she don't want you to know about? My gah you are so retarded!"

I stood still in the tall grasses, sweaty, sore, in pain, with two people off a TV show staring at me like they were scared for my sanity.

It all seemed so pointless. I flapped a hand at them, sighing.

"Whatever. Continue. Forget I said anything."

Jack took a step towards me, his eyes almost dangerous. I was too tired to care.

" 'Who knows if Charlie and Claire are dying'?" His eyes pierced me where I stood, strong as steel and cold as ice.

"You do."

He began walking again, Kate right on his heels, and I followed her a few seconds later, once again fighting back tears. I was doing a lot of crying today. I heard them talking, but none of it registered, until I heard Kate say, "That was real."

So the Island course corrected again.

We'd been going for a while, maybe fifteen minutes, when it started raining. It was actually a bit of a relief from the humid air and all the bugs and the itchy skin.

Jack bent down, and when he straightened up, he was holding something. I squinted to see it, though I knew perfectly well what it was.

"Guess we were right," Jack shouted over the roar of the rain.

At that moment, right after a crash of thunder, there was a bird-like screech, and then a woman's bone-shilling scream. Jack didn't think. He just ran, and Kate and I struggled to catch up with him.

"Jack? Jack, where are you going?"

"Didn't you hear her?" he shouted, jumping over trees and roots. I slipped in the slick mud, but regained my footing. I shook my head, much like a water soaked dog.

"Hear who?"

He had reached a steep hill that was covered in vine-like roots. With Jack in the lead, we began climbing. It was hard work, as the rain made the ground slick and the roots were slimy to begin with. I had my eyes fixed firmly on Kate when I heard her scream, and then Jack was crashing into me and we both plummeted to the bottom of the hill. Jack scrambled to his feet. I fought with the mud and the plants that were tangled around me as I heard the sounds of punches. Through the rain, I saw one man deck the other, but I couldn't tell who was who. I managed to untangle myself and, without thinking about it, I launched myself at the man who I supposed was Ethan.

I "supposed" right. I grabbed him around the middle and we both went down, rolling in the mud. I was fighting for my life now, no rhyme or reason, just throwing my limbs around. I felt one of my fists come in contact with what felt like a nose, and then for the second time that day, my shirt collar was distressingly tight and strong hands pulled me up by it. The hands moved from my shirt to my neck, strong and sure, and I found myself –again- unable to breathe. I stared up into the rain at Ethan's frightening features, at his hooded eyes and hooked nose.

"I would kill you now," he shouted over the roar of the rain, "if Alpert and Linus didn't think you were so damn important."

This registered in my mind and I stored it away, then with a grunt, slammed my forehead into his.

Pain exploded behind my eyes. I heard Ethan swear, then laugh bitterly. My vision was fuzzy now, and I saw a mixture of distaste and desire flit across his face as his eyes roamed over my body.

He tossed me to the ground, and I heard Jack shout, "What did you do to her?"

Blearily, I saw them begin to fight again and, needless to say, Jack got served. I lay there in the mud as the rain subsided, trying to calm the raging pain behind my eyes.

"Katty? Hey, Katty, wake up." Jack was lifting open my eyelids and I sat up with a wild gasp.

The rain was gone now, and so was my headache, and every trace of Ethan.

"Did you see him?" asked Jack. I nodded, my heart still hammering.

"I think I fought him," I said, and my voice sounded distant and puzzled, even to my ears. I felt very out of it.

"I know," said Jack, nodding. "I saw."

He and Kate both helped me to my unsteady feet, and then we were off again. I tried to remember what had happened in the fight, but the details were fuzzy.

I knew I'd done good, though.

We'd been running for just a few minutes when we came across Charlie's deathly pale body, hanging from a tree, and I couldn't hold back a brief, breathy scream.

Jack wasted no time, however. He ran over to Charlie and lifted him by his legs to take the pressure off his neck.

"You've gotta cut him down!" he shouted at Kate, and then his frantic eyes fastened on me.

"Help me!"

I was next to him in a heartbeat, hugging Charlie's legs, feeling the pressure of his body in the weight on my shoulders.

"I-I can't reach!" shouted Kate, and I looked up to see that she was shaking, almost frantic. "You have to move him over!"

Jack met my eyes and nodded, and we moved closer to the tree, supporting Charlie. I felt the tremors of Kate's knife shaking down Charlie's body, till finally there was a snap and Jack and I were supporting a dead weight. Without thinking, I moved and caught Charlie's shoulders and we lowered him to the ground, one set of clumsy hands and one set of steady ones fighting against the vines wrapped around my friend's bruised neck. Jack lowered his mouth to Charlie's, and the fangirl in me died in momentary glee while the rest of me ignored her and stroked Charlie's cold, clammy hand.

He started pounding on Charlie's chest, his face contorted, and Kate and I stared at each other, all animosity forgotten as we both tried to not cry.

"He's not breathing! C'mon, Charlie, breath. C'mon. Breathe, c'mon. C'mon."

"Jack, he's-"

I started crying in earnest, my face screwed up, staring down at Charlie's ashen, emotionless face.

"C'mon, c'mon."

"Jack, Jack, stop, he's not-"

Kate was crying even harder than me, her pretty eyes dripping. Jack's face was as ashen as Charlie's now, but there was fire in his eyes. Kate dropped Charlie's hand and grabbed Kate's shoulder.

"It's okay," she said, trying to stop her own tears. "It's okay…"

Jack suddenly whirled on me, and the fire in his eyes had turned to a roaring blaze aimed directly at me.

"You!" He shouted. "You could have stopped this!"

But I was staring, horrified, at Charlie.

He wasn't supposed to die.

"No," I whispered.

_Yes_, said Ben's voice in my head.

**LOST

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**

"Believe" by the Bravery

A/N: Two not very nice endings in a row. I feel so... powerful.

This is a very strong chapter to me. I had fun writing it and it just seems to work. I hope you guys enjoy it as well!

Lol.

Sarah.


	15. C'mon, Get Higher

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly**

**Additional Disclaimer: I own none of the extra songs featured in this chapter, and the title is taken from the song belonging to Matt Nathanson.**

**

* * *

**

_I'm desperate for changing  
I'm starving for truth  
I'm closer to where I've started  
I'm chasing after you_

_Forgetting all I'm lacking  
Completely incomplete  
I'll take your invitation  
You take all of me_

_Now... I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you_

_I'm living for the only thing I know  
I'm running and not quite sure where to go  
And I don't know what I'm diving into  
Just hanging by a moment here with you_

**Chapter Fifteen: C'mon, Get Higher**

"No!" I shouted, and then I leant over Charlie, slamming my lips down against his, hard, so hard I felt mine begin bleeding, and I blew every last drop of oxygen I had in my lungs into him. I drew back, and began slamming on his chest, throwing my entire body into it, bending back and then snapping forward, all the power I possessed going into Charlie.

"Come back, goddammit, you were supposed to _live_!"

As my voice rose to a shriek, Charlie's eyes flew open as he was jerked back into life with a loud, hoarse gasp. I stopped mid swing, choking on my own sob, my eyes going wide. Charlie was trying to sit up, clawing at my shirt, and I found myself supporting his head, like he was a newborn baby. Jack and Kate had both dropped to their knees next to him, and Kate was now clutching his, Charlie's, hands to her cheek and sobbing, and Jack stroked his hair.

"It's okay," he said. "Breathe deep, breathe deep, you're okay."

The three of us exchanged watery, relieved smiles, and I hugged Charlie so tightly that for a second I almost suffocated him again.

---

"Are you sure you don't need anything?" I asked gently, rubbing Charlie's shoulder. He was staring off into the distance, his face eerily illuminated by the flames of the fire. He shook his head and I nodded. I hugged him, gently, and felt gratified when he relaxed into me a little. I knew how much simple contact could help someone after a crisis.

"Let me know if you do, okay?" I said, my voice still soft. Charlie's eyes flickered to me and he nodded. I rose and began to walk away, when-

"Katty."

I turned back to him, eager to help. His eyes were scared and a little pleading.

"Thank you."

I grinned down at him. "Anytime."

-

As I lay down in my bed that wasn't a bed, I was thinking furiously.

Of course I'd noticed that some things were different from in the show- appearances, for example- but so far, there had been nothing major that commanded my attention.

Until this afternoon.

Jack was supposed to bring back Charlie.

But he didn't. He gave up- because of me.

A shiver ran down my spine. Without meaning do, I'd done the very thing I'd been fighting against since all this started- I'd changed things.

Who knew what wheels that would set turning?

I hugged my knees to my chest as a gust of wind swept around the camp and a shiver ran down my spine.

---

I was munching happily on a mango, sitting next to the sleeping Sayid, late in the afternoon.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him. I took another bite of the mango, juice dripping down my hand. Sayid muttered something and shifted in his sleep. I had to repress a cackle, thinking about the way his face would look when he woke up if I leant way in and widened my eyes as much as I could…

Sayid shouted and scrambled back as I fell to the floor of the caves, laughing hysterically.

-

"What happened to your neck?"

My stomach clenched and unclenched as I remembered Sayid's frenzied eyes from earlier in the day, and the stale desire in Ethan's face as he pulled me up by my collar. A hand went to my throat, gingerly feeling the swellings as I looked to Sayid. His eyes were filled with concern and anger and he didn't seem to remember anything about earlier.

"Ethan," I said, simply, and his eyes flashed. He sat up, slowly, his face paling as his leg moved, and then he reached his hands out and tenderly felt his way around my neck. His intentions were purely platonic and medicinal, I knew he was checking for swellings and abrasions, but the feather-light touches of his rough fingers sent thrills through me that were everything but platonic. His serious eyes flicked up to mine, and I swore I saw guilt in his eyes.

"There are two sets of bruises," he said. I remembered his hands, one clutching my shirt, the other clawing up my neck, forcing me to look at him, to pay attention… and then Ethan, doing the same thing.

"Did I do that?" he asked quietly. I wasn't sure how to respond. I reached up to my collarbone, where his hand was resting, and held it.

"It's cool," I said, staring at him. As soon as the words left my mouth, his eyes darkened and his jaw clenched. I gripped his hand tighter. "You were delirious-"

"That's no excuse," he said, shaking his curly head and taking his hand out from under mine. He looked away from me, and I could see anger etched in every line of his face. We were sitting close enough that I barely had to reach my hand out to pat his good leg. He glanced up at me, and I grinned at him in what I hoped was a reassuring way.

"Seriously, Sayid, I'm okay."

He just looked at me, then pulled me close in a one armed hug. My breath caught in my throat as he buried his face in the hollow between the hard muscle of my shoulder and my neck. His hair brushed my jaw and shoulders as I gingerly wrapped my arms back around him

"I missed you," he said, his voice slightly muffled.

I really hoped I smelled good.

We spent the next several hours just… talking. It still amazed me, how easy it was to talk to these people who weren't supposed to be real.

Sayid told me the details of his "encounter" with Rousseau (I laughed when he described, a little indignant, how she'd felt up his face) and the whispers he'd heard in the jungle, how it had taken him so long to get back.

And then I told him about my first encounter with the Others (I didn't mention Richard's name) and about the second fight with Sawyer. How they'd taken me, while they were looking for Elliot (why, I didn't know), how I'd run, without thinking. I told him the details of my showdown with Ethan with many expletives and Jack Sparrow-esque hand gestures, and he smiled at me with pride and affection.

"When are you going back to the beach?" he asked, after we'd filled each other in on the events of the past week. I shrugged, playing with a rock.

"When you go, I guess," I said, and he fixed me with that unreadable black gaze.

"What?" I asked. He shook his head, almost imperceptibly. "Nothing."

-

Kate didn't approach me until a few hours later when Sayid had dozed off, his head in my lap. There was a knowing look on her face as she approached me, and when she crouched next to me, she said, "You love him."

It wasn't a question. I felt my stomach plummet, and then grinned somewhat guiltily, still running my fingers through the Iraqi's thick hair. My heart pounded euphorically as I pondered the question. I mean, yeah I loved Sayid… but I loved a lot of people.

"Yeah, I do."

She laughed a little, then said, "Listen, about what you showed me yesterday…" a grin grew on her face. "I think we should do it."

"Sweet!" I said, a little too loudly, and Sayid shifted. I winced and Kate had to stifle a laugh.

"Yeah… but I think we should get some of the other women in on it too."

I nodded vigorously. "Totally! Hey, can you hand me a pillow?"

After extricating myself from Sayid and placing his curly head on a pillow, Kate and I headed down to the beach to do some recruiting.

---

Shannon, surprisingly, just nodded and half shrugged. She was folding some of her's and Boone's things, and I couldn't help smiling. Shannon was a good girl; she just tried very, very hard to hide it.

"Yeah," she said, "Sounds fun."

As Kate and I walked away, we exchanged an impressed glance. We hadn't expected it to be this easy.

By the end of the evening, we had a veritable army of women. We had all gathered at the beach, around a fire, strictly no-boys-allowed.

It was pretty funny, actually.

"Okay," I said, leaning in and meeting the eyes of the other women, all of whom were bright eyed and excited. "Here's the plan…"

---

**Day Seventeen**

It took surprisingly little time to get the amps moved down to the beach, which was good, because all the women wanted to get cleaned up for tonight, including Kate and I. Unfortunately for the two of us, our work wasn't done. While the other girls started getting ready with what make-up and clothes we had, Kate and I headed to the caves to make the announcement.

"Do you think people will actually come?" I asked her as we ducked under a low hanging branch. She looked at me and grinned.

"Katty, I think everyone is going to come."

We reached the caves about a half hour later and Kate got everyone's attention. We had decided, since I had the louder voice, I would make the announcement. Being very short, I stood on a rock so that people could see me.

Once they had all gathered around, Sayid limping slightly and Jack looking very impatient, I cleared my throat.

"Dudes we had a brain wave."

Blank faces from all around. I sighed and started again. "So I was out walking a couple of days ago and I found some amps and a bag of cords, right? Well, I've still got my computer, and I've gotta pretty impressive collection of music on there, if I do say so myself. So me an' the lovely Kate decided that we should have a party."

A murmur went around the crowd.

"Y'know, on the beach?"

Jack stepped forward now, his mouth set in an angry line that I recognized. I sighed.

"Claire was kidnapped yesterday, and you've been organizing a beach party?"

"Yep," I said, and then cut him off before he could begin. "Guys, we're all stressed. There's things goin' on here that no one expected, and we all need to chill out, relax a bit, have some fun, y'know? I mean, you don't have to come. We just thought it would be a good idea…. I mean, people pay thousands o' bucks for the kinda privacy we've got."

I looked around at all of them. Most faces were convinced, and Sayid was grinning at me, so I figured I'd done good.

"We're gonna get started in about two hours. See y'all."

---

Kate, a teenage girl named Melissa and I all took baths together. I slung a towel over my shoulder as we hiked down to the pond that was almost always used for bathing. It was about a five minute walk from the beach, far enough to have privacy, but close enough for safety.

We stripped down to our swimsuits once we reached the water. Melissa, who was quite the girly-girl, waded in, squealing loudly, but Kate and I both took running starts and jumped into the pool- she doing a graceful dive, me a cannonball.

The pond was odd. We figured it must have been a quarry at some point, because the walls were rock, not soil. This made it a much more relaxing experience (we didn't have to worry about fish or stepping on something that moved) but it was also a little unnerving, since we were almost positive it was man-made.

I surfaced, gasping, pushing my now soaking hair off my face. Melissa stood at the shallow end of the pond, completely drenched courtesy of my cannonball and glaring daggers at me.

"Oops. Sorry," I said, not sorry at all. Being the only two teenagers on the island, Melissa and I disliked each other right off the bat, and her continuous flirting with Boone strengthened that dislike.

Funny. At the beginning, I'd hated Kate, and she and I were well on the way to becoming fast friends.

I eyed Melissa as she finally went under the water. Even with me out of the picture, she would have had no chance with Boone. He liked capable women, and Melissa was not capable of anything at all.

-

"_You know why I like you?" he asked, swinging our hands as we sat at the edge of the pool we'd first really kissed in, our toes dangling over the edge and touching the sparkling water. I grinned up at him._

"_My devastating good looks?"_

_He laughed. "That does have something to do with it."_

_I elbowed him and he poked me in the sides. In my deep wisdom and maturity, I stuck my tongue out at him. He made the same face back at me, before reaching out and ruffling my hair._

"_Hey now," I said, disentangling out fingers so that I could reach up and attempt to tame the beast. "That's just low."_

"_I like you because you can take care of yourself."_

_I stopped trying to fix my hair and looked at him out of the corner of my eye. I shrugged, grinning. "I do my best."_

"_You're so… refreshing. Back home, all the girls that threw themselves at me-"_

"_Don't worry, Boone, that doesn't sound conceited at all-"_

_He poked my in the side again and I shied away, squealing a little._

"_You know what I mean. Anyway, they all thought that if they acted like simpering idiots, I'd want to… protect them, or something." He laughed, shaking his head. "So not the case."_

_He looked over at me, his blue eyes piercing. "And then I meet you. And you don't care what people think. You say what you feel and you mean it. You're sarcastic and rude-"_

"_Is that supposed to be flattering?"_

_He was very close to me now, almost on top on me. "You're absolutely hysterical and you genuinely care about people." His eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips. I wanted him to kiss me very, very badly. "You're beautiful, but you don't see it."_

"_Au contraire, mon frere-" I said, but then his lips were on top of mine and I forgot about thinking and talking. I think I forgot how to breathe._

_-_

I giggled at the memory and Kate gave me an odd look.

_Boone_, I mouthed at her, and she nodded, a knowing smile on her face.

After bathing, we made out way back to camp and Kate and I slipped into my tent. I'd stolen a fairly large piece of glass that served as a mirror, and we did our make-up, chattering about guys and islands and home.

Kate had gotten over the idea of Sawyer and I pretty fast. All though I still had a monumental crush on him, I didn't mind her crushing on him too. I think it was mainly because I knew, no matter what happened, they would get together.

"He reminds me of my dad," she admitted quietly, tracing the eyeliner across the top of her eyelid. I stopped dabbing concealer on my face and looked over at her.

"Sawyer?"

She hesitated, then nodded. I turned back to the mirror.

"Why?"

She laughed a little, in a way that didn't quite meet her eyes. "Because he's an asshole," she said. And then, a little more sober, "And because I can't stop thinking about him."

"Whoa, whoa," I said, jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. "You can't stop thinking about your dad?"

She smiled again, but there was no feeling behind it. It was just her face, going through the motions. I sighed and sat down my make up before turning to face her fully.

"Kate…. You know I know everything."

"Yeah…"

"Then let me just say that you are not your mother." My eyes bore into hers. "Just because she fell for a butt-face doesn't mean you will. And Sawyer… he's not a jerk. I mean, he is, but he's a different kind of jerk. He'd rather die before hitting a woman."

She smiled at me, and this time it was real. "Thank you."

"Psh," I said, flapping a hand at her. " 'S what I'm here for. Now let's get gorgeous. We have some guys to make jealous."

---

Two hours later I was standing on top on the amps, a foot on each of them, clutching the microphone in my hand. People were gathered, and it looked like almost everyone was here. I saw Sayid, Jack- who still looked like he considered this a bad idea-, Charlie, a little more animated after talking with Rose, Hurley, and, finally, my eyes landed on Kate and I grinned. She looked stunning and I grinned, proud, like it was by my doing that she was this gorgeous. She was wearing a light green tube top we'd found in the luggage along with a short white skirt. Her eyes, framed by black liner and purple shadow, looked exquisite and so green I could see them from here. Jack was staring at her, along with half of the male population of the island.

And the other half was staring at me. Some were even staring at both of us. I expected them to start handing out time-slots any minute now.

For my part, I was in almost obscenely short jean shorts with a wrap-around orange sarong over them and a simple blue tank top. I'd done my eyes much like Kate's, dark and smoky.

Simply put, we looked freaking foxy.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention puh-leeze!"

All the chatter died down and all gazes swiveled to me. I felt my face relax into an easy-going grin as I put a hand on my hip and cocked it.

Resisting the urge to break out into Sweeney Todd, I began, "Before the fun begins, there are a few simple rules. _Numero uno_!" I held up a finger and then pointed it, quivering, at my beloved silver laptop, which was humming happily in the sand, slightly behind one of the amps. "Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, that goes near my computer is going to die."

Several people raised their eyebrows, completely unthreatened, and I saw Frogurt (Neal) smirk. I eyeballed him.

"You guys think I'm kidding." My voice was dangerous.

The easy-going teasing died down and they all stared up at me, now a little shocked. I grinned.

"Number two. Anyone not dancing will be keel-hauled and sacrificed to Ole' Smokie. Capiche?"

I grinned around at all of them, jumped off the amps, and shouted, "LET'S PARTY!" right before hitting the space-bar on my computer with my foot. The beats of Soulja Boy pounded through the amps and I crossed my arms over my chest, quite proud of myself.

It was right before sunset, on the cusp of the afternoon, when the sky was still blue but was becoming tinged with orange and pink. I could barely hear the sound of the ocean over the pounding of the music and the happy chattering that had filled the camp. I saw Jack grab Kate for a dance, and the two began moving together in a way that was sensual but not overly raunchy. It was insanely adorable. I grinned and sat on one of the amps, bobbing my head happily in time to the music.

"Does this mean I get to sacrifice you to Smokie?" I heard Boone's grinning voice in my ear and turned to him, catching him unawares with a kiss. His mouth was soft and he tasted like fruit.

Without thinking about it, I put a hand behind his ear, deepening the seemingly innocent kiss as he moved closer to me. And then Hurley tripped and slammed into Boone, sending him sprawling in the sand. He helped my dazed boyfriend to his feet, looking apologetic. "Dude my bad. I didn't see you guys, and-"

I fell off the amp because I was laughing so hard.

To say that the beach party was a hit would be doing it a grave injustice. People who hadn't smiled since the crash were now having the time of their lives, dancing and laughing. I made sure to keep the music mindless, far away from anything that could make anyone miss anybody. Mostly I stayed toward the hip-hop genre. Sex was safe, in this instance. Emotions… not so much.

I danced with Boone, pounding my head and swaying my hips. We looked like idiots, but we were having fun.

And then the song changed.

"I miss the sound of your voice-"

"Shit," I murmured, but people didn't seem to mind. In fact, I heard a few squeals of, "Oh my gosh I love this song!"

Boone's face darkened suddenly as her looked somewhere past me, and then I felt an incessant tugging on my skirt. I turned to see Sawyer smirking down at me, looking more gorgeous than a man had any right too. He'd shaved away the five o'clock shadow, and the result was that he looked about ten years younger and, somehow, his eyes looked ten times brighter. My jaw dropped.

"Sawyer, why did you shave?"

For the first time I'd ever seen, he looked a little uncomfortable and he rubbed his now hairless chin. "Wanted to try a new look. You like it?" he grinned at me roguishly, the dimples even more stunning now. I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant.

"It's okay." He laughed.

"C'mon, girl," he said, leading me away from Boone. He leant down and said in my ear, "C'mon, get higher."

I melted, then and there.

I raised my arms above my head and started moving to the beat, Sawyer moving with me in tandem. It was almost… perfect. His hands came down over my shoulders and ran down my body- leaving me shivering- to my skirt, which he unknotted very quickly, leaving me in very short shorts. He used the skirt to pull me closer to him, and I wasn't complaining. Basically the whole camp was watching us now, but I couldn't find it in me to care, as Sawyer half-smirked down at me.

"_So c'mon get higher and loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips, just pull me down hard and drown me in love_-"

Sawyer, having discarded the piece of fabric that was my skirt, dipped me almost to the ground on the last note. I stared up into his eyes, breathless. He smirked down at me.

"Think your boyfriend's jealous."

I couldn't think of a reply. He pulled me back up and nodded at me before grabbing Kate, and I was speechless.

The next song was back in the rap category, and soon there was a circle of clapping people while individuals danced in the middle. I cracked up as Hurley did the chicken. Charlie was next, performing a rousing rendition of the robot.

Kate was pushed in next, and she popped spectacularly. I found myself screaming for her, and she smiled at me.

Boone break-danced, which isn't an easy feat in the sand. Afterwards, he pulled me in the middle of the circle and dipped me over, much as Sawyer had done, and he kissed me in a way that would have made Clark Gable proud.

When he pulled me up and twirled me away from him, into the middle of the circle, I was a very happy girl indeed. I smirked at all the people around the circle, clapping my hands a little above eye-level, before breaking out into an almost stripper-girl routine, with much swaying of the hips and popping of the chest area. Boone stared at me, desire and affection plain on his face, while Sawyer wolf-whistled loudly.

But Sayid's face was the one who stopped me. He had the same mixture of desire and longing and regret and distaste on his face that I'd seen in Ethan's, and on Sayid's beloved features, the look was much more unbearable.

Then I was whirling away from him, pulling Jin into the circle, and I tried to forget his face.

-

For a little bit I broke my own rule, sitting on the sidelines and watching everyone else enjoying themselves. It seemed like quite a few couples were created tonight, and it was adorable.

"You did a good thing, kiddo," said Sawyer's voice from behind me, and I looked around at him. He was staring past me, into the crowd, but his eyes flicked down to me and he smiled that ironic smile.

"Made people fergit 'bout their problems, even if it's just for a few hours. Takes a pretty good person to do that."

I had nothing sarcastic or smart alecky to say to him. I just looked up at him and said, "Thanks…" I almost said 'James'. 'Sawyer' didn't seem to fit him right now, when he was clean shaven, in that gorgeous button down black shirt, looking very respectable. But I lost my nerve. "Thanks, Sawyer."

He shoved me lightly. "You're the belle o' this ball, Katty. Go own it."

-

"Time for a slooooow daaaaaance," I announced into the microphone. "Pick a partner, any partner, and let's DO THIS THANG!" I tapped the space-bar with my bare foot, and Forty Foot Echo's Brand New Day began to play. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around, expecting to see Boone, but instead Sayid's black eyes loomed over me.

"May I have this dance?" he asked, his voice a low murmur. I bit my lip to suppress a smile and nodded shyly.

Holy crap. I was turning into some sort of… sweet-hearted heroine. This HAD to change.

He led me by the hand into the middle of the dancing couples and placed his hands on my waist as I tried to avoid tripping over the skirt that I'd put back on just a few dances ago. I held him around the neck and tried to avoid looking into his eyes.

"_I think I'll change my ways_…" crooned the singer and I glanced up at Sayid to see him looking down at me. These song lyrics were a little too close to our relationship.

"You look stunning tonight," he said quietly, and I flushed as my heart leapt.

"Thanks."

"You know, sometimes I would forget that you were a girl," he said quietly, still gazing down at me, that affectionate look in his eyes. Somehow, tonight, it was different. Deeper. "You are always so down-to-Earth and honest, it was easy to treat you as another man."

I wasn't sure to be complimented or insulted. "Thanks?"

He smiled and spun me, holding the very tips of my fingers as I twirled over the sand and then back to his chest.

"It was not a bad thing," he said as his arm crossed over my stomach and his fingers brushed my abdomen, leaving a trail of fire behind. "In fact, I think it may have been for the better. But after tonight-" I spun out again, and this time he let go of me and I stood an arms' distance away from him as he looked at me, that look on his face, desire and regret all rolled into one.

"After tonight, I will never see you as anything but a stunning young woman." He took my hand and brought it to his lips, soft and cool on the back of my hand. He finally looked away from me. I was flushing, from the dance and from his words.

He straightened up and nodded at me, then turned to Shannon for the next dance. I stood stock still.

Had Sayid Jarrah just told me he had the hotts for me?

-

The night was a great success. I danced with Sawyer and Boone a few more times, Locke, Hurley (that was an experience, let me tell ya), Charlie, and, finally, Jack.

"I never thought this would work," he admitted, smiling down at me. I half-shrugged and said, "Hey. I'm a genius."

He laughed, staring down at me fondly. In a lot of ways, Jack was like a big brother.

A very, very HOTT big brother.

"You've done good here."

"Thanks. So have you, doc."

He spun me around to the beat. The computer was on Wash Away, by Joe Purdy, and I was inwardly cackling at the intense irony of that.

When the song was over, he hugged me, and then went to Kate, who smiled up at him. His face lit up when he saw her, like a teenage boy's. I grinned, cocking a hip out to the side.

Maybe Jate _was_ fate. Kate didn't smile like that when she looked at Sawyer, and lord knows Jack hardly never smiled.

I felt arms around my waist and a hot mouth kissing my neck. I reached up with a grin, running my fingers through Boone's hair, before turning to look at him. His beautiful eyes were hazy with desire.

I felt very flattered.

"Let's go to my tent," he murmured.

"Shannon?"

"She can find somewhere else. Elliot?"

"With Rose."

His face broke out into a wide grin and he scooped me up into his arms, bridal style, and ran across the sand to his tent, me laughing gleefully.

---

**Sayid**

I suppose it's what I deserve, for thinking of her like that.

Of course, she isn't exactly a saint, but I can't help but feeling like I should have been able to control myself better. She's just a child, and I'm not Sawyer. I have some semblance of self-control.

Shannon rolled over, the covers sliding down her back, revealing her tank top, and smiled up at me. Without thinking about it, I smiled back down at her. When she'd asked if she could stay in my tent, since Katty and Boone where in hers doing things I didn't want to think about, I'd said yes without hesitating. There were no ulterior motives in her blithe young face. She smiled at me again, her pretty eyes twinkling, before going back to sleep.

Maybe self control was over-rated after all.

---

"Are you sure you want to do this?" gasped Boone, his hands at the hems of my shorts. He was above me, his hair falling into his eyes as he looked down at me.

I hesitated before leaning up and kissing his neck. "Not the full monty," I whispered, looking into his eyes.

"But we can experiment."

He regarded me with a grin.

---

While Katty slept in Boone's arms and Shannon slept very near Sayid's, Sawyer stretched out on the beach, staring up at the night sky and all the twinkling stars. His hands were behind his head and he was thinking, thinking about everything. Thinking about Kate, thinking about Katty, about this damn island and everything in between.

He'd come so close to kissing her, tonight, when they danced. When he tipped her over and she got that look in her eyes, that bemused, humorous look, he'd wanted to so bad.

And then later, when Boone had kissed her, the way he'd wanted to… well, to say he wanted to kill something would be the understatement of the century.

Sawyer scoffed as he stared up at the stars.

"You've gone soft, James."

---

He supposed it wasn't really fair to Shannon to stay in what was also her tent, so Boone enfolded the blonde girl in his arms and quietly moved to her tent.

She didn't wake up, not even for a second.

As Katty slept, breathing loudly and deeply, Boone simply looked at her, reaching out every once in a while to stroke her hair, her face, her lips. She really did look like a child when she slept, her mouth soft and pouting, all lines of worry and stress erased from her face as she breathed softly. A child… except for behind those slightly purple eyelids were violent blue eyes, capable of turning a heart to hysterical fear with one ice-filled glance; behind those fairytale lips was a tongue sharp enough to cut through the stoniest heart, and beneath all of the beautiful façade lay a girl who was entirely and completely insane.

Boone smiled as she snorted, smacking her lips loudly. So much for the perfect picture…. But that was why he loved her, wasn't it? Because of how beautifully imperfect she was?

Wait. Loved?

Boone started, curious at the alien thoughts running through his own mind. Did he love her?

She rolled on her back, her mouth hanging open, blonde hair spilling across her pillow. The fronds that made up the doorway to her hut were parted, allowing moonlight to spill across her features, illuminating her like some slumbering maiden of a fairytale.

Shannon, after sleeping with him, had immediately gotten dressed and tried to pretend that nothing had ever happened. Katty, though, was still just in her underwear and his shirt, and they hadn't even had sex. She was something different entirely.

Boone shifted so that he was closer to her, and she unconsciously curled herself around him. Boone couldn't help smiling, wrapping his arms around her.

So what if he was seven years older than her? They meshed together in a way he couldn't explain. He loved making her laugh, seeing the delighted surprise in her eyes, loved her making him laugh. Hell, he loved her, period.

Boone wasn't the kind of guy who fell in love easily. He was the kind of guy who waited too long, who over-analyzed everything and tried to make all the pieces fall exactly where he felt like they needed to. He'd tried to love Shannon because she was a piece of the puzzle- pretty, smart and perfect. He hadn't, however, taken into consideration her stubbornness and her pride, and that was where things went wrong. When her stubbornness and pride manifested themselves, that was when he actually did the falling for her.

Shannon and Katty. Two prideful, stubborn women that were too smart for their own good.

He loved both of them. But now, staring down at the girl who was wrapped in moonlight, he knew he'd made the right choice.

---

"Hey."

Sawyer awoke with a start to see Kate sitting next to him, the moonlight reflecting off her pretty face. She glanced down at him.

"Hey yourself," he said back, his voice a low murmur from bleariness.

She smiled a little, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes (but then again, he'd noticed that none of her smiles really reached her eyes) and looked out at the ocean.

For a second, Sawyer was struck dumb by her beautiful face, reflecting the glow of the moon on her skin and the soft blue of the waves in her eyes.

"Damn," he said softly, and she looked down at him.

"What?"

"Nothin' freckles," he said, smirking a little. "Nothin'."

"So, did you have fun tonight?"

Sawyer frowned. She was being nice to him. That was different.

"Sure did," he said. "You and the midget did a good thing fer all these people."

Kate smiled again, and this time it did reach her eyes. She looked down, lashes sweeping her freckled cheeks, and said, "It was all Katty. She was the one who found the amps and planned all this."

Sawyer chuckled. "Yeah, it's got her stamp o' chaos all over it."

They were quiet for a minute, listening to the waves. Sawyer almost felt like going back to sleep, but with this beautiful woman at his side, he didn't really want to.

"You think we'll ever get back?" he murmured. He saw Kate's jaw clench.

"I don't know," she said. She seemed to hesitate, her eyes flickering between him and the ocean, and then she said, "I don't know if I want to."

"Yeah, well, that makes two of us, freckles. The rest o' the folks here… they ain't got no idea what it's like to not have anythin' to go back to."

She smiled. "Lucky them."

A chuckle escaped his throat and lingered between them in the night air. "Yeah, lucky."

As the survivors of Oceanic 815 slept in peace on the moon-filled beach that night, deep in the jungle, plans were being set into motion, plans that involved a redneck confidence man, a compassionate spinal surgeon, a beautiful fugitive, a teenage girl with a grin like a shark, and a little blonde-haired boy with dimples and green eyes as ancient as time itself.

**LOST

* * *

**

"Hanging by a Moment" by Lifehouse. (Sawyer)

A/N: I'm not entirely sure when I got the idea to have a "beach party", but once the idea was in my head, I couldn't get it out, and anyway, it seems like something many teens would try to plan. Personally, I love this chapter. It was so so so much fun to write. I also enjoyed the bits after the actual party, the fleshing out of the characters. I especially like Kate's and Sawyer's exchange. I've been able to tolerate Kate more (as you can probably tell from the chapter. For those of you who want a cat fight, don't worry-there's gonna be plenty of tension between Katty and Kate later), mostly, I think, because she's not the center of attention anymore. Sawyer seems to not really care less about her, Jack's more focused on other things, and she's faded into the background. I like it when she suffers because she's more real then. ANYWAY. It might be a little while before the next update because I'm not done with chapter 16 and I want to have that and preferably 17 done before I post again. But by no means am I abandoning this! Please review!

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Sarah


	16. Artistic License

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**

_I drew a picture of you_

_ You and your anchor tattoo  
And saw the face that I knew  
Covered in shame  
You drew a bird that was here  
A kind of sweet chanticleer  
But with a terrible fear  
That the cage couldn't tame_

_That's how I knew this story would break my heart  
When you wrote it  
That's how I knew this story would break my heart_

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Artistic Liscence  
**

_Benjamin Linus leant back in his chair, thinking hard. Richard, as impassive as always, stood in front of him, waiting for Ben to tell him what to do, though both men knew that Richard was only following Ben's orders because, at the moment, he wanted to._

"_Bring Austen, and Ford, along with Shepard," he said finally, staring off through a window and into the cages that would soon, if all went according to plan, house two of the three he'd just mentioned. "Leave the child until later."_

"_That child is-"_

"_I know what he is, Richard," snapped Ben, widening his eyes instead of narrowing them like other people would do. "I want to see what he could become, without our influence."_

_Richard didn't reply to this, and asked after a moment, "What about the girl?"_

_Ben hesitated. The girl was definitely a source of interest. But the best way of going about getting the information they needed… Ben knew that the girl wouldn't be an easy one to crack._

"_Bring her with Austen and Ford," he said, looking into Richard's eyes. After a moment, the dark eyed man nodded._

"_It might take some time."_

_Ben fixed Richard with that piercing, impenetrable blue gaze. "Unfortunately, Richard, I'm running out of time."_

_The scene shifted, suddenly, and the bright, distorted colors of the room that Richard and Ben had inhabited changed to muted ones, colors that seemed to be flickering. Richard's face changed, the jaw squaring and chin elongating, the nose straightening and eyes tightening and changing colors and Elliot was suddenly standing next to the same desk, except this time, Richard was the one standing behind it. It was raining outside the window._

"_I'm afraid I have a job for you," said Richard, handing Elliot a folder. He took it and opened it, then pulled out a picture of a blonde girl in her early twenties._

"_Her? What, recruit her? She's got to be in her thirties or forties now-"_

_Richard shook his head. "No. She's going to be born in two days."_

_This registered on Elliot's face and he laughed out loud. "That complicates things."_

_Richard smiled back at him. "I want you to be there."_

"_And what, just… watch her?"_

"_This girl is… special. Different."_

"_Like John was special?"_

_A look of distaste mixed with regret crossed Richard's face and he said, "John still has time to prove himself. You and I both know what he'll become."_

"_Yeah, okay."_

"_The sub's leaving in an hour, Elliot. You'd better be on it."_

_The two men stared at each other, then embraced, clapping each other on the back._

"_Goodbye, my friend."_

---

**Day Eighteen**

Katty came out of the dream slowly, murmuring and rubbing her face against the pillow, the bright colors already slipping from her mind. She tried to remember what had awoken her, and her question was answered when she heard the soft rustling of movement in the corner of her hut. She rolled over onto her back and opened her eyes blearily to see Boone tying his shoes in the corner.

"Where're you goin'? Why are we in my tent?" she asked, the words running together. Boone looked up at her and smiled softly.

"John wants to go out and see if we can find anything from the trail," he said, leaning over to her and looking down at her. "And I carried you here last night after you fell asleep." She yawned.

"I know you guys are going to the hatch, Danny," she said. And then she added, "Don't worry. I won't tell," and grinned up at him. He grinned back at her and kissed her, then ruffled her hair and said, "I'll be back this evening."

"Bye, honey!" she called in an over-done feminine southern drawl, and he laughed. As he lifted the palm fronds and disappeared, she rolled back over and slowly drifted off to sleep again.

The dream she'd had was almost completely gone from her mind, now stored only in the drawer in the very back that could only be opened under very special circumstances.

---

The sound of the rain pattering softly against Katty's hut was what she awoke to about to hours later. She murmured something and stretched, then collapsed back onto the bed, thoroughly exhausted.

She was getting used to the island. Not just the place, itself, but being here, knowing what she knew, all that jazz.

It was weird, feeling normal.

She heard the leaves that blocked her doorway being shifted aside and lifted up her head, neck straining, to see a damp Sayid duck under the tarp. She laughed as he sat down in the sand, shaking his wet head.

"What?" he asked, mid-shake, as he caught her staring at him with an affectionate and amused smile on her face.

"You look like a wet dog," she pointed out, grinning. Sayid just raised his eyebrows and smiled.

"I take it you haven't looked in a mirror since the morning."

"Nope," she said, cheerfully, and then a look of horror crossed her face. "Oh gosh. I look like I have a poodle on my head, don't I?"

Sayid's only response was a wicked smirk, and the teenager dived for her camera and took a picture of herself. When she saw the picture (she had made a very unattractive face) she burst out into laughter. Her hair was epic and her make-up from the previous night had smeared.

"C'mere," she said to Sayid, beckoning him with one hand and holding the camera in the other.

"Why?" he asked, suspicious, and she rolled her eyes.

"Picture time."

He moved next to her and she held the camera out in front of them, making a face. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sayid smile unnaturally and sighed loudly.

"Dude, relax. It's just a camera, make a face or something."

"I still have _some_ dignity-" he replied, but was cut off by a flash. Katty cackled as she glanced at the camera screen. Sayid was staring at her, his mouth open, as she made a horrific face. The over-all gist of the photo was that Sayid looked like he was mesmerized by her (nonexistent) beauty, and Katty found this hysterical.

And when she showed Sayid the picture of Sawyer with her bra held to his chest, the Iraqi laughed even harder than her.

-

"Is all this yours?" asked Sayid, looking around the hut. The rain poured down heavily around them, making a strangely comforting noise on the roof of the hut. Katty looked around, too, simultaneously pulling her bushy, unruly hair into a ponytail. Two sets of eyes roamed over the shampoo and body wash, at the brightly colored clothes folded neatly in the open suitcase, the small pane of glass propped up, and the two cots. Katty shrugged.

"Mine and stuff I got out of other suitcases."

He turned to look at her and she grinned, obviously not feeling guilty. "I mean, I share if people ask."

Sayid still didn't say anything, but his mouth twitched at her grin stretched wider.

"I'm a capitalist," she said, and his smile widened into a grin to match hers.

"Don't tell anyone," he said, "But so am I."

She cackled, absentmindedly playing with her blanket. "Bet the Republican Guard loved that."

"If they'd known, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

They smiled at each other, then Katty averted her eyes, looking down at the thick blanket in her lap. Sayid studied her face, almost without thinking about it, as she stared down.

Her eyes were definitely her most stunning feature. Wide, round and violently blue, they were at once welcoming and warning.

"What was it like?" she asked, suddenly, not looking up at him. She seemed almost nervous. Those eyes flashed up to his. "Working for them?"

Sayid drew in a deep breath, just looking at her, at the curiosity and empathy on her young face, at the understanding in her eyes. She knew what murder felt like.

"It was like living in hell," he said, quietly.

"Why did you do it, then?" she asked, equally quietly. He stared at her, hard. She wasn't exactly the picture of innocence, but as she asked the questions everyone who knew him wanted to know, she seemed like she almost _was_… innocent.

"Why are you asking me about this?"

She shrugged, averting her eyes again.

" 'Cause you need to talk about it."

Her answer- so child like but so true- hit him somewhere deep in his heart as visions of the people he'd tortured danced behind his eyes.

"In Iraq, there aren't many other forms of employment. And if they come to you, you don't say no."

"So they came to you?"

He nodded, a memory darkening his face. "My father was a war hero. Of course they came."

"And you started torturing people after the thing with Tariq, right?"

He just stared at her and she smiled after a minute. "I know. It's weird for me, too."

Sayid just shook his curly head. "Yes, that's when I began… torturing."

"What did it feel like?" she asked, her voice very quiet now, looking up at him from under her eyelashes, her eyes boring holes into him.

"I crushed men's fingers with hammers," he said flatly. "Pulled out fingernails, poured acid over men screaming for mercy, even _women_-"

And then suddenly his throat was swollen and his vision was blurry and he felt his voice die from where it originated. He didn't trust himself to speak.

He heard the rustle of movement and then there were knees digging into his thigh and muscular arms that smelt of sunscreen and sunlight going around his neck, one of her hands burying in his thick hair, gently dragging his head down to rest on her shoulder. He felt the smooth and still slightly swollen skin of her neck on his cheek, and then his arms were wrapping around her back, clinging to the thin fabric of her shirt like a drowning man clinging to hope, his fingers running over the scars as she rocked him back and forth.

---

Fast forward an hour and it was noon, still pouring down rain as Katty's computer softly played music, and Sayid was lying on Katty's cot, hands behind his head, staring at the girl herself as she glanced between him and her sketchbook, working intently.

Watching her draw was one of the most fascinating things Sayid had ever seen. When she looked up at him, she stared at him so intensely, so fiercely, but the stare was detached; analytical. The soft "skritch" of her pencil roving over the paper and the music and the pounding of the rain was the only soundtrack that the two had.

Katty was sitting a few feet away from him, bent over her sketchbook, cross-legged, in the shorts she'd been wearing last night. The make-up that had made her seem like someone other than herself had formed black, smudged rings around her eyes, and though she was still adorable, she wasn't the stunning woman she'd been last night. She was once again just a girl, a goofball who was possibly the best listener on the planet- odd, for someone who talked so much.

She glanced up at him, her eyes fixed on a different part of his face (every time she glanced up she was always studying another part of his face) before her eyes darted back down to the paper and the pencil moved even faster.

"You can tell me if you're bored," she said distantly. He smiled.

"No. Watching you work is… fascinating."

She seemed to wake from a trance and glanced up at him, still holding the pencil in her hand.

"How long have you been drawing?"

"About five years."

"Are you talented?"

She shrugged the self-assured shrug of a woman who knows that they are, indeed, talented. "I could be better."

She went back to her sketchbook for a moment, then hesitated, her eyes flicking up to his.

'Y'know how some people do what ever it is they do for fun? Like a hobby or whatever?"

He nodded. "Yes."

She gestured to the sketchbook with her pencil, the side of her palm stained grey from the lead. "It's not like that for me. I do cause I have to. And it could take me forever to start something, but once I get started, I can't stop, and if I do, it won't be the same, cause it's gotta have the same feeling, the whole way over. It's not just about the picture. It's about how I feel, while I'm making it, y'know?"

"I do know."

With a smile, she turned over the sketchbook, and there he was, him from her eyes, his curly hair falling around his arms, his eyes dreamy and unfocused, looking somewhere into the distance. It was undoubtedly, perfectly him. There were lyrics, words surrounding the picture. He read them, a smile crossing his face as he did so, then looked up at her, her face only inches from his, those full, beautiful lips curved in a soft smile, the stunning raccoon eyes shining down at him, her sunburned cheeks lifted from the smile, her messy hair falling out of its constraint into her eyes.

That's when he knew this story, this girl, and wherever they led, would break his heart.

---

The day was fairly uneventful. Sayid and I chilled in my tent, listening to music and just talking. It was a pretty fun day.

And then Boone got back.

Shannon, bitch that she is, "let slip" that Sayid had been in my tent all day. Why? Who knows. Personally, I thought it was because she couldn't stand to see Boone giving me more attention than her, and by making him think that I was "cheating" on him, maybe he would bounce back to her.

In any case, when Boone came into my tent that evening (Sayid had gone back to his, so it was just the two of us) we enjoyed the experience of our first fight.

"Wassup," I greeted him, as classy as always. He gave me a smile, small and forced, and it didn't meet his eyes. I set down my book.

"You okay?"

"Did you do anything interesting today?"

I raised an eyebrow, but his face was impassive. I recognized fighting posture when I saw it, so I sat up a little straighter too.

"Not really. It was raining all day, so I just chilled with Sayid-"

"All day?"

I was very quickly becoming irritated. "Yes, all day. What's this about, Boone?"

"Why him? Why not Kate, or someone else?"

"Why are we even having this conversation?" I snapped finally, glaring at him. "He's my friend, Boone, and you're my boyfriend, not my dad. Yeah, we spent the day together, cause there was nothing else to do. If you think I'm cheating on you, you better tell me right now if I've ever given you a reason to think so-"

His eyes flashed too. "Sawyer and Sayid. Two _damn_ good reasons-"

"-the _hell_?"

"You're always with one or the other of them, always flirting with them, they always flirt back. Both of them are obviously fascinated with you, and if Sayid spent the whole damn day with you, how am I supposed to know that you aren't cheating on me?" His eyes were like two blazing pieces of ice under his charcoal eyebrows.

I was stunned into silence, staring at him, jaw dropped. His impassive face had changed into an angry glare, and I was at a genuine loss for words.

Not breaking eye contact, I said quietly, my voice radiating with anger, "If you really trust me that much, Boone," my voice was dripping with quiet sarcasm, "then I don't know what we're doing here."

All the anger seemed to drain from him and he shook his head. "You haven't seen the way he looks at you-"

"No, you're right, I haven't. If I had, maybe whatever it is you think happened might have actually happened. But nothing did happen, except for two friends hanging out. Boone, I really like you, but if you're gonna be over protective and jump every time I look at another guy, it's not gonna work."

It wasn't exactly an ultimatum, but it had the feel of one. We stared at each other from across the tent, and then he said, "Shannon told me that you two were in your tent all day; I guess I just over-reacted."

"We _were_ in my tent all day," I said so that there would be no confusion. "But nothing happened. And, I'm sorry, did you say Shannon told you?"

He nodded and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, and instead crawled over him, the sand scraping on my bare knees.

"Sorry for biting your head off," we said at the exact same time. We started and stared at each other, then burst out into laughter.

We apologized to each other repeatedly before Boone finally enfolded me in his arms.

"There's a lot we don't know about each other," he murmured, tracing the veins on my hands. I glanced up at him, at his prickly stubble covered chin, his high cheekbones, and those eyes…

"Wanna play the question game?" I asked, nestling closer to his wonderful, soft, warm chest. His lips quirked up in a smile and he looked down at me.

"The question game?" His voice was amused, and I nodded.

"Yeah, the question game. I ask a question, you answer it, then you ask me one, and it goes on and on?"

My eyes searched his.

"Okay," he said, a grin spreading across his beautiful face. "What's you favorite movie?"

"At the moment, Mamma Mia," I said, gesturing to the computer, which was playing the soundtrack of the aforementioned movie. Boone began playing with a strand of my hair. "Should have known you'd like musicals," he said.

"You have no idea. Okay, what about you? What your favorite movie.

"Don't laugh at me," he warned. I just shook my head, grinning.

"Won't. I promise."

He squinted at me for a minute, as though testing me, although the smile made the look less severe. "X-men two," he said finally, and I sat bolt upright, clutching my hands to my chest.

"For real?" I squealed. "Oh my gosh I LOVE that movie!"

He laughed at me.

"What, so you can laugh but I can't?"

"I wasn't expecting a reaction like that," he chuckled, and I hit him with a pillow.

---

Nineteen days here. Almost three weeks. Just a little over a week shy from three months. Jack wasn't a man to sugar coat things, not even to himself. He clung to hope with every fiber in him, but he knew that the chances of rescue were know slim to none, optimistically speaking. So while he preached hope and rescue, he fought all the while to make himself believe it.

He rolled over on the uncomfortable makeshift bed, the rough fabric of his pillow scratching against his stubble covered cheek. He closed his eyes- and then snapped them back open, staring intently at the forest, his heart pounding.

For half a second, he could have sworn he'd seen a pair of bright blue eyes staring intently at him.

**LOST

* * *

**A/N: I LIIIIIVEEEEE! Wow, you guys, I did NOT mean for it to take this long for me to get this chapter up, and I'm really sorry it's so short. Hopefully I will have seventeen up soon, since school's now out and I'll be able to write MUCH MORE! Cool, right? Anyway, I love you guys dearly.

Love,

Sarah


	17. Letters, Lakes, Trees and Immortals

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**_Hark, now hear the sailors cry  
Smell the sea and feel the sky  
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic  
And when that fog horn blows I will be coming home  
And when that fog horn blows I want to hear it  
I don't have to fear it  
I want to rock your gypsy soul  
Just like way back in the days of old  
I want to rock your gypsy soul  
Just like way back in the days of old  
And together we will float into the mystic  
Come on girl..._

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Letters, Lakes, Trees and Immortals  
**

**Day Nineteen**

Life on the island was dangerous. Not just because of the bears or the monster (we still had no clue what that was, except for Katty, and whatever she knew, she wasn't talking) or those people, those others, but because of what it turned you into. The island was like the Pandora's Box of the soul. It took everything you were, good or bad, and multiplied it. People who had previously been mild mannered and kept their tongues in check now spat poison. The less inhibited among us, like Sawyer and me, were now veritable blocks of ice. Jack's compassion and need to control were the fore-frontal attributes of his character.

It wasn't that the island was turning us into things we weren't. The island was taking what we already were and playing with it. Or maybe it wasn't the island at all. Maybe we just needed something to blame it on, so we picked the biggest cause of our stress- our "home". Or our not home. This-place- had most people on edge, continually. Only a few, like Katty, could tolerate it. And only one considered it home.

John Locke was a mystery. He tramped around the island with a wide smile on his face, and the aura of a man in his own home.

I sighed and pushed my wet hair back from my face. I was alone in the pool, completely naked and feeling very refreshed. Spending time with Katty and Melissa in pool two days ago had been fun, but a girl needs some time to herself every now and then, especially with the whole stranded-on-an-island thing.

I lounged back against the cool sides of the pool, my elbows out on the grass, staring into the lush greenery before me. Creepy as it was, the island was definitely a beautiful place.

Now if only I could figure out a way to get the hell off of it.

---

**Katty**

Once again, Boone was gone with John before daylight, leaving me with a whole sunny day and nothing to do.

I slept on the beach for a few hours and woke up to a horrific sunburn, naturally, nothing could ever go right; I went to the caves, and Jack, to see if he had anything like Aloe Vera.

The walk from the beach camp was exhausting and invigorating at the same time. I had my iPod ear-buds plugged into my ears, listening to Moulin Rouge and singing along quietly, my hands thrust into the pockets of my basket ball shorts, flip-flops slapping the uneven ground as I walked slowly through the world of green that I couldn't begin to understand.

This place was beautiful, I thought, as I looked around. The flowers blooming along the jungle floor, the vines creeping up the tall, ancient trees- the entire island excluded a feeling of ancient history, of time passing by but not changing this place.

"… _we could be heroes, just for one day…"_

--

I arrived at the caves to see Jack Shepard muttering to himself and shaking, rubbing his chin as he re-arranged the medicine again and again. Concerned, I made my way over to him after kicking off my flimsy shoes.

"Oh… shit…." He muttered vehemently as one of his shaking hands sent a row of pill bottles tumbling down. I gingerly patted his shoulder.

"Jack?" I asked him, concerned, as he spun to face me, eyes wide and skittish. I put my hands up immediately, ignoring the words reverberating in my eardrums. "What happened, dude?"

"Nothing," he said, turning back to the medicine, his shoulders sloping. I raised an eyebrow and hesitantly reached out to him again.

"You sure?"

He turned back to look at me, a kind of hesitant trust in his eyes.

"I think I saw someone out in the jungle last night."

A shiver ran down my spine as I stared at him. "Explain."

He shook his head. "I could have sworn I saw a pair of blue eyes out there, but when I looked again, they were gone."

He stared off into space, then his eyes snapped back onto me, the haze gone once he was confronted with something he could fix. Jack was a genuinely good guy. "Damn, you're burned," he said. "C'mere."

--

I was back in the jungle half an hour later, stomach tingling the way it always did when I was about to do something stupid. After making sure I was out of ear-shot from the camp, I whispered loudly, "Richard?"

The jungle was silent as I looked around the glade. There was no sign of the man. I took a deep breath and said, louder, "Richard?"

There was still nothing but the sound of my own breathing. I turned around, a full circle, looking up, around, looking for any sign of him.

"RICHARD!" I bellowed at the top of my lungs and a light chuckle came from behind me. I whirled around, coming face to face- literally- with Richard Alpert. The bastard had snuck up on me, and there was less than an inch between our bodies.

I'm sixteen. I'm not an idiot. I know the effect I have on most guys e.g., Sayid and Sawyer. I'm good at using that to my advantage, too, if the situation calls for it. It sure as hell called for it now.

"You don't have to shout, you know," he said, his unreadable black eyes boring down into me. In half a second, without him even realizing it, I'd switched "modes", if you will.

"Have you guys been staking out our camps?" I asked him bluntly. He just raised an eyebrow.

"Not that I know of," he said, his face impassive but sincere, which left me with three conclusions: a)he was lying, b) he didn't know about it, or c) time travel was catching up with us.

"I want some answers," I said, my voice low. Richard's lips quirked up.

"You read that letter yet?"

It was my turn to smirk. "Of course not."

He shrugged. "Read that. Then come find me."

"Wouldn't it be easier for you to just tell me?" I asked, smiling a little.

He nodded. "It would be."

The next thing I knew, I was pinned to a tree, Richard's big hands clenching my arms in a vise-like grip, his breath cool on my face, his body pressed against mine.

It was actually pretty hott. Well, apart from the fact that there was a branch digging into my back and that there were probably bugs crawling over me- but Richard kind of made up for that.

God, I'm such a teenager. I have a gorgeous boyfriend, two extremely hott older men for best friends, and then when a fourth handsome man, who happens to be immortal or very close to it, pins me against a tree, I'm melting.

I resisted the urge to giggle hysterically.

"You're an exceptional girl, Kathryn," he murmured, his head cocking to the side a fraction. "But you're not exceptional enough to outwit me."

"Me?" I asked, grinning slightly. Smiling while having the lower hand, I'd found, unnerved most people. "Not us?"

He laughed a little, a short, airy sound. "No. With what you know, you could easily lead them on a merry little hunt. But not me."

"Guess the race is on, then," I said softly. He tilted his head to the side, examining me, as if I was an experiment that had done the opposite of what he expected.

"May the best man win," he replied, and I frowned.

"I'm a chick, dude."

As I planned, his eyes traveled down the line of my neck to my chest, then flickered back up to my face. "I noticed," he said, wryly.

I smirked, then hooked one of my legs around his and pulled with all of my might. Richard caught me by surprise, though, and simply flipped me around as his body twisted, and I was now pressed against his chest. It was a definite upgrade from the tree.

"Like I said. Not _that_ exceptional," he murmured into my ear, and then the heat that had been at my back was gone, and I was left alone in the jungle again, humbled and very impressed.

---

"You been gone all day, rockstar," came an amused southern voice from behind me. I turned around to see Sawyer smirking down at me.

"What?" I asked loudly, my ear-buds still in. He sighed and motioned for me to take them out. I complied and punched him in the stomach.

"Yo."

"Hell, midge, what was that for?"

I shrugged. "Sign of affection."

He glared at me, then punched me back in the stomach, hard. I doubled over with an "oof", my arms wrapping around my stomach as I stared up at him, incredulous. He smirked down, triumphant.

"You can't hit a lady!" I cried, a little stung. He gave a bark of genuine laughter at that.

"Kid, if you're a lady, then I'm James Bond."

I stared at him, still a little winded, and shook my head. "That's the second time today I've had my femininity insulted."

Just like Richard, Sawyer's eyes flickered down to my… well. He smirked.

"Kid, you're definitely a girl. It's just the 'lady' bit-"

"What do you mean?"

He began counting down on his fingers, grinning very widely, his blue eyes piercing into me. We walked along the beach.

"One, ya know how to shoot a gun. Two, you've got some bad-ass scars on your back that means either you pissed off a very big cat, or you're hiding something. Three, you cackle when you laugh. Four, you _snort_ when you try not to laugh-"

"Okay, okay," I said, cheeks burning. "I get the picture."

As if sensing my sudden insecurity, Sawyer put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me tightly to him. I stumbled against him, my bare feet sliding in the sand.

"It's why I love you, kid. IF you were a lady… hell, you wouldn't be have as much fun." He grinned down at me, and I returned the look at him. He was just irrepressible.

It had been an exhausting day, and I decided to turn it pretty early- about eight. Boone and John still weren't back, but I wasn't worried.

I nestled myself under the blanket, staring absentmindedly at the glow of my computer. After being blind without my glasses for almost ten years, being able to see clearly was… odd. Yet another "miracle" that I simply chalked up to the island and tried to forget about.

Without really thinking about, I found myself digging for Elliot's letter. It was written on plain, unassuming notebook paper, my name – _Kathryn I. Sherman_- written on the front of the envelope in elegant, scrawling blue ink. Strangely, I wasn't as nervous to open it as I had been. I gently removed the letter from the envelope, which I placed back inside my suitcase, before unfolding the letter.

_Dear Kathryn Sherman,_

_You don't know me, but I know you very well. How? That's a question for another time. Right now, the most important thing is that you do everything I tell you. There are people in this city who want you dead, and I know you believe me. The only way to get out alive is through me. Don't worry about meeting me; I'll find you._

_Also, I'm afraid you won't be going home for a while. After I get you out of the city, you're going to be taking a detour. Once you reach your destination (you'll know it), find the man called Richard Alpert. He'll tell you everything you need to know._

_As I said, Kathryn Sherman, I know you very well. You're an exceptional girl. I believe in you._

_Sincerely,_

_Elliot._

I sat, stunned.

Several things registered in my mind.

Elliot knew me.

The letter was impersonal, so I guessed he'd written in before he'd met me.

He hadn't planned on dying.

And there was nothing in the letter that could be of any importance to anyone but me or Richard, which made me think that Richard didn't know what was in the letter, but he wanted to.

Which left me wondering as to the relationship between Richard and Elliot.

Folding the letter against my chest, I wrapped a hand around the cross I always wore and closed my eyes, trying to sleep.

-

**Day Twenty**

I awoke from a heavy sleep to find Boone's comforting arms wrapped around me, his gorgeous face buried in my neck, his breath warm.

I simply lay there.

Part of me (all of me, really) was still amazed that this GORGEOUS man cared for me as much as he did. I hadn't exactly been a nun, back at home, but I mean, really. The guy was stunning. I was short, awkward little Katty. He was one of the sweetest guys I'd ever met, and he was funny as hell (the show had never shown that side of him), a complete goofball, and I loved him way more than I was comfortable with.

Bringing a hand over my head, I entangled my fingers in his hair.

"Got any plans today?" he murmured into my neck, sending shivers up my spine. I turned over a little bit to face him.

"Only if you do," I said, smiling. He looked up, resting his chin on my neck, his beautiful blue eyes staring right into mine.

"Wanna go to our lake?"

"John giving you a day off?"

"No," he laughed. "I'm skipping."

"In that case," I said, kissing his prickly cheek, "I'd love to."

We set out before the sun had completely risen, our swimsuits on, carrying some food with us, heading for our lake.

It wasn't a long walk, only fifteen minutes, but we goofed off so much that it took a good deal longer.

For example, Boone literally chased me up a tree.

We reached to lake eventually, stripped to our swimsuits, then jumped over the water fall. Boone dived. I did a cannonball.

I do a lot of those.

We surfaced at the same time, soaking wet, gasping and laughing.

"God this water feels good," said Boone, shaking his wet head. I giggled and pushed him away from me, treading the cool water with my feet. A wicked grin spread over his face and he pushed on my shoulders, dunking me under the water.

I resurfaced moments later, gasping. He was laughing hysterically, head thrown back. I dived back under the water and grabbed one of his feet, yanking. I pulled him under with me and winked at him.

"Oh, you're gonna pay for that," he laughed, eyebrows raised, when we broke the surface of the water.

"And I'm sure I'll enjoy it immensely," I grinned. He smirked and moved toward me.

"Oh, _shit_."

-

A few hours later we made our way back to the beach, soaking wet. I was barefoot, again. The bonus of the whole "kidnapping" thing was that now that my feet had heeled, the soles were mainly made of scar tissue, which made my feet some tough little things. Which was good when you live on an island and you hate shoes.

Boone had a wet arm around my equally wet shoulders as we walked through the jungle, talking and laughing. Such a big part of our relationship was this place and the stress and the knowledge that we could die at anytime, and since we knew so little about each other, we just talked. A lot. Trying to learn everything, trying to figure out what we wouldn't tell each other before we ran out of time.

"So, what happened with these?' he asked finally, his hand dropping down to trace over one of the longer scars. I shivered a little and looked up at him.

"Did you hear about the bombing in Venice a coupe of months ago?"

"Yeah, something about a terrorist attack… wait, was that you?" he asked, only half kidding. I stared at him incredulously, shocked and a little flattered that he thought I'd be the type to pull something like that off. I punching him in the arm, laughing.

"No, you loser, that wasn't me. Do I look like the terrorist type?"

He half shrugged, wet hair falling into his eyes as that crooked smile spread across his face. "Well-"

I shook my head, smiling. "You're unbelievable."

"Really. What happened?"

"The bombing is what happened," I said, still smiling a little. Something flickered behind his eyes, shock and a little bit of apprehension.

"You were in it?"

"Yeah."

His eyes had widened now. "That sucks."

Laughter bubbled out of my throat. I was talking about a bombing that should have killed me, right before which I'd killed three men and seen one die, and I was laughing real, unfeigned laughter.

Something was wrong with me.

"Sure does," I said.

-

We passed the caves and Boone's arm fell from my shoulder when he saw Locke, and sighed. "I should probably go explain," he said, very unenthusiastically.

"Don't get too excited, now," I warned him. He slid an arm around my waist and kissed me softly.

"I'll see you tonight, if John doesn't kill me."

"Tell him I said hi!" I called as Boone began to walk towards the bald man. He half turned around and smiled at me. I grinned and, shaking my head, began to make my way back to the beach.

It was a gorgeous day, cloudy and windy and cool. Well, for the island, at least. It was just a little past noon and I was feeling tired. But I felt tired a lot, these days.

I had only been walking for about fifteen minutes when I heard Richard's voice from behind me.

"You have a boyfriend."

I sighed, stopping in my tracks. There were soft crunches as Richard moved closer to me.

"Indeed I do," I said, turning around. He smirked down at me.

"Pity date?"

A scowl crossed my face. "No, actually."

"You seem to be giving most of the men on this island a run for their money," he said, his head quirking to the side. I gave him my snarkiest smirk.

Again, I was flattered where I shouldn't be.

"You included in that?"

"Did you read the letter?"

"Yep," I said, crossing my arms across my chest and raising an eyebrow.

He was gonna have to work for it.

**Richard**

She was gonna make me work for it. There was a very stubborn, insolent look on her face, and her body posture was screaming, "I'm not giving you anything". One of those eyebrows was quirked up.

"And…" I prompted.

"You could have just told me you didn't know what it was going to say," she said. I smirked. I'd known she'd figure it out; she was a smart, tough kid.

"What does it say?"

She sighed, shrugging exaggeratedly, "Some BS about how he knew me before we met in Venice, that people were coming for me, that he believed in me, yada-yada-yada. And, that when I got here, to find you. So I've found you. Now what?"

So he'd told her enough. Not the most important things, but maybe that was for the best. She wasn't that tough.

"Thank you," I said with a nod, before turning to disappear back into the jungle I'd lived in for far too long.

"Wait!" she called. I turned around, taking her in. She was short and curvy, with a round face and shaggy blonde hair. Even barefoot in the jungle, she didn't appear to be threatening.

But then you looked closer.

"What?" I asked.

"Why did you try to take Elliot? My Elliot, I mean? You said something, that he belonged with you… what did you mean?"

I paused, looking her over. Now definitely wasn't the time to tell her. She'd begin to doubt herself, doubt everything, doubt what Elliot had told her, if she found out now.

All I said was: "Who says he's yours?"

And with that, I turned and disappeared into the jungle.

-

Odd. Very odd.

Katty's mind was still running over every detail of her most recent conversation with Richard. Each time she met him, she learned something new, but a new mystery was always revealed. And this time it was Elliot; the little boy who'd adopted her.

She emerged from the jungle and onto the beach. People were talking and laughing as the waves washed onto and away from the beach with a steady, comforting sound. She simply stood there, looking at the grey sky and the sandy beach and the steely blue water of the ocean, and sighed.

"Hey, kid!"

She looked around to see Sawyer swaggering up to her and grinned.

"What?"

He gestured to the beach, grinning. "Come walk with me."

What was it Richard had said? That she'd given all the men on the island a run for their money?

A smirk grew over her face as she regarded the grinning conman.

Well, she'd sure done her best.

**LOST

* * *

**

"Into the Mystic" by the Wallflowers, Richard.

A/N: Well, it's up! (that's what she said). Now that school's out, I'll have much more time to write. I want to get at least two more chapter of this written before I post again, so that'll probably be sometime within the next week or so. Also, I've been working on a _King Arthur _Arthur story that I'm almost done with and that I'll probably start posting soon. It's much sorter than this one, and a lot more romance-orientated. Although the past few chapter of this story have been mostly romance, the story is mostly adventure, but with the KA one, it's pretty much about the romance and humor. There's some similar ties to this story, the whole "can't change things" deal. I like it. I've also been thinking about doing a National Treasure/Die Hard crossover. Has anyone else seen the parallels between John McClane and Matt Farell and Ben Gates and Riley Poole? I've got some ideas circling... anyway, as always, read and review!

Happy summer

Sarah


	18. Cassandra Effect

_**All Roads Lead Here **_**by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**_Last call now I'm outta time _

_And I don't got no valentine  
Singled out, now I stand alone  
The underdog in a modern world  
Suburbia is hot tonight  
But nothing seems to feel alright  
I don't want your sympathy  
I just need a little therapy  
At least that's what they say to me

* * *

_**Chapter Eighteen: Cassandra Effect**

"I actually had an ulterior motive in this," said Sawyer, gesturing loosely at the sand and waves in front of them. Katty glanced up at him out of the corner of her eyes and smirked.

"Okay. What?"

He hesitated, a look on his face that Katty couldn't place. Curiosity piqued, she turned around and walked backwards, grinning at him.

"Now you've really gotta tell me, Sawyer."

He rolled his eyes, mouth tightening, and sighed. "What do you think of Kate?"

"Ah," she said, a knowing smirk crossing her face as she fell neatly back into step next to him with a shrug. "Well, she's pretty damn hott."

Sawyer glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes and she looked innocently back up at him.

"What?"

"Are you a lesbian, or something?"

"Nope," she replied, completely not offended. When he looked disbelieving, she rolled her eyes and continued, "I'm an artist, dude. I see everything. If another chick's hott, I know it, but that doesn't mean I find her attractive."

"You sure?"

She glanced at his bare chest, at his square jaw and piercing eyes and rugged good looks.

"Positive."

"Alright, then. But really, midge, what's she like?"

"She's got some serious baggage."

Sawyer chuckled. "Name one person on this island that don't."

"Vincent," she said, grinning.

"It was rhetorical, midge."

They walked side by side down the beach. Katty was wearing a pair of Boone's shorts over her swimsuit that were practically falling off her, and the hands she had thrust in the pockets didn't help this. The wind whipped their hair around their faces, and Sawyer swore, pushing his sandy hair behind his ears.

"God-dammit, I'm gonna cut it off-"

"You'd probably look really good with short hair," said Katty mildly, glancing up at him. Of course, he'd probably also look good if he grew dreadlocks and wore a loincloth and ran around the island hooting madly.

"What do you think of the island?"

He looked down at me. "This damn place is one big screwball made 'a sand and trees and blood."

"That's cheerful," quipped Katty, and Sawyer elbowed her in the side, sending her stumbling into the ocean.

"Hey!" she laughed, and he chuckled.

"Loser. What brought up the thing with Kate, anyway?"

"What, don't you know?" he smirked. She made a simpering face at him.

"If you had all the stuff running around your head that I have to deal with, you'd forget the details too."

He sighed, shrugging loosely, staring up at the gray sky. "We went swimming and found a Halliburton case that she wants."

"Ah," said Katty, understanding dawning on her face. Sawyer looked down at her, thinking that he could almost see the gears turning inside her mind. She was an odd one.

"What's in it?"

"I don't know," she said, grinning, eyes flashing up at him as the wind whipped her hair around her face.

"Bull shit," he said, and she just shrugged, that smug smirk on her face.

-

Boone hadn't got back yet and Katty was writing in her diary at about midnight when a frazzled looking Kate ducked under the palm fronds that had begun drying recently. Katty glanced up at her.

"Slumber party?"

Kate smiled that ironic smile of hers, her eyes darting away from Katty. "Not exactly. I need your help with something."

"Okay," said Katty, closing the computer with a soft "snap" and leaning forward.

"I need you to help me get the case back from Sawyer."

-

She wanted no part in it. She wanted to watch from afar as Kate and Sawyer slowly grew closer, she didn't want to have to be smack bang in the middle of it.

But she had a problem saying no to people.

"This is so stupid," she hissed to Kate as the older woman peered around the edge of Sawyer's tent to see the sleeping conman, case in between his knees. Katty gestured to this. "Look! He's expecting you!"

"Just make sure no one comes," said Kate and she disappeared into Sawyer's tent. Katty rolled her eyes and turned back to the moon-illuminated beach. She heard Sawyer's sarcastic voice from inside the tent, and then Kate's softer, more feminine tones.

She poked her head inside the tent to see Sawyer on top of Kate and fixed her eyes on the woman.

"Told ya," she said.

Katty climbed to her feet and stalked away, leaving two people staring after her, Sawyer still clutching the case.

"Damn," he said, a little bit of awe in his voice. "She really wants this thing."

"Ya think?" asked Katty, grinning. He made a face at her and she patted him on the stomach.

"Night, James."

-

**Sawyer**

She swaggered away to some beat in her head that no one else could hear, her shirt riding up on her back to reveal those ugly scars.

James. She'd called me James.

I stared after her, mouth open, resisting the urge to run after her and squeeze every last drop of information out of her.

I was still standing there when Danny tramped out of the woods, looking tired as hell. He gave me an odd look and disappeared inside Katty's tent.

Shaking myself out of it, I went into my own tent.

"Damn girls," I muttered, lying back down.

-

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" murmured the half-asleep Boone into the half-asleep Katty's ear. Her eyes widened and she stiffened, rolling over, all traces of sleep gone from her countenance as she stared down at the brown haired man next to her.

"Why do you think that?" she asked softly, and he turned his blue eyes up to her.

"I've seen the way you look at me when you think I'm not paying attention," he said, a small smile creeping over his face. "Like you know we're running out of time."

She grasped his face with both hands and rested her forehead on his. "I'm going to save you," she said quietly and he sighed, closing his eyes.

"If only you could," he murmured, and then he was asleep again. As tears filled up her eyes and spilled over onto her cheeks, Katty pulled him close, burying her tear-soaked face in his hair, swearing that she was going to save him, knowing that she never could.

-

**Day Twenty-One**

They'd been on the island for three weeks today. It was the middle of October, burning hot, and she'd be turning seventeen in just a little over a month.

Three weeks ago, they'd all crashed on this island, and since then, people had died, people had been kidnapped, and people had fallen in love.

In the next two or three weeks, one person would be born, and one person- one beloved person- would die.

Katty sat under the baking sun of the tropics, watching the waves roll in and out, washing away sand and shells and small sea creatures.

Somewhere on the island, Kate and Sawyer were arguing and Boone and Locke were working on unearthing the hatch that had done all this to them.

"How are you this fine, blistering day?" asked a cheerful but sardonic Charlie Pace as he lowered himself next to her in the sand. She glanced over at him, a grin lifting her sun burnt cheeks. Charlie smiled back at her.

"I'll live," she said. "You?"

"Been better," he replied, looking out at the ocean. Katty reached over and patted his knee, saying nothing. He glanced at her, eyes thoughtful.

"Katty… did you know Ethan was gonna take me and Claire?"

"Yes," she said, not looking away from him.

"Why didn't you do something?" he asked, barely hiding his disbelief and anger.

"Have you heard of something called the Cassandra Effect?" she asked. He shook his head.

"What does that have to do with-"

"She was a woman who was cursed with knowing everything that was going to happen, but when she warned people, no one would believe her." Katty's eyes bored into Charlie's, making sure he got the message, and he averted his gaze.

"People don't know how to respond to me, Charlie. They think I'm nuts or that I'm doing it for attention. And when I say that two of the most liked people in the camp are gonna be kidnapped when they don't even believe there's other people on the island, who do you think would believe me?"

"They kidnapped you. You got away."

"I'm a lot stronger than Claire, Charlie. And I don't hesitate to kill someone who could be a threat. Claire's pregnant and she hates violence."

"Why didn't you kill Ethan, then?" he asked, and she sighed.

"Cause people woulda thought I killed him without a reason. Cause I'm scared to change anything. Cause I don't like killing."

"But it would have saved Claire-"

"Claire's not dead, Charlie. She'll be back."

He stared at her for a minute before sighing and looking away.

"Guess I just have to trust you."

She nudged him with her shoulder. "You don't really have much choice.

-

I've always believed that a life could change in one day. That belief had been reinforced when my life made a sharp turn one sunny day in Venice, and it was just downright weird when yet another unbelievable change occurred on September 24, 2009. Obviously, I was used to big, explosive changes- literally. My life changed again today, and this time the change was different, much more subtle and, in a way, much more deadly.

This was the day that I realized Boone was going to die, and that there was nothing I could do about it. The day Sayid broke a tie to me and forged a new one with Shannon, one that would eventually break his heart. And it was the day that Sawyer and Kate bound themselves to each other, without even realizing it.

Which left me with the knowledge that my boyfriend was going to die, and when he did, I was going to be alone.

-

Richard entered Ben's study silently, hands hanging loosely at his sides. Ben glanced up at him over the top of his silver rimmed glasses and said, "I'll be with you in a moment, Richard."

Richard nodded and took a seat in the chair in front of Ben's desk.

A few moments later and the leader of the Others set down the pen, took the glasses off his face, and fixed Richard with a penetrating stare.

"Well?" he said. Richard shrugged.

"She read the letter. She knows that Elliot knew her, and now she's going to be having some doubts about the child that has adopted her."

"You've been very patient, regarding the boy, Richard."

"I have no choice, Benjamin."

"Your patience has paid off. We're going to get him for you."

-

**Day Twenty-Eight**

Another week passed.

Claire was back.

I had raced to the caves as soon as I heard. She was sitting by herself where she used to sleep, red eyed and pale, looking huger than ever. I stopped in my tracks, breathing heavily. I didn't want to scare the girl, but I wanted to talk to her.

I made my way over to her and sat next to her apprehensively. She eyed me and I gave her my friendliest smile.

"Claire? I'm Katty."

"I don't remember you."

"I didn't expect you to," I said, still smiling, and something relaxed in her face. I stuck out a hand for her to shake.

"It's nice to meet you, Claire," I said, and she gave me a small smile before looking around the caves. It was beginning to get light, and I was guessing she hadn't had much sleep.

"Were we friends, before...?"

"Yeah." I hesitated and then grinned. "I can tell you all about it, if you want."

-

Just like the time she'd woken up from a nightmare screaming, Katty got Claire sleeping before the sun had fully risen and rose to her feet, stretching and yawning. She was exhausted.

She made her way back to the beach, coming across an unconscious Jin and a very angry Charlie on the way. After helping to resuscitate Jin and convincing Charlie that going after Ethan was, in fact, idiotic, the three quickly went back to the beach in stony silence. Jin immediately went off in search of his wife as Katty and Charlie raced to find Jack and Locke.

After Charlie relayed the story, Jack began shaking his head.

"So what do we do?" he asked, the question aimed at Katty. She opened her mouth to reply, staring at the ocean, but the furious Charlie interrupted her.

"What do we do? We go out and we bloody _kill_ him!"

"Not a good idea, dude," injected Katty, chewing on her fingernail as she spoke.

"She's right, Charlie. Calm down, we don't want to get the other upset-"

"Forget the others! He's out there right now, John-"

"I think he's right. The man threatens to kill one of us unless we bring him Claire, and what? We just wait for that to happen? We tracked him once before, we can track him again," said Jack decisively, looking around at all of them. Katty raised an eyebrow and turned to look. The bald man regarded her for a moment and said, "You both seem to have forgotten how that turned out. He bested you two, physically-" He turned to Charlie, gesturing to his neck. "-He hung you from a tree. Running into the jungle unarmed is not going to get the job done."

"So what _does_ get it done?" snapped Charlie. Katty nodded decisively, still staring off into space.

"We need a bomb."

Jack and Locke ignored her, but Charlie rounded on her, eyes flashing.

"You think this is some kinda joke?" he snarled, and she looked up at him, an eyebrow raised.

"Everything's a joke when you know what I know."

"We circle the wagons, tell a select few about the threat. We post some sentries here and back at the caves," interrupted John, his eyes focused on Jack. Katty nodded enthusiastically, a grin spreading across her face, though she knew it wasn't going to work.

"Beat these bastards CIA style."

-

The perimeter was set up with Boone at one guard post. Sayid refused point-blank to let Katty help, even when she verbally brandished her gun.

"It's too dangerous," he said, eyes steely. "This man nearly killed you in a fight once, and we won't hesitate to do so again."

Katty almost informed him of what Ethan had said, of just why he hadn't killed her _-"I'd kill you now," he shouted, "if Alpert and Linus didn't think you were so damn important!"- _ but she figured that would be giving too much away, so instead she simply bundled the sleepy Elliot in her arms and stalked off to her tent, being sure Sayid knew she was pissed.

Did they still think she was a kid? After everything she'd done?

She tucked Elliot into bed, his sleepy green eyes staring at her.

"How're you doing, little guy?" she murmured, brushing some of his blonde curls off his face. He smiled at her, his chubby cheeks lifting.

"I like it hewe," he said sleepily.

"Do you?"

"Yeah. I's nice an' wawm hewe."

She laughed and kissed him on the forehead, holding him close as she fell asleep.

-

**Day Twenty-Nine**

She awoke clutching at a folded sheet of paper. She blinked her eyes blearily and unfolded it, reading it once, twice, then three times.

_I'm sorry_.

That was all it said, in a script very similar to Elliot's.

Elliot was gone.

Instantly alert, she grabbed her gun and shoved it down the back of her pants and slid on tennis shoes and then ran out of the tent, almost barreling into Jack.

"Jack! Where's Elliot?"

Jack's eyes were frazzled. "Katty, I don't have time for this-"

With a growl she released him and then ran into the jungle.

She waited until she was deep in it before screaming at the top of her lungs, "RICHARD!"

There was no reply except for the chirping of birds, and she whirled around before beginning to run, screaming the name of the immortal and of the boy she'd come to consider as a brother and a son.

After half an hour, she sank to the ground, staring sightlessly at the jungle around her. There was no doubt in her mind as to what had happened.

They'd taken him.

**LOST**

**

* * *

**

"The Art Of Losing" by American Hi-Fi.

_A/N: Another chapter! We're getting near the end, guys. These last few chapters are going to be much more compact, shorted but containing more episodes, and there're going to be quite a few spittakes coming up in the next few chapters. They're also going to be posted much more frequently. I'm going out of the country in the middle of July and I'm not sure if I'll have internet, so I want to get Season Two started._

_PLEASE REVIEW!_

_Sarah.  
_


	19. Children Of Disaster

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**

_But it's too late to say you're sorry  
How would I know?  
Why should I care?  
Please don't bother to find her  
She's not there_

_Well no one told me about her  
Well no one told me about her__, how many people cried_

_But it's too late to say you're sorry  
How would I know?  
Why should I care?  
Please don't bother trying to find her  
She's not there  
She's not there… _

**Chapter Nineteen: Children Of Disaster **

She was unsure how long she sat there, head in her hands, hating herself. She'd never even seen them coming. They'd taken him without a fight, with absolutely no resistance from her. Hell, they'd been in her tent and she hadn't even known.

"Giving up doesn't suit you, you know."

She was on her feet in a second, and then before he had time to blink, Richard was pinned against a tree with a gun shoved under his chin. The girl's eyes were furious and a little insane and her face was twisted in a demented scowl; she was done playing games.

"You took him."

"Yes. I did."

"Why?" she shouted, shaking him as her face twisted. He stared down at her, infuriatingly impassive.

"It's very selfish of you to claim ownership of a boy you know nothing about, Kathryn."

"He needed someone."

"He needed a _family_," said Richard very slowly, enunciating every word carefully. He saw understanding dawn on her face, but none of the anger left. "The last thing he needed was a teenager who had higher priorities elsewhere."

"So you're his family."

"Yes."

"He looks nothing like you."

"But he looks a great deal like someone who looks like me," said Richard, quirking an eyebrow. Katty fought to keep her face blank as a series of images flashed behind her eyes, and then realization hit her full force. Her eyes widened.

"There's no way."

Richard said nothing. She was shaking her head now, her hands falling to her sides.

"I knew it," she kept repeating through gritted teeth, wide eyes staring at the ground and yet seeing nothing. "I freaking _knew_ it."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded suddenly, turning an infuriated and hurt blue gaze on Richard. He shrugged.

"I want to see how much you could figure out by yourself," he said, and, face contorting, she punched him. The blow barely turned his head, although it stung. He turned back to her, laughing.

"You'll have to do better than that-" he began, but she punched him again, much harder, and this time it hurt.

"I trusted you," she growled. "And it was so fucking _stupid_ of me, but I trusted you!"

"I'm his uncle, Katty. We need each other."

"What about what I need?" she shouted, her eyes crazy. "I have _nothing _anymore! You know what I am, Richard?" An insane and angry grin was spreading over her face now. "I'm like the kiss of fuckin' death! I kiss your damn _brother_, he dies. I kiss Boone, and he's_ gonna_ die if I can't freaking save him!"

She pointed a quivering finger at him. "Everyone I love has or will leave me, Richard. I need some things too, and I have to live without them!"

"I've been living without many things since the dawn of time," said Richard calmly. "I'm sorry for what you have to do, Katty, I really am. But you do make a marvelous kiss of death, my dear."

She just stared at him for a moment, looking quite insane, and shook her head.

"That's why I'm here, isn't it?" she said quietly, a defeated look in her eyes. Richard didn't like it. He needed her fiery and dangerous, not broken. "To make sure everything happens like it's supposed to. No matter what I do, trying to change things or making sure they stay the same, I can't do anything. I may as well not be here at all, with all the good I can do."

She sighed, shaking her head, then glanced up at Richard. "I'm sorry for hitting you."

"You're very forgiven."

She patted him on the shoulder absentmindedly before turning away from him.

Going back to the caves. Back to the beach. Back somewhere.

She felt Richard's eyes on her as she left.

Richard's eyes.

So much like Elliot's eyes. Which made sense now, knowing what she knew.

Brothers.

Goddammit.

-

Charlie, Locke, Sayid and Jack were at the caves, discussing what they knew had to be done when Katty wandered out of the jungle, looking like a ghost. Her eyes were blank and unfocused and red, her hair messy, her shoulders slumped. Sayid glanced up, drawing the other men's attention to her.

"Katty? What's wrong?"

She looked up slowly and made her way over to them. There was a look on her face that Sayid had never seen before; lost but hard at the same time. She looked around at all of them.

"You guy's've already got this bitch planned?" she asked, voice flat, and they all started. She didn't swear often. Locke and Jack exchanged a look, but Sayid simply stared at the girl. She looked back at him blankly.

"Yes," said Locke, brow furrowing as he stared at her. "Yes, we do."

"Good," she said, without smiling. "I really wanna kill a fuckin' Other right now."

-

Richard, who was watching from the shadows, didn't fight the grin that spread over his face as she spoke.

She'd got her danger back.

-

Sayid went over the plan once they had Kate and Sawyer in on it too, although his eyes were on Katty. He'd tried to convince her not to come, tried to _order_ her not to come, but she'd looked at him in a way that froze his voice. And now she was next to him, holding the gun in her hands like she'd been born with it there.

"He'll be surrounded at 5 points. Everyone will be in visual contact with you. Make sure you stay in the area I've shown you. And remember, guns are a measure of the last resort. We want him alive…"

-

Claire made her way into the jungle, with the rest of the group setting up around her. Of course it started raining.

Sayid's attention was straying. He was keeping half an eye on the pregnant blonde girl, but the rest of his attention was focused on Katty. She had climbed into a tree and was standing on a low branch, her back pressed against the tree, eyes trained on Claire. The rain plastered her hair and her clothes to her skin, but she didn't seem to notice. She was holding her gun upright, the same hard, murderous look in her normally cheerful blue eyes. Sayid was worried about her. Worried about what she would do with that gun in her hands. She was normally a goofball, a trickster, but now she looked like she was carved of ice. Sayid couldn't help but wonder which facet of her personality was the mask.

"Muhammed!" hissed Sawyer, and Sayid nearlystrained his neck looking back at him. The southern man jerked his head at Claire, water dripping down his face.

"Eyes on the prize, chief," he whispered, and Sayid nodded.

At that moment, a crunching noise resounded around the clearing. Claire whirled around, coming face to face with a soaking Ethan. She let out a short, breathy scream and turned to run, but at that moment, six people surrounded her and Ethan. Jack skidded through the mud and tackled Ethan, loosing his gun in the process. Jack punched him across the face and Ethan kicked him in the stomach, rain splattering over both of them. Katty slid behind him and slammed her gun into the base of Ethan's skull, grabbing him under his chin as she did so. Sayid watched as she leaned in and said in his ear, in a bone-chilling voice, "Remember me, Ethan?"

"Katty," said Sayid warningly, and she glanced up at him- or, more accurately, through him. He watched her finger twitch on the trigger and he began to move towards her.

"_Katty_-"

"Easy, kid," said Sawyer in a low voice, and she finally rose to her feet and stepped back as the downpour increased. They closed in around Ethan while Kate and Claire watched.

"Winner by a knockout. Nice one, Doc. Now, maybe somebody can tell me just who or _what_ this son-of-bitch is!" Ethan started to get up, an ugly expression on his face, eyes fixed on Sawyer. In a heartbeat, Sawyer's gun was raised and pointed at his face. "Uh, uh, uh, jungle boy. Not even for one second."

"He's an Other," said Katty, also with an ugly look on her face, staring down at Ethan. His eyes flickered to her and he smirked, cocking his head.

"Thanks for the kid," he said. Katty's face contorted in pure anger as she raised the gun, and six shots fired.

"Don't-!"

But she was turning already, and there was Charlie, arms extended, steaming gun in his hands. A smile crossed Katty's face.

"That's my boy," she said.

-

"You have to control yourself," said Sayid quietly as he sat down next to Katty. She looked up at him. The ice that he'd seen in her this afternoon was melting, but it wasn't gone yet.

"They took him," she said finally, her eyes sad and resigned. "Elliot."

Sayid swore softly under his breath. "We can go after him tomorrow-"

"No." She didn't shake her head, didn't blink. She just stared out at the ocean as her jaw clenched.

"Katty, this is a _child_-"

"He belongs with them."

Sayid stared at her, at her clenched jaw and icy eyes and said angrily, "I don't believe what I'm hearing."

Anger twisted her face momentarily and her head snapped to face him. "I haven't believed anything for the past month, Sayid. They can take better care of that kid than I can."

"They tried to kill Claire! What makes you believe Elliot is different?"

"Because I know them, Sayid!" she shouted finally. Sayid was silent as she shook her head in frustration.

"I know them. If we go after Elliot, we'll die."

She rose to her feet, brushing sand off her legs. "We can't loose anyone else, Sayid."

He rose to his feet too, staring her down. "We can't…. or you can't?"

-

It was around midnight when Ben was awoken by an urgent knocking on his front door.

He glanced around him- he'd fallen asleep in his study, something which had begun happening increasingly over the past few weeks. Climbing to his feet with a barely audible sigh, he crossed the room and answered the door to see a frazzled Tom and the always-impassive Richard.

"Yes?" said Ben, glancing between the two of them. Tom's eyes darted to Richard, who said, "Ethan's dead."

Ben paused, gaze hardening. "Come in," he said, and they did. Ben shut the door behind them before turning on them.

"Tell me everything," he said. Tom threw his hands up in the air and began walking around.

"He almost had her! But the bastards staged an ambush, Ben, and they got 'im. Ben-"

"They have guns," interrupted Richard.

"We already knew that. The girl has the one she lifted off Danny-"

"She had a gun before that. Elliot gave it to her, remember? And they've got the guns from that Marshal, too."

Ben stared between the two of them and swore.

"Who pulled the trigger?"

Tom handed him a file, which Ben opened to see a blonde man with a child-like face. "Charlie Pace."

Ben began pacing. "They know we're here-"

"They've known for almost three weeks now."

Ben gave Richard a withering look. "Yes, thank you, Richard. They know we're here, undoubtedly they know we have the boy…" he paused, thinking, before turning to Richard. "Do you think they'll come for Elliot?"

Richard shook his head. "No. If anyone comes, it'll be Katty, and she'll be alone."

Ben stared off into space. "The girl is becoming a problem."

"We need her," said Richard, unwilling to let Ben's train of thought follow through to its completion.

"_Do_ we need her?" he asked, his eyes widening as he turned on Richard. "Or do _you_ need her?"

Tom had been watching the exchange, eyes wide, but he interrupted now.

"She's not gonna do anything," he said, his naturally loud voice overpowering the other men. They turned to him and he raised his hands in the universal gesture of peace. "The girl's angry, but she's no fool. She knows that attemptin' anything would be suicide. She's not gonna come bargin' in here, guns blazin'. If she does anything, she'll plan it first, and we can bet she'll plan it well."

-

Boone and John were out later tonight, making up for lost time, leaving me alone again. I was finding myself alone increasingly lately. Sayid and Shannon were together somewhere, something that I resented. When Sayid had confronted me this afternoon, I'd wanted him to push me. To yell at me. To do anything that showed he was worried. And he did, momentarily. But then he backed off; he backed away. All his time now went to Shannon, and I resented that.

Yeah, I was a jealous bitch. But I had some pretty damn good reasons.

I was sitting on the beach in the middle of the night, covering in moonlight, a place I'd found myself visiting much more frequently. It was peaceful and quiet and relatively private.

Well, it _was_.

"You sure scared the living' daylights outta a few people, midge," said Sawyer gruffly, lowering himself next to me with a sigh.

"Hey, Sawyer."

"What, no James tonight?"

"You're not James when you've got a gun sticking out of the back of your pants," I said, looking over at him. His mouth twitched.

"At least one of us can read the other," he said. I laughed.

"You probably can read me a lot better than you think."

"Sayid told me they took the kid."

I didn't say anything, just stared at the waves.

"You're right about not goin' after 'im. It'd be suicide."

I sighed and leaned against his shoulder, and he gingerly wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"It'll be okay, kid," he murmured, his voice low. I looked up at him to see him look down at me, a smile on his face. "It'll work out, in the end. One way or the other."

-

Time passes the fastest when you want the most desperately to hold on to it. Even on the island, that held true. Boone's time was running out, and time was flying by faster than we could hope to hold on to it.

Boar attacked Sawyer's tent that night.

-

**Day Thirty-Nine**

The first time Boone and Katty fought, Sayid and Shannon were the cause.

History was about to repeat.

Boone was standing in front of a large fire, arms crossed, staring into the flames. Katty was sitting cross-legged in the sand next to him, also staring at the roaring blaze. The heat of it was intense, the light harshly illuminating their features. An outsider would have thought them cold sentinels, guardians of some ancient secret, the children of disaster.

There were soft crunches as someone approached them, and they looked up at the same time. It was Sayid.

"What do you want?" asked Boone, a little rudely. Katty glanced at him, but said nothing before her eyes fastened back onto Sayid. He ignored her and approached Boone.

"I'd like to talk to you about Shannon," he said. Boone quirked an eyebrow but said nothing, and Sayid continued, "It's very possible your sister and I could become more than just friends."

"What is this, some Middle Eastern thing? You want my blessing or something?"

"Boone," said Katty quietly. The younger man glanced down at her momentarily, but Sayid's eyes stayed focused on Boone.

"I was hoping you wouldn't object."

Something tensed in Katty's face and Sayid involuntarily glanced at her.

"Yeah?" said Boone, a sarcastic laugh behind his voice. Sayid's eyes hardened.

"I was extending a courtesy, not asking your permission."

He turned to walk away with irritation pricking at him. He felt two pairs of eyes on his back, and wondered which would be the one to call him back.

"Let me tell you about my sister. She likes older men, guys who can take care of her. My guess is, in this place, _you_ fit the bill. She'll make you feel like the greatest guy ever while you get her food, or whatever it is that she needs. And when she gets whatever it is that she wants, she'll move on. When she does, don't take it personally, man."

So it was Boone who spoke. Sayid turned back to look at him, doubt running through him for the first time. There was truth to what Boone had said, he knew there was. He knew how women like Shannon worked. Boone's face was impassive and almost dangerous in the fire-light.

After one last glance at Katty, still sitting in the sand, he turned and made his way up the beach and to his tent.

-

"You should be nicer to him," said Katty, turning her gaze up to Boone. "He's a really good guy."

"Yeah, everyone knows you think the world of him."

"Because he's a good guy," she insisted, still looking at his face, made deadly by the harsh orange light of the flames. He glanced down at her.

"Sayid's one of the few people on this island that I'd trust with my life, Boone," she said, more softly, climbing to her feet. "Shannon's lucky to have him."

His eyes tightened, and she laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Boone, he's not for me."

With that he laughed too, and embraced her back.

She hid behind the lie. Katty wasn't one to give up, and she'd already begun making contingency plans for after Boone died. _If _Boone died- she didn't care what Richard told her. She was going to go with him; she was going to save him. It was just a matter of getting the days right, and she knew she could. His life- and her heart- was on the line.

But there was a chance, and in the event of that chance…

Sayid was her contingency plan.

**LOST

* * *

**

"About Her" by Malcom McLaren.

A/N: Dundundun. If you didn't understand the conversation between Katty and Richard about how he and little!Elliot are related, be ye not trouble. All will be explained. I adore this chapter, or parts of it. I loved writing another side of Katty, aka, .. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN. I love it in stories when characters kind of go off the deep end, even just momentarily.

This story is almost done! I'm going to be going beyond the first season, but I'm making separate stories for each one, and I want to have Season Two's started before I leave in July.

PLEASE REVIEW!

Sarah


	20. Come What May

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly

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**

_Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings  
Telling me to give you everything  
Seasons may change winter to spring  
But I love you until the end of time_

_Come what may, come what may  
I will love you until my dying day_

_Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side  
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide  
But I love you until the end of time_

_Come what may, come what may  
I will love you until my dying day  
Oh come what may, come what may  
I will love you_

**Chapter Twenty: Come What May**

**Day Forty-One  
**

The good thing about island life is that it was definitely never boring.

Take this morning, for instance. I'd woken up fairly happy next to the man I loved. There was so much less stress, now that I knew I was going to save him.

I was going to save him. A smile spread over my face at the concept of it- of Boone, having nearly escaped death, at me being the hero, of finally having some respect, coming back home, hand in hand, knowing that we would last. Maybe we'd get married some day, if we got off the island. Or maybe we could shack up with the Others, or even live in the jungle. Just the two of us, living off the jungle and each other. I'd like that. We could be Jungle Man and Island Girl.

We got a good ten minutes of cuddling and being generally adorable in before we heard shouts outside the tent that were becoming typical and very, very annoying.

Boone arose with a sigh, running a hand through his hair. He gestured to the outside with a very unexcited look on his face. "I'll go see what's going on," he said.

"I'll be out in a minute," I replied, and as soon as he was gone I rolled to my feet, brushed my teeth, grabbed my gun as I always did in these situations and pulled my greasy hair back into a ponytail. I'd get clean later, I thought, pushing the fronds aside to emerge into-

Chaos.

Boone and I had apparently slept through the burning of the raft, which now lay in a charred, useless pile. In front of The Pile were two figures, one of which was getting his ass kicked pretty severely, and a crowd was forming around the two of them. I sighed. Just another day in the life of Island Girl and her boyfriend Jungle Man.

I made my way over to the fight, weaving in between people, muttering, "Excuse me, excuse me-"

And then a hand clamped over my bicep. I looked up to see a snooty looking woman in maybe her mid-thirties glaring down at me. Reflex to be polite took over.

"Can I help you?" I asked her, and she sniffed at me, very high and mighty for someone living on a "deserted" island.

"Aren't you a little young to be running around with the adults?" she asked, and all urges to be polite went out the window. That's what people thought of me, I realized. That I was some kind of island brat trying to be involved where I shouldn't be. I didn't mind. They were probably right. I should probably keep my nose out of "adult business" and play it safe with someone like Melissa.

Yeah. _That's_ gonna happen.

I smiled at her as I wrenched out of her grasp. "Isn't it really none of your business?"

Without pausing to see what her reaction was, I pushed my way to the front of the crowd in time to hear Sun shriek, "Stop it! Leave him alone!"

And the shit hit the fan. Everyone got deadly quiet and the look on Jin's face would have been hysterical if it weren't so heartbroken.

"He did not burn your raft! Why would he lie?" Sun shouted, distress clear on her face. I frowned. It seemed like a huge part of this conversation had been… skipped.

"You're gonna lecture us about_ lyin'_, Betty?" snarled Sawyer to the upset Sun. "From the look on his face, even your old man here didn't know you speak English. How do we know she's not covering for him?"

Locke strode out of the jungle at that moment, looking for all the world like a white knight in mustard yellow. "Because she isn't," he said, his voice carrying and somehow commanding. "Why would he burn the raft?"

"He's been after me since _day one_," said Michael in disbelief, gesturing at the bruised and bleeding Jin, who was still staring at Sun with hurt in his face. "Everyone knows it!"

Locke nodded accommodatingly. If I remembered right, this is where the awesome speech about the Others came in.

"Okay, so it's personal," he said, and I grinned smugly. I was right. Boone came to stand next to me and whispered in my ear, "What's going on?"

I gestured to Locke, grinning, before folding my arms across my chest and watching the show.

"…but why take it out on our best chance of getting off the island? _Why_ would any one of us block an attempt to get home? We're so intent on pointing the finger at one another that we're ignoring the simple undeniable truth that the problem isn't here, it's _there_!" He gestured wildly at the dark, ominous jungle. "They've _attacked_ us, _sabotaged_ us, _abducted_ us, _murdered_ us! Maybe it's time we stop _blaming_ us and start worrying about _them_! We're not the only people _on_ this island and we all know it!"

Locke stalked away, leaving Sun to say firmly, "He did not do it."

The crowd didn't disperse. They stood around, whispering, and more than one glance was thrown my way. They seemed to be talking about Boone or I. Sawyer, standing between them and I, stared at them incredulously. Boone noticed, too, and shouted defensively, "You've got something to say, then say it to all of us!"

The woman who'd confronted me earlier stepped out and pointed at me. "You said you were taken by those Others, right?"

I nodded, wondering where the hell this was going and if I was gonna have to turn into a bitch to get out of it, and she laughed derisively. Man, I _hated_ confrontations. "You're a teenage girl! How could you get away when a grown man couldn't?"

Boone was shaking his head. "Don't listen to these idiots-"

"No," I said. It was beginning to dawn on me that some people simply didn't like me- or believe me. The former I could care less about, but not believing me… well, that could get people killed.

I took a step closer to the woman, who lifted a hand to shield her eyes from the sun, and I smirked as I stared at all of them. They had no idea who I was, or what I'd done.

This could be fun.

-

"What's your name?" Katty asked quietly, her voice mild. The woman with the face like a shrew answered her, saying, "Pamela."

"Pamela," Katty echoed. "Tell me, have you ever been in a situation where you had to fight for your life?"

She said nothing and Katty smirked. "Have any of you?" she shouted, gesturing in a wide arc, posing the question to the people who had been whispering as she turned away from Pamela. There was no reply. They just looked at her, cold and cynical but curious, too.

"I have. More than most people hopefully ever will have to in their lives, and let me tell you, it's not like it is in movies. You don't get a sudden burst of strength or intelligence; you're running _purely_ on adrenaline. I _got away_ from them cause one of them got stupid and got a little too close to me and I took his gun and I shot him. I _got away_ because I tried to kill him and I didn't think twice about it."

She grinned around at all of them and Boone couldn't help but smile.

"Anymore questions?"

-

Jack heard about Katty's rant, and he wasn't very impressed.

"People think you're dangerous," he told her bluntly when she went down to the caves later that day. She'd looked up at him, nothing but satisfaction in her eyes.

"Good."

Sawyer, on the other hand, thought it was hysterical.

"Man, I've been wantin' to tell them folks off. You done good, kiddo."

-

**Day Forty-Three**

"_Your time is up," his voice said. I closed my eyes, feeling a tear run down my cheek, praying that it wasn't true. "No," I told him. "I'm going to save him."_

_Ben simply quirked an eyebrow. "You know who you sound like, don't you?"_

_Jack's voice reverberated around my head, an intense whisper that I'd hear before on a TV screen "I'm going to save you."_

_The words echoed._

_A picture formed, out of nowhere, and I saw Boone's face. Two nights ago, when everything was good._

_We were lying by the fire. I watched from an outsider's point of view as Boone caressed my face._

"_When will I die?" his voice asked. I choked, but the me from the past kept her face calm._

"_Too soon," she murmured, kissing his palm. Boone sighed._

"_Why did you do all this? You could have saved yourself a lot of heartache, you know-"_

"_And give this up?" she- I- glanced up at him, and small smile on her- my- face. "Not for anything. I'm going to save you, Boone. You're not going to die, not if I can help it."_

"_Can you help it?" he asked._

"_Yes," she replied, her face earnest and intense. I just stared at myself._

_She- I- began to sing, very softly, a calm, lilting song._

"_Come what may… come what may, I will love you until my dying day."_

_Then the scene was gone, and Ben was standing in front of me. Tears coursed down my face as he enfolded me in his arms._

"_For what it's worth," he said into my ear, "I __**am**__ sorry."_

-

I woke up to an empty tent, tear-tracks drying on my face.

-

In the beginning, it felt like just another day on the island. She hung out with Sawyer, who wasn't very good company, thanks to his headaches. But still, it was better than being alone.

"Do you want me to rub your shoulders?" she asked him seriously, and he opened one eye to stare at her. She shrugged, a little self-conscious.

"It helps when my head hurts."

"Thanks, midge, but I'll pass," he said, putting a wet washcloth over his forehead. Jack approached them, a weary look on his face.

"I hear you're havin' trouble with your head," he said, standing about three feet away from them. Katty gave him a jovial wave that he returned half-heartedly. After the events of the past week, she wasn't exactly his favorite person.

Sawyer sighed. "She got you makin' house calls now?" he asked, squinting slightly in the light.

"You're sensitive to light, too, huh?" Jack asked, and Sawyer scowled. The doctor didn't miss a thing; he'd give him that.

"You know what? I'm _sensitive_ to you-"

"Alright. We'll be seeing you," said Jack suddenly, cutting off the conman and turning around. Katty frowned at Sawyer.

"He's just trying to help, hombre."

Sawyer sighed. "Doc-"

Jack turned around; the same weary look on his face.

"Sensitivity to light- that bad?"

"Depends," said Jack, walking back and shrugging.

"On what?" asked Sawyer, worry plain on his face.

"On what's causing your headaches," said Jack a small smile on his face. Katty zoned them out. She'd heard it before- multiple times.

-

She couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. It was something on the breeze that swirled around the camp, playful and teasing- something wrong. But what, exactly, she couldn't put her finger on.

"You're coming with me," growled Sawyer, latching onto the girl's arm and dragging her to her feet.

"Wha- where are we going?" she asked, coming out of a daze. Sawyer jerked his head towards Kate with a sigh.

"She's takin' me to Jack," he mumbled. Katty burst into laughter, a memory of how this was going to go coming over her. She slid her hand into the crook of his elbow and grinned up at him.

"Hell yes, I'm coming."

The unlikely trio made their way through the jungle, Sawyer snarking, Kate rolling her eyes at his antics, and Katty cracking up at both of them.

The jungle always seemed so much less deadly when she had people with her.

"Maybe if your beloved Doc wasn't such a stick-up-ass-"

Katty snorted loudly and Kate scoffed, though she was smiling.

"Just because Jack has _some_ regard for order-"

"Oh, _that's_ rich, coming from you," laughed Sawyer in disbelief, his eyes widening. "I know what you are, freckles."

"Okay, sure," she replied, her tone teasing. Katty shook her head, still cracking up.

"You guys are idiots," she informed them, and they both turned on her playfully.

"Speaking of lack of order-" grinned Kate, eyes sparkling.

"We got our very own catalyst, right here," said Sawyer teasingly, nudging her in the side.

She sighed, grinning widely, and threw her hands in the air. "Well, damn."

They reached the caves in relatively good time, and Kate and Katty watched and laughed at Sawyer's discomfort as Jack probed him with misleadingly detached questions. Katty was leaning against a rough, rocky wall of the cave, holding back her laughter at Sawyer's angry, uncomfortable expression. She knew he'd rather not have to have anyone see him weak, especially not two women who he was interested in.

"Have you ever had sex with a prostitute?"

Kate's eyebrows shot up and Katty choked as Sawyer actually flushed. The two women exchanged a glance, grinning broadly.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" Sawyer snapped at Jack, glaring. Jack just quirked an eyebrow.

"Is that a yes?"

"… yes," growled Sawyer, glaring at Jack as though he could burn a hole in his head.

"Have you ever contracted a sexually transmitted disease?" Sawyer was silent, glaring at the sniggering women stonily. Jack's face remained impassive.

"I'll take that as another yes. When was the last outbreak-"

"Go to hell, doc," snarled Sawyer, rising to his feet in a fluid motion. He pushed past Katty and Kate, glaring daggers, and the laughing Katty followed him.

"Hey, wait!" she called, running after him, trying to contain her laughter.

"You done yet?" snarked Sawyer and she bit back another wave of laughter.

"You just got owned!" she cackled finally, giving into the hilarity of the situation. Sawyer glared down at her and she slipped her arm through his, grinning cheekily up at him.

"Aw, Sawyer, I don't care if you've slept with prostitutes or that you're a man-whore. You're the best a girl could ask for."

He scoffed, but his face softened.

-

"Here," said Sayid, extending a hand to Sawyer, holding out the glasses. Sawyer tried them on, a look of utter disbelief on his face and Katty collapsed into hysterical laughter. Hurley stopped dead and stared at them.

"Dude," he said, holding back a laugh. "Looks like someone steamrolled Harry Potter."

Sawyer yanked off the glass with an embarrassed scowl as Katty howled with laughter. Kate was laughing too, and even Jack chuckled. Sawyer glared at the three of them, his eyes almost luminescent in the noon sun.

"You guys are lovin' this, aren't you?"

"Whatever would give you that idea?" Katty managed to choke out, gasping, tears in her eyes. Jack just smiled and shook his head.

"You're welcome."

He and Kate left together for the caves, Kate glancing back at them. Katty, who was once more regaining control of her lungs, looked at Sawyer out of the corner of her eye. He was looking after Kate, a wistful and almost regretful look in his eyes. Katty grinned and nudged him with her bare foot.

"You liiiiike her," she said, and he gave her a condescending look.

"Like you said, midge, she's pretty damn fine."

"She's nice too," said Katty as if she were dangling something shiny in front of him. "And she's wicked funny."

"Sounds like you're the one that likes her," said Sawyer, teasing and exasperated. Katty just grinned and dropped her head back in the sand with a sigh, staring up at the cloudless blue sky.

"Nope," she said happily. "I've got Boone."

-

They'd moved a little bit down the beach, watching Jin and Michael work on the raft. Neither of them was very interested in helping. Katty's feet hung in the air, her hair pulled back in a sloppy ponytail as she watched them, and Sawyer watched her.

Claire approached them, a faraway look in her eyes, hand under her stomach. Katty glanced at her, concerned.

"You alright, girlie?" she asked, turning around and sitting up. Claire nodded.

"Hey, mamacita," said Sawyer cheerfully. "You want some fish?"

She shook her head. "No thanks, I'm not really hungry." Glancing over at the mostly finished raft, she added, "How long do you think, till it's ready?"

Michael shrugged. "Maybe a week, maybe less. You sure you're okay?"

She nodded again, the same distant look still in her eyes. "I'm fine. Alright, I'll see you guys later."

She waddled away. As Katty flipped back onto her stomach, Sawyer said with a smug smirk, "She likes me."

Katty scoffed over-dramatically, and he gave her a look.

"Hey, Jin! Jin! Want some fish? Take a break, man, eat some fish."

The Korean man simply looked up, shook his head and mumbled something, and went back to work. Michael stared at him, disbelief on his face.

"That dude is nuts," muttered Katty, drawing eyes in the sand. Sawyer nodded.

"He's got what I call an over-zealous work ethic."

"That too," said Katty.

"Try_ obsession_," said Michael. "He wants off this island bad, man."

"Can't say I blame poor Kato. His lady speaks English all this time and he didn't have a clue? I'm surprised he didn't try to swim out of here. Hell,_ I_ would've-"

Kate came running out of the jungle, pale and looking stressed, panting.

"Sawyer, I need all your alcohol, now!"

Katty's face froze and she scrambled to her feet. Kate's eyes flicked to her and an expression of over-whelming pity filled her face.

"Boone-" began Katty, her voice dangerously low and her eyes wide.

"He fell," said Kate, nodding. Sawyer stared between the two of them, and he saw all the life drain from Katty's face. For a moment, she looked like she was going to be sick, as white as a bone. And then she was gone, running through the jungle as fast as she could, not looking back.

Branches and vines and greenery whipped past her as she ran as fast as she could, harder than she'd ever run in her life. She was getting scratched all over her arms and face and legs, but she had to get to the caves, she had to get to Boone-

He was going to _die_. She'd gotten the days wrong, she'd screwed up, and now the man that she loved was going to die. She wasn't stupid enough to think that she could save him now. It was too late.

Stifling a sob, she pumped her arms harder and pushed her legs, her feet slamming into the ground, the flimsy flip-flops barely hanging on.

It was two miles from the beach to the caves, and she didn't have that kind of adrenaline or endurance. When it physically hurt to breathe, when her lungs were cold and sweat was streaming down her in buckets, she skidded to a stop, doubled over, panting as her heart thrummed in her ears, mocking her.

_He was going to die, he was going to die, he was going to die-_

She gritted her teeth and took off again, though her legs felt like they were turning to jelly.

Her body wanted to stop again, but she wouldn't. She couldn't.

His face, his eyes flashed into her mind. The sweat was mixed with tears now, stinging the cuts from the branches.

She burst into the cave camp, finally, to see a white-faced Jack arguing with Charlie.

"I don't know where she is!" Katty heard him shout, and she ran up to him, not wanting to run another inch, and put a sweaty hand on his shoulder. Charlie's eyes widened as Jack turned around, and Jack himself was rendered almost speechless, his eyes wide and helpless.

"Where is he?" she asked, panting heavily. Jack's eyes tightened, determined and resigned at the same time.

"Come with me," he said, and he led her around a make-shirt curtain to see Sun dabbing at the bloody body of her boyfriend.

She didn't scream or stifle a sob or gasp. Her face, red from running, drained completely as she took in his bloody body. Quickly, but shaking violently, she went over to him and gingerly took his clammy hand in her trembling one. His beautiful eyes were flickering under half-closed lids.

"Boone?" asked Katty quietly, her breath still coming in gasps. His eyes opened a little wider, and deliriously sought out her face.

"Katty," he murmured, and then he was gone again, mumbling things she couldn't hear. She held his hand with both of hers and simply stared at him.

A soft hand on her shoulder shook her from the daze and she looked up into Sun's kind, sad eyes.

"We have to set the leg," she said, the words clear through her accent. "You will not want to be here-"

Katty shook her head, the ponytail flopping loosely. "I'm not leaving him."

"Let go of his hands, then," Jack advised as he moved to Boone's other side. "He'll break your fingers."

She didn't want to, for a moment. She didn't care how bad it hurt her; she wanted him to know she was there. That she would always be there. But then reality and logic sunk in, as it always did, and she knew she'd be of much more help with the use of her hands, so she nodded and, after kissing Boone's forehead, grasped his left shoulder and the top of his arm as Sun placed a cylinder of wood between his teeth. Katty shuddered, knowing what it was for.

Jack chuckled sarcastically. "I think we're a little beyond herbal remedies here."

Sun looked up at him, her face hard. "It is not a remedy," she said, and Jack's face sank into resignation as he realized what, exactly, it was for. His eyes fell on Katty. She was sweating buckets, her face was red, and she looked like she may be going into shock. She glanced up at him then, her face hard but her eyes hopeless. After a heartbeat, he turned to Sun.

"Will you hold his other shoulder?"

She nodded and grasped his right shoulder, her eyes meeting Katty's.

"Here we go," said Jack unwillingly, right before he pulled and twisted Boone's leg. Boone yelled in agony, his body jerking. Tears leaked out of Katty's eyes as she put all of her weight onto his shoulder, whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

-

"Ask him again."

"He's in shock."

"That's why you need to ask him again."

"Boone, can you hear me? What is your blood type? Boone, please listen. What is your blood type?" asked Sun calmly. Five minutes had passed since Boone's leg had been set, but it felt like hours. Years. Katty was sitting next to him, holding his hand, while Sun and Jack tried to find out his blood type.

"_Dammit_," sighed Jack, failing again to make a needle. Sun glanced up at him.

"Maybe a smaller piece?" she suggested, and Jack let out a humorless laugh that made Katty wince.

"Veins are like a wet noodle," he explained, that chilling smile on his face. "First you have to fine one, then you have to have a hollow needle sharp enough to pierce it. I've got _bamboo_!" he hissed. "None of this actually even matters, because I don't know his blood type, not to mention that his injuries-"

"A… negative," murmured Boone, turning his head from side to side. The three were instantly alert, Jack bending over Boone as Katty put a washcloth on his forehead.

"Boone, what did you say?" asked Jack, urgency in his voice.

"A-negative," said Katty dully, her eyes fixed on Boone. She glanced up at Jack. "He said 'A-negative'."

"Shannon, the plane… Katty…"

Jack pointed at Sun, his face deadly serious. "Get Charlie - ask everyone you can find, _everyone_, what their blood type is. A-negative, okay? And find his sister. Find Shannon."

"Shannon's gone," said Katty quietly, her wide eyes, staring blankly at Boone. Jack put his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look up at him.

"What do you mean, she's gone?"

"She's with Sayid," answered Katty before looking back down at Boone. Jack sighed, straightening up and running a hand over his face before fixing his gaze on the girl in front of him.

"Katty, there's nothing we can do until we find someone with A-negative blood. Go get some rest-"

"I'm fine, Jack," she said quietly, not taking her eyes off of Boone. She looked like shit. Her hair was falling out of its ponytail, her face was white but her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were red but dry. She looked up at Jack, face twisted. Jack knew the tears would come later.

"I'm not leaving him," she said, and Jack didn't argue.

-

Katty couldn't have put in words how she felt if she'd been asked. It was the sharpest pain she'd ever felt, but it was dull at the same time. Hazy.

She felt cold. Jack would have told her that she was in shock, and maybe she was, but she knew she was cold because Boone wasn't the only one who was dying. It was her fault that this was happening, completely hers, and that was killing her.

She'd described herself as the kiss of death to Richard. Now, staring down at Boone's pale face and gray lips and fluttering eyelids, she knew that her description had been a little too perfect.

-

"I found an A!" said Charlie excitedly about fifteen minutes later as he entered the tent. Jack turned to face him and Katty sat up a little straighter, turning her head to look at him.

"Positive or negative?" asked Jack calmly, glancing at Katty. Charlie's face fell minutely.

"She doesn't know. I also found two B positives and one AB positive- at least, he thinks so."

"Did you find any O negative?"

"Sun said _A_ negative," said Charlie, confused, and Jack glanced around the tent as though he had just realized he'd misplaced something.

"Where is Sun?"

"We split up. I thought she'd be back here," said Charlie, glancing around the tent as well, brow furrowing. Katty just watched them, saying nothing.

"You only asked four people?"

"I asked the whole sodding _camp_," said Charlie, clearly a little offended. Katty just stared at him blankly. "No one knows their blood type- _I_ don't know my bloody blood type!"

Sun entered the make-shift ER at that moment, her face intent on something, carrying a rubber bucket.

"Did you find Shannon?" asked Jack, and Sun shook her head, hair waving with the graceful movement.

"I was getting _this_," she said with a small grin, lifting the sea urchin out of the bucket. She reached in and snapped off one of the spines before holding it up for Jack to examine. "A hollow needle, sharp enough to pierce a noodle."

For the first time in several hours, a small smile spread across Jack's face as he took the needle.

"It's perfect," he said, and Charlie shook his head.

"Not to rain on your proverbial parade, but I though we needed someone who was A negative."

"Or O negative."

"Right. Which, judging by your _tantrum_, no one is."

Jack frowned, an eyebrow rising as he stared at Boone and Katty. Katty, feeling his gaze on her, lifted her head to look back at him.

"Someone is," he said, speaking to them all but looking at Katty. She stared back at him, the only hint of emotion on her face coming from her eyebrows, which were beginning to pull up.

"You?" said Charlie, walking around Jack so that they were face to face again. "Why'd you make-"

"O negative is universal donor," explained Jack. "It's in the ball park, it's not a match. My blood could put him into anaphylactic shock- stop his heart."

Katty's eyes were filling with tears, filling Jack with dread. If she was upset, as upset as she was now, it didn't bode well for Boone.

"You mean he'll die," said Charlie quietly, and Katty gave a gasp that she tried desperately to hide, but her eyes widened and she began crying in earnest. Jack moved over to her quickly and crouched in front of her, clutching her arms, forcing her to look at him.

"He's _not_ going to die," he told her, and there was no change in her expression. She simply closed her eyes; her entire body shaking as tears crept out from beneath closed lids.

-

So Claire was having the baby. A ray of light in the darkest night, no poetry intended. Someone would die tonight, and someone would be born. A fair trade, in any objective mind.

Katty's mind was not objective, not in the slightest. She stared down at Boone, tears falling onto his face. Jack's blood was pouring into him at that very moment, but it wasn't helping him. Katty and Jack both knew it, but only Katty was willing to admit it.

She hadn't begun crying until Charlie had asked if Boone was going to die, but now that the tears had started, she couldn't stop crying. Her eyes were red and swollen and her hands hurt from when Boone squeezed them (Jack said that even though he was unconscious, he felt pain and he squeezed when he did) and she was in more pain emotionally than she would have previously believed possible.

Jack didn't know who looked worse, Boone or his lover. Katty had cleaned the blood off his face, revealing just how pale he really was. Katty was equally pale, her lips shockingly red in her white face.

They heard a sigh that hadn't come from either of them, and both were instantly alert, leaning over Boone. His eyes were half open and clearer than they had been.

"I screwed myself up pretty bad, huh?"

"Hey-"

"Boone, I'm so sorry-"

"My leg, it hurts," he groaned, and Katty roughly brushed away the tears under her eyes.

"Don't try moving," said Jack firmly. "Can you breathe okay?"

"It fell on me," murmured Boone, turning his head from side to side. Jack shook his head.

"What fell?"

"A plane, it was a plane…. Katty…."

"I'm here." Her voice was surprisingly steady, the tears gone.

"Boone. Boone, Locke said you fell from a cliff."

"No, it was… it fell, the plane. It's because of the hatch, we found a hatch…" He was fading, his eyes hazing over again. Katty stroked the side of his face.

"Boone, Boone, stay with me, man. Hey, stay with me!"

"Locke said, John said, John said not to tell. They built a hatch…"

"What did Locke do? What hatch? What-"

"Oh, my leg hurts," he grunted, his face screwing up.

"It's okay," murmured Katty, though it was anything but okay. "Just breathe, Boone."

"Boone? Boone, hey-"

"Shannon, Shannon, Shannon…."

Then he was out again. Jack looked up at Katty, who was staring at him with a stricken expression on her face.

"He doesn't even know I'm here," she muttered, her eyes heartbreaking. Jack wanted to help her, hold her, but there was nothing he could do.

"He knows," he said. "He knows."

The transfusion had been going for a while now, but there was no change in Boone's behavior or his color. Jack rose to his feet and pulled up Boone's eyelids, swearing. He didn't like what he saw.

"C'mon, Boone," he said vehemently. Sun entered the tent then, setting down clean cloths and food for Katty and Jack.

"It's not working," she said, and Jack shook his head, not meeting her eyes or Katty's.

"The blood's not the problem. It's the leg. All the blood's pooling there- compartment syndrome. He didn't get this injury from a fall. Something _crushed_ his leg."

Sun's face contorted, and she crossed the space between herself and Jack in a second, ripping the transfusion needle out of his arm. Jack, woozy from blood loss, rubbed his temples.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"You've given him enough," said Sun firmly. Jack rose to his feet, still looking dizzy, and walked out of the tent.

"Hurley," the women heard him say.

-

Sun sat down next to the white-faced and stony Katty, her face softening. She seemed hesitant to touch the other woman.

"How are you?" she asked quietly, and Katty looked up at her.

"He's going to die, Sun," she said, her voice shaky and somehow pleading. "And it's my fault."

"Jack might still save him-"

Katty gave her a very forced, very empty smile. "Sun, we both know that's not gonna happen."

Sun grasped her forearm. Her heart was wrenching as she thought of what this young woman must be going through. "It is not your fault," she said firmly, and a single tear crept down the woman's face. She closed her eyes, trying to control herself. She didn't speak, knowing that if she did, it would come out as a high-pitched waver she wouldn't be able to control. She took a couple of half-gasping breaths, then said, "I was going to save him," the words short and watery. "But I got the days wrong. A stupid counting problem and now he's going to _die_-" She screwed her eyes shut. Sun moved closer to her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"There are some things no one can change," she said slowly, and Katty's red, tear filled eyes met hers as Jack entered the tent.

"Jack," said Katty. He turned to her and she looked at him, the tears coming harder. She was about to break down completely.

"It's not going to work, Jack. Can I please… can I just have a few minutes with him?"

"Katty, I'm going to save him-"

"You're _not_, Jack!"

She closed her eyes again.

"A few minutes, Jack. It's all he's got left."

Sun rose to her feet and grabbed Jack by the arm, fixing him with a look that said, very clearly, not to argue. He followed her out of the tent to see a panting Hurley and a confused Michael.

"What's going on?" he asked, and Jack shook his head.

"Get everyone together. We're going to the beach."

-

"Boone?" sobbed Katty, brushing his hair out of his closed eyes. There was no response and she bent over, her head almost touching his chest, crying too hard to speak.

"I'm so, so sorry," she gasped as water crept down her face. "I'm so sorry, Boone, I'm sorry-"

"Come what may," he grunted, his eyes opening partially, and she sat up, running the back of her hand across her eyes.

"What?"

"Come what may. That… song you sang."

She bit her lip and nodded, and he sighed.

"Sing it again."

"Boone-"

"Please," he said, a sad semblance of a smile twitching at his lips. "A… a dying man's last request."

"That's not funny, Boone."

He squeezed her hand, closing his eyes.

"Please."

She took a deep breath, wondering how she was going to be able to do this without sounding like a chipmunk.

"Never knew… I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before." Her voice was wavering and weak and it sounded like she was going to burst back into tears at any moment. He sighed. "Want to furnish inside your kiss, every day I love you more and more. Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing, telling me to give you everything? Seasons may change, winter to spring, but I love you till the end of time. Come what may, come what may, I will love you until my dying day…."

"It came much… sooner than I expected," coughed Boone, and Katty gave a watery smile. He stared hazily up at her,

"There you go," he said quietly, his eyes bleary. "Tell Jack he's off the hook. Tell Shannon I love her."

She clutched his hand to her chest, nodding. "I will. I swear I will."

"Katty?"

"Yeah?"

He smiled at her. "I would have died, no matter what you tried to… to do. It was doomed from the," he coughed violently for about five seconds. "Doomed from the start."

"I know. I know."

"Hey. Look at me."

She did. Very weakly and very slowly, he moved the hand she was holding to stroke her chin. She leant into his touch.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you, Boone. I love you."

She was holding his hand again, no semblance of control at all, sobbing what was left of her heart out as his eyes glazed over and his hand went limp.

_Cold fingers wrapped around my colder wrist and the light green shirt attached to the fingers brushed against my skin. Lips brushed my ear and Ben's voice whispered, "It was fated."_

The caves echoed with her wrenching, half-screaming sobs.

**LOST

* * *

**

"Come What May" from Moulin Rouge.

A/N: It had to happen sometime. We all knew it was coming. I hope that I kept everyone in character and that it wasn't too over done... only a few more chapters left, guys, and we're going to be finding out some very interesting things, very soon.

PLEASE REVIEW.

Sarah.


	21. And Then They Were None

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**

_I wish this could be  
a happy song  
But my happiness disappeared  
the moment you were gone  
Don't think I ever believed that  
this day would come  
Now all I'm feeling  
is lost and numb_

_I'll always be thankful  
for the time we had  
We were blessed  
I should celebrate  
but I feel too sad  
All the wonderful memories  
just make me fall apart  
And it feels like somebody's  
stabbed me in my heart_

_But I, yes I, miss you  
and it's killing inside  
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you  
want you by my side_

_Walking, holding hands  
Talking, making plans  
Touching my heart my soul_

_Tell me it's not happening  
Say it's not as it seems  
Tell me that I'm gonna wake up  
It's just a bad dream  
Please tell me that it's fiction  
Tell me it's just a lie  
Whatever you choose to tell me  
Please say he didn't die_

**Chapter Twenty-One: And Then There Were None**

**Day Forty-Four**

It was the thirtieth of October, the day before Halloween. Boone was dead. A man I'd first encountered through a TV show and that I'd come to love was gone. I'd always thought he was beautiful, even before I met him; I'd joked with my best friends about how we'd seduce him if we somehow ever met him. Then I did meet him, and I found there was no seducing needed. It all came naturally, as naturally as breathing, and soon I found myself falling in love with a boy I knew was doomed. For while I wrestled with myself as to what I would do about his death, before eventually deciding that I was going to save him, no matter what the cost.

But I didn't.

And now he was dead.

-

I was still at the caves the next morning, about seven or eight, when Shannon entered through the trees, her face white and her eyes wide. I was sitting next to Boone, stroking his cold hand, when she came and stood next to me, hands covering her horrified mouth as the first of the sobs began to wrack her body.

"He wanted me to tell you he loved you," I said quietly, glancing up at her. She was crying like I had cried, like a part of her soul was being torn out of her body.

"He's-he's gone-"

"He's gone," I repeated, staring at his marble-like face, still beautiful in death. "He's gone."

She sunk to her knees next to me, shaking. "He's gone-"

"He's gone-"

"Oh my god-"

"He's gone."

And then, with neither of us really knowing how it had happen, we were clinging to each other and sobbing as we stared at the body of the boy we'd both loved.

-

"Sun said he knew what was happening to him- that he was brave."

Sayid was standing next to Shannon and behind her a little, speaking quietly, words for her, not me. I already knew these words. I'd seen them before, and now I was living them, and it didn't feel like a dream anymore.

I couldn't help but wish my mom were there. Someone I could curl up too without worrying about their girlfriend or would-be girlfriend, without knowing that they had other, _higher_ priorities. Right now, I needed a mom.

Instead, I had the body of the man that I loved and one of the few people I'd counted on too busy comforting someone else. I didn't blame him for that, not really. Shannon was Boone's sister and his lover. Of course she was his first priority.

I'd been holding Boone's hand since he died. It was cold and hard, the fingers still curling around mine just slightly. It was enough. If I closed my eyes and thought very hard, it was easy to pretend, just for a moment, that he wasn't dead. That he would smile again, that those eyes would flash at me one more time-

And then Shannon would sob or gasp, and the illusion would be gone.

Sayid, Shannon and I were at the caves for maybe half an hour before Jack and Kate came out of the jungle, carrying a very make-shift stretcher between them. Jack looked exhausted and Kate looked at Shannon and I, her eyebrows pulling up sympathetically. I gave her a small nod in greeting, then turned back to Boone. His eyes were closed, his lips parted a little, and he looked peaceful. Knowing that I would be crying again very soon, I reached up and brushed some of his hair out of his face, and sure enough, I felt the tell-tale pricking at the back of my eyes. There's nothing quite like seeing someone you've loved lying lifeless. The memory of his laugh, of his kisses, burned through me, leaving a trace of fire in the ice.

"Sayid," called Jack. "Will you help me?"

They came over to me a few minutes later and Jack crouched in front of me.

"How are you holding up, Katty?"

"I've been better."

He gave a small chuckle at that, looking away from me. He hesitated and then said, "We're going to bury him at the beach."

"I know."

"For what it's worth," he said, "I'm sorry."

I looked away from him and back at Boone as a few more tears leaked onto my cheeks. "Me too."

-

Even in the midst of grief, the human body rebels. As Jack and Sayid got Boone's body moved onto the stretcher, I went into the jungle a little ways to use the bathroom. It was the farthest I'd moved in over twelve hours, and after sprinting two miles at full speed yesterday, it felt like there were needles under my skin. I hadn't slept at all that night, so I was exhausted and my head hurt and, to make things absolutely perfect, I had started my period.

This last bit of information made me look up at the sky, tears of frustration and grief stinging at my eyes, and ask, "Really?"

When I got back to the caves, the other four were ready to head out, Boone on the stretcher between Jack and Sayid, an airplane blanket covering his face. Neither Shannon nor I were crying anymore, but tears were prickling at Kate's eyes. She came over to me and simply put a hand on my arm, her eyes shining.

"I'm here for you," she said simply. More damn tears stung my eyes and I gave a shuddering breath. Kate knew about loss. She'd lost Tom, maybe the only man she'd ever really loved, and it was her fault. She, more than anyone, knew how I felt.

Kate and I were rivals. Friendly rivals, at times, but there was always a healthy dose of jealousy and competition between us. We were too much alike for us to ever really like each other, but maybe that was why we enjoyed each other's company.

At this moment, though, she was just what I needed. A shoulder I could lean on and not worry about the consequences.

As my vision blurred, I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my head in her shoulder to muffle my sobs.

-

It's universally acknowledged that if you're grieving and someone near you starts sobbing nearly hysterically, you'll start crying too. My cries made Shannon cry again too, something I would have found funny if the man I'd loved hadn't just died. So there we were, in the middle of a haunted damn jungle, three women crying over each other, leaving Jack and Sayid completely nonplussed as to what to do.

Tears can only last for so long. Once we'd hiccupped ourselves back into relative sanity, the five of us (and the dead Boone) set back out for the beach. Kate walked with Jack, the two of them conversing quietly, while Shannon stayed next to Boone's body.

I trailed behind them a little, my body sore and exhausted. It was a sunny day, but somehow dull. The sky was more gray than blue and even the vibrant colors of the jungle had lost some of their magic. Or maybe it was just me. Nothing put everything into perspective like death.

It took longer than normal, the walk. The fact that we were towing a dead body didn't help any, either.

"Jack," said Kate gently, putting a hand on the older man's arm, "why don't you let me carry this end for a while?"

"I'm fine," said Jack, shaking his head, but she was insistent.

"I'll do it," I said quietly, making my way over roots and ferns to the front of our sad little group. All eyes were on me as I looked between Jack and Kate.

"I'll help carry him."

"Katty-"

"Jack, please," I said, my voice quiet and weak but still pleading. His grey eyes bore into me briefly before softening, and he shook his head.

"Alright, but if you get tired-"

"I'll be fine," I said, and he handed the front of the stretcher over to me. It was surprisingly heavy, and I dipped for a moment before straightening back up again. The weight of it pulled my arms down and it bumped against my thighs as I walked.

By the time we reached the beach, my arms were burning and the backs of my legs were bruised. Sayid and I carried Boone to the beach, to the place where we'd buried Scott. Steve.

We set him down on the ground, gingerly, and my arms screamed at the loss of weight. I sat down clumsily in the sand, rubbing the backs of my arms. Sayid sat down next to me and wiped sweat off his forehead before looking at me. I looked back at him.

"You and Shannon, huh?"

I was happy for him. I truly was. And if I talked about Boone anymore, I'd start crying again. I was sick of crying.

"You don't have to pretend nothing happened," he said quietly, and Boone's absence was screaming at us.

"I'm tired of talking about it."

"You have to talk about it."

"I've been crying for the past twelve hours, Sayid. I'm done crying."

"You're not."

I looked up at him. "You're not very good at comforting people." My voice was flat, dull, and he gave an empty smile.

"How do you feel? And tell me the truth. I do not want to hear any jokes from you, Katty."

I thought about it, for a minute. How did I feel? I felt like a slab of concrete with a heart in the middle. A big block of ice that was melting, but only in one spot. Boone's face kept flashing into my mind, smiling, laughing, telling me he loved me, soaking wet, angry, pale and bloody-

"I sort of want to die."

The wind picked up, blowing Sayid's hair around his face. His eyes were sympathetic.

"Is that normal?" I asked, and he nodded.

"It was my fault, Sayid."

"It was _not_," he said quietly, raising his eyebrows and stressing the last word very slightly.

I was shaking my head minutely now, staring at the sand I was sitting in, eyes wide but blank. "I knew he was going to die. I thought… I thought I could save him. I just had to get the days right and go with him, but I guess I counted wrong, or something, and my memory sucks anyway. He died because I counted wrong."

I met Sayid's eyes. "Is _that_ normal?"

-

Several guys turned out to help dig the grave with the meager tools we had. Some people even threw out sand with their hands. I was lucky. I had a stick of bamboo with a sizable, flat rock stuck on the end of it that worked fairly well.

It took two hours to dig the grave, but Jack only let me work for half an hour. He came over to us, took one look at me, and insisted I stop and get sleep.

I refused, point-blank, to sleep. Eventually, I knew I'd have to, but I knew that if I slept now, I'd dream about Boone. And it wouldn't be pretty. However, neither could I sit around and do nothing, because then I'd start thinking. Thinking wasn't good either.

That left bathing. I immediately ruled out mine and Boone's pond- simply thinking about it hurt. So I grabbed my shampoo and toiletries and made my way through the jungle to the quarry where I'd gone before with Kate and Melissa.

He was dead. It kept running through my mind like a mantra. He was dead. He wasn't coming back.

The cold water woke me up a little, shook some of the numbness out of my system. It felt good to wash away the sweat and grime of the day before- good in a detached kind of way. The scent of the shampoo and conditioner and body wash floated around me; a little taste of home. I shaved, too, because although I really couldn't have cared less how I looked at the moment, the logical side of my brain told me that I'd feel better mentally if I looked better and wasn't on the verge of morphing into wolf-woman. My mom used to tell me, when I'd get dressed for school in sweatpants, that the better you dressed, normally, the better you felt. And she was right. Being clean made me feel slightly better. It was like an anthill next to Everest, comparatively, but it was something. A small victory. Grief-1, 000,000, Katty- .00000001.

I dried off using an airplane blanket and had pulled on clean underclothes when I heard the voice.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thanks," I said without turning around. Richard was standing somewhere behind me and I was wearing only underwear and a bra, but I didn't care. Modesty was gone, as was embarrassment. I turned around to look at him. His shirt was wine colored and looked at odds with the greens of the forest.

"Hey," I said quietly, and he nodded, coming towards me.

"Hello. Your legs are bruised," he said gesturing to me. I nodded.

"You know, then?"

"I was there."

"When he… when he fell?" Thinking about it hurt. I remembered it, and I hadn't even been there. _Why_ had I been _so_ stupid?

"No." There was an unreadable expression in those deep eyes as he tilted his head to the side a little. "When he died."

A wave of detached embarrassment twinged at a tiny part of me as I realized he'd seen me crying. The rest didn't give a damn.

"Oh."

"Will you be alright?"

I thought about it, trying to see things objectively. It was difficult, as all I could see was Boone. Looking at Richard, I saw Boone. "In the end," I told him finally, not sure if I was talking to Richard or Boone. "But for now, I'm anything but okay."

"You're strong. You can pull through this."

"It's not a bad rumor that's been spread about me at school, Richard. The man I loved died not twelve hours ago, and it was my fault."

"All the same. You can do this."

"I hope you're right."

-

We gathered around the freshly dug grave at around ten. It wasn't sunny anymore. The sky was light, but covered with clouds. I was glad. I couldn't deal with cheerful weather right now.

A few tears formed as I looked down at Boone's body, wrapped in blankets. It wasn't him anymore, not really. He was gone. But it was still hard.

Shannon had a similar expression on her face, empty and a little shocked. I went and stood next to her and she glanced at me. She and I had never liked each other, but now we were bound by something horrible- grief. We'd never be friends, but we could be there for each other.

Once most people were there, Jack stepped out from the group a little ways, looking uncomfortable.

"Shannon? Do you want to say something?"

She glanced up at him and then her gaze sank back down to Boone. Her eyes were sad and empty.

"No," she said, very quietly. Jack looked to me.

"Katty?"

I'd expected this and took a deep breath. All eyes were on me, and I looked up and saw Sawyer. There was an expression of overwhelming pity on his face. He looked like he would take my pain on if he could, and that gave me a little strength. Grief- 1,000,000, Katty- .00000002.

"Boone was… Boone was great."

Everyone stared at me and I stared into the grave, and then shook my head as my vision began blurring again. More damn tears. There you are, Sayid.

"I- I can't-"

"I didn't know Boone very well, and for that I am sorry." Shannon and I looked to him at the same time. He was looking at both of us, two women he cared for, two women who would never be the same again. One of us was going to die, too soon, within ten days, and that would break his heart too.

For the first time sense Boone died, I felt a kind of detached passion. I hadn't saved him. I'd failed. But I would save his sister- not for her sake, and not really for Sayid's. I would save Shannon even if it killed me. Without really thinking about it, I reached out and grabbed the taller woman's hand.

"On our 6th day here a woman named Joanna died. She drowned. And Boone was the first one into the water," Sayid paused, still looking at Shannon and I. "I didn't know him," he said quietly, "but I remember his courage. And I _know_ he will be missed."

The wind swirled around all of us, deceivingly innocent and playful.

I looked over to where I though John would be- and there he was, shirt still bloody. My stomach tightened. I didn't blame John. He met my gaze, and I nodded at him.

"It was my fault," he called, more to me than to the group, but every head turned his way and Jack's face contorted. I let go of Shannon's hand to move to him, but John continued.

"We found a plane, a Beechcraft, in the jungle. It was lodged in the canopy so - I would have gone up, but I- my leg was hurt, so he-" It was John's hesitancy, more than anything, that revealed the pain and regret he was feeling. Normally articulate, he was now having trouble speaking clearly. "There was a radio inside and he thought he could look, his weight must have made the plane shift and it fell- and- it happened because he was trying to help us," he said finally. "He was a hero." He was looking at Shannon and I, almost pleadingly. Jack strode forward, his posture screaming for a fight.

"Jack-"

"Where were you?!" Jack shouted. "WHERE WERE YOU?!"

_Where were you, when everything was falling apart?_

"Where the _hell were you_, you son of a bitch?!"

Jack was running full speed at Locke, who made no move to defend himself or to stop Jack. He simply stood there as Jack tackled him to the ground. Kate and I and several others were running for the two of them, intent on getting Jack off Locke and then getting some answers.

I was on auto-pilot. I didn't care about answers. I had answers to questions that they didn't know yet. It was just in my blood to jump into the middle of the action, something that was so deeply ingrained that even in the midst of anguish, I was leaping into the fray.

Charlie and Sawyer reached the wrestling pair first and hauled Jack off Locke, who was now sporting a bloody nose. I stared at his blood-covered shirt- Boone's blood, and my heart stopped.

"Hey, wait, wait, Jack-" said Charlie loudly; trying to get Jack's focus off Locke, but Jack only saw John. His face was contorted in fury, eyes wide and mouth twisted and he tried to pull out of Sawyer and Charlie's grips.

"Where were you? You left him to_ die_!" Jack snarled, his eyes wild, finally escaping from the grasp of Charlie and Sawyer. "You lied to me_. WHERE WERE YOU?!" _

_Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late…_

Kate grabbed Jack around the waist and I clutched at the back of his shirt to stop him from murdering Locke.

"Jack, Jack, it wasn't his fault-"

"Jack, it's okay, it's okay!"

"Where were you? Where were you? Where were you?" Jack kept repeating, his voice strangely weak. Concern crossed Locke's face and he extended a hand to him instinctively.

"Jack. Jack, what's the matter? Are you okay?" Kate asked, panic and surprise in her voice. Jack blinked blearily several times and then collapsed, and the four of us were supporting a dead weight.

-

"He's lying," said Jack as we walked down the beach later.

"You're suffering from fatigue-" said Sayid quietly, but Jack just shook his head.

"Locke told Boone not to tell."

"Tell about what?" asked Sayid long-sufferingly, and Jack shook his head again. Sun and Kate exchanged a glance.

"Something about a hatch. Locke's hiding something."

Sayid glanced back at me, and I stared dispassionately at him. Jack's shoulders were hunching from exhaustion.

"Jack…"

"Look, the man is _hiding_ something," said Jack, whirling on Sayid, who stopped walking and turned to face him, his face impassive. His patience was wearing thin. I thought that the only reason he hadn't told Jack off yet was for my sake. He didn't want to upset me more.

I was walking with them, saying nothing. A few days ago I would have been involved, making jokes and being sarcastic, but now, I didn't have the energy or the heart. I kept seeing Boone's face. He was dead. He was dead.

My God, he was dead.

A new wave of pain hit me, leaving me gasping for air.

"Jack, listen to me," said Sayid firmly. "What we need is for the one doctor on this island to get some sleep."

"I'm fine," said Jack, shaking him off. "I don't need it."

Kate tilted her head back sympathetically and reached out to touch his arm.

"Jack-"

"You need rest," said Sun firmly, grabbing his wrist. "Come on."

Sun led Jack to his tent and forced him to stay in. The look on his face said very clearly he had no intention of obeying her, but at that point, her focus had gone to me. I started shaking my head before she started speaking.

"Sun, please-"

Her eyes were kinder than they had been with Jack, but still firm. "You need to sleep."

"I'll dream-"

"It is a _part_ of the grieving process," she said, enunciating her words very clearly. I just looked at her, exhaustion beginning to blur my vision. Needles stung the back of my eyelids, not from tears, but from fatigue. Kate put a hand on my arm.

"Can I stay in your tent?" I asked Sun, and she nodded, sympathy radiating from every angle of her.

Sayid reached out and grabbed my arm as I began to walk away, and I turned back to look at him. His eyes were dark and pain filled.

"If there's anything I can do for you-"

"Be there for Shannon," I said, my voice empty, and his eyebrows pulled up. "Don't blame John. It wasn't his fault."

"Very well," he said, and he released my arm. Sun led me to her tent. Jin, from far down the beach, watched her.

"Here," she said gently, and I nodded to her. Exhaustion was taking hold of me, making it hard to think. I half collapsed onto her cot, my eyes closing, my heart clenching and unclenching as beautiful blue eyes swam through my mind.

-

"_It was fated."_

"_It was fated."_

"_It was fated."_

"_- for what it's worth, I am sorry-"_

"_-a sacrifice the island demanded-"_

"_-WHERE WERE YOU?!"_

"_-I love you. I love you, I love you-"_

"_-you know why I like you?"_

"_- too young-"_

"_-I'm sorry." _

_Words, phrases, images were being thrown at me like paint splattered across a canvas. A collage of faces flashed through my mind, each speaking to me, each breaking me._

_Ben's blue eyes, full of emotion for once. "For what it's worth, I am sorry."_

_Jack's determined face and steely eyes. "I'm going to save him."_

_The bloody face of the man I'd loved. "Tell Shannon I love her-"_

_They were mixing together; each becoming the other, so that I couldn't tell where one ended and the other began. Ben and Jack and Boone, they were the same person now, a bloody, manipulative, compassionate person, standing there and screaming at me._

"_For what it's worth," began Jack, his eyes full of compassion and sorrow before they widened and became blue, set in a pale face and then Ben was standing before me, wearing Jack's clothes and speaking with a voice that was his but it was Jack's too, "I am sorry."_

_Then Ben and Jack changed into Boone, but he was Ben and Jack too, his eyes blue and green and grey and he was still wearing Jack's clothes but they were bloody now, the eyes that were his but weren't his flickering._

"_Tell Jack he's off the hook," he murmured, and all three of them were there in his voice._

_But then, suddenly, they weren't. It was just Boone, and he was whole again, well again, still wearing Jack's clothes. He walked forward and enfolded me in his arms, burying his face in my neck, holding me so tightly but not tight enough._

"_I love you," he said into my neck._

_And then he was gone, and I was alone._

-

"Sun!"

The tiny Korean woman turned on her heel gracefully to see Sawyer striding down the beach towards her, his arms swinging with his long steps. He glanced behind him at her tent, where Katty was greeted him with raised eyebrows and he gestured helplessly back at her tent.

"Is she… okay?"

"She is anything _but_ okay," said Sun matter-of-factly, her eyebrows still raised. Sawyer's face fell slightly, and she said, "What did you expect, Sawyer? Someone she loved dearly died last night and she is blaming herself."

"But- it ain't her fault-"

"I know that. So do you. But she doesn't."

"Can I go talk to her?" he asked, desperation clear on his face, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder at her tent. Sun shook her head firmly.

"No. She needs rest."

"But-"

"When she's _awake_, Sawyer," she said in a tone that ended the conversation, and she turned and made her way over to Claire and Charlie and the new baby. Apparently, she had to be the mother today, telling everyone to go rest.

Leaving a helpless Sawyer behind her, she walked down the beach to the adorable trio.

-

Sawyer stared helplessly at Sun's tent. He didn't want to bother the kid, but he didn't want her to be alone, either. Sighing, he trudged back up the beach and sat outside the tent, leaning against the tree, waiting for Katty to wake up.

-

He had just begun to doze off when he heard muffled sobs from inside the tent that housed Katty. Immediately alert, he crawled inside and his eyes began adjusting to the muted light.

"Katty-"

She was lying on her back, hands at her sides, biting her lip and staring up at the ceiling as she shook with sobs. Sawyer felt his heart freeze. She was always so strong, so tough, falling down but bounding back up with a grin and a joke, he'd half expected her to be coping, or somethin'. But she wasn't copin'. She was a mess.

"Katty-"

She made no move to make him think she'd even heard him. He moved over to her and pulled her up. She was as limp as a rag doll, but her eyes met his. They were red, but the blue was brighter than normal. Her face was white and she looked like a mess. She kept crying. Not really sure of what to do, Sawyer pulled her close to him and held her tightly. She clutched at the collar of his shirt and cried into his chest, sobs that came from the bottom of her heart, wracking her entire body. She was shaking. He'd never seen anyone in this much pain before, and he didn't know how to respond.

"You just cry, Katty," he said, a hand at the back of her head, supporting her like she was a baby. He rubbed her back. "You cry."

"I can't- I_ can't-!"_

Her voice was half sob, half quiet shriek. She was gritting her jaw as she sobbed, screwing her eyes shut.

"It was my fault. My fault. Boone-"

"It ain't your fault. Some things not even you can change-"

"But I _could_!" She looked up at him, still clutching at his shirt, her eyes wide and frantic, cheeks wet. "I could have s-saved him-"

She started sobbing again, shaking her head as she hunched over. She wasn't even trying to control her sobs now, and Sawyer heard Sun's quiet voice outside the tent telling people to leave. He was glad. The last thing Katty needed was to know they had an audience.

"Boone, Boone. I'm so sorry. So sorry-" she kept repeating, her shoulders shaking and her body wrenching. Sawyer held her as close as he could, trying to ignore the prickling at the back of his own eyes. Her sobs hit him somewhere deep, and each of her gasping, wrenching breaths was like a punch in the stomach. He closed his eyes and crushed her to him, rocking back and forth.

Eventually her sobs began to subside, to be replaced by a steady flow of tears. She was quiet now, but still shaking, and Sawyer didn't want to move, although his legs were going numb.

Finally, she took a breath that was steady and Sawyer looked down at her. She was curled against his chest, still clutching at his collar like it was a lifeline, staring off into space, eyes half closed.

"You feel better now you've made another ocean?" he murmured, and a weak smile flitted across her face.

"I got your shirt wet," she whispered, her voice low and a little raspy. He gave a small shrug.

" 'S just a shirt, darlin'."

"Thank you… for staying."

"Couldn't exactly leave, could I?"

She sighed and straightened up, running a hand through her hair and rubbing at her eyes. The sudden loss of the warmth of her body was disconcerting. Sawyer stretched his legs.

"What time is it?" she asked, and he regarded her for a minute.

"Think it's about noon," he said, and she nodded. There was an empty look in her eyes that worried him. Course, he couldn't expect much more, considerin' what she'd been through…. But he'd never seen her this helpless.

"Did you dream?" he asked slowly, his voice low and gravelly. She glanced up at him, her eyebrows pulling up in the middle, and she nodded.

"You wanna talk about it?"

For a second she said nothing. Then, speaking haltingly and hesitantly, not meeting his eyes, she said, "There's a man."

"Do I know him?"

An odd look crossed her face before she shook her head. "Not yet."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a moment before Sawyer prompted her, "…. And?"

"He was there. So were Jack and- and Boone." Her voice shook slightly, but her eyes stayed dry.

"They were all mixing into each other, saying each other's words, wearing each other's clothes, and I couldn't tell who was who anymore, and then they were gone and it was just Boone and me. Then he was gone too."

Sawyer's heart went out to her. He'd been through some serious shit, and he knew the effect dreams could have on a grieving mind.

He moved over to her and put an arm around her shoulders, saying nothing. There wasn't a lot he could say. She leaned on him, not saying anything either.

-

Sawyer tried to convince me to sleep more, and though I was still tired, I refused. I couldn't handle another dream like the first one. He stayed with me while I pulled my hair back in a braid and then we left the tent. My eyes fell on Charlie, walking with the newly born Aaron.

"You want me to stay with ya?" asked Sawyer. I shook my head. There was a time when I was embarrassed by him seeing me cry, but it was long gone.

He needed a rest too. He looked like he'd only gotten a few hours of sleep last night, and I told him that.

He gave me a small smile and on last hug. "I'll be in my tent if ya need anythin', Katty."

He walked away with that lanky gait of his, arms swinging. The fact that he hadn't once called me 'kid' didn't escape my notice.

I made my way over to Charlie and Aaron, who was crying shrilly. Charlie glanced up at me, a look of apprehension flitting over his face.

"Hey, Katty."

"Hi Charlie."

I bent over the baby, who stopped crying long enough to examine me, his eyes bright and intelligent. "Hey, little guy."

He began crying again, his little face screwed up as fat tears dripped down his face. I nodded. "I know how you feel, midge."

"How are you feeling?" asked Charlie, bouncing Aaron. I was running out of ways to answer that question.

"Numb."

"Oh."

Aaron's crying increased, giving us something else to focus on.

"The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout, down came the rain and drowned the spider out-"

I smiled weakly, but Aaron wasn't amused. Hurley lumbered up behind, peering over Charlie's shoulder at the baby.

"Dude, it's washed- washed the spider out. Unless it's some kind of British version."

He looked at me for the first time and his eyes went wide. "Whoa."

"Hey, Hurley."

"Dude, you look like shit," he said frankly, and another smile spread across my face.

"Thanks."

He regarded me for a minute and then wrapped his arms around me in an all-encompassing bear hug.

"What was that?" I asked, laughing faintly as he let go of me. He shrugged, his face innocent and sweet.

"Looked like you needed it, dude."

For the first time, I truly appreciated Hurley. He turned to Charlie and asked, "What's the matter, man?"

"Well, I can't get the bloody thing to stop crying."

"Maybe it's hungry?"

"Nope. Claire nursed him five times."

"Any deposits? You know, diaper-wise?" There was a kind of subtle horror in Hurley's voice as he asked this. Charlie's face gained the same horror as he bent down to sniff Aaron, but then he shook his head.

"Alright," said Hurley decisively. "It's time to break out the big guns."

He began singing, and Aaron stopped crying for a moment in pure shock, but then began bawling worse than ever. Hurley stood still, looking at him, nonplussed.

"Dude that's all I got."

I sighed. "Give him to me."

"Are you sure that's a good idea-" began Charlie, his face taking on an apprehensive sheen.

"Charlie, I'm heartbroken, not murderous."

He still looked doubtful, and I added, "I basically raised Elliot for a month and I've got three younger siblings at home. I'm good with kids."

With a resigned sigh, he handed Aaron to me. "Be careful- watch his head, there-"

I gave him a look and Hurley said, "Dude, I think she knows what she's doing."

"Hey, honey," I cooed down at Aaron. He kept crying. I put him over my shoulder and began patting his back, bouncing up and down and humming in his ear. Slowly, his cries subsided. There was something about comforting another human being that comforted me.

"I think he's asleep," I said quietly, turning him around gently to cradle him in my arms. His little sweet face was open and sleepy, his eyes closed, his little baby breathing somehow comforting. I smiled down at him instinctively, the first real smile on my face since Boone died. Aaron's little hand was wrapped around my finger as he slept peacefully, not knowing what awaited him.

I looked up to see Hurley and Charlie staring at me with something like awe on their faces.

"That was like… a Jedi moment," said Hurley, almost reverently.

**LOST

* * *

**

**"**Missing You" by Jem with additional lyrics from "You Found Me" by the Fray.

A/N: Wow, that song is a little too perfect for Katty and Boone, isn't it? Like, I didn't really realize exactly how perfect until just a few minutes ago. It's an amazing song. I added the extra lyrics during the Locke/Jack fight because that just seemed to fit. I know that this chapter was super depressing. The next one isn't quite so bad, so that's nice. And it's very Richard heavy. Oh baby.

Speaking of Richard, I made a poll for you guys, regarding you you think Katty should end up with at the VERY END, as long as they don't all die, of course. I've got quite a few options on there, and not ALL of them are being seriously considered, it's just the ones that could possibly happen. The most likely ones, as it were. If you don't wanna vote, just tell me in a review. Pick two: Richard Alpert, Sayid Jarrah, Benjamin Linus, Sawyer, Elliot Chase Alpert, Jack Shepard. Just let me know which two you'd like the most, and I'd greatly appreciate it! Just a few more chapters and then season one is DONE, guys!


	22. Fire

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**

_You will consume me,  
But I can't walk away.  
Somehow, I couldn't stop myself.  
I just wanted to know how it felt.  
Too strong, I couldn't hold on.  
Now I'm just tryin' to make some sense  
Out of how and why this happened.  
Where we're heading, there's just no knowing.  
Yeah, yeah.  
And then I crashed into you,  
And I went up in flames._

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Fire**

After giving Aaron back to Charlie, I had nothing to do. The thought of going back to my tent, cleaning it out, flitted into my brain and caused so much pain I almost started crying again. There were too many memories associated with the tent-

_-Boone, kissing my neck-_

_-Laughing, teasing each other, taking pictures that would never leave my camera-_

_-Simply lying there, curled around each other, talking about things that could never be-_

Another thing I'd have to do, but not now. I wasn't ready. He hadn't even been gone twenty-four hours yet. Some things could wait.

I made my way down to the edge of the water and sat there, the waves lapping up almost to my knees, soaking the bottoms of my shorts. Storm clouds were gathering, and the first few drops of water fell on my upturned face as I heard movement and voices behind me. I turned around, and Kate, Jack and Sayid stopped in their tracks, eyes on me. I rose to my feet, water rolling down my legs as I walked over to them.

"You people always need something."

"Katty, we don't want to bother you, but-"

"Believe me, I don't mind," I said quietly, my eyes flicking between the three of them. "I need something to do."

"Is Shannon going to try to kill Locke?" asked Jack flatly.

I raised an eyebrow. "I'd forgotten about that."

"Is that confirmation enough for you?" asked Sayid sharply, glaring at Jack. "Or would you like to bother this girl more?" Jack nodded, resigned, and I followed them. Sayid eyed me.

"Katty, maybe you should-"

"Don't."

"Then at least put on some shoes."

I ignored him. It had started raining heavily now, plastering my hair to my head and dripping down my face.

We entered the jungle and Jack turned to Kate. "Which way?" he asked. Any response was made unnecessary, because at that moment, we heard Shannon's voice, screeching at someone. We took off, Sayid in the lead. Somewhere along the way, Jack stopped. My legs were hurting already, but I was right behind Sayid, a name flashing through my mind every time my feet pounded on the jungle floor-

_Boone, Boone, Boone, Boone-_

Sayid skidded to a stop in front of me and I barreled into him, my feet sliding over the mud and moss. He grabbed my arm to steady me, and then I looked up to see Shannon, a steely look on her face, the gun pointed at Locke, whose hands were in the air.

"She doesn't believe me, Sayid," he said calmly, still looking at Shannon.

"Shannon. Shannon, please listen to me-" there was a note of pleading and desperation that I'd never heard in Sayid's voice before as he addressed Shannon. There was a crack of thunder.

"He did it. I know it!" she shouted over the roar of the rain.

"Shannon-"

"You're not thinking rationally. You've never fired a gun before-"

She shot between him and Locke, her face contorting with the blast. I had to admire the move.

"Shannon, you don't want to do this."

"Yes I _do_!" she shouted, a little bit of breaking in her voice. I looked at her, at the rain dripping down her determined face. She had murder in her.

"If you do it, you can never take it back."

Jack and Kate came running in now, slipping and skidding in the mud. Shannon barely glanced at them. "Stay back," she warned, before turning her full fury on Locke.

"What did you do to him?!"

"I told you it was an accident-"

"Shannon-"

"Katty!"

She looked at me, her face hard but pleading as water dripped into her eyes. She turned to me, the one person who expected to share her anger.

"It wasn't his fault," I said quietly, looking at John. He looked back at me, something like confusion in his gaze, like he was trying to figure me out because he was bored. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her face twist.

"I thought you loved him!" she shouted, and the words went to my heart like a knife. What was the point?

"Shannon-"

"Jack, you TOLD me he was a liar!"

With that, she shot the gun, just as Sayid tackled her. Out of reflex, I dropped to the ground and helped John sit up. There was a bewildered look on his face and he was holding a hand to his forehead.

"You okay?" I asked him dully, and he looked to me for the first time and nodded.

I glanced over my shoulder in time to see Shannon take off through the jungle, Kate following her.

"C'mon," I said, turned back to Locke and grasping his arm. "Let's go get you cleaned up."

-

We sat together that night around a fire; the salve I'd helped him make in a hollowed out coconut shell. He gave me some, to put on the various scrapes I'd received yesterday, running through the jungle. I was trying not to remember what had been happening this time twenty-four hours ago.

"Why don't you blame me?" asked John finally, glancing at me over the fire. I sighed, nursing a whiskey that Sawyer had given me. No one made any comments about a sixteen year old drinking, though I saw that Pamela woman give me a disapproving look. I almost wished she would say something. The drink had the desired effect- it burned, and then it numbed.

" 'Cause it wasn't your fault," I said, the words slightly slurred.

"I'd 'a thought you'd be blaming whoever you could."

"I am," I said, jabbing a thumb at myself. "Me."

John looked like he wanted to say something else, but Sayid approached at that moment, his eyes dark and unreadable. The last time I'd been next to a fire and Sayid had approached me; I'd been with Boone.

Another knife to my already mangled heart.

"How's your head?" asked Sayid quietly. Locke glanced up at him.

"It'll heal."

"Another war wound," said Sayid, no trace of humor in his voice. John hesitated for a moment before saying, "I know what it cost you to do what you did. Thank you."

"I did it because I sense you might be our best hope of surviving here."

John nodded and Sayid continued, "But I don't forgive what you did. And I certainly don't trust you. And now, you're going to take me to the hatch."

My stomach began tingling, and it wasn't the whiskey talking.

-

"Do you really think you should be drinking that?" asked Sayid as he, John and I made our way through the dark jungle. The half-empty whiskey bottle dangled from my hand, and as I moved, my gun shifted against my back. Drink, fire-arms and a broken heart. It made sense.

"Sure," I replied, shrugging. Sayid raised an eyebrow.

"How sure, exactly?"

"Um, fairly to pretty damn."

I saw the corner of John's mouth lift up in a smile and he turned back to give me a grin.

If I hadn't been drinking, I would have been crying. Boone probably walked the same path I was on now… but thinking like that, even whilst inebriated, would do me no good, so I choose a different thought path.

"John, how old were you when you started going bald?"

The two men stopped in their tacks and turned to stare at me, incredulous looks on their faces. I looked innocently back at them before sighing.

"I'm just trying to think about anything but him."

They glanced at each other before turning back to the jungle in front of us. The two of them had torches, and I had my gun and my whiskey.

"So, John, just when exactly did you and- when did you find this hatch?"

"Day Claire was kidnapped," said John calmly. "Boone dropped a flashlight and it made a clunking sound. We were curious, so we investigated."

Weird, how just the mention of a name caused physical pain. I'd only ever called him Boone when we were having serious conversation. Mostly, I'd called him Danny.

I missed him.

"So whenever you said you were out hunting, you were actually-"

"Excavating?" asked John, raising his eyebrows and turning to Sayid, who merely looked back at him. I watched both of them before taking another sip of whiskey. Burn, numb. It was the story of my life.

Two men, now, that had died because of me. So, all the blood on my hands, let's see…. Elliot came first, then the three guys I shot. The marshal, and I guess Joanna and Scott/Steve counted. Now Boone. And how many more, before this nightmarish fantasy was over? A thousand names would call my name from hell. And there was nothing I could do but wait.

I sighed, loudly, and they both turned to me. "Sayid, how many people have you killed?"

His face was a blank, emotionless mask, but there was quiet anger and deep sadness in his eyes. "Drinking does not suit you, Katty."

I caught up with them, walking in between them, only coming up to their jaws. The jungle in front of us was dark. Boone had died twenty-four hours ago. He was gone.

"I've killed eight people," I said quietly. "Sixteen years old, and I've got all that blood on my hands."

They said nothing. What could they say? We kept walking through the jungle, making little noise about from the occasional crackling when one of us stepped on a twig and the slow crackle of the torches. The jungle felt like home.

"Are we almost there?" I asked Locke. He looked around and down at me, a small smile spreading across his face.

"You don't know?"

I frowned. "People are way over-estimating my memory."

They both smiled, and Sayid chuckled. I glanced at him. "Did you talk to Shannon?"

His jaw clenched. "I tried to."

"It'll be okay," I told him, my voice faltering when I thought about Boone, and how we'd never be okay. He smiled at me, a small smile that he didn't mean.

"I hope so."

I held the whiskey bottle up to him, but after his grin widened, he shook his head.

"You need it more than I do," he said.

"I thought you didn't approve of me drinking," I stated, taking a swig out of the bottle. Burn, numb. It worked.

"I don't. But there is an exception to every rule."

I turned and offered the bottle to John, but he also declined. We walked in silence for a few more minutes before John said, quietly, "He loved you, you know."

My heart stopped and I saw Sayid shoot him a look. "What makes you say that?"

John gave me a smile. "He talked about you. All the time."

"Yeah?"

"He said… that you were completely insane. That you were the funniest girl he'd ever met. He said that ever since he met you, he couldn't stop thinking about you."

I'd begun crying again, without really realizing it. Tears crept silently down my face. I took another chug of the whiskey.

-

I was lying curled on the beach, using my arm for a pillow, staring soundlessly at the waves as I cried silently, drifting in and out of sleep. I don't know how long I lay there before I heard someone approach me, and then I heard a grunt and a sigh, and warm arms were wrapping around me and I was being held against a chest. We were moving.

I wanted it to be Boone, very desperately, but I knew it wasn't. The arms were too strong, the chest to firm, the smell too musky, the shirt too nice-

It was Richard.

"What're you doin'?" I mumbled and he glanced down at me, his eyes dark and unreadable.

"I don't want you sleeping on the beach."

"I can' go back to my tent, not yet," I half pleaded, and he chuckled lightly.

"I'm not taking you to your tent."

I was alert- or more alert. Stupid whiskey.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To your friend James."

"Oh." I'd thought, for a moment, he was taking me to the barracks. I sighed and leaned back against his chest. His arms wrapped around me, strong and sure, holding me in one piece. If it weren't for Richard, just then, I may have fallen apart.

"What if someone sees us?"

He chuckled, a low, dark sound that echoed around the beach. "No one will see us unless I want them too."

That's what I got for asking. Gotta love the man.

"Richard, you've lost someone before, right? Someone you… someone you loved?"

"Yes," he said, not looking at me. We were almost at Sawyer's tent now.

"Does it… does it ever-"

"Stop hurting?" he finished quietly, his black eyes meeting mine. I nodded slowly, biting my lip to stop the tears as I tried not to wish his eyes were blue, that his smile was crooked and that his black hair was brown and falling into his eyes.

"Yes," he said, and the illusion shattered. Boone was gone, and he was just Richard again. I closed my eyes, feeling some tears leak out. We'd reached Sawyer's tent and he simply stood there, me in his arms, his eyes boring into mine. "But I've been around for a long time."

"Oh, that's a comfort," I muttered, brushing a hand across my eyes. He chuckled and set me down, very lightly, on the ground. I stumbled over the sand, dizzy, and he grabbed my elbow to steady me.

"Careful, there-" he said, pulling me back up to him, and then I was pressed against his chest again, his very warm, very nice chest, and his eyes were dark and unreadable, even with moonlight spilling across his face.

Boone was dead. Boone was gone, he'd never laugh with me or at me again, he'd never wrap his arms around me, he'd never smile again, we'd never argue about politics or music or anything, ever again. Boone was dead, and I'd always been very good at healing. Tomorrow I'd clean out our tent, and I'd probably cry more. I'd always love Boone, and there would always be a part of my heart that would never warm again, a part of my smile that would never be genuine. There would always be a part of me that had died with him twenty-four hours ago.

But I had to move on. I had to. My work on this island wasn't done yet, not by a long shot, and I couldn't do it with a broken heart.

Maybe it was the fact that I'm a bit of an idiot when it comes to guys. Maybe the fact that I was heartbroken and not thinking straight and kind of drunk. But when Richard pulled me close, with one hand holding my arm and the other on my back, pressing just a little too hard, with my body pressed against his and him staring down at me like that, my mind completely left the building.

I reached up, very slowly, to run my hands over his face. Over his hollow cheekbones, his soft lips, the stubble that covered half of his face, before going to the back of his head. His eyes never changed, never left my face, though his grip on my elbow tightened slightly. I stood on my toes (he was much taller than me) and slowly, questioningly, pressed my lips to his.

A hundred sensations swarmed me then. Guilt. Anger. Anger at Boone for dying, me for doing this, Richard for letting me. Grief. Unimaginable grief and pain. Wishing that Richard was Boone. Lust. And just the slightest bit of peace.

But more than anything, there was an uncontrollable, unbelievable fire that originated where my heart used to be and spread, leaving no more room for the numbness that had settled over me.

His hands slowly grasped my wrists and pulled my arms back down and there he held them, in a grip of iron, at my side.

"Richard-"

"You don't want to do that," he said, his voice low and gravelly.

"I'm sorry," I said, not feeling sorry at all. He just sighed and released my hands.

"Go to bed, Katty. Go to bed, and try not to dream."

He began to walk away, his arms swinging by his sides, the silent guardian, the sentinel of the island.

I stared after him until, at the edge of the jungle, he turned back to look at me, his face hidden by shadow.

I turned and ducked into Sawyer's tent. He was lying on his side, snoring quietly. Smiling at him, I curled up in a ball, far away from him, near the entrance of the tent.

-

**Day Forty-Five**

There was something ancient about this man. He looked like he was in his mid-thirties, maybe, until you looked closer. It was his eyes. Those eyes had seen so many wars and cities being built and crumbling until it all blurred together in a whirl of colors ands places and names. He was tall, and blonde, with light, piercing blue eyes. Like he could stare straight into your soul. And it felt like he was, now, as he looked at me.

I'd seen him before, but I couldn't remember where.

"Who are you?" I asked him. We were in a room lit by a fire in a bit and several torches- it seemed to be underground. There were pillars and tapestries and it smelled of old books. He rose to his feet, slowly, and crossed the room.

"Is that really the question you want to ask?" he asked me. I looked around the room.

"Why am I here?" I asked finally, looking up into those ancient blue eyes. The smallest of smiles tugged at his lips.

"You are here," he said, "because you belong here."

I said nothing and he said nothing. We simply stood there, looking at each other.

"Have you ever felt at home any where else the same way you do here?"

I didn't answer. He hadn't wanted one. His head was cocked to the side slightly, his eyes unreadable and questioning.

"What would you feel like, if you woke up and you were away from the island? Even with all you still have to do, with all you still have to live through?"

I thought about it, and an immediate and frightening feeling swept over me- one of hopelessness and loss.

"I'd be lost."

He smiled now, a genuine smile, and gently grasped my shoulders. "Wake up now, Kathryn. Your work awaits you."

-

"Katty!"

Sawyer's face hovered above me, wide eyed and worried. He sighed, relaxing visibly as I stared up at him.

"Gave me one hell of a scare there, midge," he said, relief plain in his voice as he sat back on his heels. I sat up, brow furrowed. I felt… better. The hole in my heart throbbed less, and the numbness was gone. Was it the sleep? Was it Richard? Was it the dream? I didn't know. All I did know was that I was living, again, and that some part of me had healed during the night. I wasn't fine, not by a long shot, but at some point during the night, I'd found peace.

Slowly, I reached up and gasped the silver cross that always dangled around my neck. Sawyer stared at me.

"You okay, Katty?"

I looked up at him, a smile spreading across my face. "I will be."

**LOST

* * *

**

"Crashed" by Chris Daughtry

A/N: Hmm, who was that mysterious man in her "dream"? I wonder... Okay, I feel the need to explain myself cause I think the end is a little ambiguous. I just wanna make it clear that Katty is not, by any means, "over" Boone or what happened to him. All that happened at the end of the chapter is that she made peace with what happened and what she still has to do. When she kissed Richard a) she wasn't thinking clearly from exhaustion b) she was slightly drunk c) she was heartbroken and she saw Boone in Richard. I just want to make it clear that she's not done grieving yet and that more tears will be shed. Thankfully, though, it won't be as bad as the past few chapters have been. Don't think I can write much more sad stuff. Go check out the poll! PLEASE REVIEW!

Love, Sarah


	23. That's Because There Isn't Any

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**

_Your fingertips across my skin  
The palm trees swaying in the wind  
Images  
You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
_

_Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_

**Chapter Twenty-Three: That's Because There Isn't Any**

I stood at the entrance to my tent, my heart pounding as I stared at the familiar palm fronds. Everything that had happened in that tent was now a mere memory, something I could never get back. This was going to hurt like hell.

But I had to do it if I wanted to heal.

Feeling like I was going to sick, not knowing how I was going to do this and survive, feeling eyes watching me from the beach, I took a deep breath and swept the palm leaves aside, ducking inside my tent-

And was hit, like a train, by the scent of Boone Carlisle. It was as though I had been frozen where I stood, and I couldn't move even if I wanted to, as a hundred memories and abandoned wishes washed over me. My eyes closed of their own accord, squeezing shut, trying to escape what I was, what I'd done.

I'd killed the man I loved.

_Wake up now, Kathryn_.

Jacob's voice reverberated around my mind, giving me strength. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I took in the tent. The bed, made of airplane seats and blankets and pillows. My suitcase, open and messy, with some of Boone's clothes thrown in there as well. The shirt with the cards on it was hanging out half way, and I smiled, a sad smile. The plane of glass propped against the tree that supported the tent. My camera, my computer- it was all here. All the same. Except for the whispers of a dead man, it was the same way I'd left it.

I took another deep breath and fell on my knees next to the suitcase, not feeling the pain from hitting the sand under me, reaching in with trembling hands to pull out Boone's favorite shirt- the ones with the cards on it. He'd loved that shirt. So had I. My heart twisted and tears rose to my eyes as I buried my face in it, inhaling the scent of him. I began crying.

_Wake up._

After pulling all of Boone's clothes out of my suitcase (I found a pair of his boxers that had horrid pick-up lines printed on them and I laughed while I cried) and folding them in a stack next to my suitcase, I simply sat on the sand, knees pulled up to my chest, arms wrapped around them, and cried.

-

Sayid and Jack paused outside of the tent, listening to the quiet sobs from inside as they exchanged a look. The sobs were heavy and pain-filled, but Sayid, who'd heard Katty crying with Sawyer the previous day, thought that she sounded better, even whilst crying.

Jack gestured to the tent with his head, a small, resigned movement.

"Do you wanna go to her?"

Sayid shook his head minutely. "No. She needs to be alone."

"Let's go, then."

-

I emerged from that tent a different person. Over the past two days (had it only been that long?) I had cried myself dry. I'd told Sayid, the day after Boone died, that I was done crying. I had been wrong.

But now I _was_ done crying. I'd shed my tears for Boone and I would always love him, and thinking about him would always be bittersweet, but the terrible, wrenching pain was gone. For good.

I pulled the fronds back and tied them there, letting the sunlight spill into the tent. I rolled up the side of the tarp that faced the ocean, too, leaving the tent open and airy and light, washing out all the traces of sadness and grief that lingered, leaving happy memories and the sweet sorrow of a lost love.

I smiled, turning my face to the sky, my hand wrapping around my cross. I saw Jacob's face in my mind's eye, fatherly and ancient and wise.

_Thank you._

"Katty?"

Sun's voice, soft and questioning, woke me out of the reverie I'd fallen into. Eyes opening, I looked to her.

"Are you… are you alright?" she asked hesitantly, unwittingly echoing Sawyer' question from this morning. I gave her the same answer, and a soft, relieved smile flitted across her face.

"I am glad to hear it," she said, as Kate approached the two of us. She nodded to me before turning to Sun.

"You wanted to talk to me?" she asked, her eyes flickering between Sun and myself. Sun looked at me too, before asking, "Can we trust you?" in a steady and somewhat challenging voice.

I raised my eyebrows and nodded. They exchanged one last glance, worry in their features, as I simply stood, waiting.

Kate sighed and gestured to the jungle with her head. "C'mon, then."

-

"Hey guys," I said, my voice tired but cheerful as I approached the raft. Michael and Jin both looked up at me, shock clear on Michael's face and confusion on Jin's. He said something is rapid Korean and Michael frowned.

"Just a minute, man."

He jumped off the raft and walked over to me, concern and surprise on his face. "You, uh… you need something?"

"Nope," I said, hefting the sack of water bottles. "I saw that y'all's water was getting' low, and I wanted somethin' to do, so I figured I'd get ya some." I gave him a shy, charming smile that was a complete act. He blinked before a smile spread over his face and he took the sack filled with water.

"Uh, thanks."

"Let me know if you need anything else," I said, still flirting heavily. My charm was at 100%, and the poor guy had no idea he was being played.

"Uh, yeah. Sure thing."

"Bye." I gave him a small smile, shoving my hands down deep in the pockets of Boone's short as I walked away from him, charm still oozing from my every move. I smirked.

Being seductive was fun.

-

Kate and Sun stared at me once the three of us reached Sun's garden. I sank to the ground with a sigh, and they still stared.

"What?" I asked. Kate smiled, shaking her head.

"You really did a number on that guy," she said, raising her eyebrows and grinning. I shrugged, feeling flattered, wondering if Richard had been watching.

"No one's gonna put the blame on a girl who's boyfriend just died," I said, my eyes flicking between the two of them. "And if Michael thinks I'm cute, it can't really hurt anything, can it?"

"I guess not," admitted Kate. I nodded absentmindedly, scooping up and handful of the soft dirt under me.

-

"Dammit!" Sawyer swore, sitting down next to me with an angry glare. I glanced over at him. The hard planes of his face were intense and angry, his brow furrowed so deeply that his eyes were mere pinpricks of violent, angry blue.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is that Sheena over there is tryin' to get my spot on the raft, and goddamn Mickey is actually fallin' for her big eyes an' 'er damn freckles," he growled, gesturing violently over his shoulder to Kate, who was leaning next to a tree with a faraway look on her face. I looked from Sawyer to her and back. Apparently, she'd taken some cues for me. Nice.

"What are you plannin', James?" I asked, not realizing I'd called him by his real name until he glowered at me.

"I'm plannin' on bein' on that damn raft, no matter what it takes," he said, his voice deadly. I raised my eyebrows, still looking at him, and he glanced at me.

"What?"

"Don't do something you'll regret later," I said, raising my eyebrows more. He pursed his lips in that way he had, sighing and looking away before meeting my eyes again, his face intense.

"I'm getting' _off_ this place," he said, his eyes boring into mine, "no matter _what_ it takes."

"Why do you wanna leave so bad?" I asked him, my brow furrowing.

"Why _wouldn't_ you want to leave?" he asked, confusion clear in his face and his voice. I looked away from him to the brilliant, sparkling blue of the ocean, to the white sand, to the vibrant green of the jungle, and I thought about leaving- and felt it again. That overwhelming feeling of loss. Like I'd found paradise, and was willing to give it up. But I couldn't exactly say that to Sawyer. He wouldn't understand. He was still looking at me, confusion and anger on his face, and I knew he was thinking of Boone. I knew he was wondering why in the world I'd want to stay in this place that had memories like that.

"I like it here," I told him truthfully, and he scoffed, eyes widening, eyebrows pulling up.

"Like it here? Midge, how the hell can you even _stand_ it here, with ev'rythin' that's happened to us- to _you_?" He just stared at me.

"It feels like home, James."

"No, Katty. This ain't home. Home is yer own bed and a flat-screen TV and a stack o' pornos and some good drinks."

"Is that really what you think home is?"

He shook his head before fixing me with an angry glare. "Alright, Montana Smith, what do you think home is?"

"I used to think it was somewhere you were safe and loved. Now that we're here, though, I don't know what home is. I just know that this is it."

"Oh, yeah, monsters that rip up trees and dead boyfriends really make ya feel safe and loved, don't they?" he snarled, eyes flashing, and the reference to Boone made me wince. The fact that he'd said that to me… so soon after he'd died, made me angrier than the reference itself. He'd seen me sobbing like my heart was being torn out, he'd held me… and still, he went there. That was pretty damn low.

_Of course, you were fine with kissing Richard last night_, said a voice in my head that sounded awfully like Ben. Ignoring it, and the memory of the half a second my lips had been pressed to Richard's, I turned my head to glare at Sawyer, a glare full of muted anger.

"Maybe we don't judge love and safety the same way, James."

"Maybe one of us is saner than the other, _Kathryn_."

"You know the difference between you and me, James?" I snapped, and he just glared at me, but said nothing. I rose to my feet, pushing off of my thighs, and looked down at him.

"That's because there isn't any. Don't try to pretend around me, James. It won't work."

My heart pounding furiously with anger, I turned on my heel and strode away from him, into the calming green of the jungle.

I walked angrily, not knowing where I was going, as I pushed vines and leaves and branches out of my way. Once again, I was barefoot in the jungle, nowhere to go. Just the way I liked it.

I found a tree. It was perfect for climbing- a sturdy branch about six feet off the ground that I jumped to grab, my bare feet scrabbling against the rough bark of the tree as I pulled myself up, my arms burning. I was still sore from my two-mile sprint two days previously.

I reach up again, wrapping my arm around another branch, looking up at the lush, green foliage of the tree. There was so much life here…

Up and up I went, before collapsing, my back against the main body of the tree, me legs dangling off a thick branch. I was maybe twenty feet up. It doesn't sound all that high, but once you get there, you could be flying. And for a moment, it felt like I was.

I leaned my head back against the tree, panting slightly. It was cooler, in the tree, and there was something comforting about all the green around me.

Somewhere back at the beach, James was telling everyone about Kate, securing himself a position on the raft and effectively isolating her from the rest of the survivors. Sayid and Locke and Jack were trying to figure out how to get inside the hatch, while Richard was probably somewhere out in this very jungle, watching me.

I sighed through pursed lips, hitting my head against the tree when I thought of Richard. Why had I been so stupid? I should have never kissed him, never begun to trust him like I did.

_Really, though_, rationalized part of me_, it doesn't even count as a kiss. It was less than a second._

I thought about that. Maybe it was true, maybe not.

This- if there even was a _this_- had started out by rare meetings in the jungle. Why? I don't know. Maybe he was watching me for Ben. Maybe he was interested because of Elliot. Maybe he thought I was cute. Whatever the reason, it didn't matter. Because, in a few weeks, we'd gone from people who met up every now and then in the jungle to something like friends. And then, for half a second last night, something more.

It was easy to convince myself that what I'd done in a moment of weakness hadn't been a kiss. It was much harder to forget the fire that had spread through me at the touch of the dark eyed immortal.

"You're an idiot," I informed myself, leaning back and looking up. The green was so dense that there may as well have not been a sky.

It was stupid of me, but a part of me had been hoping Richard would appear. I'd expected it.

But I waited until the sky began to turn orange and then gradually darken, and there was no sign of him.

It was dark by the time I reached the beach camp. The first thing I saw, when I emerged from the jungle, was Kate's back and Sawyer's face over a fire. They were talking about something, and there was a regretful but angry look on Sawyer's face that I recognized.

His eyes flickered from Kate's face to mine and his eyes tightened. Once upon a time I would have felt nervous about the confrontation that was sure to take place between he and I, but now, there was nothing. I simply didn't care anymore. Boone's death had wiped out the last traces of innocence, leaving behind, not a young girl on the brink of adulthood, a "kid", but instead, a woman.

So I met Sawyer's- James'- eyes steadily, and he looked away before I did.

I'd grown up.

I walked past the two of them to my tent. The fresh air had cleaned out the scent of it, left it smelling like the ocean and the jungle. I rolled down the tarp, hiding myself from view, and untied the fronds, letting them fall together in front of the tent. After lighting the candle, I pulled out my computer and began typing.

_It's been two days since Boone died, and I don't know how long since I've written in this. Maybe a week? Anyway, that doesn't matter. All that matters is that he'd dead. I'm okay, though. I mean, I wasn't, but I had this dream, and… I don't know how to describe it. I'm at peace, is the best way to say it, I guess._

_Richard… things have gotten complicated. I don't really know how it happened. I mean, we'd meet in the jungle every now and then, but I hadn't seen him for a few weeks, but I'm pretty sure he'd been keeping half an eye on me, cause he said he saw it when Boone died. And then, last night, I had fallen asleep on the beach cause I didn't wanna go back to my tent, and he came and he carried me to James' tent. I was a little drunk at the time and… well. I don't know what it was. Exhaustion and sleep deprivation and too much to drink and the way his eyes looked in the moonlight. I mean, Sawyer and Sayid are great, but I can't talk to them the way I can to Richard. He knows. He's been around since forever (he's even older than you, dad :D) and he kind of gets the whole "I know what's gonna happen but no matter what I do, I can't change anything" deal._

_I love you guys, so so much. In case I don't get back, I want you to know that. If I don't get back, please, don't mourn me. Despite everything that's happened, I love it here. This is where I'm supposed to be._

I saved the file, and then I pressed print. After opening iTunes, I set my computer in the sand, put it on the LOST playlist I'd made a few years ago, and pulled the blanket up to my shoulders, sleeping alone, completely alone, for the first time since getting to the island. I'd always had James or Boone or even lil' Elliot with me. But now, I was completely alone.

And it felt right.

**LOST**

**

* * *

**"Almost Lover" by Fine Fenzy

A/N: Omg, you guys. We're on the second to last chapter. The next chap is the season finale! HOLY CRAP! It's gonna be long, too. I'm pretty sure it's gonna be monstrous and hoo, boy, are you guys gonna hate me at the ending. You're gonna love it.

I found a perfect song for Richard and Katty. It's called _Wild Horses_, by Charlotte Martin, and it is stunning and perfect for the two of them. Go listen to it! I have a request of you people. The next story is going to take place during season two, obviously, and I'm having some trouble coming up with a title. If you have any ideas, based on what you already know, (eg, it takes place in s. 2, we meet Benry, she keeps trying to change things but can't, just lost Boone, etc) I'd absolutely love to hear them! Also, the next season, romantically wise, is gonna be focusing more on the Katty/Sayid friendship/romance, so keep that in mind. And we're meeting BENRY! I'M SO PSYCHED, YOU GUYS!

As always, thank you, please review, and Love,

Sarah.


	24. The End of The Beginning Part One

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**_I've been watching your world from afar,  
I've been trying to be where you are,  
And I've been secretly falling apart,  
I'll see._

**Chapter Twenty-Four: The End of The Beginning (part one)**

"_Everyone is an explorer. How could you possibly live your life looking at a door and not open it?"- Anonymous_

**Day Forty-Six**

When Rousseau strode into our camp like the harbinger of death in the gray light of dawn, I was sitting outside my tent, one leg outstretched and the other bent at the knee, leaning against a tree, waiting for her. She looked around her, curious but detached, and her eyes fell on me. I nodded at her, but she just looked at me, judging and cautious, before continuing to make her way through the camp. People were waking up now, staring at her distrustfully, clambering to their feet, the same question echoing throughout the camp- "Who is she?"

"She's gotta be the French chick," said Sawyer, staring at her. I climbed to my feet and joined the forming group of people.

"She's not gonna hurt us, guys," I said evenly, not taking my eyes off of her. All eyes swiveled to me, but I kept looking at Danielle. Her regal, judging gaze turned back to me.

"Calm down, everyone. It's alright," said Sayid as he pushed his way through the crowd to stand in front of Danielle.

Aaron cried at that moment, and Danielle stared at him, a very odd look on her face. Claire frowned and held Aaron a little closer to her chest.

"Danielle? Danielle, what are you doing here?" asked Sayid, trying to regain Rousseau's attention. She turned to him, slowly, and there was something regal and commanding in her movements.

"The Others are coming," she said. Sayid and I exchanged a look as every face on the beach drained of color.

And all hell broke lose.

"Come wiv me," muttered Sawyer as Jack began pacing. He grasped my bicep with his warm hand and began pulling me backwards into the jungle.

"Sawyer, what the crap are you doing-"

We were now in the cool shade of the trees, but he didn't stop moving until we were a few more feet away from the camp, and then he spun me around and forced me to look at him.

"You wanna tell me who you've been meetin' out here?" he asked, eyebrows raised, and my jaw dropped as my heart skipped a beat.

"What are you talking about?"

"Look, Katty, don't try to treat me like I'm one of _them_!" he said, barely suppressed anger in his voice as he gestured sharply to the camp, his eyes flashing. "I know you've got yer own agenda, and I know you've had it since day one. After everythin' I've done fer you, don' you think it's time to let me in on the party?"

I just looked up at him, my heart pounding, a little shocked as my mind quickly came to conclusions.

I couldn't tell him about Richard. That was definitely a no-go zone and I couldn't betray Richard like that. But he was right; there were some things he deserved to know.

"Okay," I said, nodding, and his face cleared.

"Just like that."

"Yep," I laughed. "But not here. Let's go to the caves."

He gestured in a sweeping arc to the jungle.

"Lead the way, Montana."

I elbowed him in the side as I brushed past him, and heard him following me before-

"Sawyer."

I could almost hear Sawyer roll his eyes and grit his teeth as we turned around. Jack was standing a few feet away from us, a confused and slightly incredulous look on his face.

"Where do you two think you're going?"

"To the caves, doc," said Sawyer, grinning. "Sheena here is gonna show me how to skin a polar bear. Wanna come?"

Jack ignored him. "We need everyone helping with the raft, and that means you two. You can 'skin a polar bear' later."

"Why, Jacko, didja think I meant something different?" asked Sawyer, grin widening, as we passed Jack. The doctor just rolled his eyes, and as soon as our backs were to him, Sawyer's face became angry once again.

"It's okay," I said. "I'll just tell ya later."

"I'm goin' on that raft, Katty," he said quietly, something like pain and regret in his eyes. "There ain't gonna _be_ a later."

I said nothing and squinted at the raft. Michael was standing on top of it, moving all over the place, shouting directions.

There was no way I could tell Sawyer that he'd be back in just two days with a hole in his shoulder and a fever that would almost kill him.

"Does it work?" he asked, his voice a low rumble as we approached the raft.

"No," I said, and he closed his eyes and gritted his jaw.

"But you have to go on it," I told him.

"Will we ever get rescued?" he asked, his eyebrows pulling up, his voice dripping with desperation.

"Some of us will."

"What about _us_?"

I reached down and grabbed a bundle of logs and Sawyer did the same. We put them as Michael directed before grabbing long, smooth poles of bamboo to use as levers.

I remembered watching this scene. I remembered the music, the words, the bright sunshine, the white sand- and now I was a part of it.

"I don't know if- I will," I grunted, sticking the lever underneath the raft as sweat began to form on my forehead, and then I looked at Sawyer.

He didn't ask if he made it off, and I was glad. I wasn't really sure how to explain what would happen to him.

"So, listen, on my count - I'll do 1-2-3—lift and then push, okay? Got it? Okay, c'mon. Once we get it down to the water line, we'll drop it and load it up. Alright. Ready. 1-2-3. Lift!"

I gritted my teeth as I pushed up with my thighs and arms, the bamboo pole pushing down into my shoulder as I strained upwards with all my might.

"Push! Push, c'mon guys, push, push! Use the levers, use the levers. Good, good. 1-2-3, lift!"

Then, before anyone could do anything, the raft began gaining momentum and it started slipping before crashing to a halt, finally, the mast snapping off. Wide-eyed and panting, I looked to Sawyer, who was staring at the raft.

"Damn," he said.

"I can't believe this!" snarled Michael, shooting Sawyer a look that should have killed him. "Can't believe it."

"What are you looking at me for? It's not my fault!"

"You missed a lever-"

"Because you couldn't keep the raft going straight!" replied Sawyer angrily, gesturing at the raft. I watched the two of them, grinning a little in the baking heat.

"I couldn't because I wasn't supposed to. Everybody's attention-!"

"Dad! Look!"

Every head turned to see Walt pointing at a column of smoke, rising from the other side of the island. I knew it wasn't the Others, but my stomach still began tingling as I thought of Richard.

At that moment, out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Jack, Hurley, Danielle, Locke and Sayid disappear into the jungle.

"Hey," I said, tapping Sawyer's arm. He looked down at me, shock written all over his face.

"I'll meet up with you in a bit, okay?"

He just nodded, regarding me with an odd look, then looked back at the column of smoke, leaving me to walk the few feet before being swallowed by the ancient green jungle alone.

Following the path to the hatch was easy. I wasn't sure why I didn't alert the others to my presence but, what ever the reason, I stayed several yards behind them, completely silent. It was kind of a thrill to follow them, unseen, unheard, and undetected. This must be what the Others felt like, all the time.

I suppressed a giggle as I ducked under a low-hanging limb, draped with vines.

After a few minutes, the group reached the hatch, me behind them. They crowded around it as Danielle did something fancy with her gun and I watched from the shadows. They conversed quietly, regarded the hatch and Danielle with various stages of awe and mistrust. Hurley spent half of the conversation simply staring down at the hatch in disbelief.

"This is a mistake. We don't know anything about these Others. We're reacting with no information, no intelligence. This hatch might even be theirs. Black smoke on the horizon doesn't mean they're-" said Sayid, frustration in his voice.

"It means they're coming," said Danielle, and I stepped out of the shadows. Instantly, her gun was against her shoulder, trained on me. My heart missed a beat and I took a stumbling step back.

"Dude, it's just Katty," said Hurley, surprise in his voice. "She's cool."

"She followed us here," said Danielle, still aiming the gun at me, "and I didn't hear a sound."

"Well, she's pretty sneaky," said Locke, winking at me, a small smile spreading across his face. I grinned at him, walking around the hatch to them. Danielle lowered her gun, but still looked at me distrustfully.

The thing was colossal. There was a ditch about three feet deep and wide surrounding it, so that I had to jump to land on it. I crouched with the momentum, touching the cool metal so that I wouldn't fall over, and walked over to the door. The others were watching me as they conversed.

"If we're to make it back by sunset we have to leave within the hour," said Danielle finally. Jack nodded and turned to me, a resigned but determined look on his face.

"Katty?"

"Yeah?" I asked, meeting his eyes. He made a resigned gesture with his head before saying, "Bring your gun."

As he made his way back to camp, I met Sayid's eyes. His face mirrored my emotions: shocked but determined.

"Alright then," I said with a toss of my head, jumping back onto the soft ground.

I went back to camp quickly, to get my gun and my box of ammo and change into a green tank top and some shorts. I shoved the gun down the front of my pants and pushed the ammo into a pocket before pulling my hair back into a ponytail. Last but certainly not least, I put on deodorant.

Hey. Marching through a hot, humid jungle, I need some "protection" unless I want to start smelling like Arzt with a gland problem.

"Let's do this," I said to Boone's memory, before exiting the tent to find Sawyer.

I followed the scent of angry conman about five minutes into the woods. I didn't have a pack with me- all I needed was my gun and my ammo, and I had that. Never-the-less, I felt a little odd in a tank top, jean shorts, and tennis shoes. Too exposed. But then, it was pushing a hundred degrees and I had to stay cool somehow.

I found Sawyer in a clearing with bamboo growing all around it. He was swinging angrily at one of the sticks of bamboo, his body glistening with sweat, muscles rippling at he swung the axe.

My mind blanked out for a few minutes and I may have started drooling. I'm not completely sure. God, I'm such a fangirl.

Teehee.

"You're workin' that axe, hombre," I said as I walked over to him and collapsed onto the grassy ground with a sigh. He paused and looked at me, smirking.

"Took a class at lumberjack high."

I laughed, crossing my legs and grasping my ankles. He resumed swinging and I stared into the depths of the jungle. For a few minutes, neither of us said anything.

"I'm gonna come back for you," he said, quietly, his voice a grunt as the axe embedded in the bamboo. I looked up at him.

"What?"

"The raft. If it works, I'm gonna come back for you. I promise."

"What if you can't find the island again?"

"Then I'll spend my whole life lookin'," he said, meeting my eyes, his charcoal colored eyebrows pulling up in the middle, pain in his sea-blue eyes. His hair, sweaty and blonde, fell into his face and his lips parted slightly, even after he was done speaking. My heart skipped a beat. There was a kind of devotion and honesty in his voice that I wasn't used to.

"Katty, I-" he hesitated, dropping the axe on the ground, running a hand through his hair. I looked up at him and he crouched down so that we were looking almost eye-to-eye. My heart was pounding.

"You remember when I said I didn't… care about you?"

Something was curling around my stomach and his eyes had never been brighter. I nodded.

"Yeah."

"I lied," he half-whispered, his eyebrows pulling up even more, a deep pain and regret in his eyes. My heart pounded even harder.

"Sawyer-"

"Look, I know Boo- I know it's too soon to expect anything, and goddamn you're young, but ever since I met you… kid, you've turned my whole damn world upside down. Even if you don't wanna- even if you don't feel- you're the best damn friend I've ever had."

I was completely speechless, my mouth hanging open, staring at him. I half thought it was a joke, because it couldn't be real. He sighed, closing his eyes momentarily before saying, "You ain't gonna make this easy, are ya?"

We rose to our feet, him gracefully, me shakily. I didn't trust myself to speak. He sighed, shaking his head, then continued: "I've been thinkin', these past few days. An' I decided I didn' care what you know or how you know it. I don' care if all of us are gonna die. But I don't wanna die wiv' out knowin'."

"Knowing what?" I asked, my voice weak and quiet. There was less than six inches between our bodies, close enough that I could feel heat radiating off of him. He moved closer to me, and I moved closer to him, and our bodies were now touching, and I was tingling everywhere, heat curling around my abdomen as his eyes scorched into me, like we were the only two living things in the world.

His big, rough hand- surprisingly gentle- cupped my jaw, his thumb resting by my ear, fingers wrapped around my hair. Slowly, questioningly, he lowered his face to mine.

In a flash, I saw Richard's face from two nights ago, and I imagined that must be how I looked now. His endless eyes resonated through my mind.

But then Sawyer's lips- soft and warm- were on mine, and all thoughts- Richard, Boone- were gone, and suddenly we _were_ the only two people in the world.

I wanted to cackle madly and jump up and down for joy. I- little, uninteresting Katty, short Katty, comedic relief Katty, the best friend, the shoulder, the crazy one, was kissing James "Sawyer" Ford. And hell, I was gonna enjoy it.

It was soft and sweet, at first. I simply stood there, not quite sure what to do. Kissing Boone and kissing Sawyer- well, it was like kissing night and day. But then he grasped one of my arms and pulled it around his neck and everything fell into place.

Suddenly it wasn't soft and sweet anymore. It was hot (and whoo boy I mean HOTT) and heavy, because it was all we had. Sawyer kissed me fiercely, pinning me against him, his big hands on my face, my hair, my shoulders, my arms-

-While my hands mapped his craggy, intense face, ran down his chest, eliciting a hiss from him, wrapped around his muscular back, searching, trying to get him closer, however I could.

"Damn, midge," he breathed, pulling back and inch from my face, his eyes shining with a fiery light. "If I'd known you could kiss like that, I'da done this the first time you kissed me. Day we got here, remember?"

Memories of the crash, of my lips against his to bring him back to life, flashed through my mind.

"Likewise, cowboy," I said, grinning slightly. He laughed, a hard sound, and began kissing my neck.

"All I remembered was blonde hair and blue eyes and a devilish mouth." He pulled back, smirking at me. "Glad to see you can put that sarcastic, bitchy mouth o' yours to use."

"James?" I said.

"Yeah."

"I'm glad you didn't die."

He laughed after a minute. "Well, hell, midge, I am too."

He kissed me one last time, long and passionate and lingering, and then he simply held me. I buried my face in his chest, heart hammering, inhaling the scent of him. Sweat, at the moment. But on him- hell, the sweat smelled good. He wrapped his arms around my waist, crushing me tightly to him.

"I'm gonna miss you, Katty."

"I'm gonna miss you too, James."

We pulled back, looking at each other.

"What'll we do, if I come back?" he murmured. I shrugged.

"I don't know, James. There's still so much that has to happen."

"This ain't gonna last, is it?"

"It can't," I said quietly, looking up into his eyes and thinking of Kate. Of Juliet. This couldn't work, not anymore than Boone and I could have.

He smiled, a sad smile, and said, "Guess I better enjoy it while I can, then."

_**-Flashback-**_

_There was a rustling noise at the entrance to Katty's tent. She sat up; running the back of her hand across her red eyes, and said, "Go away, Sawyer-"_

"_I ain't Sawyer," said the man, large and red faced, before he slammed the butt of his gun into her head, knocking her out cold._

_-_

I was waiting at the beach, saying goodbye to the people on the raft. Sawyer was still in the jungle, presumably talking with Jack, as the ones who were going to the Black Rock said their goodbyes, all fervently hoping they'd never see each other again.

All except me.

I hugged Michael goodbye, wanting to warn him about what would happen, not having the courage too.

"Good luck," I breathed as we pulled away from each other. He nodded at me, smiling.

"Thanks. Keep yourself outta of trouble, okay?"

"I'll try," I said, laughing, and he turned away, grinning. I approached Walt and put a hand on his shoulder- he was almost as tall as me.

"Watch out for Sawyer, okay?" I told him, and he nodded. I crushed his little body to my chest.

"Don't be scared, Walt," I told him. When we pulled apart, he gave me an odd look.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, whatever happens, don't be scared. You're gonna be okay."

"So are you," he said suddenly. I stared at him, and he gave me a hesitant, but forced smile. "Ev'rythin'… it'll be okay, Katty."

He patted me on the arm and walked away. My mind spinning, I approached Sun and Jin and hugged them both at the same time.

"You guys rock," I said. Jin smiled at me, having no idea what I was talking about, and Sun laughed.

Kate approached me, squinting in the sun.

"Hey," she said. "Have you seen Sawyer?"

I resisted the urge to giggle manically and shook my head. "No."

Her face fell. "You'll see him again, Kate."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed, lifting a hand to shield my eyes from the sun. Her face looked lovely and anxious in the light.

"Do you really expect me to explain that?"

Her face cracked into a smile. "No. Not really."

"Alright."

Jack came over to the two of us and gave me a long, searching look before saying, "Alright, let's go."

"Take care, okay?" said Charlie to the two of us. I grinned at him and he winked at me before I turned to follow Kate and Jack down the white-sanded beach, where Rousseau was waiting for us. Once we reached her, I turned around, walking backwards to watch the people around the raft. I waved exuberantly, laughing madly and whooping and jumping, and a few of them waved back.

My name is Katty Sherman and, somehow, I was now part of a TV show. I am a survivor of Oceanic flight 815. I've been stranded with over forty other people on this island for forty-six days, and fallen in love, I've lost that love, and I've made my peace. I know what is going to happen to every single person on this island, how it was going to happen, and why it was going to happen. What I didn't know was what was going to happen to me.

But as I jumped up and down and screamed at the top of my lungs, cheering for the heroes who would try their damndest to save all of us, none of that really mattered. I was just another survivor; not anyone special.

For just a moment, I was one of them.

_**-Flashback-**_

_There was a shock of cold, and then a blinding pain somewhere behind her eyes._

_Katty groaned and blinked heavily, her eyes watering. She heard whispers nearby and looked around. There were three of them. Two men, one that she recognized- Danny- and a woman with pale skin and dark hair. _

"_What do we do?"_

"_Richard said the boy-"_

_The woman glanced at her._

"_She's awake," she said quietly. Danny turned around and strode over to her, crouching down and shoving a scrap of paper and a pen at her._

"_Tell them you ran away," he hissed. She just blinked at him, her head pounding._

"_Wha-"_

_He grabbed the hair on the side of her head in an angry fistful, making her eyes water even more._

"_Danny-" said the woman warningly._

"_Listen to me, you useless sack of flesh. Tell your friends a pretty little story. Make sure they don't think we took you or… or we'll kill Elliot." His eyes flashed dangerously, and he didn't notice the murder written in Katty's eyes as she gritted her teeth. Nothing pissed her off more than pain, and right now, she was in a hell of a lot of it._

"_Let- go- of- me," she spat through clenched teeth, her eyes wide and angry. Danny let go and she picked up the pen and paper as he backed away. Fixing him in a glare, she began to scribble on the paper. When she was done, she handed it to the woman, who'd crouched next to her, and then she threw the pen, with all her might, at Danny._

_He clenched his jaw and made for her, but the other man stopped him._

"_We need her," he said, his voice quiet but commanding. "Alpert and Ben said to get her if we could. We need her, Danny."_

_Katty grinned as she stared at Danny._

_She had Ben's and Richard's protection. They wouldn't hurt her._

_Danny turned away in frustration, and she saw the gun sticking out of the back of his pants._

_-_

I walked with Hurley, after Kate and Jack and Locke and Danielle but before- bless him- Arzt. The fact that I was going to have to watch him die made me wince, but only momentarily. Whenever I felt myself faltering, Jacob's face flashed in my mind, making it easier to breathe and to accept what I had to do.

The ocean crashed against the rocks, sending sea spray over us. The smell of the ocean- salty and fresh- was a wonderful rejuvenator. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back as the sun pounded my skin and spray from the sea misted on us, the wind whipping around us, blowing my bangs in my face and diluting the power of the heat.

"Why's it so damn windy?" muttered Hurley, trying in vain to push his enormous hair behind his ears. I looked at him and laughed.

"Here, dude," I said, pulling a hair-tie off my wrist and giving it to him. He gave me a grateful look.

"Man, you rock."

"It's a curse," I replied, grinning. Arzt rolled his eyes.

We stopped for a moment to regain our breath and drink some water. Hurley, after a glance, tossed me his bottle. I nodded at him, wiping sweaty hair out of my face.

"Thanks."

"Oh, of course, you couldn't have brought your own bottle, could you? Teenagers are all the same. Always thinkin' someone else is gonna look after you. Well, I've got news for you, missy-"

We'd begun walking again and Arzt had passed Hurley and I. Now he turned around, walking backwards clumsily and pointing an accusing finger at me, his eyes widening.

"No one here is gonna look after you."

"Yeah," I said, fighting back a grin. "That's why I've got this." I pointed at the gun stuck down the front of my shorts, and his face when he saw it was hysterical. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. Hurley snorted.

"Um, Jack?" said Arzt, turning around and scurrying to the front of our little group. I heard him ask loudly, "Why the hell does the kid have a gun?"

"I'm not a kid," I muttered. Hurley glanced at me.

"Just… ignore him, dude."

"Believe me, I'm trying." I said, grinning at him.

I could still taste Sawyer on my mouth.

Part of me still couldn't believe I'd just made out with one of the hottest fictional men EVER, and the part that could believe it was telling the rest of me that I should hate myself right now. He was my best friend; you aren't supposed to make out with your best friend. Plus, Boone had only been dead three days today, and two nights ago, I'd not-kissed Richard.

But I didn't care about all of it. Sawyer and I couldn't work, romantically speaking- we were far to much alike. I had a deep fondness for the smirking conman that went beyond romance. It was something that came from having one person who understood who you were, what you were, what you'd done, and not giving a damn. I'd always love him, in a way, and I'd always get those fangirly moments when he had his shirt off or called me a particularly awesome nickname, but did I love him, romantically?

A part of me had thought I would, when he and I first became friends. And I did have a fairly sizeable crush on him; the fact that he'd just kissed me wasn't helping that. But love? No. Like I said, we were too much alike.

But holy crap, he is a good kisser.

"What're you thinking about, dude?" asked Hurley. I glanced up at him and grinned.

"Nothing of importance."

_**-Flashback-**_

_They didn't put a bag over her head, and they didn't tie her hands. The woman and the man that wasn't Danny walked in front, Danny and Katty coming behind. His gun wasn't pointed at her. Katty wasn't sure whether they thought she was just unintimidating or if they had been ordered to treat her cordially. She assumed it was the latter. The Others took no chances; she knew that._

"_You try anything," said Danny, a grin that spoke of a desire to always be fighting spreading across his face, "And we're gonna have a problem."_

_Katty said nothing and kept walking, limping and stumbling from the pain in her feet. The bandages were coming off and they were bleeding again, profusely._

_She stumbled into Danny and he grabbed her arms to throw her away from him, giving her the perfect opportunity to grab his gun._

"_Back up, you sonovabitch," she snarled as she fell away from him, the gun raised. His face contorted and he made for her, so she shot him in the arm, eliciting a strangled yell. The woman whirled around and threw a knife at her, before Katty had time to blink. She turned at the last minute, the knife slicing the right side of her nose and cheek. Katty screamed, more out of fear than pain, because, although it hurt like hell, adrenaline was rushing through her veins, numbing the pain._

_She fired one more shot, over the woman's shoulder, then turned on her heel and ran, firing behind her._

_-_

"I think Leslie's a bitchin' name."

I cackled and Arzt turned to shoot me a dirty look.

We had just entered the jungle, tramping our way up the side of a hill. The humidity was so heavy that it felt like I was drinking whenever I inhaled and the heat, though intense, was diminished slightly by the leafy trees. The light that did filter down to our ragtag, sweaty, stressed-out group was green and dim and beautiful.

"So, Danielle… what exactly is the Black Rock?" asked Locke.

"It was an eighteenth century slaving ship."

"How the hell did it get all the way in the jungle?" asked Jack, turning to her. She drew herself up to her full height and said nothing.

"How the hell does a plane tear in two and we survive?" I muttered, staring at the ground in front of me.

We walked for several hours, not talking much. Every now and then one of us (mostly Arzt and I) would complain about the heat, and someone (Jack and Locke) would ask Danielle the odd question about the island, but for the most part, we stayed quiet, conserving our energy.

We entered the 'Dark Territory' and Arzt turned around, tail between his legs.

It had begun to rain.

And then I heard it.

It was an odd sound, clanking and whirring and clicking and rattling and moving towards us before disappearing. I stopped dead in my tracks, my blood turning to ice, and looked around me. I saw nothing but the dense green of the jungle.

"Did you hear that?" asked Kate, her eyes wide and strained panic in her voice.

There was a different sound now, a sort of grunting, howling mixture. I rolled my eyes, moving my hand from where I'd been unconsciously grasping my gun.

It was just Arzt. He crashed out from behind a clump of trees, his face panicked, and then, suddenly, there was an explosion of sound, a hollow howling and roaring, clicking and whirling. There were loud thuds and crashes as trees were ripped up.

"RUN!" Bellowed Arzt and, without thinking twice, I did so.

I overtook Danielle and Jack, my legs pumping, running as fast as I could. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them disappear into a bamboo stand.

I gasped as I ran, rain pouring around me, running down my face. The hollow, whirring howling sounded from in front of me and I skidded to a halt before tripping over a root and falling, face down, in the mud, hitting my head against a rock in the process. I scrambled to my feet, clumsily wiping the mud off my face as the rain washed the rest of it away.

I turned, prepared to run the other way, only to see the smoke in front of me.

My heart stopped. It was horizontal, moving and growling, with electrical flashes inside of it. It was always moving; it never kept the same shape.

Slowly, it moved closer to me, curling around me but not touching me. I stood there, my posture defensive, looking around at it. It had completely circled me now, and there was no way out, no escape.

The whirring and clicking increased as it crept closer to me. I shuddered as the first tendrils of smoke brushed my skin as it circled me, like a predatory animal.

And then, like I'd almost expected, images flashed before my eyes in the smoke.

I saw Elliot's face, so much like Richard's, but more open, his green eyes crinkled in a smile. "_Are you lost, kid?"_

My heart clenched and unclenched as images and voices swirled around me.

"Elliot…"

And then the picture changed, and it was Sayid in the plane cabin, before we'd crashed.

"_Sayid Jarrah_."

Boone's face, smiling, and I had to hold back a sob, spinning around so that I could keep looking at him.

Little Elliot, so much like his father, smiling sleepily up at me.

Richard. _"He died because of you."_

And then I saw myself, covered in blood that wasn't mine, my arms outstretched and steady, holding the gun Elliot had given me. I stared at myself, at the hard, icy look on my blood-covered face, and knew, whatever happened to me, I deserved it.

"Forgive me," I whispered to no one. "Forgive me."

I closed my eyes, waiting for a crushing grasp or a slicing pain, but instead, the growling and the clicking calmed.

The rain stopped.

I opened my eyes.

The monster was gone.

_**-Flashback-**_

_Katty ran, breathing heavily, crashing over ferns and jungle plants, the pain in her feet almost unbearable, her face aching, her hand shaking around the gun._

_She finally came crashing through a high fern, skidding in the mud, and came face to face with John Locke, who was staring at her, his eyes wide and quizzical. Still in alert mode, she looked around and, seeing only people she knew, relaxed slightly._

"_Oh. It's just you guys," she said, and then, from behind her, she heard the sounds of the Others. Her face drained and she shouted, "RUN!"_

-

"Katty!"

The others came crashing into the clearing I was standing in, Jack in the lead. Relief flooded his face when he saw me, alive and, though shaken, well.

"What happened?" he asked, crossing over to me and turning my head so that he could look at the bruise forming above my right eye from where I'd fallen on the rock. It throbbed painfully, but I'd live.

"I tripped and fell and there was a rock in my way."

He chuckled, digging in his bag for something.

"Are you okay?" asked Kate, coming and standing next to Jack. I nodded.

"I'll survive, somehow."

Jack pulled out a tube of something doctor-y and began spreading it on the swelling over my eye. I hissed.

"Well, you're going to be pretty colorful for a couple of days," he said, smiling a little. My lips twitched.

We began moving again shortly thereafter, and that's when the quizzing started about the monster.

"What was that thing?" Kate asked Danielle. Danielle turned her regal gaze to her.

"It's a security system."

"Security system? What does that mean?" asked Jack furiously.

"It's purpose is that of any security system's - to protect something," said Danielle, fixing Jack in a firm stare. I brushed some mud off my arm, frowning. I was bruising all over my body and I had scrapes on my knees, probably from where I'd fallen.

"Well, this is just dandy," I muttered to myself.

"Protect what?" Kate asked Danielle, her brow furrowing. Danielle turned to her now and said, as though she was almost trying to convince herself, "The island."

Hurley and Locke met up with us moments later, Hurley looking shaken and exhausted as he bushed bushes out of his way. Locke was taking it all in his stride.

"Dudes, where's Arnzt?" asked Hurley, a note of apprehension in his voice.

"It's Arzt, you idiot," said Arzt vehemently, trampling into my line of sight. I raised an eyebrow and he turned to me.

"What, you couldn't warn us about the earth shaking monster?"

I narrowed my eyes and turned to Jack, who just shrugged.

"Does everyone know?"

"If he does," said Arzt, pointing at Hurley as he stomped past me. I looked to Hurley, who didn't meet my eyes.

"Can we just go get the dynamite please?" called Arzt and, with a roll of his eyes, Jack acquiesced.

-

We'd left at about nine in the morning, and it was now nearing three in the afternoon. John fell back so that he was walking next to me and held out his water bottle.

"Thanks, man," I said, taking it and guzzling down at least half of it. He smiled warmly.

"Thirsty?"

"Very," I said, grinning at him and handing him the bottle back. He drank some too, before putting it back in his pack, and then he turned to me.

"Did you see it?"

"Yeah."

"And? What happened?" there was a note of urgent curiosity in his voice that I'd never heard before. I looked at him, meeting his excited blue/green eyes. I wasn't really sure to explain what had happened to me, because, partly, I wasn't really sure what _had_ happened to me.

"I was judged," I said finally, quietly, thinking of Ben and of his daughter, not looking away from John's eyes. His brow furrowed.

"What- what does that mean?"

"I don't really know how to explain it…"

"Try. _Try_, Katty."

"I saw pictures. People… and things I'd done. The monster- it kind of circled around me, and there were images inside of it, like memories, but I could see 'em. Hear them, too. I… I guess it was kind of… a reminder, or somethin'. I was being judged by the monster, the island, whatever the hell it was."

"And?" he said, his voice urgent and his eyes wide. "What did it decide? How did it judge you?"

"I'm alive," I said, raising my eyebrows, feeling my forehead crease. "It judged that I was 'worthy', or that I deserved a second chance, at least-"

"Why wouldn't you be worthy?"

"I told you, John, I've killed quite a few people in the past months. And I'm letting more and more die, every single day, every minute that I'm not trying to change things. Honestly, I'm amazed it let me live." My voice was frank, my forehead still creased. He regarded me for a moment before nodding and then he looked up to Rousseau when we stopped moving.

"Why are we stopping?" he called. Danielle turned to us, her brow creased.

"Because we're here," she said, and then we all moved forward a few feet, rounding a clump of trees, to see an enormous ship, in the middle of the jungle, tilted slightly. The jungle had claimed the ship as it's own, violently green vines and plants growing all over it, covering it, making it appear as though it was part of the island. I couldn't do anything but stare at the majestic beauty in front of me.

"This is the Black Rock."

**LOST

* * *

**

"Strange And Beautiful" by Aqualung

A/N: First part of the finale! I'm already done with the second part, I just have to edit it but I MIGHT have it up tonight. I kind of what to explain the song: it was the way Katty thought of LOST before she was in it. "I've been watching your world from afar, I've been trying to be where you are." Dude, it's totally someone watching LOST and trying to imagine being there. Just food for thought :)

I had to put ole smokey in there, and the judging scene just kind of... evolved. I sort of like it. And holy crap Sawyer make-out scene WTF? :D. It was necessary and you'll find out why later.

Love,

Sarah


	25. The End of The Beginning Part Two

_**All Roads Lead Here**_** by Teenage Anomaly

* * *

**_And you'll be lost  
Every river that you tried to cross  
Every gun you ever held went off  
And I'm...  
Just waiting until the firing stopped  
And I'm...  
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off_

**Chapter Twenty-Five: The End of The Beginning (part two)**

_Knowledge of 'what is' does not open the door directly to 'what should be'._

_-Albert Einstein_

The doorbell was ringing.

Karen Sherman rose out of her chair in the study with a sigh and crossed the ten feet to the front door, swinging it open to come face to face with two of Katty's best friends. She gave them a sad smile.

"Hi, girls."

"Um, Mrs. Sherman, do you know about this?"

The shorter, stunningly pretty brunette held up LOST, season one. Karen Sherman nodded.

"Here, come in," she said, holding the door open wide. The two teens followed the older woman into the kitchen.

"Do you want something to drink?" she called.

"Is it alcoholic?" asked the taller of the two, grinning a little. Karen laughed.

"Not yet. After a few more weeks of this, though…"

She leant on the bar, facing the two girls.

"So, when did you two figure it out?"

"Oceanic 815," said the short brunette.

"_I_ thought she was crazy," said the taller girl.

"But there were just too many coincidences," said the short one. Karen sighed.

"Yeah, we figured it out a couple of days after the crash. Holly, Felicia… you know you can't tell anyone."

They both nodded, their pretty young faces hardening. "We know."

"Here, let's sit down." Karen gestured to the living room and the three women made their way to sit down on the beige couches. While with Katty, the girls would make a big deal over the extra soft pillows, they now sat down calmly, and Felicia was able to restrain from grabbing a pillow and squeezing it to her chest.

"How much have you seen?" asked Karen, gulping down some of her water.

"The whole first season. We're starting the second tonight."

It was Friday.

A grin spread across Karen's face. "It's weird, isn't it? Seeing her on screen."

"And what she's doing on screen," cackled Felicia, nudging Holly, who had to stifle a laugh. To say that the two girls were proud of their friend's romantic conquests would be a severe understatement. Karen laughed too.

"It shouldn't really surprise me that she's got half the men on the island chasing their tails."

"It surprises me," said Felicia, the taller of the two, growing more comfortable. She leaned back against the couch. "I mean, not that she's unattractive, she's not, but she just never really cared about getting guys that much."

"I bet she loves it on the island," murmured Holly. Karen nodded.

"You can tell. She loves it there."

"I hope she's okay," said Felicia, more quietly. "I hope she gets off."

"She's smart and resourceful. She'll be fine," said Karen soothingly.

The three women sat in the light filled room, saying nothing, trying to believe that their friend and their daughter would make it off the island, if alive, then relatively unbroken.

They all knew it was unlikely.

-

**Back on the Island**

I straightened up in the musty gloom of the interior of the ship, blinking as my eyes adjusted to the gloom. There were skeletons, still in their manacles, and some weird looking machine type thing. The whole place smelled of death and decay.

Is this where Richard came from?

I looked around as I followed John. I didn't think so. He excluded such an aura of agelessness, of something completely incomprehensible and ancient, that it was hard to imagine him being even as young as two hundred years old. In my mind, Richard had seen Babylon fall.

And Elliot had been right there with him.

"Jack, John, Katty. Over here," called Kate, standing next to decrepit boxes with the word 'EXPLOSIVES' written on the sides in all capital, evenly spaced black letters. The three of us made our way over to her, stepping gingerly over and around pieces of skeletons. To say that it was eerie and unsettling would be an understatement.

Kate and Jack argued momentarily about what to do with the box, and Kate then fixed Jack with an incredulous and angry stare when he wouldn't let her help carry the box.

"It's okay," I muttered, putting a hand on her arm. "C'mon, let's go."

We threaded our way back out of the ship, blinking and squinting once we emerged into blinding light. I raised a hand to shield my eyes, but to no avail. The light pounded through my brain.

"What the hell are you people doing? Wait, wait, stop, stop, right where you are. Alright, I want you to put that down carefully. Put it down carefully. Put it gently, gently. Damn it, carefully, gently, gently. Alright, now get out of there. Come away from there. C'mon, get out. Move away from it!"

Arzt scurried towards us, flapping his hands at us, shooing us away. We all stared at him, annoyed and a little bit amused. My heart was pounding, but I knew that thinking about what was about to happen was useless, so I just backed up, far away from the angry little man.

"What the hell is your problem-" started Jack, but Arzt didn't bat an eye.

"Shhh. Be quiet," he said, eliciting a glare from Jack. "Do any of you have any idea what happens to dynamite in 90 plus degree heat, huh?" Arzt carefully began prying open the old, creaking crate with a pocketknife, sweating profusely as he did so. "So you know? Any of you? It _sweats…_ nitroglycerin." Jack took a step towards him, hand outstretched, but Arzt just looked up at him, irritated. "Whoa, hey, what you doing? Did I ask you to come closer?"

Very gingerly, grasping opposite ends of the stick as though he wanted to be in the least contact with the explosive as possible, he said, "Dynamite is nitroglycerin stabilized by clay. Nitroglycerin is the most dangerous and unstable explosive known to man. Hey, Kate, give me your shirt." Kate gave him a look and he continued, irritated, "Now, princess, give me your shirt. I need to wrap the dynamite. Just throw it to me, right here. Be careful, c'mon, hurry up." Kate tossed him the blouse she'd been wearing over her tank top, looking far less than happy. "Okay, good, now back up, back up, back up. Just back up. Get out of my way. Any of you ever hear about the guy who invented nitroglycerin?"

None of us said anything, but every eyebrow rose and I exchanged a glance with a less-than-impressed Jack.

"Probably not - because he blew his freaking _face_ off." He dipped the shirt in mud, coating it, before gingerly beginning to wrap the stick of dynamite. "His lab assistant came into the room, saw that his mentor detonated, and he said, 'Huh, I guess this stuff does work.'." He very carelessly took the now wrapped stick of dynamite and gestured to us with it. I braced myself.

_Sorry, Arzt._

"Alright, we're not going to take any more of this stuff than we need because nitroglycerin is extremely temperamental, so we-"

BANG.

The sheer shock and size of the explosion sent me flying- again- to the ground and I scraped my arm along the side of a conveniently placed tree. I simply lay there in the grass, breathing heavily, my heart pounding, as… as Arzt rained down on us.

"Dude," said Hurley.

I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the blue sky, panting.

"That was not cool," I grunted, dragging myself to my feet and… pieces fell off me. Jack climbed to his feet too, and whirled on me.

"Why didn't you-"

"Jack, we've been over this-"

"You could have _tried_!" he shouted, his eyes widening.

"I _have_ tried!" I shouted back. Hurley stared between the two of us.

"Guys-"

"In case you forgot, Jack, the first time I 'tried', a woman got eaten by a shark. The second time, I had to watch the man I loved die!"

Jack shook his head, glaring at me, before turning away. Hurley stared at me, eyes wide.

"You… knew?"

"Yeah, I knew, Hurley! I know everything! I know what's gonna happen to you, to Kate, to Jack, to Mr. freaking Clean over there! I know who's gonna get off the island, how they get off, and what they leave behind. I know what happens after they leave the island but the only thing I _don't know_… is what happens to me."

I turned back to Jack, my mouth set in a firm line, my eyebrows pulled up, creasing in the middle.

"I'm sorry I can't be the superhero you need me to be, Jack." My voice was quiet. "But don't you blame me for somethin' I got no control over."

"Let's take care of this dynamite," said John decisively, and, after giving me a long, hard look, Jack went over to him.

Kate sat down next to Hurley on a log, looking at him sympathetically.

"You okay?" she asked.

"That was messed up," said Hurley, staring blankly in front of him.

"Yeah," said Kate. I leaned back against a tree, my sweaty arms crossed over my chest, and looked down at them.

"He just - exploded in front of us. He was just trying to help." He hesitated a moment before continuing, "This is because I came."

"Hey, it was an accident."

"An accident," said Hurley, his voice the tiniest bit sarcastic. "Yeah."

"Dude, it woulda happened whether you came or not," I said, an eyebrow raised. Both of them looked at me.

"Oh yeah?" asked Hurley. "Do people die or… get hurt or… die whenever you come around?"

"Yes," I said. Kate's eyebrows pulled up and she stared at me.

"Really?" asked Hurley. I nodded.

"Hurley, you an' me are kinda the exact opposite. You cause death, and I can't stop it. So, really, we're very much alike."

"We kinda are, aren't we?"

"Nice to meet ya, death buddy," I said with a small smile, nodding at him. He slowly began grinning too. Kate rose to her feet and crossed to Locke and Jack. Hurley and I followed.

"No I'm- I'm taking one," said Kate firmly, looking at Jack. He shook his head.

"It's not gonna happen, no."

"This is why I came," she insisted, but Jack merely raised his eyebrows.

"Then you wasted a trip."

"I need to do this," she said, a note of pleading in her voice.

"Kate, no one owes anyone anything-"

"I'm carrying one-"

"We're done here-"

"This is not your decision-!"

"Kate, yes it is-!"

"We'll draw straws," interrupted Locke finally, the patience on his lined, craggy face wearing thin. "They're coming. We don't have time to argue about who gets to risk their life, so - we'll let fate decide."

"Works for me," said Kate, glaring at Jack, who merely nodded, defeated.

-

"Katty?"

"Yeah?"

Jack nodded at his pack, then looked to Kate.

"Don't tell her."

"I wasn't plannin' on it, Jack-o."

He nodded, then turned to the others.

"Alright, we stagger. If anyone sees or hears anything-"

"Like the security system that eats people?" interjected Hurly quietly.

"Yeah, like that," chuckled Jack sardonically. "You two," he said, pointing at Kate and Locke, "you take your packs off and you run. You got it?"

"Got it," nodded Kate.

"Yes sir," said Locke.

"Aye, _mon capitan_," I said. They gave me a collective, odd look.

"Okay," said Jack, hoisting his pack higher on his shoulders and turning to face the darkening jungle. "Let's do this."

"Hallelujah, on the road again," I muttered, making sure my gun was loaded before sticking it back down my pants.

_**-Flashback-**_

_Katty stood in the airport, the strap of her carry-on slung over her shoulder, causing her to slouch. Her back, still healing, itched. The TV she was standing in front of and staring up at was muted, but the pictures of the explosion in Venice that should have killed her still caused her to frown as ice formed in her stomach. She thought of Elliot; of the three men she'd murdered._

_People bustled around her, chattering in various languages and accents, all of them with somewhere to go, someone to find. She was alone._

_On the TV, there was a shot of the explosion that must have come from a camera somewhere in the city. The explosion reared over buildings, sending smoke and flames rocketing in the sky. Katty's brow furrowed. The woman on the screen's lip's moved, but there were no sounds. It didn't matter. Katty knew what they'd be saying even without the subtitles._

_She shouldn't have survived._

"_It's a tragedy," said a voice and she looked behind her to see a tall, fair man with piercing blue eyes staring up at the TV screen, his brow furrowed, just slightly._

"_I can't believe what people'll do to each other," he murmured, more to himself than to her._

_She nodded, turning back to the TV. "Guess that makes two of us."_

_He looked down at her for the first time and smiled. "Two is better than one."_

_A small, involuntary smile formed on her face. "Yeah, sure is."_

_He grasped her shoulder, squeezing a little to tightly, and she stared into those piercing blue eyes, shocked. He gave her a small smile._

"_Don't give up hope," he said, and she couldn't do anything but nod. His smile widened and then, before she could say anything, he had straightened up and was walking away, disappearing into the crowd._

_**-**_

We were only an hour or so away from dark when the next 'incident' occurred. It started with an enormous bird screeching and flying down right above us, sending Hurley and I cowering, our arms over our heads.

"Whoever named this place Dark Territory?" said Hurley once we had regained control of our breathing, looking around the jungle. "Genius."

There was an odd chittering and rattling sound and the monster, but smaller, slid past us in the air, making my heart stop. My hand was on my gun, instantly.

Jack turned to Kate, his eyes wide, and she nodded, her eyes equally wide.

"Yeah," she said, "I saw it. We've got to get out of here."

Everyone but Locke began moving, very quickly.

"John," I hissed, but he simply waved me on, his eyes wide.

"You go," he said.

There was a dull thud and a metallic screech and a tree maybe fifty yards in front of us was ripped up from the ground by the roots. I screamed in shock, short and breathy, and then I ran. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jack drop his pack off the ground before turning around and shouting, "Locke! What are you doing?"

Jack turned on his heel and sped to Locke, who was still walking slowly towards the monster. I swore and made after Jack.

"LOCKE!"

There was a sudden, earthshaking "thud", right next to Locke, and he fell to the ground, the look of awe that had been on his face being replaced by terror. He tried to scramble backwards, clambering to his feet, his eyes wide and horrified.

"Locke!"

There was another explosion and then Locke was jerked back to the ground by a tendril of black smoke and he was being dragged backwards by his leg, hands scrabbling at the jungle floor. Jack and I raced after him.

Jack jumped and grasped Locke's wrist just as the man's body was about to disappear down the hole. Locke stared up at us, eyes wide but strangely calm, as I skidded next to Jack, slipping and sliding across the jungle floor, scraping up my legs, and clutched at his other arm.

Kate came running in, her face paling and her eyes widening as she took stock of what was happening.

"Oh, god," she said, horrified.

"I need the dynamite!" panted Jack. Kate nodded and began to hurriedly take her pack off, but Jack shook his head.

"No, no, it's in my pack. Just go get it. Hurry, go. John, John!"

"Let me go. Just let me go. I'll be alright." There was such confidence in his voice that for a moment, I actually believed him. He tried to let go of Jack and I, but our grips were too strong.

"No," commanded Jack, shaking his head, face straining with the effort of holding onto John.

"Let me go, I'll be alright!"

"I've got it," said Kate, unwrapping the dynamite as she knelt next to us.

"Careful unwrapping it."

"Alright."

As soon as she was done, Jack said, "Alright, now throw it in."

"No!" shouted Locke, trying to escape from mine and Jack's hold. I gave him a warning look.

"John, knock it off."

"It'll blow us up!" said Kate, incredulous.

"Just hurry," groaned Jack. "I can't hold him!"

Sweat and strain were causing Locke to slide in our hands. I gritted my jaw, digging my heels into the dirt. The monster was pulling him down.

"Don't do this, Kate-"

"Throw it in- NOW, KATE!"

I shouted from the effort of holding Locke and Kate gave a wild cry as she threw the dynamite down with all her might. It exploded with the force of a bomb, sending smoke rocketing up into the sky and then, just as quickly as it had begun, it was over.

Kate reached in to help us drag Locke out of the hole. I grunted, grasping his bicep with my sweaty hands as my own arms strained.

We pulled him out and then the three of us collapsed onto the jungle floor, all on top of each other, staring at the sky and breathing heavily.

"This is the most freaked up dog pile in the world," I said flatly, panting, and then, slowly, almost hysterically, we all began to laugh.

_**-Flashback-**_

"_Um, is this the flight to LA?" Katty mumbled nervously as she approached the attendant at the desk. The woman, after giving her a cursory glance, nodded without smiling._

"_Yes, it is."_

"_Thanks," said Katty, giving a relieved smile. She approached the people checking tickets and handed it to the woman, who looked somehow familiar. The woman gave her a kindly smile._

"_Here you are, love," she said, handing Katty back the ticket. Katty gave her a smile, hitching her bag higher on her shoulders._

"_Thanks," she said, and then began the walk down the ramp, her arms crossed across her chest, hugging herself._

_She stepped onto the plane and the flight assistant (another woman who looked familiar) nodded at her, smiling congenially. Katty returned the smile from reflex. Her ponytail was falling out of its constraint._

_She made her way through first class and then stopped, her mouth open and her eyes widening as she took in the scene before her._

_Jack Shepard was putting his luggage into the compartments and John Locke watched, a hard look on his face._

_Shannon and Boone were sitting in the middle of the plane, arguing._

_Michael was burning a hole into the seat in front of him as Walt played his game-boy._

"_You mind movin' sometime today?" drawled an angry, Southern-tinged voice behind her. Half knowing who she'd see, she turned slowly to see Sawyer smirking down at her._

_She ducked into the next row and asked a woman with a prissy looking face, her voice shaking and urgent, "Um, excuse me, can you tell me what flight this is?"_

_Looking at her as though she was insane, the woman answered, "Flight 815."_

_Katty's heart stopped and she simply stared at the woman, unsure whether to burst into tears or scream for joy. The woman stared back._

"_Is there a problem?" she asked, her voice annoyed. Katty shook her head, heart hammering._

"_Uh, no, there's- there's no problem."_

_She checked her ticket, praying that she was sitting in the middle of the plane, prepared to make a scene if she wasn't-_

_She was in the middle, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she made her way to her seat. She had to fight back a grin when she saw who was sitting across the aisle from her._

_She pulled her iPod out of her carry-on before shoving it haphazardly into the luggage compartment. She'd get it out and hold on to it once they were in the air._

_Katty half-collapsed into her seat, folding her legs underneath her. Sayid merely glanced at her before staring out the window, and she stared at the seat in front of her, grinning giddily._

_Hurley clambered onto the plane, doubled over and panting. As he made his way to his seat, he winked at her._

_A grin spread across her face._

_**Don't give up hope.**_

_-_

"We shouldn't be this close to each other, Jack," said Locke, several hours later, when night had fallen and the orange light of torches illuminated our faces. I snorted.

"If we blow up, we blow up," said Jack gruffly. There was a moment of silence and then the question that had been burning at him for at least an hour came flying out and he asked loudly, "What the hell was all that about back there, John?"

"What was what about?" asked Locke, slightly innocently. Jack's face contorted slightly. I raised my eyebrows, thinking, _I'm staying out of this one._

"You _asked_ me to let you go."

"That's right," said Locke, nodding. I watched the exchange, not wanting to say anything, my face examining the confident, calm look on John's face and the angry, frustrated one on Jack's.

"That thing was taking you down the hole and you _asked_ me to let you go." There was a note of barely control fury in Jack's voice and his eyes, in the orange light, looked a little demented. Poor guy.

"It wasn't going to hurt me."

"No, John, it was going to_ kill_ you!" shouted Jack, making an infuriated, jerking movement with the torch. Locke just smiled.

"I seriously doubt that."

"Look, I need for you- I need for you to explain to me what the hell's going on inside your head, John. I need to know why you believe that that thing wasn't going to-"

"I believe that I was being tested," interrupted John, raising his voice just enough to cover Jack's and glancing at me. I just looked back at him, my brow furrowing slightly. Jack stopped speaking, a look of complete, angry disbelief on his face.

"Tested?" he asked, his voice sarcastic. John nodded, his face intense.

"Yeah, tested."

"I think-"

"That's why you and I don't see eye-to-eye sometimes, Jack - because you're a man of science." He paused, leaving Jack to digest this. Jack was smiling now, a little insanely.

"Yeah, and what does that make you?"

"Me, well, I'm a man of faith. Do you really think all this is an accident - that we, a group of strangers survived, many of us with just superficial injuries? Do you think we crashed on this place by coincidence- especially, this place? We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason, all of us. Each one of us was brought here for a reason," he said, his voice and face more intense than I'd ever witnessed. This was John Locke at his prime- this is the John Locke that could change the world.

"Brought here? And who brought us here, John?" Jack was simply humoring him now, but his patience was wearing visibly thin.

"The Island. The Island brought us here. This is no ordinary place, you've seen that, I know you have. But the Island chose you, too, Jack. It's destiny," replied John, his face sincere.

Jack just looked at him, before saying quietly, "Did you talk with Boone about destiny, John?"

My heart twisted as those smiling blue eyes flashed through my mind and I gripped the torch a little tighter. Both men glanced at me, and I looked evenly back at them. John turned to Jack.

"Boone was a sacrifice that the Island demanded. What happened to him at that plane was a part of a chain of events that led us here- that led us down a path- that led you and me to this day, to right now."

"And where does that path end, John?"

A smile spread over Locke's face. "The path ends at the Hatch. The Hatch, Jack- all of it- all of it happened so that we could open the Hatch."

"No, no, we're opening the Hatch so that we can survive," hissed Jack, whirling on him.

"Survival is all relative, Jack," said Locke fervently.

"I don't believe in destiny," replied Jack, shaking his head, eyes widening.

Locke smiled, that confident, quiet smile that could comfort you or give you nightmares.

"Yes, you do," he said calmly. "You just don't know it yet."

Jack glared at him, jerking his head, but said nothing, and John and I fell into step beside each other.

"I'm sorry," he said abruptly, and I looked up at him, a little surprised.

"Fer what?"

"Boone," he said quietly, his gaze dropping to meet mine. It was as though an ice-cube was dropped into my stomach and I sighed.

"It wasn't your fault, John."

"I know," he said quickly. "I know. But he- he loved you. And I know you loved him."

"Yeah, love wasn't our problem. Our problem was that, in the real world, we never woulda worked."

"What do you mean?"

I shrugged, gesturing with the torch. "He was a liberal. I'm so conservative I'm practically an anarchist. I love guns, he hated them. I hate confrontations, he liked to get things over with. We argued about everything."

I sighed, puffing out my cheeks, running a hand through my bangs as I thought about all the arguments we'd had- they seemed so pointless, now that he was gone.

"But I guess that was part of the beauty of it."

"I thought teenagers thought you didn't need anything but love," stated John, a smile creeping into his voice.

"John, you and I both know that two people need so much more than love," I said quietly, and after a moment, he nodded, looking back to the dark jungle in front of him.

"They sure do," he said.

The jungle was eerier at night. Much eerier, and I was glad I had John- fearless John Locke- at my side.

A breeze rippled through the trees, making the flame on my torch flicker, and I shivered, moving a little closer to Locke.

Eventually, we reached the hatch. As they bustled around, trying to get everything set up, I crouched down in the dirt and touched the hatch, simply regarding it.

The person in that hatch was the one person in the world who would be able to empathize with me. The one person in the world that would _understand_. I had no interest in Desmond, romantically speaking, but it would be nicer than I could say to have one person who _understood._

"Katty!"

"Yeah?" I said, standing up and turning around. Jack nodded at Kate.

"Help her with the fuse, okay?"

I nodded and patted him on the shoulder as I walked over to Kate.

"Okay," she said, smiling at me. "Let's do this."

The fuse, unfortunately, wasn't very long, maybe seven or eight yards.

"How are you?" Kate asked me once we were out of earshot of the guys. I looked up at her as sweat dripped down my face.

"I'm okay."

She nodded after a minute. "Okay."

"Wire," we heard Locke say. "Hold that end. Now the fuse."

"I'll do it," said Jack impatiently, and pushed the fuse very, very gently into the dynamite. Kate and I watched him, she with apprehension, me with curiosity. Watching all this on a TV screen was one thing. Living it… well, that was something different entirely. Jack straightened up and he and Locke walked over to us. Kate gave me a relieved smile that I returned half-heartedly.

"This is as far as it goes," said Kate once John and Jack reached us. Jack glanced at me and nodded.

"It's far enough," said Locke. "I'll light it. You take cover, there'll be enough burn time for me to get clear."

"Hurley!" Jack shouted.

"Wait just a sec!" he called.

"So, what was that about back there?" asked Kate when it was just she, Jack and I, her voice hard. I winced. I didn't want to hear this.

"What was what about?" asked Jack. Kate's eyes narrowed.

"Putting the dynamite in your pack."

"I made a judgment call," said Jack firmly, raising his eyebrows.

"We drew straws."

Jack chuckled. "Sorry, I'm not going to let drawing straws make decisions like that for us, Kate."

"You had no right to make that choice-" she began, angrily. Jack shook his head, his patience snapping. My wince turned into a grimace as I watched the two of them staring each other down.

"Everybody wants me to be a leader until I make a decision that they don't like. You want to keep second guessing me, Kate? That's your call. There's something that you need to know- if we survive this, if we survive tonight- we're going to have a Locke problem. And I have to know that you've got my back."

Kate was silent for a moment before saying, "I've got your back.

"Are we ready?" called, speak of the devil, Locke. I looked over at him.

"Wait a sec, wait a sec," said Hurley, frantically.

And, again, for maybe the fourth time that day, all hell broke loose. Really, it was getting mundane.

"No. No, no, no. Stop! Stop, we can't do this! Stop. Wait. Stop, we can't do this! Stop!" Hurley was beyond all reason, his eyes wild. I made to go stop him, but Kate grasped my arm and moved forward herself. "Stop it. We can't. Stop. Don't light it! We can't do this. We can't do this. Stop. Wait. You've got to stop it!"

Locke lit the fuse and Hurley froze, blood draining from his face

"The numbers are bad-"

I once again took a step to calm Hurley down, but before I could think, there was a hand clamping over my mouth and an arm wrapped around my stomach. My eyes widened and I tried to scream, but I was being dragged backwards. I flailed around, twisting and turning and punching and kicking, but the person's grip was relentless and strong, and then the hatch and my friends disappeared from view, although I could still hear Hurley's shouting.

"The Numbers are bad!"

"Hurley! Hurley, you've got to get back-!"

BOOM.

The explosion lit up the jungle, and I saw the arm wrapping in a vise like grip across my stomach. The jungle shook and there was a sudden rush of movement as birds took off.

Eyes still wide, I simply stood with my back against my attacker's chest, my heart hammering. The light from the explosion gradually died away, but tendrils of smoke floated around us, floated through the jungle, and the scent of gunpowder was like a blanket over my face.

He let go of me then, and I whipped around, fully intended on giving Richard a piece of my mind-

But the words died in my throat and the thoughts in my minds turned to dust and I was frozen where I stood, completely speechless, mouth gaping.

Elliot Chase Alpert was standing in front of me.

**LOST

* * *

**

"Lost" by Coldplay

A/N: IT IS COMPLETE! Wow, everyone who's read and reviewed this story, thank you so, so much. All your reviews and encouragement mean more to me than I can possibly say, so thank you so very much.

I am doing a story for season two, as well, and hopefully I'll have the first chapter up in a week or so. I wanna get the first few chapters written before I leave the country. Also, I'm kind of at a loss as to titles for the next story, so if anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them! I want to keep in using a quote from the show (like all roads lead hear) so keep that in mind :). Other things to consider- she keeps trying to change things but can't, Boone's still dead, we meet Benry, etc. Also, romantically wise, the next story is going to focus mainly on Katty and Sayid's friendship/romance. Not to say that there aren't going to be some steamy Sawyer and Richard moments, but it's mainly going to about our lovely Arab and our not-so-lovely anti-heroine.

Once again, I LOVE YOU GUYS SO FREAKING MUCH! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!

See you next season!

Sarah

PS: If you don't remember who Elliot is, go and read chapters 4, 12, and 19.


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